FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Does asking offends you
Does asking offends you
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I was having a discussion with someone I know this morning and realised, I don’t often ask couples or ladies if they want to play as a single guy especially in clubs as in case they are not and me asking them in someone way offends
Now a few of my friends male and female and couples have told me in the past I should just ask; Now if you were a couple and were chatting to a guy in a club on a social level and he asked would you be offended or upset - I assume most would say no and just say thanks but no thanks but I suppose I jsut want to see how others deal with it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Ask OP, if I've been chatting to someone in a club & he doesn't ask I assume he was just being friendly but didn't want to take it any further. Most people when asked are polite & don't take offence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If the ‘ask’ is polite, respectful and appropriate (I.e not within the first few sentences!) then absolutely yes, you should ask.
If a couple has gone to a club on a night when single guys attend then, for the most, they are interested in single guys. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If the ‘ask’ is polite, respectful and appropriate (I.e not within the first few sentences!) "
Probably best not to go around asking every couple/lady "fancy a play?" "Fancy a play?" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If the ‘ask’ is polite, respectful and appropriate (I.e not within the first few sentences!)
Probably best not to go around asking every couple/lady "fancy a play?" "Fancy a play?""
That wouldn’t meet the ‘appropriate’ criteria ..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can hold a conversation, but not at all good at making it clear I would be happy to take it further.
I prefer someone to politely ask.
"
Making the first move is always difficult. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation."
In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don’t think there’s anything wrong in politely asking, as long as you are able to accept a polite no if that’s the response given.
At the end of the day if you are in a swingers club and you take offense at being asked if you would be interested in playing then you’re in the wrong game.
On the few nights we’ve visited clubs on a night when they let in single guys we usually tend to find that most prefer the creepier option B of following in a herd each time we move rooms. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have been lucky enough to meet OP on a few occasions now, I know whenever he does pluck up the courage to ask to play hes awlays extremely polite.
But I as a single female am the same i never ask if people want to join me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander "
That works for us, have had guys use it with success with us before. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander
That works for us, have had guys use it with success with us before. "
Exactly...an offer to take conversation into the hot tub. Etc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways. "
But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
See, 'go for a wander' is very vague to me. I've been asked that by guys before and thought they just wanted to literally have a wander round, see if there's any action to watch and then I've been ushered into a room and directed to a bed  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.
But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually."
I was thinking maybe the lady placing a hand on man's knee. Showing a small gesture of contact. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.
But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually.
I was thinking maybe the lady placing a hand on man's knee. Showing a small gesture of contact. "
You know consent works both ways? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways.
But putting your hand on someones knee is touching without asking. You'd get it slapped off if you tried it with me, or probably with a lot of women actually.
I was thinking maybe the lady placing a hand on man's knee. Showing a small gesture of contact.
You know consent works both ways?"
Yes but I am also making an assumption that the couple or people enjoying a conversation have been chatting a while...maybe flirting...indeed also conversing about swinging and likes and rather than explicitly ask may I touch your knee the adults in question would have that vibe. In no way am I suggesting that a random couple have unconsensual contact. But some body contact doesn't always mean sexual contact. Blimey how many times accidental contact been made in a hot tub with someone. Doesn't mean you want to play. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"See, 'go for a wander' is very vague to me. I've been asked that by guys before and thought they just wanted to literally have a wander round, see if there's any action to watch and then I've been ushered into a room and directed to a bed "
Ahhhh I get what your saying and it has happened we have gone for a wander nothing happening then gone back bar lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"We really like it when someone - male, female or couple - asks us outright at a club or party. We don't always say yes, but we're never offended, in fact we take it as a compliment."
Agree totally. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eordiesCouple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation.
In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander "
Trouble is Mike, going for a wander can also be an excuse to leave someone you have been chatting to.
If we're in a club and chatting to people, but we don't want to play with them, then at a natural break in the convo we might say to them, "we're just off for a wander."
Geordie speak for "been nice talking to you, but we're politely disengaging" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I still believe in chemistry and eyes. There are ways and means without physically asking. A slipped towel a gentle hand on knee a knowing wink. Subtle ways. "
What if someone can't take a subtle clue or is against being touched by strangers? Just because we are in a club situation, it doesn't mean we welcome anyone touching us without asking first. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm rubbish at mind reading.
I would much rather someone politely asked or offered. I'm a grown up and can politely decline or accept  it doesn't even need to be a conversation end unless it's phrased badly  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"We prefer people to ask politely, although the phrasing of how we are asked is important, something along the lines of "would you perhaps like me to join you later" means we can answer with a yes, no or maybe. If you ask in a blunt way that the answer can only be yes or no would mean we're more likely to just say no rather than set any expectation.
In a club when I pluck up courage I normally say would you fancy going for a wander
Trouble is Mike, going for a wander can also be an excuse to leave someone you have been chatting to.
If we're in a club and chatting to people, but we don't want to play with them, then at a natural break in the convo we might say to them, "we're just off for a wander."
Geordie speak for "been nice talking to you, but we're politely disengaging""
Ahhhh that’s interesting ever thought it like that  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"See, 'go for a wander' is very vague to me. I've been asked that by guys before and thought they just wanted to literally have a wander round, see if there's any action to watch and then I've been ushered into a room and directed to a bed "
This made me laugh lol
As regards touching, some women say they NEVER touch a man accidentally....  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
In my experience, if I’m chatting to a couple in a club then they will generally lead things and make the suggestion of moving on.
If I’m speaking 1-2-1 with a lady then I’ll happily suggest going somewhere private / more comfortable / to play.
If sitting in a jacuzzi and no chat is happening as is sometimes the case, then I’ll always wait for a wandering hand to come my way.
God I miss Chams!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
