FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Do you compare?
Do you compare?
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Find myself continously comparing myself to the other female profiles here (as well as in real life)...
Do you do the same? And to what degree?
Are men as guilty of this as women tend to be?
Give me your insights... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately it's part of life but I've learned that when you look at social media etc we see the highlights, the good stuff , what we dont see is the crap etc
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
I try not to compare myself to people and as I've got old I've got better but everynow and than the little bit of self doubt kicks in. |
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No I never do.
There are many younger, fitter, better looking and more endowed men than me but that doesn't really matter because I'm only competing against myself.
I like to think that I'm helping fly the flag for men of a certain age but when it comes down to it, for every Harry Potter on here there's a Dumbledore with an equally effective wand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not really, I realised early in life that my looks weren't going to get me very far, which used to cause me a lot of insecurity back then. Now I'm old enough to know everyone has their own flaws and insecurities, I just concentrate on maintaining my health and presenting myself as best I can without the aid of too many fake props - I'm waaay too lazy for high maintenance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused 
I do same especially when new veris pop up... "
Same I've even down turned guys over veris as I wonder why they want to meet me |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
Yep, comparing and self-judging thoughts always arise in my mind when
I see some of the six packs on here, but I try to just be mindful of them and let them go.
That's just how the ego works though and it can be difficult to not attach to those thoughts, but with practice it gets easier. |
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"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
I do same especially when new veris pop up...
Same I've even down turned guys over veris as I wonder why they want to meet me"
Ditto!
Difficult to challenge those thoughts when you're internalising it all... |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
Confused? "
Mostly when all of their veris are from slim women and the doubt creeps in |
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"All the time. I cant help it. Ive struggled with body issues for most of my life so the place aint exactly a confidence booster "
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why? |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
"All the time. I cant help it. Ive struggled with body issues for most of my life so the place aint exactly a confidence booster
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why? "
See I think it has boosted my confidence and helped me realise that more men than I thought are attracted to plus size women.
And yet I still compare myself sometimes so yea  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the time. I cant help it. Ive struggled with body issues for most of my life so the place aint exactly a confidence booster
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why? "
Yes definitely, 8f someone had told me beside joining here, that I would take pics of me in lingerie , that I would get naked in front of a guy with the lights on I would have laughed at them. Everynow and than a comment or message may knock my confidence a bit but Everyone has their insecurities I have learned to challenge mine |
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"All the time. I cant help it. Ive struggled with body issues for most of my life so the place aint exactly a confidence booster
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why?
See I think it has boosted my confidence and helped me realise that more men than I thought are attracted to plus size women.
And yet I still compare myself sometimes so yea "
Balancing act  |
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"All the time. I cant help it. Ive struggled with body issues for most of my life so the place aint exactly a confidence booster
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why? "
My self confidence was zero for 49 years for all sorts of reasons and as far as I was concerned I was invisible.
Then I made life choices and things happened to change that but by the time I first joined here aged 52 I already knew I wasn't invisible.
Being here just reinforced that more than anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was here as a single lady years ago I used to but now I find I couldn't care about comparison. I know I'm not everyone's cuppa tea same as some won't be mine. At the end of the day once I am enjoying myself and so are others who cares |
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By *lameBoyMan
over a year ago
Enfield & Dublin |
I look at other lads on fab and long to have a better body shape or be better endowed. Reading the forums can sometimes get me thinking negatively about myself. The number of messages sent but not read or replied to adds to feelings of insecurity and negativity. Preparing for a first meet with someone is nerve wracking, will she like me? Am I too heavy? Am I overdressed or underdressed? It’s human nature.
Fab can be a toxic place at times but it can also be quite rewarding when you click with someone awesome. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why? "
It's definitely provided ample opportunity to become aware of and question some of my insecurities.
Those self-judging thoughts arise a lot! But it means that I can be mindful of them when they do, and then question them.
I felt like I gained a bit of insight this week when I noticed the thoughts arising and just thought "fuck off! The sole purpose of these thoughts is to make me feel bad."
This was after allowing them to arise and just be there lots of times, so I wouldn't say it's a case of suppressing them, just a case of recognising them and their futility.
They still arise and sometimes are more sticky than others but "another fucking opportunity for growth" as they say.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why?
It's definitely provided ample opportunity to become aware of and question some of my insecurities.
Those self-judging thoughts arise a lot! But it means that I can be mindful of them when they do, and then question them.
I felt like I gained a bit of insight this week when I noticed the thoughts arising and just thought "fuck off! The sole purpose of these thoughts is to make me feel bad."
This was after allowing them to arise and just be there lots of times, so I wouldn't say it's a case of suppressing them, just a case of recognising them and their futility.
They still arise and sometimes are more sticky than others but "another fucking opportunity for growth" as they say.
"
This is what I've learned from here, I used to bury the thoughts and they just got louder and more negative now I just feel the thought and question why I think that way, what happened? Listening to a lot of podcasts too and one thing a lot have in common is the advise to be a friend to yourself, ask yourself when you have a negative thought would you say it to your friend? No you wouldn't as they wouldn't be your friend.
Listened to "know your worth" by Anna Mathur on audible Well worth a listen to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes I do, I guess it’s not too different from any other form of social media
I guess Fab has a degree of anonymity over it, so it’s not so much about comparing myself to exact individuals but more so comparing myself to the ‘idea’ of that person... what about them gets more replies, meets etc.
Or course some of these things are good pointers in areas to improve myself/my profile, but I guess we’re all guilty of worrying about things that are beyond our control or beyond our knowledge - just part of owning a human mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Listened to "know your worth" by Anna Mathur on audible Well worth a listen to.
She's so brutally honest, it's refreshing!! "
I've ordered the hard copy of the book as so many good points in it need to highlight them |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I use to compare myself quite a lot to others on here. There are some amazing women with profiles on here.
But in more recent times I don't anymore because I am what I am someone is either going to like me as I am or they won't.
Fab is a strange place it can either help you with your confidence or completely knock it if you allow it to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Listened to "know your worth" by Anna Mathur on audible Well worth a listen to.
Nice! I've got a credit on there, I'll give it a listen.
Have you read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?"
Tried it but couldn't take to it may try again |
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It's only natural to compare yourself to others on this. After all it's essentially the focal point of most Social Media platforms and Fab is no stranger to that sort of susceptibility.
I find it beneficial to remind yourself that everyone has insecurities and perceived shortcomings, even for those users whose profiles can bring out your own.
It's not a contest for 1st, 2nd or 3rd, and even if it was then the vast majority of us would be in the same boat - which means you'll have plenty of company! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I constantly do it. I think it stems from insecurity, not being confident about myself. Thinking “ok, this guy has a dick pic for a profile pic and has 20+ verifications and a short profile and I have a face/bulge pic, have tried to be honest and open in my profile but am hardly getting anywhere”
It makes me wonder is that the way to go about things but if I do I’m not being honest, and I hate lying. |
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With age and life experience comes a 'give less fucks' attitude for me. Thankfully. That's in relation to profiles. My lack of confidence would be the possible need to dress all sexy. I'm a yoga pants or jeans and trainers kinda girl. And even more so since all the lockdowns. Sexy dresses and lingerie is all foreign. Lol
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By *isspafWoman
over a year ago
Dublin |
I used to a lot when I first joined, don't as much anymore as started to realise most men actually fancy plus size women and all sizes!
I don't have a body type I go for, I like a dad bod, slim build, muscly, doesn't matter to me so why can't men think the same about women!  |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
During a difficult period in my life, as a teenager, I would have compared myself to others, regrettably.
Now, I respect others for what they are, uncritically, and I would hope that they treat me in the same manner.
I now value myself for what I am, and how I treat others; I am grateful for what I have: health and contentment, and a busy structured life doing what I really enjoy.
Comparing myself to others would be utterly futile! |
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By *R BxMan
over a year ago
wonderland |
I definitely compare and get myself down in the dumps too. For me it definitely stems from an insecurity. BUT 1, I think its healthy to admit it, 2, my confidence is growing all the time, I'm like a new person to where i was a year ago, so the sky's the limit.
3, is it all in our heads...? I read down this thread to see some absolutely gorgeous women share insecurity and man who's physic id die for share the same. I dunno makes ya wonder if we could see ourselves through another's eyes what would we think.... |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"
Have you read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?
Tried it but couldn't take to it may try again"
Ah ya, there are plenty of other books out there on the same subject.
I just found it to be a nice introduction to meditation (even though he doesn't advocate for meditation  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a very very plus size woman I can never compare with most women here. I'll never be anywhere near their size or have their figures so I dont see the point in adding any further insecurities to my already long list of them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Find myself continously comparing myself to the other female profiles here (as well as in real life)...
Do you do the same? And to what degree?
Are men as guilty of this as women tend to be?
Give me your insights... "
I think its natural to a certain degree, but just always remember your own strengths and dont get down on yourself. Remind yourself of what you do have, because on balance no-one has it all I reckon |
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When I first joined Fab on my single's profile I felt very inadequate, particularly as I was getting used to navigating the site as well as learning the pitfalls of being a newbie.
I found myself looking at loads of women's profiles in order to gauge how to approach setting out my own profile... and boy, was it intimidating at first! Seeing all those beautiful, confident, sexy bodies and verifications.
Even at that time I would have considered myself relatively confident and happy in my body as well as knowing that I was on a path of finding my own way in life after separation, which knocked me for six - and I was content with my progress.
Now here as a couple - relatively new still, I am occasionally still guilty of this - comparing myself to the photos of women and how they depict themselves, on their profile, in the forum and in messages. I do have my down days for sure where I beat myself up for my short comings. I think that's only human.
But overall, I would say that Fab has given me more confidence than doubt. I know now sexy is an attitude not a particular "look". There would have been a time that was a concept so far removed from my life!
Just like in everyday life, I've met those who like me and/or are attracted to me and those who didn't...and that's perfectly ok because I don't take to everyone either.
I've learned that it's best for my head and heart to remove toxic people in my life. I intend to do and have done the same with my Fab life.
I truly believe we are all beautiful in our own rite...the beautiful qualities far outweigh our flaws.
Embrace your uniqueness, embrace your flaws and embrace the beauty within and without  |
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"It's only natural to compare yourself to others on this. After all it's essentially the focal point of most Social Media platforms and Fab is no stranger to that sort of susceptibility.
I find it beneficial to remind yourself that everyone has insecurities and perceived shortcomings, even for those users whose profiles can bring out your own.
It's not a contest for 1st, 2nd or 3rd, and even if it was then the vast majority of us would be in the same boat - which means you'll have plenty of company! "
As long as it's not the Titanic |
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"When I first joined Fab on my single's profile I felt very inadequate, particularly as I was getting used to navigating the site as well as learning the pitfalls of being a newbie.
I found myself looking at loads of women's profiles in order to gauge how to approach setting out my own profile... and boy, was it intimidating at first! Seeing all those beautiful, confident, sexy bodies and verifications.
Even at that time I would have considered myself relatively confident and happy in my body as well as knowing that I was on a path of finding my own way in life after separation, which knocked me for six - and I was content with my progress.
Now here as a couple - relatively new still, I am occasionally still guilty of this - comparing myself to the photos of women and how they depict themselves, on their profile, in the forum and in messages. I do have my down days for sure where I beat myself up for my short comings. I think that's only human.
But overall, I would say that Fab has given me more confidence than doubt. I know now sexy is an attitude not a particular "look". There would have been a time that was a concept so far removed from my life!
Just like in everyday life, I've met those who like me and/or are attracted to me and those who didn't...and that's perfectly ok because I don't take to everyone either.
I've learned that it's best for my head and heart to remove toxic people in my life. I intend to do and have done the same with my Fab life.
I truly believe we are all beautiful in our own rite...the beautiful qualities far outweigh our flaws.
Embrace your uniqueness, embrace your flaws and embrace the beauty within and without "
Love this! Thank you for sharing x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I struggled with this so much when I first joined Fab. I had terrible self confidence issues I noticed every lump and bump and wobbly bit. Especially when attending parties when we would dress down and I'd be this pale lump of a Mammy bod. But it was the help and support of the other women here that made me realise no one is perfect and we all have our insecurities. I've learnt that confidence is sexier than the perfect body. You have an absolutely beautiful figure and on the forums you come across as so intelligent and witty. Any man here would be lucky get chance to meet you. I know it's difficult to not obsess over our bodies especially these days when everyone on social media looks so perfect. But I look at the positive parts of mine now instead of being paranoid about my wobbly belly. Good luck xoxo |
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You are who you are, surround yourself with positive people and it will make a difference.
Be yourself and don't change for anyone. Someone that wants you to be someone else is not worth having in your life in any capacity.
I struggle with low self esteem but just because I don't like my body or think others is better it doesn't mean I can't accept someone else likes mine.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Constantly. When you think you look like fuck all squared it's pretty much par for the course. Usually fierce me manages to give me a good talking to, other days not so much
K |
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I dont think i compare myself to other men, but i do observe what works and doesnt work for men, here. Ive been here for a few years, and im still happy with myself. If i was to compare myself with the "sucessful" guys here and try to emulate them it simply wouldn't work. I dont have a six pack, full head of hair, or youth on my side,and dont put up cock pics but have an inbuilt self belief, and confidence in myself. It probably comes with age. |
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I think it's human nature to compare, the important thing is how you react.
I must say my confidence has improved with the Fab experience, meeting other confident women who are loving the scene and having fun has been inspirational. Maturity is also a massive factor for me. Doesn't stop me taking 50 pics of myself and being unhappy with every single one though!
I'd imagine the place can be soul destroying for men due to the ratio difference but I really recommend pushing yourself to attend socials (try to arrange to meet people there) instead of messaging constantly and getting nothing back.
Mrs x |
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By *aidbare5Couple
over a year ago
down the road |
"All the time. I cant help it. Ive struggled with body issues for most of my life so the place aint exactly a confidence booster
This place?
Wonder has anyone felt the opposite and found a confidence boost here and how/why? "
I definitely compare myself to others all the time but it's just human to do so. Since joining the lifestyle I would say confidence has grown dramatically for both of us. You find when you meet people we all have our insecurities, our lumps and bumps but I love that! No one is perfect, but it's important to be happy with yourself  btw it's Mr Lb5 |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
Why confused? "
Answered further down but usually it’s to do with the potential meet only having veris from slim women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
Why confused?
Answered further down but usually it’s to do with the potential meet only having veris from slim women. "
I do this too and if I see all their veris are from slim women I know they most likely have no interest in me and are likely the "any holes a goal" kinda person so dont bother continuing the conversation any further. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Find myself continously comparing myself to the other female profiles here (as well as in real life)...
Do you do the same? And to what degree?
Are men as guilty of this as women tend to be?
Give me your insights... "
Ya constantly conparing to the female profiles here for some reason their boobs always look better than mine |
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"Find myself continously comparing myself to the other female profiles here (as well as in real life)...
Do you do the same? And to what degree?
Are men as guilty of this as women tend to be?
Give me your insights...
Ya constantly conparing to the female profiles here for some reason their boobs always look better than mine"
Might I suggest assessing your angles, lighting and lingerie....? |
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"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
Why confused?
Answered further down but usually it’s to do with the potential meet only having veris from slim women.
I do this too and if I see all their veris are from slim women I know they most likely have no interest in me and are likely the "any holes a goal" kinda person so dont bother continuing the conversation any further."
Feel exact same.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
Why confused?
Answered further down but usually it’s to do with the potential meet only having veris from slim women.
I do this too and if I see all their veris are from slim women I know they most likely have no interest in me and are likely the "any holes a goal" kinda person so dont bother continuing the conversation any further.
Feel exact same.. "
Though you are gorgeous and very slim, I dont know why you would compare yourself |
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Had a coffee meet this week that didn't go any further... Immediate thoughts:
I'm too big for him and my photos are misleading.
He's not attracted and I wonder what part in particular was least appealing.
I wonder did I say something wrong/put my foot in it/talk too much....
Could have been simply no chemistry but these are the places my head goes... |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Had a coffee meet this week that didn't go any further... Immediate thoughts:
I'm too big for him and my photos are misleading.
He's not attracted and I wonder what part in particular was least appealing.
I wonder did I say something wrong/put my foot in it/talk too much....
Could have been simply no chemistry but these are the places my head goes... "
Sometimes it just doesn't happen and it might have nothing to do with you at all ....definitely nothing to worry about ..thats from a man with feck all self confidence in himself |
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By *ara198Woman
over a year ago
maynooth |
I don't compare myself to others. Self acceptance was a huge step for me, and working on that over the past few years. Life is very short and experiences are fleeting, I'm choosing to love who I am, learn as I go, and accept that if I'm not someone's type that's ok for whatever reason. Life is hard enough without comparing ourselves to others on a swinging site or in real life. |
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"Find myself continously comparing myself to the other female profiles here (as well as in real life)...
Do you do the same? And to what degree?
Are men as guilty of this as women tend to be?
Give me your insights... "
I used to do it really . I think it's more a society damage . But since we dipped and actually not just dipped but went straight swimming in swinger life i myself don't feel like comparing anymore. I find myself more and more attractive and if someone doesn't like me the way I am ,then it's just their taste . Plenty of people who would  |
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"If I’m planning to meet someone, I’ll often end up comparing myself to other women they have met and be confused
I do same especially when new veris pop up...
Same I've even down turned guys over veris as I wonder why they want to meet me"
Yes sometimes veris get me down… the why would they want to meet me questions often pops up… |
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"I think it's human nature to compare, the important thing is how you react.
I must say my confidence has improved with the Fab experience, meeting other confident women who are loving the scene and having fun has been inspirational. Maturity is also a massive factor for me. Doesn't stop me taking 50 pics of myself and being unhappy with every single one though!
I'd imagine the place can be soul destroying for men due to the ratio difference but I really recommend pushing yourself to attend socials (try to arrange to meet people there) instead of messaging constantly and getting nothing back.
Mrs x"
Agree 100% with everything here… above the 100 pics and not one good one!!! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Had a coffee meet this week that didn't go any further... Immediate thoughts:
I'm too big for him and my photos are misleading.
He's not attracted and I wonder what part in particular was least appealing.
I wonder did I say something wrong/put my foot in it/talk too much....
Could have been simply no chemistry but these are the places my head goes... "
This is exactly why I havent met anyone yet. I think the same. I also dont want to mislead anyone about my size as men often call me curvy and I'm like, eh no not curvy, I'm much much bigger then that. And because I dont want to mislead I think I am over the top in letting them know my size and how big I am which can be off putting.
Anyhow I'd rather play on my own as usual then have someone feel I misled them and see the look of disappointment on their face at s meet. |
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I won't approach someone who meets or wants to meet people (based on forum threads) who are nothing like me physically.
I don't care how much they try to convince me they're interested, I don't trust them.
I more compare myself to 2014 me, it gets fkn tiring
Personality is a fkn delight but physically I'm angel delight |
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