FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Up myself or simply not stimulated?
Up myself or simply not stimulated?
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Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind? |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
You knew this was coming
I'd be so up yourself 
Time well managed id say but u never know some new blood might expand ur horizons a bit |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
You knew this was coming
I'd be so up yourself
Time well managed id say but u never know some new blood might expand ur horizons a bit "
In what way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation. |
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"Well you state very well on your profile what you do and don't want so my personal view would be no point in messaging you so no your not stuck up."
Obviously you read my profile, but if you hadn't, and you messaged me but got no reply, what would your initial feeling be? |
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By *he MickMan
over a year ago
southside |
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
No point in wasting your time conversing with people whom you have no interest in .
So I would say you are managing your online time well  |
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By *osyMan
over a year ago
athlone |
"Well you state very well on your profile what you do and don't want so my personal view would be no point in messaging you so no your not stuck up.
Obviously you read my profile, but if you hadn't, and you messaged me but got no reply, what would your initial feeling be? "
That's why I always read first so you no what the person is after.im use to rejection on here with no replys so I don't take it too heart but when I do get a reply it's like well at least she has the respect and manners to say no but everyone is different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
I’m outside your age range, but you are more or less telling people to ‘fuck off’ and then inviting them to be original or imaginative with their messages.
Unless there is an Oscar Wilde or Beckett on here you’re limiting yourself a bit.
I don’t think you are ‘up yourself’ but that is the impression you give.
It’s difficult to portray wit in the written word, which I think is what you want. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I have my mail heavily filtered as well but I still find it hard to answer the mail I get(and I don't get half as much as others) and keep conversations with people I am chatting to going.I use to answer all and I just don't anymore anyone who cheats through my filters or is looking to meet now or lives in another country I don't answer.
I don't think it's rude not to answer but I do feel for the guys as it must be frustrating not to get answers when you mail but I just don't have the time to answer them all and I've lost conversations with guys I have been chatting to due to trying to answer mails. And before anyone says block guys I'm not as I want to meet them and yes I do message guys first as well at times. You just have to do what you can and hope that you do click with someone who mails you a lot of chats just go dead after a few days anyhow. |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
I'm exactly the same - I personally think it's the latter with perhaps a light sprinkling of the former. I'm definitely finding that there are fewer and fewer messages catching my interest, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with my profile.
I did just get a nasty message from a guy I didn't respond to, telling me off for not responding to his "warm greeting"... But then I see a lot of threads in here from guys complaining about women being time wasters and leading them on if they don't want to meet. And, even if you do respond and say you're not interested, 9 times out of 10 you get abuse or an argument.
So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't! |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation. "
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad? |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
Hands where I can see them
And where you keep the straws, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort. |
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"Well you state very well on your profile what you do and don't want so my personal view would be no point in messaging you so no your not stuck up.
Obviously you read my profile, but if you hadn't, and you messaged me but got no reply, what would your initial feeling be?
That's why I always read first so you no what the person is after.im use to rejection on here with no replys so I don't take it too heart but when I do get a reply it's like well at least she has the respect and manners to say no but everyone is different. "
But in saying that, you're saying that if I don't take the time out of my day to reply thanks but no thanks to 20-30 messages a day from people who either don't read my profile or do read it, but decide I'm undoubtedly going to make an exception for them, I have no respect or manners. So... I am being rude then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad? "
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite "
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure. "
At moment it feels like that  |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
I’m outside your age range, but you are more or less telling people to ‘fuck off’ and then inviting them to be original or imaginative with their messages.
Unless there is an Oscar Wilde or Beckett on here you’re limiting yourself a bit.
I don’t think you are ‘up yourself’ but that is the impression you give.
It’s difficult to portray wit in the written word, which I think is what you want."
I'm actually not inviting anything. I only said I'm more inclined to reply to a stimulating message when I get one (and I do sometimes... you don't give your fellow men enough credit). The question was, am I rude for not replying to the ones I don't find stimulating? Even though I didn't really want them to mail me in the first place?  |
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By *osyMan
over a year ago
athlone |
"Well you state very well on your profile what you do and don't want so my personal view would be no point in messaging you so no your not stuck up.
Obviously you read my profile, but if you hadn't, and you messaged me but got no reply, what would your initial feeling be?
That's why I always read first so you no what the person is after.im use to rejection on here with no replys so I don't take it too heart but when I do get a reply it's like well at least she has the respect and manners to say no but everyone is different.
But in saying that, you're saying that if I don't take the time out of my day to reply thanks but no thanks to 20-30 messages a day from people who either don't read my profile or do read it, but decide I'm undoubtedly going to make an exception for them, I have no respect or manners. So... I am being rude then? "
I hate endless messaging and small talk that ends up going nowhere or people from a hundred miles away it's a waste of time.im here for fun and sex(very hard got) and I state that after the second message so no your not rude but alot of guys here think there so good looking... how dare she turn me down.... who does she think she is .... And so on and so on. ..
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"I have my mail heavily filtered as well but I still find it hard to answer the mail I get(and I don't get half as much as others) and keep conversations with people I am chatting to going.I use to answer all and I just don't anymore anyone who cheats through my filters or is looking to meet now or lives in another country I don't answer.
I don't think it's rude not to answer but I do feel for the guys as it must be frustrating not to get answers when you mail but I just don't have the time to answer them all and I've lost conversations with guys I have been chatting to due to trying to answer mails. And before anyone says block guys I'm not as I want to meet them and yes I do message guys first as well at times. You just have to do what you can and hope that you do click with someone who mails you a lot of chats just go dead after a few days anyhow. "
The core of your post is exactly my point. While being polite and replying to everyone else, your conversations with the people you do have a rapport with tend to suffer. We all only have limited time for online interaction, as we all have busy lives outside of Fab, so is it really rude to prioritise those you prefer to chat with and ignore the rest? |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
I'm exactly the same - I personally think it's the latter with perhaps a light sprinkling of the former. I'm definitely finding that there are fewer and fewer messages catching my interest, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with my profile.
I did just get a nasty message from a guy I didn't respond to, telling me off for not responding to his "warm greeting"... But then I see a lot of threads in here from guys complaining about women being time wasters and leading them on if they don't want to meet. And, even if you do respond and say you're not interested, 9 times out of 10 you get abuse or an argument.
So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't! "
True. There is a self-preservation element too in not replying to those who don't interest you, as sometimes even the politest rejection can result in a barrage of abuse, and who wants that? |
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"I wouldn’t message anyone who is 100% adamant they are not interested in meeting. I’m here for sex not months of pointless chat (although that’s what I seem to get anyhow lol)"
Makes sense to me! |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
Hands where I can see them
And where you keep the straws,"
That will make sense to nobody except me... But it did lead to great things |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort."
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got! |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite "
I tend to do this too. |
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"Well you state very well on your profile what you do and don't want so my personal view would be no point in messaging you so no your not stuck up.
Obviously you read my profile, but if you hadn't, and you messaged me but got no reply, what would your initial feeling be? "
my initial feeling would be ignorent if I didn't get a response, especially when I read a profile and tick all the terms and conditions. if I do get a response not my type etc I just block and interact on forums |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure. "
That's actually a good point... Equality of effort. If I were to decide I wanted to meet, and sent out a batch of messages just saying 'fuck me, but I'd lick you all night!' I wonder what the rejection rate would be? How many guys would genuinely take me up on it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So many questions OP!
What baffled me was having regular interesting banter with OP about forum stuff and books and things when we had a couples profile earlier in the year, when I came back with a male profile and said hi again the banter ground to a halt. No big deal really, it was never about meeting anyway, as I'd read the profile.  |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure.
That's actually a good point... Equality of effort. If I were to decide I wanted to meet, and sent out a batch of messages just saying 'fuck me, but I'd lick you all night!' I wonder what the rejection rate would be? How many guys would genuinely take me up on it? "
I'd probably think a woman was d*unk and I'd ask her to ask me again when you're sober if I got a message like that.  |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure.
That's actually a good point... Equality of effort. If I were to decide I wanted to meet, and sent out a batch of messages just saying 'fuck me, but I'd lick you all night!' I wonder what the rejection rate would be? How many guys would genuinely take me up on it? "
I would . I’ve had such messages. And I was at her front door within the hour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
Extremely rude and quite far up yourself!
|
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"So many questions OP!
What baffled me was having regular interesting banter with OP about forum stuff and books and things when we had a couples profile earlier in the year, when I came back with a male profile and said hi again the banter ground to a halt. No big deal really, it was never about meeting anyway, as I'd read the profile. "
I reply to forum mail and enjoy the conversations that start here, but tbh, I don't recognise you on your new profile, and a quick check shows me you mailed me 2 months ago, but I didn't reply, so chances are that if you blindly mailed me a 'hello' from a new profile without telling me who you were previously, your message likely got ignored along with any other random mail received that day from unknown people. It's not that baffling when you think about it really... A bit like unintentionally ignoring a call from a friend because they're suddenly calling from an unknown number |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure.
That's actually a good point... Equality of effort. If I were to decide I wanted to meet, and sent out a batch of messages just saying 'fuck me, but I'd lick you all night!' I wonder what the rejection rate would be? How many guys would genuinely take me up on it?
I'd probably think a woman was d*unk and I'd ask her to ask me again when you're sober if I got a message like that. "
See that's my point... You admit that no woman of sound mind and intellect would mail that to a complete stranger in the hope of a shag... But it's pretty typical of the kind of messages women do receive from strangers here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece...a lady has her profile and Interests written simply because THAT'S what she's looking for or Interested in...can imagine what they have to sift through everyday .. probably like telling a child .." how many times do I have to tell you ..." Gawwwdd.. Personally I think ladies here are quite entitled to choose who they engage with ...not every shoe fits ...and the same with guys ...guys have their preferences as to who they'd like to engage with ..it doesn't always pan out that it will happen..but everyone here should just remember one little thing... different people see different things in different ways to one another BUT when you meet THE one that see's and says Everything the exact same way that you'd think and feel ...THEN you are the luckiest in the World cause you have definitely found your soulmate in every sense of the word ..and DO NOT do anything to fuck that up ... |
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"I do try to reply politely as I can imagine how endless rejection feels, but beyond that I'm not going to keep a conversation going unless there's something in it for me - that's not necessarily the prospect of a meet either, good banter is so rare, so best if the guy asks straight up relatively early in the conversation.
I'm aware how disheartening it can be, but in fairness, an awful lot of guys put themselves in this position needlessly by mailing people without reading profiles first. I agree, good banter makes for great rapport, even if you don't intend to meet, and a clever or witty opening mail will definitely get my attention better than 'hey sexy x', or even a long seemingly well-thought out copy/paste message that you know has been sent to every woman online, but how many messages should anyone be expected to exchange with each person who mails before deciding who is interesting or not? 5... 10... 15? What happens to your existing friendships and rapports in that time? Do you ignore them while you politely reply to people you'd frankly rather not be conversing with, or you send them the occasional 'hey stranger, sorry I've been busy' and risk letting that rapport wither over time? I know from my own perspective there are people whom I chat with regularly and seeing a message from them in my inbox brings a huge smile to my face... I'll reply to them first and foremost, but that very often means that everything else goes unread and unreplied to. Is that bad?
It's your inbox you do what you want with it. I used to reply to all my messages but if I get a message which clearly shows they haven't read my profile I just delete it. If I get repeat messages from a guy I've previously told I'm not interested , I just block.
Done been polite
Agree - I think there is a huge expectation on women to entertain guys on this site and be nice / welcoming / polite etc, expending lots of emotional energy on not disappointing anyone or being rude etc, and that expectation often comes most from guys who are specifically here to get sex with the minimum amount of effort. It's a *tad* hypocritical.
That's definitely not all guys, but it's a trend for sure.
That's actually a good point... Equality of effort. If I were to decide I wanted to meet, and sent out a batch of messages just saying 'fuck me, but I'd lick you all night!' I wonder what the rejection rate would be? How many guys would genuinely take me up on it?
I would . I’ve had such messages. And I was at her front door within the hour"
So far then, that's 1 for and 1 against. 50% |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
Extremely rude and quite far up yourself!
"
Screw you, Lazenby! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
Extremely rude and quite far up yourself!
Screw you, Lazenby! "
Pfft. He still never got a chance  |
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"It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece... "
This is THE MOST irritating thing on earth. "What are you looking for", "do you accom", "looking for a meet today?" etc etc etc... READ THE PROFILEEEEEEEEEEEE |
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"It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece...a lady has her profile and Interests written simply because THAT'S what she's looking for or Interested in...can imagine what they have to sift through everyday .. probably like telling a child .." how many times do I have to tell you ..." Gawwwdd.. Personally I think ladies here are quite entitled to choose who they engage with ...not every shoe fits ...and the same with guys ...guys have their preferences as to who they'd like to engage with ..it doesn't always pan out that it will happen..but everyone here should just remember one little thing... different people see different things in different ways to one another BUT when you meet THE one that see's and says Everything the exact same way that you'd think and feel ...THEN you are the luckiest in the World cause you have definitely found your soulmate in every sense of the word ..and DO NOT do anything to fuck that up ... "
That bit about repeating yourself did make me chuckle , and I'd imagine there are times when women just feel like snapping 'because I said so!' after someone has repeatedly asked why they're not interested, or not currently meeting, or not looking for someone over 45, or not able to accommodate.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!"
We get one liner messages all the time, I delete them straight away. I'm onlime more than she would be, I read a message and if S hasn't been on I'll tell her she might be interested. We haven't dealt with any abuse really and like you said that's more than likely down the fact that it's a couple's profile. |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
Extremely rude and quite far up yourself!
Screw you, Lazenby!
Pfft. He still never got a chance "
Didn't he?  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I have my mail heavily filtered as well but I still find it hard to answer the mail I get(and I don't get half as much as others) and keep conversations with people I am chatting to going.I use to answer all and I just don't anymore anyone who cheats through my filters or is looking to meet now or lives in another country I don't answer.
I don't think it's rude not to answer but I do feel for the guys as it must be frustrating not to get answers when you mail but I just don't have the time to answer them all and I've lost conversations with guys I have been chatting to due to trying to answer mails. And before anyone says block guys I'm not as I want to meet them and yes I do message guys first as well at times. You just have to do what you can and hope that you do click with someone who mails you a lot of chats just go dead after a few days anyhow.
The core of your post is exactly my point. While being polite and replying to everyone else, your conversations with the people you do have a rapport with tend to suffer. We all only have limited time for online interaction, as we all have busy lives outside of Fab, so is it really rude to prioritise those you prefer to chat with and ignore the rest?
No I don't think it is and yes I know I may be missing out on some great meets but there is only so many mails you can answer on any given day. |
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"It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece...
This is THE MOST irritating thing on earth. "What are you looking for", "do you accom", "looking for a meet today?" etc etc etc... READ THE PROFILEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Hugely frustrating, but lots of men are simply visually stimulated. They see a pic and send mail. I've gotten messages from guys who assumed they were mailing a couple, because they never even checked to see if the photo belonged to a couple, a woman, or a tv/ts... They just saw boobs and mailed them. And yes, I meant they mailed my boobs, because that's exactly how some messages come across at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to reply to all but now I don't. If an opening text is good I do send a nice thank you but no. The longer I am here I find myself doing this less.
I just ignore the "Hi do want to meet now I am free" messages. I block anyone now that asks me why I won't meet as it usually involves texting over and back too much. They are all the exceptions aparently.
I don't think you are up yourself just value your time too much to spend it unwisely. |
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"It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece...
This is THE MOST irritating thing on earth. "What are you looking for", "do you accom", "looking for a meet today?" etc etc etc... READ THE PROFILEEEEEEEEEEEE
Hugely frustrating, but lots of men are simply visually stimulated. They see a pic and send mail. I've gotten messages from guys who assumed they were mailing a couple, because they never even checked to see if the photo belonged to a couple, a woman, or a tv/ts... They just saw boobs and mailed them. And yes, I meant they mailed my boobs, because that's exactly how some messages come across at times. "
It's like walking into a restaurant, being handed a menu, and then asking the waiter what there is to eat |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!
We get one liner messages all the time, I delete them straight away. I'm onlime more than she would be, I read a message and if S hasn't been on I'll tell her she might be interested. We haven't dealt with any abuse really and like you said that's more than likely down the fact that it's a couple's profile. "
So you even act as a further filter before S sees the messages you do think might be of interest? I'm curious now... Roughly how many messages would you say you filter out from all the ones you get? As a man, applying your own 'filtering techniques' and deleting messages from those of no interest, do you feel you are being rude? Does it change how you initially message other people (if you do)? |
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"I have my mail heavily filtered as well but I still find it hard to answer the mail I get(and I don't get half as much as others) and keep conversations with people I am chatting to going.I use to answer all and I just don't anymore anyone who cheats through my filters or is looking to meet now or lives in another country I don't answer.
I don't think it's rude not to answer but I do feel for the guys as it must be frustrating not to get answers when you mail but I just don't have the time to answer them all and I've lost conversations with guys I have been chatting to due to trying to answer mails. And before anyone says block guys I'm not as I want to meet them and yes I do message guys first as well at times. You just have to do what you can and hope that you do click with someone who mails you a lot of chats just go dead after a few days anyhow.
The core of your post is exactly my point. While being polite and replying to everyone else, your conversations with the people you do have a rapport with tend to suffer. We all only have limited time for online interaction, as we all have busy lives outside of Fab, so is it really rude to prioritise those you prefer to chat with and ignore the rest?
No I don't think it is and yes I know I may be missing out on some great meets but there is only so many mails you can answer on any given day. "
Time management! |
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"I used to reply to all but now I don't. If an opening text is good I do send a nice thank you but no. The longer I am here I find myself doing this less.
I just ignore the "Hi do want to meet now I am free" messages. I block anyone now that asks me why I won't meet as it usually involves texting over and back too much. They are all the exceptions aparently.
I don't think you are up yourself just value your time too much to spend it unwisely. "
This seems to be what most of us choose to do, and like you, I seem to have increased my filters and decreased my levels of response over the years. |
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"It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece...
This is THE MOST irritating thing on earth. "What are you looking for", "do you accom", "looking for a meet today?" etc etc etc... READ THE PROFILEEEEEEEEEEEE
Hugely frustrating, but lots of men are simply visually stimulated. They see a pic and send mail. I've gotten messages from guys who assumed they were mailing a couple, because they never even checked to see if the photo belonged to a couple, a woman, or a tv/ts... They just saw boobs and mailed them. And yes, I meant they mailed my boobs, because that's exactly how some messages come across at times.
It's like walking into a restaurant, being handed a menu, and then asking the waiter what there is to eat"
Brilliant!
Or in my case... Banging on the restaurant doors despite the 'Closed' sign being up! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I dont think it matters if you get 1 or 100 mails site rules are clear no response means no interest.
The person isnt rude or up themselves, they are simply not interested.
People that give out about not getting replies need to view a message the same as swiping right on tinder rather than saying hello to someone in a bar.
Dont take it personally and move on. |
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"It must be very hard for a lady to try to reply to messages with answers to questions that are already stated in her profile piece...
This is THE MOST irritating thing on earth. "What are you looking for", "do you accom", "looking for a meet today?" etc etc etc... READ THE PROFILEEEEEEEEEEEE
Hugely frustrating, but lots of men are simply visually stimulated. They see a pic and send mail. I've gotten messages from guys who assumed they were mailing a couple, because they never even checked to see if the photo belonged to a couple, a woman, or a tv/ts... They just saw boobs and mailed them. And yes, I meant they mailed my boobs, because that's exactly how some messages come across at times.
It's like walking into a restaurant, being handed a menu, and then asking the waiter what there is to eat
Brilliant!
Or in my case... Banging on the restaurant doors despite the 'Closed' sign being up! "
"sorry sir the kitchen is closed"
"ah can you not make an exception this one time... " |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I dont think it matters if you get 1 or 100 mails site rules are clear no response means no interest.
The person isnt rude or up themselves, they are simply not interested.
People that give out about not getting replies need to view a message the same as swiping right on tinder rather than saying hello to someone in a bar.
Dont take it personally and move on.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Your profile, your rules
The people who send the inane messages haven't given your feelings a second thought so you shouldn't give theirs a second thought. |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
I don’t respond to, I estimate, 95% of messages I get. If that leads random strangers to think that I’m rude or up my own hole, grand. I’m not going to expend emotional energy worrying about that.
Sometimes I’ll read a message, think that maybe I’ll respond at some stage when I have a min and mark it unread again so it doesn’t get lost. Sometimes I’ll never end up responding to them, such is life and my prerogative to change my mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont think it matters if you get 1 or 100 mails site rules are clear no response means no interest.
The person isnt rude or up themselves, they are simply not interested.
People that give out about not getting replies need to view a message the same as swiping right on tinder rather than saying hello to someone in a bar.
Dont take it personally and move on.
"
...
And THAT ...Ladies and gentlemen is it in a nutshell... |
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"Are you not, not meeting ??"
Not currently looking for meets. Just like it says on the tin. But that doesn't preclude attending events, having conversations which evolve from forum interaction, taking part in daft photo challenges (as I am currently), or otherwise engaging with people who have something interesting to say. |
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"Are you not, not meeting ??
Not currently looking for meets. Just like it says on the tin. But that doesn't preclude attending events, having conversations which evolve from forum interaction, taking part in daft photo challenges (as I am currently), or otherwise engaging with people who have something interesting to say. "
I was chatting about this on the podcast yesterday, about people who seem confused or irritated by people being on here but not 'playing the game' as it were. I got a really nasty message from a guy about my profile, he seemed genuinely angry and disgusted that I'd be on here but not looking for sex. |
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"Are you not, not meeting ??
Not currently looking for meets. Just like it says on the tin. But that doesn't preclude attending events, having conversations which evolve from forum interaction, taking part in daft photo challenges (as I am currently), or otherwise engaging with people who have something interesting to say.
I was chatting about this on the podcast yesterday, about people who seem confused or irritated by people being on here but not 'playing the game' as it were. I got a really nasty message from a guy about my profile, he seemed genuinely angry and disgusted that I'd be on here but not looking for sex. "
This tends to happen when people don't read profiles and then expend time and energy chatting with someone they assume they're going to meet. I've met people in the past... I may meet people in the future... I'm just not meeting right now. My profile is very clear on it, but yes, I've had those reactions too. Most recent one this morning was a 'do you not like sex?' type message. |
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"Are you not, not meeting ??
Not currently looking for meets. Just like it says on the tin. But that doesn't preclude attending events, having conversations which evolve from forum interaction, taking part in daft photo challenges (as I am currently), or otherwise engaging with people who have something interesting to say.
I was chatting about this on the podcast yesterday, about people who seem confused or irritated by people being on here but not 'playing the game' as it were. I got a really nasty message from a guy about my profile, he seemed genuinely angry and disgusted that I'd be on here but not looking for sex.
This tends to happen when people don't read profiles and then expend time and energy chatting with someone they assume they're going to meet. I've met people in the past... I may meet people in the future... I'm just not meeting right now. My profile is very clear on it, but yes, I've had those reactions too. Most recent one this morning was a 'do you not like sex?' type message. "
SEX?! Omg how vile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
Your in no way yourself.. How u choose to spend ur time online and who ever u choose to reply to is ur own business..if people don't like it when u don't reply its their issue not urs.Reading a profile saves alot of time and effort.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?Your in no way yourself.. How u choose to spend ur time online and who ever u choose to reply to is ur own business..if people don't like it when u don't reply its their issue not urs.Reading a profile saves alot of time and effort. "
up urself obviously that should have said...
|
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I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious |
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"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious "
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say. |
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"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say."
It is pretentious to insinuate that a person needs to be as smart as she is to stimulate her mind!
As I mentioned most of the time here is about looks then "mind stimulation" also if you dont engage in conversation is hard to find common ground for conversation that lead to "mind stimulation"
It has to be a 2 way street not just stimulate my mind if you want me ... and that is pretentious. If you dont get it find it odd that's ok |
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"Are you not, not meeting ??
Not currently looking for meets. Just like it says on the tin. But that doesn't preclude attending events, having conversations which evolve from forum interaction, taking part in daft photo challenges (as I am currently), or otherwise engaging with people who have something interesting to say.
I was chatting about this on the podcast yesterday, about people who seem confused or irritated by people being on here but not 'playing the game' as it were. I got a really nasty message from a guy about my profile, he seemed genuinely angry and disgusted that I'd be on here but not looking for sex.
This tends to happen when people don't read profiles and then expend time and energy chatting with someone they assume they're going to meet. I've met people in the past... I may meet people in the future... I'm just not meeting right now. My profile is very clear on it, but yes, I've had those reactions too. Most recent one this morning was a 'do you not like sex?' type message. "
Sarcasm is hard to read online (is there a sarcasm emoji?) I totally agree that it's your choice to be on here and not meet! I was just trying to point out that maybe your still getting messages even if people aren't reading "what it says on the tin" .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It is pretentious to insinuate that a person needs to be as smart as she is to stimulate her mind!
As I mentioned most of the time here is about looks then "mind stimulation" also if you dont engage in conversation is hard to find common ground for conversation that lead to "mind stimulation"
It has to be a 2 way street not just stimulate my mind if you want me ... and that is pretentious. If you dont get it find it odd that's ok "
I dont think asking someone to stimulate your mind is the same as asking for someone to be smart...
I can have stimulating conversations about the stupidist things....
It more about clicking with someones sense of humor or being interesting to someone else not passing an IQ test |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say."
That's crap about stimulating the mind stimulate the pussy and the mind will follow. |
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"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious "
But this is the thing.. I don't particularly want people trying to strike up random conversations... And you're right... Conversation without context can be painfully hard to start. I do enjoy conversations that stem from forum topics... It at least gives a good starting point, and occasionally I will get a stimulating message from a non-forum source... But I'm clearly not looking for non-forum contact. So if people still insist on mailing me asking to meet, or telling me which of my local hotels they happen to be staying in, or telling me how horny their hangover is making them... Am I being rude in not replying?
As for being pretentious. I am who I am. There is no pretence. I speak the same way and have the same opinions in person. The things that stimulate me are part of my personality's make-up, my character, I can't change that and wouldn't want to, any more than I would want to pretend to like golf to impress someone who plays it, or pretend not to like a bacon butty because someone else is vegetarian...
Is it being pretentious to want to have stimulating conversation if that's what genuinely interests me? Would I not be less true to myself if I simply replied to everyone and politely endured endless conversations without interest or enjoyment? Would that not make me false as a person? |
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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago
otherside of nowhere |
Why don't you block everyone and look at profiles that might intrest and stimulate and message them..simples problem solved....failing that join a debating society and pick your subjects...mrs _avie t |
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"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say. That's crap about stimulating the mind stimulate the pussy and the mind will follow. "
Nobody's coming near my pussy til they get in my head first.
|
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"It is pretentious to insinuate that a person needs to be as smart as she is to stimulate her mind!
As I mentioned most of the time here is about looks then "mind stimulation" also if you dont engage in conversation is hard to find common ground for conversation that lead to "mind stimulation"
It has to be a 2 way street not just stimulate my mind if you want me ... and that is pretentious. If you dont get it find it odd that's ok
I dont think asking someone to stimulate your mind is the same as asking for someone to be smart...
I can have stimulating conversations about the stupidist things....
It more about clicking with someones sense of humor or being interesting to someone else not passing an IQ test"
Absolutely right! I adore some of the daft conversations I've had on here... A conversation doesn't have to be about quantum entanglement or the latest breaks in nanotechnology to be stimulating... Being stimulating is simply having something of interest to say. |
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"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say. That's crap about stimulating the mind stimulate the pussy and the mind will follow.
Nobody's coming near my pussy til they get in my head first.
"
Get in yor head first? Blowjob it is then |
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"Why don't you block everyone and look at profiles that might intrest and stimulate and message them..simples problem solved....failing that join a debating society and pick your subjects...mrs _avie t"
Because, as my profile says, I'm not looking for anyone. The only reason my contacts are open right now at all is because of the forums. If there was a way to block all non-forum interaction, I'd very likely do that. But instead I just tend to ignore any messages that don't have a thread topic in the subject box... The question was... Is that rude? |
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"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say. That's crap about stimulating the mind stimulate the pussy and the mind will follow.
Nobody's coming near my pussy til they get in my head first.
Get in yor head first? Blowjob it is then "
Hahhahaha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont really get Ops point , are you looking for confirmation/ assurance that you are one way or another , surely you should know! Also from reading your profile I'm not sure whether you are trying to be funny or you are being serious!
And if anything it sounds very pretentious of you, "the person has to stimulate my mind"
Most interactions here are about looks , well at least this is true for women and couples because most men here would get on the crack of dawn! Striking up a conversation when you know the bare minimum about a person and you have no previous context is not all that easy by text!
And you might be a lovely woman in person but to me you sound pretentious
Pretentious because shes looking for someone who stimulates her mind? That's an odd thing to say. That's crap about stimulating the mind stimulate the pussy and the mind will follow.
Nobody's coming near my pussy til they get in my head first.
"
Sounds a bit boring to me but it's your pussy to do as you please. |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
"Why don't you block everyone and look at profiles that might intrest and stimulate and message them..simples problem solved....failing that join a debating society and pick your subjects...mrs _avie t
Because, as my profile says, I'm not looking for anyone. The only reason my contacts are open right now at all is because of the forums. If there was a way to block all non-forum interaction, I'd very likely do that. But instead I just tend to ignore any messages that don't have a thread topic in the subject box... The question was... Is that rude? "
Do you care if they think you’re rude? |
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"Its boring to get to know a woman before you get access to her vagina? Yes totally agree with you. "
Youre missing out. Or perhaps you're a closet homosexual. Or perhaps a massive troll. Not sure which |
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"Why don't you block everyone and look at profiles that might intrest and stimulate and message them..simples problem solved....failing that join a debating society and pick your subjects...mrs _avie t
Because, as my profile says, I'm not looking for anyone. The only reason my contacts are open right now at all is because of the forums. If there was a way to block all non-forum interaction, I'd very likely do that. But instead I just tend to ignore any messages that don't have a thread topic in the subject box... The question was... Is that rude?
Do you care if they think you’re rude?"
Not at all. The topic was just something that I was musing over having seen multiple status updates about rude women not replying. Lots of threads get started by men on here of the 'why doesn't anyone reply?' variety. So I thought I'd start one from the other perspective... |
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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago
otherside of nowhere |
"Why don't you block everyone and look at profiles that might intrest and stimulate and message them..simples problem solved....failing that join a debating society and pick your subjects...mrs _avie t
Because, as my profile says, I'm not looking for anyone. The only reason my contacts are open right now at all is because of the forums. If there was a way to block all non-forum interaction, I'd very likely do that. But instead I just tend to ignore any messages that don't have a thread topic in the subject box... The question was... Is that rude? "
I think by hiding your profile you can't receive messages but i may be wrong......is it rude? For me not to answer a polite message yes it would be but as i have strict filters it seldom happens...not sure why you care what people think... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Its boring to get to know a woman before you get access to her vagina? Yes totally agree with you.
Youre missing out. Or perhaps you're a closet homosexual. Or perhaps a massive troll. Not sure which"
When you get my mind stimulated you will find out. |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
-------------------
Coming onto FAB with the main purpose of having one's
mind stimulated is like going into a comic book store looking for Shakespeare 
Anyway, with all the dic pics and "Howya hun" messages,
the calibre of chats here is not exactly conducive to getting most womens knickers wet,
...so if you can find a man or woman who's happy to stimulate your mind without it going any further,
....best of luck to you |
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Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
"
But surely you could try something else to stimulate your mind and use fab to stimulate your pussy. |
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"Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
But surely you could try something else to stimulate your mind and use fab to stimulate your pussy. "
Why settle for one when you can have both? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
But surely you could try something else to stimulate your mind and use fab to stimulate your pussy.
Why settle for one when you can have both? "
Well I can't meet all of you. |
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"Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
But surely you could try something else to stimulate your mind and use fab to stimulate your pussy.
Why settle for one when you can have both? Well I can't meet all of you."
---------------
Respect  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!
We get one liner messages all the time, I delete them straight away. I'm onlime more than she would be, I read a message and if S hasn't been on I'll tell her she might be interested. We haven't dealt with any abuse really and like you said that's more than likely down the fact that it's a couple's profile.
So you even act as a further filter before S sees the messages you do think might be of interest? I'm curious now... Roughly how many messages would you say you filter out from all the ones you get? As a man, applying your own 'filtering techniques' and deleting messages from those of no interest, do you feel you are being rude? Does it change how you initially message other people (if you do)? "
No, I don't feel like I'm being rude, we're both very similar in what we like. If the message is a one liner, fuck/meet now, "I see your nearby" with dick pics, it gets deleted. We have no interest in anything like that. We both like some conversation and connection before anything happens.
As for messaging I try and make an effort with my messages, read the profile and try reference it a bit or make a joke.. I can see the rubbish that some guys send and I think this is pathetic. If I'm messaging someone I'm interested I say from the start it's the male half, S rarely writes to guys herself. She has someone she meets at the minute so she's not too interested in finding someone else. If we're both interested in someone we'll both be present writing the message. If they reply, we again wait until we're both there to read it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
But surely you could try something else to stimulate your mind and use fab to stimulate your pussy.
Why settle for one when you can have both? Well I can't meet all of you.
---------------
Respect "
I'm fully stimulated now and ready for action. |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
You know the answer .
Everyone knows the answer.
No reply = not interested
Ergo one wonders why you felt the need to self publicise ???
 |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
Hands where I can see them
And where you keep the straws,
That will make sense to nobody except me... But it did lead to great things "
Since when did I care who else made sense of what I say,,
And your dam right it did, and we never even got to open the toy bag,, rage and regret lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!
We get one liner messages all the time, I delete them straight away. I'm onlime more than she would be, I read a message and if S hasn't been on I'll tell her she might be interested. We haven't dealt with any abuse really and like you said that's more than likely down the fact that it's a couple's profile.
So you even act as a further filter before S sees the messages you do think might be of interest? I'm curious now... Roughly how many messages would you say you filter out from all the ones you get? As a man, applying your own 'filtering techniques' and deleting messages from those of no interest, do you feel you are being rude? Does it change how you initially message other people (if you do)?
No, I don't feel like I'm being rude, we're both very similar in what we like. If the message is a one liner, fuck/meet now, "I see your nearby" with dick pics, it gets deleted. We have no interest in anything like that. We both like some conversation and connection before anything happens.
As for messaging I try and make an effort with my messages, read the profile and try reference it a bit or make a joke.. I can see the rubbish that some guys send and I think this is pathetic. If I'm messaging someone I'm interested I say from the start it's the male half, S rarely writes to guys herself. She has someone she meets at the minute so she's not too interested in finding someone else. If we're both interested in someone we'll both be present writing the message. If they reply, we again wait until we're both there to read it. "
Well aren't you the perfect little couple. |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
-------------------
Coming onto FAB with the main purpose of having one's
mind stimulated is like going into a comic book store looking for Shakespeare
Anyway, with all the dic pics and "Howya hun" messages,
the calibre of chats here is not exactly conducive to getting most womens knickers wet,
...so if you can find a man or woman who's happy to stimulate your mind without it going any further,
....best of luck to you "
But if nobody here had ever been capable of stimulating my mind, I'd still be unverified. People can and do. What I asked, was am I rude in not entertaining those who don't? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
-------------------
Coming onto FAB with the main purpose of having one's
mind stimulated is like going into a comic book store looking for Shakespeare
Anyway, with all the dic pics and "Howya hun" messages,
the calibre of chats here is not exactly conducive to getting most womens knickers wet,
...so if you can find a man or woman who's happy to stimulate your mind without it going any further,
....best of luck to you
But if nobody here had ever been capable of stimulating my mind, I'd still be unverified. People can and do. What I asked, was am I rude in not entertaining those who don't? "
Maybe it's your mind playing tricks on you and it's actually something else that's been stimulated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
You know the answer .
Everyone knows the answer.
No reply = not interested
Ergo one wonders why you felt the need to self publicise ???
"
|
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"Personally I do try to reply to every message but hi hows your day so far or morning so far gets very tiring not forgetting hi hows you 20 times a day "
It gets very repetitive, I agree. Very often, once they've done 'Hi, how are you?' and you give the generic 'fine thanks and you?' response, it ends with them saying something like 'I'm good'.... And then nothing more until a few days later when you get the 'hi, how are you?' all over again. |
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"Fab is simply a means of finding people who like no strings sex. What many guys forget is that liking nostrings sex isn't enough. There needs to be at least some attraction/chemistry. For many women that attraction/chemistry depends upon that person's ability to stimulate her mind, be it though banter/intelligence/charm/etc.. Its different for different women, but it's usually mind first, vagina later.
"
Well put |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!
We get one liner messages all the time, I delete them straight away. I'm onlime more than she would be, I read a message and if S hasn't been on I'll tell her she might be interested. We haven't dealt with any abuse really and like you said that's more than likely down the fact that it's a couple's profile.
So you even act as a further filter before S sees the messages you do think might be of interest? I'm curious now... Roughly how many messages would you say you filter out from all the ones you get? As a man, applying your own 'filtering techniques' and deleting messages from those of no interest, do you feel you are being rude? Does it change how you initially message other people (if you do)?
No, I don't feel like I'm being rude, we're both very similar in what we like. If the message is a one liner, fuck/meet now, "I see your nearby" with dick pics, it gets deleted. We have no interest in anything like that. We both like some conversation and connection before anything happens.
As for messaging I try and make an effort with my messages, read the profile and try reference it a bit or make a joke.. I can see the rubbish that some guys send and I think this is pathetic. If I'm messaging someone I'm interested I say from the start it's the male half, S rarely writes to guys herself. She has someone she meets at the minute so she's not too interested in finding someone else. If we're both interested in someone we'll both be present writing the message. If they reply, we again wait until we're both there to read it. "
Sounds pretty reasonable to me |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
You know the answer .
Everyone knows the answer.
No reply = not interested
Ergo one wonders why you felt the need to self publicise ???
"
Is it self-publication to post a thread or to comment on a thread? I suppose it is, in a way... Participation in anything that elicits a response from people who's attention you may not have otherwise come to does increase awareness, so yes, anyone using the forums could reasonably be aid to be self-publicising, whether that was their intent or not.
Anyway.. As previously stated earlier in the thread (which I know you probably thought 'tldr'), the topic was a result of seeing multiple statuses and threads about women not responding to messages, frequently saying that it is rude and that the women in question are up themselves. So clearly not everyone knows that no reply = no interest.
I started the thread to stimulate a conversation, a discussion about cold messaging from the opposite perspective. I sought opinions and views, and got them. Some decided to make it personal, and that's OK too, I'm a big girl, I can take it. |
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly. "
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!
We get one liner messages all the time, I delete them straight away. I'm onlime more than she would be, I read a message and if S hasn't been on I'll tell her she might be interested. We haven't dealt with any abuse really and like you said that's more than likely down the fact that it's a couple's profile.
So you even act as a further filter before S sees the messages you do think might be of interest? I'm curious now... Roughly how many messages would you say you filter out from all the ones you get? As a man, applying your own 'filtering techniques' and deleting messages from those of no interest, do you feel you are being rude? Does it change how you initially message other people (if you do)?
No, I don't feel like I'm being rude, we're both very similar in what we like. If the message is a one liner, fuck/meet now, "I see your nearby" with dick pics, it gets deleted. We have no interest in anything like that. We both like some conversation and connection before anything happens.
As for messaging I try and make an effort with my messages, read the profile and try reference it a bit or make a joke.. I can see the rubbish that some guys send and I think this is pathetic. If I'm messaging someone I'm interested I say from the start it's the male half, S rarely writes to guys herself. She has someone she meets at the minute so she's not too interested in finding someone else. If we're both interested in someone we'll both be present writing the message. If they reply, we again wait until we're both there to read it. Well aren't you the perfect little couple."
Haha hardly perfect, just stick to what we agreed when we started doing this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see... "
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either. |
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either. "
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir "
But do you find it stimulating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir "
Not compelled, you presume too much. Benevolent, rather.
But I’ll tap out now.
Wouldn’t like to risk over stimulation. |
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir
Not compelled, you presume too much. Benevolent, rather.
But I’ll tap out now.
Wouldn’t like to risk over stimulation. "
We mere mortals are unworthy of such benevolence. You're right to tap out of course... Why risk it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir
Not compelled, you presume too much. Benevolent, rather.
But I’ll tap out now.
Wouldn’t like to risk over stimulation.
We mere mortals are unworthy of such benevolence. You're right to tap out of course... Why risk it? "
No “we”, just you. |
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir
Not compelled, you presume too much. Benevolent, rather.
But I’ll tap out now.
Wouldn’t like to risk over stimulation.
We mere mortals are unworthy of such benevolence. You're right to tap out of course... Why risk it?
No “we”, just you. "
Great willpower with the tapping out... Well done you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!"
Tend to disagree unfortunately, some of the messages we get are shocking, some are nasty, some are very rude directed purely at hubby for use of his slut wife and there are some nice ones too
I've never gotten the impression that they are being nicer because hubby might be reading the messages... Most of the time they don't acknowledge me at all... Or else I'm referred to as her or your slut.
As for your question op, your profile your rules your profile is very very clear so if after reading that, they still message... You certainly can not been seen as up yourself
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir
Not compelled, you presume too much. Benevolent, rather.
But I’ll tap out now.
Wouldn’t like to risk over stimulation.
We mere mortals are unworthy of such benevolence. You're right to tap out of course... Why risk it?
No “we”, just you.
Great willpower with the tapping out... Well done you! "
It’s not a question of willpower. There are no addiction or compulsion issues, I had made my original point- that when I was tapping out. You raised a further point, so I replied. Just like now... Even trite nonsensical points can sometimes merit a reply to correct the record. |
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"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?
A woman I met for a coffee showed me her inbox and 95% of it was utter shite. It doesn't take long to read a profile and write something that you think might catch their attention, even then sometimes it doesn't. No, you're not rude or up yourself. People just can't be bothered putting in some effort.
There's a significant difference between the quantity and quality of messages a female gets as part of a couple or as a single alright. I think as part of a couple, men who are messaging them are more aware that the woman is already in a sexual relationship with another man (who might be reading the messages too), and therefore hold back or don't chance their arm mailing at all, whereas a single woman is perceived by some to be sexually destitute and 'gagging for it', so the same men think little effort will be required to get one to meet. My ex was horrified by some of the messages I got!
Tend to disagree unfortunately, some of the messages we get are shocking, some are nasty, some are very rude directed purely at hubby for use of his slut wife and there are some nice ones too
I've never gotten the impression that they are being nicer because hubby might be reading the messages... Most of the time they don't acknowledge me at all... Or else I'm referred to as her or your slut.
As for your question op, your profile your rules your profile is very very clear so if after reading that, they still message... You certainly can not been seen as up yourself
Mrs "
I based that on my experience both as a half of a couple and as a single... My personal experience is that the mail I got as a single was vastly different than that I received as a couple, but by no means did I mean to say all mail we got as a couple was lovely and polite... We had our share of cringe-worthy stuff too |
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"The thing is though... some ladies, when they state “stimulate my mind”, mean “feed my narcissism”. Not all of course. Just, possibly the ones who might, for example, create a forum discussion asking the multitudes a clearly rhetorical question about... wait for it... themselves. “No no, that’s enough of me talking about myself- what do YOU think of me”. Just some though... possibly.
I'm fascinated that it's the mental stimulation bit that some seem to have chosen to find offense in, rather than seeing the actual question I posed... Is it really rude not to reply? But maybe that's just my narcissism and ego seeing what I want to see...
Indeed. Maybe so indeed. Possibly your fascination bar is as low (and as single subject preoccupied) as your stimulation bar. I find nothing on the thread to satisfy my personal criteria for either.
Yet you feel compelled to participate in my mindless drivel... I am honoured and humbled sir
Not compelled, you presume too much. Benevolent, rather.
But I’ll tap out now.
Wouldn’t like to risk over stimulation.
We mere mortals are unworthy of such benevolence. You're right to tap out of course... Why risk it?
No “we”, just you.
Great willpower with the tapping out... Well done you!
It’s not a question of willpower. There are no addiction or compulsion issues, I had made my original point- that when I was tapping out. You raised a further point, so I replied. Just like now... Even trite nonsensical points can sometimes merit a reply to correct the record. "
Sure no compulsion whatsoever... |
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By *ipskyMan
over a year ago
: An Autumn Haze |
"Although my mail is heavily filtered, I still get lots of random messages. More than I am inclined to spend time replying to. So if a message doesn't capture my imagination or stimulate me, I generally don't reply. Am I rude? Am I up myself? Or am I just managing my online time well in concentrating on conversing with those few who do stimulate my mind?"
I just read your profile and it's clearly stated what you're about. So if somebody sent you a message hitting on you, hinting at a meet etc - then you're right to just ignore their message, as they have just ignored your profile.
If the message is about your events/socials, then I think you should acknowledge their message, even if you are not interested in them. It could be just to tell them that.
However...that would mean opening and at least having a quick scan at every message - do you do that? |
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