FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Single turning up at couples event with two ladies. But he's clearly single
Single turning up at couples event with two ladies. But he's clearly single
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. " Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. | |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple." I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ... | |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ..." Sorry, I just found it funny that you wrote a long post complaining that people accused you of not being a real couple for various reasons, and then essentially did he same thing with the reasoning "there were three of them". It can be very hard to be taken seriously when you are a committed three of some variation. Usually that takes the form of the club insisting the man is charged full price. | |||
| |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ... Sorry, I just found it funny that you wrote a long post complaining that people accused you of not being a real couple for various reasons, and then essentially did he same thing with the reasoning "there were three of them". It can be very hard to be taken seriously when you are a committed three of some variation. Usually that takes the form of the club insisting the man is charged full price." Oh no, I wasn't thinking that, I was trying to reason it as if I was being the club .... not my opinion, trying to see it from their traditional point of view. Should have made that clear. | |||
"The clubs I have been to a couple means 1 man and 1 woman, it doesn't matter if they are in a romantic relationship or not. Ladies normally get in free or cheap so paying couples prices is financially pointless for a FF couple. I don't believe MM couples are allowed though, possibly because they think that 2 straight men may couple up to gain entry on a couples night. " Good old homophobia! | |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ... Sorry, I just found it funny that you wrote a long post complaining that people accused you of not being a real couple for various reasons, and then essentially did he same thing with the reasoning "there were three of them". It can be very hard to be taken seriously when you are a committed three of some variation. Usually that takes the form of the club insisting the man is charged full price. Oh no, I wasn't thinking that, I was trying to reason it as if I was being the club .... not my opinion, trying to see it from their traditional point of view. Should have made that clear. " Saying that though, mathematically speaking, a couple means two ... or it would be called something else, no matter the gender of the two people involved. Its like saying, so perhaps there needs to be a change of the use of the term, 'couple' to 'relationship partners'? But how would 'the establishment' deal with that one? | |||
| |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ... Sorry, I just found it funny that you wrote a long post complaining that people accused you of not being a real couple for various reasons, and then essentially did he same thing with the reasoning "there were three of them". It can be very hard to be taken seriously when you are a committed three of some variation. Usually that takes the form of the club insisting the man is charged full price." It's always amused me to see how " swingers" like to think they are so open and liberal, but are in fact as close minded and " conservative" thinking , and inflexible and intolerant as the " general public"; in fact often more so.... | |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ... Sorry, I just found it funny that you wrote a long post complaining that people accused you of not being a real couple for various reasons, and then essentially did he same thing with the reasoning "there were three of them". It can be very hard to be taken seriously when you are a committed three of some variation. Usually that takes the form of the club insisting the man is charged full price. Oh no, I wasn't thinking that, I was trying to reason it as if I was being the club .... not my opinion, trying to see it from their traditional point of view. Should have made that clear. Saying that though, mathematically speaking, a couple means two ... or it would be called something else, no matter the gender of the two people involved. Its like saying, so perhaps there needs to be a change of the use of the term, 'couple' to 'relationship partners'? But how would 'the establishment' deal with that one?" I have previously been charged "one and a half couples" at a club. Abd occasionally "a couple and a fem". But honestly, I just prefer to go to clubs with equal pricing for everyone. Like cirque this afternoon £10 a head I think. | |||
"At the start of our relationship we had a lot of people on fabs challenge us on being a real couple, many more so than in real life (I guess the difference is people could see how we were together in real life). I struck a lot of clubs off our list as they said things like, if you are a couple, you both have to play (meaning the woman has to) and if there is a distance of ten metres between you, you aren't a couple) ... he's using you to get in. I dont think it sounds like the people you are talking about were a real couple, especially given there are three of them, but this whole couples things was really annoying for us. We are a couple, but strangely enough, we are individuals. My feeling at that point was that am with a man who lets me decide when and with whom I play, but certain clubs want to constrict me and dictate the parameters of our relationship, based on their definitions and assumptions. Perhaps they were a long term poly triangle - a couple with three people - but tat night the women fancied some lesbian action. It's no less valid than being a twosome couple. I think lots of clubs favour the traditional male/female couple, even if the woman dabbles in her bi ness to please the man, the family unit is essentially maintained, society is safe and no-one rocks the boat. That is vanilla to us, that is just us. there aren't too many hard and fast rules for us except it is usually Mr who plays, and that is with men or TVs .... I may or may not join in, depending on mood. Occasionally I play, but really can't be doing with any club that dictates what either of us should be doing. The more I experience the scene, the more I see there is a very, very traditional section of it which is very mundane ... Sorry, I just found it funny that you wrote a long post complaining that people accused you of not being a real couple for various reasons, and then essentially did he same thing with the reasoning "there were three of them". It can be very hard to be taken seriously when you are a committed three of some variation. Usually that takes the form of the club insisting the man is charged full price. Oh no, I wasn't thinking that, I was trying to reason it as if I was being the club .... not my opinion, trying to see it from their traditional point of view. Should have made that clear. Saying that though, mathematically speaking, a couple means two ... or it would be called something else, no matter the gender of the two people involved. Its like saying, so perhaps there needs to be a change of the use of the term, 'couple' to 'relationship partners'? But how would 'the establishment' deal with that one? I have previously been charged "one and a half couples" at a club. Abd occasionally "a couple and a fem". But honestly, I just prefer to go to clubs with equal pricing for everyone. Like cirque this afternoon £10 a head I think." Agreed. Jaydees, where we have only been for the bi male night, chargers per person on that evening (not sure about other evenings, so cannot comment). | |||
"Would a couple with another man with them been allowed in? " It has been known but purely on the assurance that the other man just plays with the associated couple | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
 Most clubs do not accept the concept of a FF couple; not a real one, anyway
It becomes even messier when the two of us visit a club with a male companion. One of us joins him as a couple and the other one is the spare wheel | |||
"Can you be sure he isn't in a 'couple-type' relationship, however you define that? On these so called couple nights, do the individuals in the couples have to stay and play together at all times? I do find that weird, as couples aren't joined at the hip in everyday life, they do some things alone or with other people. A club dictating how couples or indeed anyone should play is, as a previous poster said, very traditional and bolsters up the establishment ... vive la revolution " No the two ladies made it quite clear they were together and not interested in other men and went off to play together leaving the guy on his own. | |||
"Interesting thoughts. I was more asking is it ok for a guy to turn up to a couples only event, clearly a single guy, but just to get in comes with two lesbian ladies. Soon as he's inside he's off on his own? We at the moment only go to couples events as that's our comfort zone at the mo, and avoid singles nights. So just asking is this the normal. And yes saw the guy at the club Brian couple of weeks ago and he was dealt with very proffessioally." An excellent question and one of the many reasons l gave up swinging years ago. Look the end result is, man wants shag. Man will do nearly anything for shag. You can coat it anyway you wish, politely, grammatically correctly, the end result is man wants to get jiggy. Personally l feel he is being snide, deceptive, dishonest. I gave up swinging because, l wanted sex without the social hoops you jump through. BDSM is in my opinion more honest. It's not about sex, it's about a whole raft of other pleasures....and the great thing about it, is you are most welcome to chat, munch, without expectations with others in this scene, it doesn't matter whether you are a single male or not..All we ask is you respect protocols. politeness being the main | |||
| |||
"There is a difference between two people hooking up to get into a couples night and a couple attending and spending time separately in the club. I've seen lots of examples of people buddying up in the queue outside to reduce the entrance fee then as soon as they are through the door, they go separate ways. Surely that is what some of the clubs want to avoid when they have a limit on single males in attendance or are holding a couples only event. If I've attended as a genuine couple yet spent chunks of time playing or socialising away from the person I was with, there has never been a problem. " Honestly, I think it depends on the club. Some were very rude to us. | |||
| |||
"Met some people last night, all very nice. One man stood with two women, the two women were very nice but a little reserved, however he was very chatty and a little bit over confident but nothing too much. Any way as the night went on we met with them in the tub, on the surface they seamed ok doing a bit of playing, but after a while we noticed that the girls seamed to be an item and he was a friend. We thought maybe so asked one of the ladies about joining as a four, she said no as they (the girls ) wanted single girls. How ever he kept trying to make advances on H. He said he had been to this club on singles night but there was too many single men. We stepped away a little and he started making moves to other couples. After we got out the two girls were out and on a bed together and he was in the pool with the couples. To me they were clearly not couples and the two girls an item and he was using it as an angle to get with couples. Question is: Is this ok and allowed on couples nights ?? " I would not attend a club on a couples night with a guy if he was going to go off and act as a single guy. Kind of defeats the object. Problem is on entrance how do you decide whether a couple are going to act like a couple? I would have have a word with the owners on the night . They may have had a word in the guys,gals ears and tell them what they expect from people on a couples night. | |||
"Met some people last night, all very nice. One man stood with two women, the two women were very nice but a little reserved, however he was very chatty and a little bit over confident but nothing too much. Any way as the night went on we met with them in the tub, on the surface they seamed ok doing a bit of playing, but after a while we noticed that the girls seamed to be an item and he was a friend. We thought maybe so asked one of the ladies about joining as a four, she said no as they (the girls ) wanted single girls. How ever he kept trying to make advances on H. He said he had been to this club on singles night but there was too many single men. We stepped away a little and he started making moves to other couples. After we got out the two girls were out and on a bed together and he was in the pool with the couples. To me they were clearly not couples and the two girls an item and he was using it as an angle to get with couples. Question is: Is this ok and allowed on couples nights ?? I would not attend a club on a couples night with a guy if he was going to go off and act as a single guy. Kind of defeats the object. Problem is on entrance how do you decide whether a couple are going to act like a couple? I would have have a word with the owners on the night . They may have had a word in the guys,gals ears and tell them what they expect from people on a couples night. " We find this tricky to understand. If its a couples night, do all clubs expect couples to stay and pay together? Is it okay for the woman to play alone but not the man? If we go out as a couple, we dont have any hard and fast rules ... depends on the flow. Although Mr is bi, we go to clubs and parties where bi males are not encouraged, as we do it socially. I don't see why a male (usually it is a male) because he is part of a couple has a higher status. I guess all clubs are different, but we tend to stay away from some of the larger venues because of expectations of couples behaviour which we feel restrict us | |||
| |||
A girlfriend and I frequently use the, 'we are lesbian', as a quick and easy way out. Once it backfired when he said, "oh, I don't mind"  | |||
"I don't think there are any restrictions in what couples do or how they should behave, but in the circumstances explained above, how do you define couples? Two people one male and female entering a club with a friend or 3 people turning up on a couples night. Its a toughie x" Couples would be two people? But how they have to behave, well that is another story. We have even been tactfully told we dont qualify for certain bi nights as I dont guarantee I will play .... not much fun then for Mr as he does. But we are no less of a couple because I warm up a bit slower and have different tastes from his ... | |||
Why not just leave that for the club to decide?..as far as I can see he wasnt doing any offending behaviour..
maybe he ended up leaving with the women afterwards?
maybe the girls werent interested in you or both OP?
perhaps he/they already had an understanding with the club? | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"The important thing to remember is when a club promotes a couples and single ladies only event, neither the club or their visitors expect a guy, on his own, to be actively approaching any of the other visitors with a view to be playing with them."  | |||
"The important thing to remember is when a club promotes a couples and single ladies only event, neither the club or their visitors expect a guy, on his own, to be actively approaching any of the other visitors with a view to be playing with them." Agree x | |||
"The important thing to remember is when a club promotes a couples and single ladies only event, neither the club or their visitors expect a guy, on his own, to be actively approaching any of the other visitors with a view to be playing with them. Agree x"Agree
Tho i would say single guys bringing a minimum of 2 single girls is ok but he needs stress to the girls that he is gonna get cock blocked unless they are putting out ..  | |||
"Met some people last night, all very nice. One man stood with two women, the two women were very nice but a little reserved, however he was very chatty and a little bit over confident but nothing too much. Any way as the night went on we met with them in the tub, on the surface they seamed ok doing a bit of playing, but after a while we noticed that the girls seamed to be an item and he was a friend. We thought maybe so asked one of the ladies about joining as a four, she said no as they (the girls ) wanted single girls. How ever he kept trying to make advances on H. He said he had been to this club on singles night but there was too many single men. We stepped away a little and he started making moves to other couples. After we got out the two girls were out and on a bed together and he was in the pool with the couples. To me they were clearly not couples and the two girls an item and he was using it as an angle to get with couples. Question is: Is this ok and allowed on couples nights ?? " The answer, rightly or wrongly is that it is allowed on couples night if the guy goes on a couples profile and one of the ladies as a single (or maybe as a three, if clubs facilitate this type of membership?) Is it ok? Well that will always be a bone of contention and ok for some and not to others. I haven't read the comments yet, so apologies if anyone has already said this. Our take on this is that as a threesome, your initial assumption should have been that they play as a three. We wouldn't ask one to play alone without first understanding exactly what they are about. I think good conversation would qualify what they are looking for and on a quick read, he should have done the same. Couples only is always going to be hard to police or enforce certain policies. You could say that all couples should stay together at all times, but then there will be a debate whether that couple should/can split for a MMF and MFF. But my answer would be yes it is acceptable, even if it's not for us, but we just have to communicate and understand what swinging means to us, and understand what swinging means to them. | |||
"Met some people last night, all very nice. One man stood with two women, the two women were very nice but a little reserved, however he was very chatty and a little bit over confident but nothing too much. Any way as the night went on we met with them in the tub, on the surface they seamed ok doing a bit of playing, but after a while we noticed that the girls seamed to be an item and he was a friend. We thought maybe so asked one of the ladies about joining as a four, she said no as they (the girls ) wanted single girls. How ever he kept trying to make advances on H. He said he had been to this club on singles night but there was too many single men. We stepped away a little and he started making moves to other couples. After we got out the two girls were out and on a bed together and he was in the pool with the couples. To me they were clearly not couples and the two girls an item and he was using it as an angle to get with couples. Question is: Is this ok and allowed on couples nights ?? The answer, rightly or wrongly is that it is allowed on couples night if the guy goes on a couples profile and one of the ladies as a single (or maybe as a three, if clubs facilitate this type of membership?) Is it ok? Well that will always be a bone of contention and ok for some and not to others. I haven't read the comments yet, so apologies if anyone has already said this. Our take on this is that as a threesome, your initial assumption should have been that they play as a three. We wouldn't ask one to play alone without first understanding exactly what they are about. I think good conversation would qualify what they are looking for and on a quick read, he should have done the same. Couples only is always going to be hard to police or enforce certain policies. You could say that all couples should stay together at all times, but then there will be a debate whether that couple should/can split for a MMF and MFF. But my answer would be yes it is acceptable, even if it's not for us, but we just have to communicate and understand what swinging means to us, and understand what swinging means to them." FYI: We say this as a couple that have no interest in single men and choose to go to couples only nights, as we have no interest in single men. | |||
