FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Which would you choose?
Which would you choose?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I had an interesting chat today and the following question sprang from it.
Which would you choose? A life of great sex but no intimacy or a life of deep intimacy but no sex.
I didn't actually have a good answer at the time but I'm interested in seeing the opinions of others |
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"I had an interesting chat today and the following question sprang from it.
Which would you choose? A life of great sex but no intimacy or a life of deep intimacy but no sex.
I didn't actually have a good answer at the time but I'm interested in seeing the opinions of others "
Good question ...
If I had to choose it would be intimacy and over sex... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interesting debate but hard to see how you could have great sex without a certain amount of intimacy"
That could be our next thread. Can you have great sex without intimacy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting debate but hard to see how you could have great sex without a certain amount of intimacy
That could be our next thread. Can you have great sex without intimacy.
"
Absolutely  |
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"Would deep intimacy not lead to great sex?
Not necessarily "
Wouldnt agree with ya on that.If you have that deep intimate connection with your partner then surely when it comes to sex you would go over and above to make sure you rock their world like?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's perhaps all subjective? Different perceptions of what "great sex" and "intimacy" are?
I would always pick intimacy, even though its much scarier than great sex
And a great cup of tea, intimacy and tea and toast are your only man x
Jesse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would deep intimacy not lead to great sex?
Not necessarily
Wouldnt agree with ya on that.If you have that deep intimate connection with your partner then surely when it comes to sex you would go over and above to make sure you rock their world like? "
I'm anti relationships so i don't want an intimate connection
I'd rather have great sex with someone i don't know too well |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's perhaps all subjective? Different perceptions of what "great sex" and "intimacy" are?
I would always pick intimacy, even though its much scarier than great sex
And a great cup of tea, intimacy and tea and toast are your only man x
Jesse"
if I made the tea no. Other people's tea is always better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's perhaps all subjective? Different perceptions of what "great sex" and "intimacy" are?
I would always pick intimacy, even though its much scarier than great sex
And a great cup of tea, intimacy and tea and toast are your only man x
Jesseif I made the tea no. Other people's tea is always better "
ok so intimacy with someone who makes an amazing cup of tea? That's your only man...and obviously real toast not gluten free "toast" if you want to be pedantic.
Geordie, anti romantic relationship? I have had several relationships that aren't sexual/romantic but are quite intimate. Maybe you get intimacy from friendships ? (Again subjective as to what intimacy is)....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's perhaps all subjective? Different perceptions of what "great sex" and "intimacy" are?
I would always pick intimacy, even though its much scarier than great sex
And a great cup of tea, intimacy and tea and toast are your only man x
Jesseif I made the tea no. Other people's tea is always better
ok so intimacy with someone who makes an amazing cup of tea? That's your only man...and obviously real toast not gluten free "toast" if you want to be pedantic.
Geordie, anti romantic relationship? I have had several relationships that aren't sexual/romantic but are quite intimate. Maybe you get intimacy from friendships ? (Again subjective as to what intimacy is)....
"
Nah - I'm a queer one, i don't do friendships either Trust noone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's perhaps all subjective? Different perceptions of what "great sex" and "intimacy" are?
I would always pick intimacy, even though its much scarier than great sex
And a great cup of tea, intimacy and tea and toast are your only man x
Jesseif I made the tea no. Other people's tea is always better
ok so intimacy with someone who makes an amazing cup of tea? That's your only man...and obviously real toast not gluten free "toast" if you want to be pedantic.
Geordie, anti romantic relationship? I have had several relationships that aren't sexual/romantic but are quite intimate. Maybe you get intimacy from friendships ? (Again subjective as to what intimacy is)....
Nah - I'm a queer one, i don't do friendships either Trust noone "
fair enough you are a great dancer though! |
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"Would deep intimacy not lead to great sex?
Not necessarily
Wouldnt agree with ya on that.If you have that deep intimate connection with your partner then surely when it comes to sex you would go over and above to make sure you rock their world like?
I'm anti relationships so i don't want an intimate connection
I'd rather have great sex with someone i don't know too well"
Is this where I put my hand up and shout mise mise mise?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would deep intimacy not lead to great sex?
Not necessarily
Wouldnt agree with ya on that.If you have that deep intimate connection with your partner then surely when it comes to sex you would go over and above to make sure you rock their world like? "
Ok.
I have participated in deep bdsm scenes that had no intimacy but really intense emotions. Some of the best nights have been life have been
I have also participated in deep bdsm scenes that had no sex and only intimacy and sensation play ... again sometimes they are nights I will never forget
They are not mutually exclusive in my humble opinion |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Deep Mr.A 
You know me. I like to think. Plus I'm working in the bar waiting for the barfly to fuck off home
LOL...now I'm thinking too  "
That's a good thing probably |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Interesting debate but hard to see how you could have great sex without a certain amount of intimacy
That could be our next thread. Can you have great sex without intimacy.
"
Great sex starts in the mind. That tingle the look in a person's eye the thought of shared pleasure the connection the first touch of skin on skin even brushing the hair from someone's cheek to kiss their neck ...and beyond.
Aren't those sensations that lead to great sex themselves intimate and without that level of intimacy is the sex really great or just a mechanical exercise easily forgotten? |
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Sex and intimacy go together , I don't think you can have one without the other . Sex is just bang bang thank you mam. But intimacy is at least an hour of hugging kissing making luv slowely sensually and falling asleep in each others arms
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been hurt too many times to consider intimacy.. so id pick sex over intimacy..
Altho i enjoy my own company and have two dogs so id prefer to just to have their love. And their loyal and wont hurt me or answer back haha. |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Ive been hurt too many times to consider intimacy.. so id pick sex over intimacy..
Altho i enjoy my own company and have two dogs so id prefer to just to have their love. And their loyal and wont hurt me or answer back haha. "
My dogs answer me back all the time.. |
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"Would deep intimacy not lead to great sex?
Not necessarily
Wouldnt agree with ya on that.If you have that deep intimate connection with your partner then surely when it comes to sex you would go over and above to make sure you rock their world like?
Ok.
I have participated in deep bdsm scenes that had no intimacy but really intense emotions. Some of the best nights have been life have been
I have also participated in deep bdsm scenes that had no sex and only intimacy and sensation play ... again sometimes they are nights I will never forget
They are not mutually exclusive in my humble opinion"
I'm not familiar with the bdsm world so I couldn't say to be honest. Id say like everything everyone would have different opinions on intimacy sex etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I had to choose....The intimacy. To find someone who you know you can tell anything & everything to is special.
And you can have great sex with a stranger... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great sex starts in the mind. That tingle the look in a person's eye the thought of shared pleasure the connection the first touch of skin on skin even brushing the hair from someone's cheek to kiss their neck ...and beyond.
Aren't those sensations that lead to great sex themselves intimate and without that level of intimacy is the sex really great or just a mechanical exercise easily forgotten? "
I love this. And yes, I agree with you, those little things can be incredibly intimate, and are what lead to a great connection and therefore great sex. Great sex is what I have with people I really like, people who have an interest in me and I in them, people who take time out to ask if I'm ok when they know I haven't been. Great sex is a rare and wonderful thing, made so by the little intimacies that go on between people who connect on every level.
If I HAD to choose, I'd choose to do without the sex and have the intimacy instead. Intimacy makes my world go round |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very hard one to choose for me, intamacy is something i just cant have right now or want in the future
Sex definitely but to go never without intamacy does sound scary.
Great question OP, you definitely have me thinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's like that tv programme countdown where you have vowels and constants you can't have one with out the other "
So true, its like having sex without kissing. I just can't do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's like that tv programme countdown where you have vowels and constants you can't have one with out the other
So true, its like having sex without kissing. I just can't do it"
Really? I can do that no bother
Am i really such an odd fish?!  |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"It's like that tv programme countdown where you have vowels and constants you can't have one with out the other
So true, its like having sex without kissing. I just can't do it
Really? I can do that no bother
Am i really such an odd fish?! "
Not at all, I can do that too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's like that tv programme countdown where you have vowels and constants you can't have one with out the other
So true, its like having sex without kissing. I just can't do it
Really? I can do that no bother
Am i really such an odd fish?! "
No your not, sure if we are all the same fab wouldn't be any fun |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Great sex starts in the mind. That tingle the look in a person's eye the thought of shared pleasure the connection the first touch of skin on skin even brushing the hair from someone's cheek to kiss their neck ...and beyond.
Aren't those sensations that lead to great sex themselves intimate and without that level of intimacy is the sex really great or just a mechanical exercise easily forgotten?
I love this. And yes, I agree with you, those little things can be incredibly intimate, and are what lead to a great connection and therefore great sex. Great sex is what I have with people I really like, people who have an interest in me and I in them, people who take time out to ask if I'm ok when they know I haven't been. Great sex is a rare and wonderful thing, made so by the little intimacies that go on between people who connect on every level.
If I HAD to choose, I'd choose to do without the sex and have the intimacy instead. Intimacy makes my world go round "
I wonder if perhaps intimacy is under rated. Their always needs for me to be some level of intimacy before there can be great sex but perhaps even that is transient.
Is the real intimacy that where the sex is merely a part of the whole package. That feeling where you wake up in the morning and the other person is your first thought where you know that place is where you both belong. Where a single look smile gesture conveys a message you both understand. A place where the others life is more important than your own. Where even if you disagree or argue that mutual desire for each other is never diminished.
Where even if it's scary it's still that one place in the world where we really belong.
Perhaps without that intimacy we all are less than we can be and the sex lacks a connection that takes our breath away... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I wonder if perhaps intimacy is under rated. Their always needs for me to be some level of intimacy before there can be great sex but perhaps even that is transient.
Is the real intimacy that where the sex is merely a part of the whole package. That feeling where you wake up in the morning and the other person is your first thought where you know that place is where you both belong. Where a single look smile gesture conveys a message you both understand. A place where the others life is more important than your own. Where even if you disagree or argue that mutual desire for each other is never diminished.
Where even if it's scary it's still that one place in the world where we really belong.
Perhaps without that intimacy we all are less than we can be and the sex lacks a connection that takes our breath away..."
Now you're talking about lurve and I feel quite 
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great sex starts in the mind. That tingle the look in a person's eye the thought of shared pleasure the connection the first touch of skin on skin even brushing the hair from someone's cheek to kiss their neck ...and beyond.
Aren't those sensations that lead to great sex themselves intimate and without that level of intimacy is the sex really great or just a mechanical exercise easily forgotten?
I love this. And yes, I agree with you, those little things can be incredibly intimate, and are what lead to a great connection and therefore great sex. Great sex is what I have with people I really like, people who have an interest in me and I in them, people who take time out to ask if I'm ok when they know I haven't been. Great sex is a rare and wonderful thing, made so by the little intimacies that go on between people who connect on every level.
If I HAD to choose, I'd choose to do without the sex and have the intimacy instead. Intimacy makes my world go round
I wonder if perhaps intimacy is under rated. Their always needs for me to be some level of intimacy before there can be great sex but perhaps even that is transient.
Is the real intimacy that where the sex is merely a part of the whole package. That feeling where you wake up in the morning and the other person is your first thought where you know that place is where you both belong. Where a single look smile gesture conveys a message you both understand. A place where the others life is more important than your own. Where even if you disagree or argue that mutual desire for each other is never diminished.
Where even if it's scary it's still that one place in the world where we really belong.
Perhaps without that intimacy we all are less than we can be and the sex lacks a connection that takes our breath away..."
I think that what you've described is magical, and extremely rare. It's not what most people here are looking for or really want, and it scares the bejaysus out of a lot of people. That amazing connection doesn't have to lead to monogamy and marriage, but I think some people rail against it because they think it does. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Intimacy...
Intimacy is not really to do with sex at all. Intimacy is letting another person really see you. Dropping all your walls and standing there. Hoping they don't destroy you. |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"
I wonder if perhaps intimacy is under rated. Their always needs for me to be some level of intimacy before there can be great sex but perhaps even that is transient.
Is the real intimacy that where the sex is merely a part of the whole package. That feeling where you wake up in the morning and the other person is your first thought where you know that place is where you both belong. Where a single look smile gesture conveys a message you both understand. A place where the others life is more important than your own. Where even if you disagree or argue that mutual desire for each other is never diminished.
Where even if it's scary it's still that one place in the world where we really belong.
Perhaps without that intimacy we all are less than we can be and the sex lacks a connection that takes our breath away...
Now you're talking about lurve and I feel quite
"
Oops...
Here it makes the world go round 
Great sex... makes the room spin round |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Intimacy...
Intimacy is not really to do with sex at all. Intimacy is letting another person really see you. Dropping all your walls and standing there. Hoping they don't destroy you. "
Exactly, there is no greater compliment a person can pay you than to make themselves emotionally vulnerable to you. |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Intimacy...
Intimacy is not really to do with sex at all. Intimacy is letting another person really see you. Dropping all your walls and standing there. Hoping they don't destroy you.
Exactly, there is no greater compliment a person can pay you than to make themselves emotionally vulnerable to you."
True. Even if it doesn't work out it's better to have taken that risk and failed than to never dare to risk it all and wonder what might have been.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had an interesting chat today and the following question sprang from it.
Which would you choose? A life of great sex but no intimacy or a life of deep intimacy but no sex.
I didn't actually have a good answer at the time but I'm sure interested in seeing the opinions of others "
ah jesus you need sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy. "
And some have walls.. |
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Oh I'd pick intimacy over sex any day..
I crave that connection and when you find it, it's wonderful. But I think once you have it, the sex is so much better..
without some level of intimacy I have no motivation to have sex with someone. I might as well just do myself and stay at home. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..."
yes. For protection.
When someone slips past your walls it can hurt like hell
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls.."
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mine"
is it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal. "
Yeah, I've heard about your massive walls.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal. "
There is a gate - long overgrown - and I'm not sure I remember the password meself |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal.
Yeah, I've heard about your massive walls. "
oh no.
I do have a bad habit of over sharing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal.
Yeah, I've heard about your massive walls. oh no.
I do have a bad habit of over sharing "
Could be talking about anything but most likely me tits! |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal. "
Sometimes walls just come tumbling down...its ok so long as you don't get crushed in the rubble..
I'm well beyond walls..
I live in a tower surrounded by a castle with a huge moat and cannons to .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal.
Sometimes walls just come tumbling down...its ok so long as you don't get crushed in the rubble..
I'm well beyond walls..
I live in a tower surrounded by a castle with a huge moat and cannons to ...."
You've changed your tune |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mine"
Ditto  |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"We have both too. But it was interesting to see that people had very different ideas on the subject. Some people even avoid intimacy.
And some have walls..
Currently adding another few rows of blocks to mineis it just walls or is there a gate where you let some people through?
I have massive wall's but they were not built for that purpose. And ignore the question if it's too personal.
Sometimes walls just come tumbling down...its ok so long as you don't get crushed in the rubble..
I'm well beyond walls..
I live in a tower surrounded by a castle with a huge moat and cannons to ....
You've changed your tune "
Not really. Just an incurable romantic... who doesn't have the balls to follow his own advice...or the opportunity |
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