How can I get my wife interested in the swinging scene, I can't come straight out and ask her, she does comment when she sees a good looking person and I always ask her would she and I never get a straight answer |
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Communicating openly about fantasies and not starting the adventure without her would probably help. There are enough emotional hazards on the road ahead not to add another layer with secrets and lies.
If you open up and she's at least a little curious/amused, then the two of you could browse the web for articles about the lifestyle as a gentle intro with stories. That'll give her a little picture about it all: who are the people into it, why did they get into it, what they like about it, what challenges they faced...
And if she decides that it was funny to read about it but she's not interested, then I'm not sure there's any secret technique to change someone's mind. It's not going to be for everyone, and one should accept that from the person they love imho. |
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"How can I get my wife interested in the swinging scene, I can't come straight out and ask her, she does comment when she sees a good looking person and I always ask her would she and I never get a straight answer "
If you can't come straight out and ask her I'm not sure if you two have the directness and honesty to be able to swing...yet. You may want to open that door first. |
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By *oradMan 6 weeks ago
Dublin Kildare |
"Firstly does she know you have a profile on here already??
You could dig a hole for yourself…. "
This. Had the chst with loads of vanilla partners over the years, best approach i found was when taking your time with them, have her on her stomach and or blindfolded... tell a story, a fantasy that aimed towards her wishes NOT YOURS, sort of adult 'choose your own adventure'.
Give options in the story... ie you've checked into the hotel and wife was winked at by the male & female hotel staff, later when massaging her she feels a 2nd pair of hands on her.. she is shocked, but you tell her to trust you... and she decides if its the male or female from reception... story goes from there and you fuck, but keep her in her imagination.
Essentially plausable deniability. Later whem pillow talking, you've opened the door to the convo.
Guaranteed 40% of the time to worl all the time |
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"How can I get my wife interested in the swinging scene, I can't come straight out and ask her, she does comment when she sees a good looking person and I always ask her would she and I never get a straight answer "
I think she may be curious as she's not outright saying no but gently suggest and communicate
Only way to find out for sure |
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I wouldn't agree with the "if you can't talk about it directly, then you may not be suitable for it" opinions.
Talking about it and talking about actively taking part in it are two completely different conversations. She might very well be interested herself but doesn't know how he would react!
Many people need an icebreaker or trigger for the conversation. Something like a movie or series that has swinging as a theme. The right environment to relax and watch it, hint at the conversation etc. If you get a positive response, maybe bring the chat into the bedroom during sex, dirty talk, fantasies and so on.
But be prepared for her to completely shutting it down! |
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I use to make up etotic stories with herself as the main character and they hotter and more adventurous as time went on . I use to email them to her and it just came out one day that she would like to try sex with another couple. Here we still are 5 happy years later |
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For us it built up from fantasizing about threesomes, to at some point (much much later) feeling like realising it. Then a disagreement over whether the 3rd should be a man/woman ended up with "one of each" as an acceptable compromise. That's when it dawned on us that there was a term for that, so, well, here we are...
Being able to discuss fantasies is key imho. Whether they can/should be realised or not is another story, but if you can't yet open up about them, it should be an important first step. |
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By *ugby 123Couple 6 weeks ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Neither of us brought it up directly so it isn't always a case of you shouldn't swing because of that.
We were chatting one night about fantasies, we then wrote down a list of them with a yes no or maybe to the side as to whether we would like to try it for real. We then swopped lists, found we had a lot of fantasies that matched and then tried some out.
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I had to persuade my wife to try swinging.
the first conversations was a tough conversation that led to many more conversations. We talked about it on and off for 2 years before we decided to just go ahead and make some great memories but it was worth it.
She had legitimate concerns and worries that it would break us up but ultimately the conversations made us stronger as a couple and actually appreciate what we have in our marriage more.
A lot of the conversations ended in sex. A lot of the sex ended in conversations about sex with other people. After a while she was comfortable in our ability to survive non monogamy and she was the one who drove us forwards. She was in control of the pace we moved at.
For us swinging was something fun to do as a couple. |
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"How can I get my wife interested in the swinging scene, I can't come straight out and ask her, she does comment when she sees a good looking person and I always ask her would she and I never get a straight answer "
A woman can appreciate another woman’s figure/looks without being bi or in any way interested |
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By *og-ManMan 6 weeks ago
somewhere |
"Admiring someone attractive doesn't mean she wants to jump into bed with them.
If I found out my husband had a singers account for over a year, I'd not be happy.
Love to hear that conversation! "
Depends on what he sings  |
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"Admiring someone attractive doesn't mean she wants to jump into bed with them.
If I found out my husband had a singers account for over a year, I'd not be happy.
Love to hear that conversation!
Depends on what he sings "
And to have an account!
I'm thinking Barbershop quartet |
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By *atonaWoman 6 weeks ago
Meh |
"How can I get my wife interested in the swinging scene, I can't come straight out and ask her, she does comment when she sees a good looking person and I always ask her would she and I never get a straight answer
A woman can appreciate another woman’s figure/looks without being bi or in any way interested "
Fully agree. I can appreciate the beauty of the female body, but have no interest in being anywhere near a woman in a sexual setting. A beautiful body is a beautiful body. |
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Aside from his account and conflating finding people attractive, I do think a conversation wouldn't hurt.
You might be unethical at the moment but you can start afresh.
Lying is poison to any relationship but doubly so in a swing relationship. If she can't trust you then nothing will work.
And (for us at least) the best part was the parts we shared, otherwise it's just sex |
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"Aside from his account and conflating finding people attractive, I do think a conversation wouldn't hurt.
You might be unethical at the moment but you can start afresh.
Lying is poison to any relationship but doubly so in a swing relationship. If she can't trust you then nothing will work.
And (for us at least) the best part was the parts we shared, otherwise it's just sex"
conflating finding people attractive with wanting to fuck them ... |
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"Aside from his account and conflating finding people attractive, I do think a conversation wouldn't hurt.
You might be unethical at the moment but you can start afresh.
Lying is poison to any relationship but doubly so in a swing relationship. If she can't trust you then nothing will work.
And (for us at least) the best part was the parts we shared, otherwise it's just sex"
Well said. |
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