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Kestrels and Abfab Bi Mondays
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have been going for last 10 years including old abfabs and its a very good club. Great facilities and crowd. We had a great time last night apart from one idiot who was violent towards us. Disappointed that he was'nt thrown out straight away. Mangement need to look at their policy.  |
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It's generally a great night, with a fairly laid back feel versus other nights, i.e. it has a refreshing absence of more 'toxic masculinity'. Everyone is generally very friendly and respectfully behaved. It's one of the best nights of the week in this respect. Have a great time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been going for last 10 years including old abfabs and its a very good club. Great facilities and crowd. We had a great time last night apart from one idiot who was violent towards us. Disappointed that he was'nt thrown out straight away. Mangement need to look at their policy. "
I’m shocked they didn’t ask him to leave immediately. There should be absolutely zero tolerance of any incident like that. Violence against members should not be tolerated.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been going for last 10 years including old abfabs and its a very good club. Great facilities and crowd. We had a great time last night apart from one idiot who was violent towards us. Disappointed that he was'nt thrown out straight away. Mangement need to look at their policy.
I’m shocked they didn’t ask him to leave immediately. There should be absolutely zero tolerance of any incident like that. Violence against members should not be tolerated. "
I was there on the night. My first visit to club. Not sure if he was kicked out or left. Did'nt see him afterwards. This man was very pushy and aggressive towards single men. He just snapped and hit someone who came in cinema to check on his female friend. Fight broke out and it was quite scary. Apparently he is regular and known to staff. There should be zero tolerance against voilent behaviour under any circumstances. Puts me off going back again. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Sorry this complete rubbish. The situation was not an anti bi, situation but a mistake on both parts.
I am the other person involved in the situation.
I had been talking to a woman in a jacuzzi and she decided we should go to the cinema room.
She was lying on the couch and I was playing with her. There had been a series of single men getting too close so I had asked them nicely if they would take step back.
I had my head down and I saw a random hand reaching for her breast and I automatically pushed the hand away from the breast, but it must have come across as more of a slap than a push. The person did not ask, there was no comment just a hand grabbing for her breast.
He then complained that I hit him, I said " I only slapped your hand away from her breast I did not hit you ". He was saying she was his friend (and not girlfriend) and he could touch her if he wanted. Then he stepped to me as if he was going to hit me so I pushed him back and he started threatening me so I said bring it on.
Because I was not scared of him he went and got the management. We were both spoken to by the management. I was told off by the management for pushing his hand away and that I should have spoken to him first. He was told off for interrupting people when playing without asking. He then changed his story to saying he was just trying to alert her that he was leaving.
The management took the view there was a mistake on both sides and asked us to shake hands and both learn from the experience. I was willing to shake hands he was not at first. But eventually he shook hands.
I thought the matter was behind us. From my point of view I accept I that I should not slapped his hand away but it was meant as a push, and it was an automatic reaction. From my point he threatened me with violence and escalated the situation when all I thought I was doing was protecting the person I was playing with from a random groper.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry this complete rubbish. The situation was not an anti bi, situation but a mistake on both parts.
I am the other person involved in the situation.
I had been talking to a woman in a jacuzzi and she decided we should go to the cinema room.
She was lying on the couch and I was playing with her. There had been a series of single men getting too close so I had asked them nicely if they would take step back.
I had my head down and I saw a random hand reaching for her breast and I automatically pushed the hand away from the breast, but it must have come across as more of a slap than a push. The person did not ask, there was no comment just a hand grabbing for her breast.
He then complained that I hit him, I said " I only slapped your hand away from her breast I did not hit you ". He was saying she was his friend (and not girlfriend) and he could touch her if he wanted. Then he stepped to me as if he was going to hit me so I pushed him back and he started threatening me so I said bring it on.
Because I was not scared of him he went and got the management. We were both spoken to by the management. I was told off by the management for pushing his hand away and that I should have spoken to him first. He was told off for interrupting people when playing without asking. He then changed his story to saying he was just trying to alert her that he was leaving.
The management took the view there was a mistake on both sides and asked us to shake hands and both learn from the experience. I was willing to shake hands he was not at first. But eventually he shook hands.
I thought the matter was behind us. From my point of view I accept I that I should not slapped his hand away but it was meant as a push, and it was an automatic reaction. From my point he threatened me with violence and escalated the situation when all I thought I was doing was protecting the person I was playing with from a random groper.
"
Complete rubbish. Lady in question came with us and good a friend of us for over 10 years. She told us that you were possesive and pushing others guys away without even asking her if she wanted them to join. I only came in to check on her if she is ok and you reacted violently. She never said and gave you permission to stop guys approaching her. You just made fool of yourself and stood like an idiot when she ignored you after the incident. What makes you think that you had a right to stop others playing with her she when never once said that to you? |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Sorry this complete rubbish. The situation was not an anti bi, situation but a mistake on both parts.
I am the other person involved in the situation.
I had been talking to a woman in a jacuzzi and she decided we should go to the cinema room.
She was lying on the couch and I was playing with her. There had been a series of single men getting too close so I had asked them nicely if they would take step back.
I had my head down and I saw a random hand reaching for her breast and I automatically pushed the hand away from the breast, but it must have come across as more of a slap than a push. The person did not ask, there was no comment just a hand grabbing for her breast.
He then complained that I hit him, I said " I only slapped your hand away from her breast I did not hit you ". He was saying she was his friend (and not girlfriend) and he could touch her if he wanted. Then he stepped to me as if he was going to hit me so I pushed him back and he started threatening me so I said bring it on.
Because I was not scared of him he went and got the management. We were both spoken to by the management. I was told off by the management for pushing his hand away and that I should have spoken to him first. He was told off for interrupting people when playing without asking. He then changed his story to saying he was just trying to alert her that he was leaving.
The management took the view there was a mistake on both sides and asked us to shake hands and both learn from the experience. I was willing to shake hands he was not at first. But eventually he shook hands.
I thought the matter was behind us. From my point of view I accept I that I should not slapped his hand away but it was meant as a push, and it was an automatic reaction. From my point he threatened me with violence and escalated the situation when all I thought I was doing was protecting the person I was playing with from a random groper.
Complete rubbish. Lady in question came with us and good a friend of us for over 10 years. She told us that you were possesive and pushing others guys away without even asking her if she wanted them to join. I only came in to check on her if she is ok and you reacted violently. She never said and gave you permission to stop guys approaching her. You just made fool of yourself and stood like an idiot when she ignored you after the incident. What makes you think that you had a right to stop others playing with her she when never once said that to you?"
The lady never said she wanted people to join in, we started by playing solo. Just because people play in public it is not an automatic invitation for people to join in. She did not stop me from preventing other people joining in. If she had said she wanted others to join in then that is her call and it would have happened.
You did not check on her, you went to grab her breast. If you had asked if she was ok or spoken to her there would not have been an issue.
The way I see it, it is that you felt you could just jump in, because that is what you originally said to me. You said she is my friend I can touch her if I want. You are now dressing it up that you were checking in on her. You also left out that you threatened to hit me because you felt that I had hit you. which is why the matter escalated.
Your emphasis that people should have been allowed to join in and change of story speaks volumes.
As the management said there was mistakes on both parts. So I have said my part and will leave this thread and people can make their own decision.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry this complete rubbish. The situation was not an anti bi, situation but a mistake on both parts.
I am the other person involved in the situation.
I had been talking to a woman in a jacuzzi and she decided we should go to the cinema room.
She was lying on the couch and I was playing with her. There had been a series of single men getting too close so I had asked them nicely if they would take step back.
I had my head down and I saw a random hand reaching for her breast and I automatically pushed the hand away from the breast, but it must have come across as more of a slap than a push. The person did not ask, there was no comment just a hand grabbing for her breast.
He then complained that I hit him, I said " I only slapped your hand away from her breast I did not hit you ". He was saying she was his friend (and not girlfriend) and he could touch her if he wanted. Then he stepped to me as if he was going to hit me so I pushed him back and he started threatening me so I said bring it on.
Because I was not scared of him he went and got the management. We were both spoken to by the management. I was told off by the management for pushing his hand away and that I should have spoken to him first. He was told off for interrupting people when playing without asking. He then changed his story to saying he was just trying to alert her that he was leaving.
The management took the view there was a mistake on both sides and asked us to shake hands and both learn from the experience. I was willing to shake hands he was not at first. But eventually he shook hands.
I thought the matter was behind us. From my point of view I accept I that I should not slapped his hand away but it was meant as a push, and it was an automatic reaction. From my point he threatened me with violence and escalated the situation when all I thought I was doing was protecting the person I was playing with from a random groper.
Complete rubbish. Lady in question came with us and good a friend of us for over 10 years. She told us that you were possesive and pushing others guys away without even asking her if she wanted them to join. I only came in to check on her if she is ok and you reacted violently. She never said and gave you permission to stop guys approaching her. You just made fool of yourself and stood like an idiot when she ignored you after the incident. What makes you think that you had a right to stop others playing with her she when never once said that to you?
The lady never said she wanted people to join in, we started by playing solo. Just because people play in public it is not an automatic invitation for people to join in. She did not stop me from preventing other people joining in. If she had said she wanted others to join in then that is her call and it would have happened.
You did not check on her, you went to grab her breast. If you had asked if she was ok or spoken to her there would not have been an issue.
The way I see it, it is that you felt you could just jump in, because that is what you originally said to me. You said she is my friend I can touch her if I want. You are now dressing it up that you were checking in on her. You also left out that you threatened to hit me because you felt that I had hit you. which is why the matter escalated.
Your emphasis that people should have been allowed to join in and change of story speaks volumes.
As the management said there was mistakes on both parts. So I have said my part and will leave this thread and people can make their own decision.
"
Just because she was playing with you it was not automatic permission for you to stop others approaching her as others on this thread saying that you were aggressive and threating towards them and she said same.
As far as for management decision. We didn't want to escalate it further and ruined for others and but were shocked at their decision that how they can still allow such a voilent person to carry on.
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Not a good look - Sounds like some people didn't understand the rules and/or over-reacted. Lashing out in a club environment is never a good thing - it's hard to get a push and slap mixed up. Too much testosterone and not enough sensuality. I've seen this happen on very rare occasions, and quite frankly it puts me off. People should attend clubs to play - not aggressively compete for sexual ownership. The idea of a club is a 'safe' place where people are at liberty to accept or reject polite advances - it is not a place to 'square up' to others - under ANY circumstances (short of actual assault). I imagine the incident ruined the evening for many attendees. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry this complete rubbish. The situation was not an anti bi, situation but a mistake on both parts.
I am the other person involved in the situation.
I had been talking to a woman in a jacuzzi and she decided we should go to the cinema room.
She was lying on the couch and I was playing with her. There had been a series of single men getting too close so I had asked them nicely if they would take step back.
I had my head down and I saw a random hand reaching for her breast and I automatically pushed the hand away from the breast, but it must have come across as more of a slap than a push. The person did not ask, there was no comment just a hand grabbing for her breast.
He then complained that I hit him, I said " I only slapped your hand away from her breast I did not hit you ". He was saying she was his friend (and not girlfriend) and he could touch her if he wanted. Then he stepped to me as if he was going to hit me so I pushed him back and he started threatening me so I said bring it on.
Because I was not scared of him he went and got the management. We were both spoken to by the management. I was told off by the management for pushing his hand away and that I should have spoken to him first. He was told off for interrupting people when playing without asking. He then changed his story to saying he was just trying to alert her that he was leaving.
The management took the view there was a mistake on both sides and asked us to shake hands and both learn from the experience. I was willing to shake hands he was not at first. But eventually he shook hands.
I thought the matter was behind us. From my point of view I accept I that I should not slapped his hand away but it was meant as a push, and it was an automatic reaction. From my point he threatened me with violence and escalated the situation when all I thought I was doing was protecting the person I was playing with from a random groper.
Complete rubbish. Lady in question came with us and good a friend of us for over 10 years. She told us that you were possesive and pushing others guys away without even asking her if she wanted them to join. I only came in to check on her if she is ok and you reacted violently. She never said and gave you permission to stop guys approaching her. You just made fool of yourself and stood like an idiot when she ignored you after the incident. What makes you think that you had a right to stop others playing with her she when never once said that to you?
The lady never said she wanted people to join in, we started by playing solo. Just because people play in public it is not an automatic invitation for people to join in. She did not stop me from preventing other people joining in. If she had said she wanted others to join in then that is her call and it would have happened.
You did not check on her, you went to grab her breast. If you had asked if she was ok or spoken to her there would not have been an issue.
The way I see it, it is that you felt you could just jump in, because that is what you originally said to me. You said she is my friend I can touch her if I want. You are now dressing it up that you were checking in on her. You also left out that you threatened to hit me because you felt that I had hit you. which is why the matter escalated.
Your emphasis that people should have been allowed to join in and change of story speaks volumes.
As the management said there was mistakes on both parts. So I have said my part and will leave this thread and people can make their own decision.
"
This sort of behaviour gives us single blokes bad name. If you meet someone in club and play with them that does not mean you own them and make decisions for them. As you said there was no talk between you and her, who and who can't join in. You overstep the mark on two occasions by your own admission.
1. Pushing away blokes without her permission.
2. Slapping her friends hand.
You should have let her make decisions for herself. |
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No one should be grabing with out first asking its same in all clubs
And aggressive behaviour is never ok
I have been there my self with ladys and have stoped the random groper and had to ask the lady if its ok as they was not man anuff to ask the most important question |
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I will always stand up for Kestrels/Ab Fabs.Had an amazing Sat/Sun there just gone and there will always be some idiots but I love it and bk there Sun and Monday coming.The staff deal with issues well and some guys do overstep mark but it’s normally sorted out fast |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"It seems like you should have taken a private room!
You sound like a desperate aggressive selfish person on a meat market "
I was in the jacuzzi talking to a couple. Then another lady joined us in the jacuzzi, as far as I could she was alone. The lady and I started playing in the jacuzzi,she said she needed to cool off and led me to the cinema room. We started playing again. A number of the single men, got very close without asking. I believe the usual etiquette when people are playing is to ask the lady or the male if you can get within their personal space, and if you want to touch, to ask if you can touch. Whenever I have played publicly with someone I had just met, I direct the question to the woman and she can say yes or no. On this occasion no-one asked and two of the men went to touch without asking. If people got within the personal boundaries I asked them to take one step back.
I was kneeling down beside the couch and I had my head down and saw a hand grab her breast so I slapped the hand away. I was carrying on not thinking anything of it, as I did not think I hit them hard, it was more of a push, because being on my knees beside her I could not generate much force. Then I heard someone making a noise and threatening me. Saying he was going to hit me because I hit him and he could touch her when he wanted. I then got up off my and knees came around the couch and kept my distance. He stepped forward to hit me so I gently pushed him back and he kept threatening me.
In this thread he leaves out the bit about him ranting, raving, threatening and trying to hit me. He has also changed his story twice, first to say that he was just checking on his friend, and now to say it was a public play session. But in my experience it is for people who want to join in to ask.
He then lied by stating the management did nothing. When he saw I was not scared of him he went and got the management who listened to both sides. He still insisted that he could touch her when he wanted. The management said we were both in the wrong, we should not do it again, shake hands and put it behind us. He pouted for a while and shook hands and went and sat with his girlfriend (another lady). I then thought it was over, as we had shaken hands.
It was me who then went back to the cinema to check on the lady who was shaken.
From my point of view even if people are playing in public, I don't invade public space without asking, and I don't touch without asking. But it seems that the etiquette has changed, and it is no wonder couples complain about single men in clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems like you should have taken a private room!
You sound like a desperate aggressive selfish person on a meat market
I was in the jacuzzi talking to a couple. Then another lady joined us in the jacuzzi, as far as I could she was alone. The lady and I started playing in the jacuzzi,she said she needed to cool off and led me to the cinema room. We started playing again. A number of the single men, got very close without asking. I believe the usual etiquette when people are playing is to ask the lady or the male if you can get within their personal space, and if you want to touch, to ask if you can touch. Whenever I have played publicly with someone I had just met, I direct the question to the woman and she can say yes or no. On this occasion no-one asked and two of the men went to touch without asking. If people got within the personal boundaries I asked them to take one step back.
I was kneeling down beside the couch and I had my head down and saw a hand grab her breast so I slapped the hand away. I was carrying on not thinking anything of it, as I did not think I hit them hard, it was more of a push, because being on my knees beside her I could not generate much force. Then I heard someone making a noise and threatening me. Saying he was going to hit me because I hit him and he could touch her when he wanted. I then got up off my and knees came around the couch and kept my distance. He stepped forward to hit me so I gently pushed him back and he kept threatening me.
In this thread he leaves out the bit about him ranting, raving, threatening and trying to hit me. He has also changed his story twice, first to say that he was just checking on his friend, and now to say it was a public play session. But in my experience it is for people who want to join in to ask.
He then lied by stating the management did nothing. When he saw I was not scared of him he went and got the management who listened to both sides. He still insisted that he could touch her when he wanted. The management said we were both in the wrong, we should not do it again, shake hands and put it behind us. He pouted for a while and shook hands and went and sat with his girlfriend (another lady). I then thought it was over, as we had shaken hands.
It was me who then went back to the cinema to check on the lady who was shaken.
From my point of view even if people are playing in public, I don't invade public space without asking, and I don't touch without asking. But it seems that the etiquette has changed, and it is no wonder couples complain about single men in clubs. "
This is ridiculous and we hope club mangement is reading this.
Yes she was shaken and scared of your violent and aggresive behaviour and sat with us until you left the club. And also She had a brilliant time with us and another bloke after you left. This incident won't put all "three of us" off from going back to clubs on singles night (most men are respectful and behave like adults) but we will be on extra gurad from now on. Actually we are looking forward to our next club play meet with respectful, descent blokes. |
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