FabSwingers.com > Forums > London > Sexless marriage
Sexless marriage
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I’m in the that situation, it’s not as simple as walking away. My girlfriend is financially independent and lives in my house but she won’t leave, I’ve asked her several times but she thinks I’m joking even though I’ve told her I’m serious. This is why I’m looking to have an intimate relationship elsewhere, not having much luck on here though  |
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"I’m in the that situation, it’s not as simple as walking away. My girlfriend is financially independent and lives in my house but she won’t leave, I’ve asked her several times but she thinks I’m joking even though I’ve told her I’m serious. This is why I’m looking to have an intimate relationship elsewhere, not having much luck on here though "
So if the house is in your name and you want her out does she really have the right to stay??. I would be seeking legal advice about where you stand in this situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m in the that situation, it’s not as simple as walking away. My girlfriend is financially independent and lives in my house but she won’t leave, I’ve asked her several times but she thinks I’m joking even though I’ve told her I’m serious. This is why I’m looking to have an intimate relationship elsewhere, not having much luck on here though
So if the house is in your name and you want her out does she really have the right to stay??. I would be seeking legal advice about where you stand in this situation"
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Mate, I sympathise, but are you sure you've been clear?
I'm yet to meet a woman who, when told her partner doesn't love her, wants to break up and asks her to leave, takes that as a joke!
Sounds like you need a serious conversation pretty quickly as that's not a particularly healthy situation... |
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My takeaway from this is that, from the outside looking in, it’s always pretty easy to offer pat, clean-cut ‘solutions’ to what can often be an insoluble problem.
My second takeaway is: Don’t expect a fab audience for anything approaching sympathy. You won’t get it. Hehe. |
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"Probably loads. You have 2 choices stay or leave. That choice is yours alone but i get fed up with guys moaning about it when they dont have the balls to walk away."
Maybe it takes bigger balls to stay?? Every situation is different, walking away is not always the answer for either party. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go and see a relationship therapist because your situatiin seems to have little to do with a sexless relationship and possibly more to do with your inability to transition into singledom and the 'loss' that may trigger other losses and debilitating feelings...Read: feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers...Otherwise you stay in the cycle of feeling the victim and then being angry when people don't give you 'sympathy'..Try the Samaritans. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably loads. You have 2 choices stay or leave. That choice is yours alone but i get fed up with guys moaning about it when they dont have the balls to walk away."
Oh straight to point bluebell , no pissing about here !! I’m pretty sure you’d be the one with the balls telling them to pack up and get out ????
See ya pal ??
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By *agenta400Woman
over a year ago
All over the shop |
Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority.. |
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I am in a sexless marriage.
Hubby stopped being intimate and having sex with me once we had our child (about a decade ago).
He prefers gaming (as in video games) and his gadgets.
To the outside world he's a great husband but the reality is that I have been ignored for many years and, for many years, we have been simply housemates (and haven't slept in the same bed for years too).
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Harsh on here. All have there reason or reasons so I guess it’s a respect point of view.
I’m married. Love my wife and family but no libido so no sex life. I choose to stay and I’ve found fab friends who full accept and respect why I swing... for that I’m grateful.
Yes I’ve had advice along the lines of you should go, leave, see relate etc but I just see it as my issue and I’ve found a place and a way I can deal with it.
Life’s too short so don’t fall out guys just be understanding that not everything is black or white there’s always a little grey  |
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By *wingsingMan
over a year ago
Berkshire/London |
"Harsh on here. All have there reason or reasons so I guess it’s a respect point of view.
I’m married. Love my wife and family but no libido so no sex life. I choose to stay and I’ve found fab friends who full accept and respect why I swing... for that I’m grateful.
Yes I’ve had advice along the lines of you should go, leave, see relate etc but I just see it as my issue and I’ve found a place and a way I can deal with it.
Life’s too short so don’t fall out guys just be understanding that not everything is black or white there’s always a little grey "
Absolutely this. Life is too short. I don't feel I am in a position to judge anyone unless I have gotten to know over long period of time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Harsh on here. All have there reason or reasons so I guess it’s a respect point of view.
I’m married. Love my wife and family but no libido so no sex life. I choose to stay and I’ve found fab friends who full accept and respect why I swing... for that I’m grateful.
Yes I’ve had advice along the lines of you should go, leave, see relate etc but I just see it as my issue and I’ve found a place and a way I can deal with it.
Life’s too short so don’t fall out guys just be understanding that not everything is black or white there’s always a little grey
Absolutely this. Life is too short. I don't feel I am in a position to judge anyone unless I have gotten to know over long period of time. "
Then again you know me so you understand  |
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Same issue here, Vapour. Wife has zero interest in sex - although I’m pretty sure that’s down to things getting stale in our marriage. If another guy came along I imagine it would rekindle her interest. And I don’t think I’d have a problem with that.
We’ve discussed it and I’ve been quite open with her: if she wanted to have an affair or if she wanted to try something new I’d be okay with it. But it’s almost as if she has zero need for sex while I definitely do.
I still love her and am very happy with our home life otherwise - but there’s no getting away from the fact that I want physical contact and that I want to be wanted. She doesn’t (Or at least she doesn’t on my day-to-day experience. Who knows what she’s really thinking.)
For me, the metaphor for a healthy libido is a flowing river. You can’t just put a dam across it. The water will/has to end up somewhere. Hence using this site and other extra-curricular activities.
Hugely frustrating. A problem with no easy solution. |
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"I am in a sexless marriage.
Hubby stopped being intimate and having sex with me once we had our child (about a decade ago).
He prefers gaming (as in video games) and his gadgets.
To the outside world he's a great husband but the reality is that I have been ignored for many years and, for many years, we have been simply housemates (and haven't slept in the same bed for years too).
"
I’m pretty much in that same position,
My wife has just about given up having sex. Whenever I try to instigate anything sexual , she brushes it off ,
Although we still sleep in the same bed, that’s all we do in the same bed, sleep.
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When I was married I hated sex, found it a chore and due to me foreplay was 'want to roll over'
My ex had a couple of affairs but he was mainly trying to make me jealous which didn't work and he would never leave. At the time I couldn't force him as the repercussions would have been major due to his personality disorder.
Anyway extremely long story short when it got too bad for him to be around our kids I made him leave and fast forward a few years I actually love sex and I often think about what my ex would say if he found out I was on fab!!  |
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"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority.."
What about the women who say they are in a sexless marriage? Do you think most of them lying to get a shag too? |
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I am on that same boat. Sexless marriage , tried but nothing seems to work.
Still love each other and we have 3 amazing kids and a very good life so all that outweighs me leaving her just to satisfy sex !
Yes I’m on here , take a look around see possibly meet someone , but won’t leave the relationship . |
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"Probably loads. You have 2 choices stay or leave. That choice is yours alone but i get fed up with guys moaning about it when they dont have the balls to walk away.
Oh straight to point bluebell , no pissing about here !! I’m pretty sure you’d be the one with the balls telling them to pack up and get out ????
See ya pal ??
"
I was in a sexless relationship. One day i just thought to hell with this and left. My kids hated me and i became alot poorer but at the end of the day i am much happier. Life is too short to be messed about. It was the hardest thing i ever done but also the best. My kids still love me and my partner remains a friend so all very much worth it. |
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A sexless marriage is still a marriage.. you have 2 simple choices..
leave the marriage and stay here or leave here and work on the marriage, most want both but that just says a lot about you as opposed the marriage.. it is that simple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A sexless marriage is still a marriage.. you have 2 simple choices..
leave the marriage and stay here or leave here and work on the marriage, most want both but that just says a lot about you as opposed the marriage.. it is that simple. "
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I was in a similar situation then the GF started to get abusive. I put the house up for sale and started ignoring her. I packed her bags a couple of times. Horrible time but paid off in the end. Life is just to short. As only a girlfriend they have no cohabitation rights. |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority.."
Genius sounds better then genuine but it's about chasing fabulous ladies, not just fucking |
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"A sexless marriage is still a marriage.. you have 2 simple choices..
leave the marriage and stay here or leave here and work on the marriage, most want both but that just says a lot about you as opposed the marriage.. it is that simple. "
No, it's not. There's a lot more to it. People assume you haven't worked on your marriage and this is an easy out. It isn't. It's easy to give advice from the sidelines, especially when you don't know the full story.
Simple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority.."
Totally agree.. seems I’m the only one who’s just greedy lol 
Sometimes other elements in a relationship are good you just need to release some sexual energy and have some fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority..
Totally agree.. seems I’m the only one who’s just greedy lol
Sometimes other elements in a relationship are good you just need to release some sexual energy and have some fun "
Key word here is fun... I am definitely having that now |
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"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority..
Totally agree.. seems I’m the only one who’s just greedy lol
Sometimes other elements in a relationship are good you just need to release some sexual energy and have some fun "
I agree with you. My marriage has been sexless for about 5 years ever since my wife started going through the menopause. She has no interest in sex. But we love each other, she has been my best mate for over 40 years, we have lovely kids and a nice lifestyle. I don’t want to leave all that.
So trolling through this and other dating sites to find sex - with my wife knowing nothing about it. - I realised that I was in fact bisexual. And found that I was interested and sexually attracted to men and women. A bit of a surprise but very liberating.
Whilst it is by no means ideal, if I admitted what I am doing to my family all hell would break loose and I would put everyone through lots of anguish. So why should I do that?
I am in a job that takes me around the world and I stay in lots of very nice hotels and I fit in sex dates around this itinerary.
I’m 57 now and maybe I will stop but as long as I can continue to find lovely people who want to play and keep it discrete then I think I will carry on.
Judge me if you like, call me a cheating bastard if you like, I know what I am and I think that I am making the best of a sad situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't buy this 'they are my best friend' stuff....I treat my best friend with respect and honesty. If you can't manage that, then I'm sorry you have no right to claim to be friends.
I try not to judge, I've been married and not faithful, but let's be honest about what it is. Cake and eat it.
I also got completely duped by a guy on here who claimed to have a sexless marriage, he broke my heart.
No one comes out of this well.
It is simple - life is about compromise and if sex is that important then leave the relationship. It causes far less turmoil that the spouse finding out. Either talk to them and get their approval, don't cheat or leave.
I now know that sex is too important to me to compromise on and will not contempt a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mate, I sympathise, but are you sure you've been clear?
I'm yet to meet a woman who, when told her partner doesn't love her, wants to break up and asks her to leave, takes that as a joke!
Sounds like you need a serious conversation pretty quickly as that's not a particularly healthy situation..."
Or a locksmith !! |
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"I don't buy this 'they are my best friend' stuff....I treat my best friend with respect and honesty. If you can't manage that, then I'm sorry you have no right to claim to be friends.
I try not to judge, I've been married and not faithful, but let's be honest about what it is. Cake and eat it.
I also got completely duped by a guy on here who claimed to have a sexless marriage, he broke my heart.
No one comes out of this well.
It is simple - life is about compromise and if sex is that important then leave the relationship. It causes far less turmoil that the spouse finding out. Either talk to them and get their approval, don't cheat or leave.
I now know that sex is too important to me to compromise on and will not contempt a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way.
"
So you knew the guy was married but still had an affair with him. And the justification to yourself was that he said he was in a sexless marriage and that made it OK ?? So it was you that got hurt and not him and his wife?
I have no desire to find a new life - and the married ladies - and men - whom I have met up with, feel the same way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably loads. You have 2 choices stay or leave. That choice is yours alone but i get fed up with guys moaning about it when they dont have the balls to walk away."
Not as easy as that for men . As all men who have been through a divorce will tell you |
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I judge no one for the choices they make.
However, why do men in a relationship pursue women who clearly state they are only interested in single men?
Happened countless times and find it infuriating that I have invested time and energy only to find out they are not single.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge no one for the choices they make.
However, why do men in a relationship pursue women who clearly state they are only interested in single men?
Happened countless times and find it infuriating that I have invested time and energy only to find out they are not single.
"
Lol because they don’t read... lol
Worst ones are those who lie about it... say single when clearly they’re not...
I’m the opposite only meet married men or those in LTR |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't buy this 'they are my best friend' stuff....I treat my best friend with respect and honesty. If you can't manage that, then I'm sorry you have no right to claim to be friends.
I try not to judge, I've been married and not faithful, but let's be honest about what it is. Cake and eat it.
I also got completely duped by a guy on here who claimed to have a sexless marriage, he broke my heart.
No one comes out of this well.
It is simple - life is about compromise and if sex is that important then leave the relationship. It causes far less turmoil that the spouse finding out. Either talk to them and get their approval, don't cheat or leave.
I now know that sex is too important to me to compromise on and will not contempt a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way.
So you knew the guy was married but still had an affair with him. And the justification to yourself was that he said he was in a sexless marriage and that made it OK ?? So it was you that got hurt and not him and his wife?
I have no desire to find a new life - and the married ladies - and men - whom I have met up with, feel the same way.
"
No, when we met he said he was single. Then when I found out, he did the whole sexless marriage excuse....
My point is you can justify cheating as much as you like, but let's just be honest. If your wife is your best friend, then the last thing you would want to do is hurt her. Instead you are choosing to be deceitful and risk doing that for a shag. Of course you don't want a new life, you are having your cake and eating it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge no one for the choices they make.
However, why do men in a relationship pursue women who clearly state they are only interested in single men?
Happened countless times and find it infuriating that I have invested time and energy only to find out they are not single.
"
This!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge no one for the choices they make.
However, why do men in a relationship pursue women who clearly state they are only interested in single men?
Happened countless times and find it infuriating that I have invested time and energy only to find out they are not single.
"
I’m with you on that _istress cockney. Annoys the shit out of me. When I asked them why they ignored what i put, they said I wouldn’t have met them if they had told me. Errr, very true and a good reason for that. So much hassle I don’t need. |
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In France. In a long life time marriage. It is privately accepted that another partner other than your husband / wife is the key to a long happy and intimately satisfying marriage.
Just not always the easiest set up and I am just pointing out that we all need intimacy and we all need to fuck like a wife will never admit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow this is such an eye opening thread, a window into married life and the wrangles of commitment. Feel like congratulating you all on finding some kind of way to retain some kind of contentment. Its also a fair advert for being single and unattached like myself, but although I'm on here im ultimately wanting to find someone to grow into later life with, but until then im damned if im giving up on what pleasures life can give you in the meantime. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most married men do not have the balls to cheat.... most all mouth..
But ladies and gents.. don’t judge until you’ve been in the same situation.. I was faithful ish for 19 years... |
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By *2699Man
over a year ago
maldon |
I've had a sexless marriage for 20yrs , had great sex up till then then this problem called the menopause came along a 180 degree tirn in personality,no kissing , no hugs , no holding hands , separate bedrooms , was given permission to have FWB which she's fine with and knows who it is ,who I have fun with and go to clubs with , as I'm still active in that department, she's happy it's all in the open and not behind her back ,although I'd rather have the person I married , heard a lot of guys suffer from this symptom in there marriages ,yet some woman go the other way and turn into nymphomaniac that the guy can't keep up with and the wife then strays |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I’m in the that situation, it’s not as simple as walking away. My girlfriend is financially independent and lives in my house but she won’t leave, I’ve asked her several times but she thinks I’m joking even though I’ve told her I’m serious. This is why I’m looking to have an intimate relationship elsewhere, not having much luck on here though "
Perhaps go to citizens advice to get help from them with your situation. Or done legal advice? A lot of solicitors offer a free first consult. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a great post OP. Loving the toing and froing of varied opinions and suggestions. Seems there is no right or wrong way to approach this. Being upfront at the beginning seems key (chose not to use honest)... all parties in swing have a right to know what’s before them and where it’s at. Then it’s simply a yes or a no. Read a profile and if it’s good it will have enough detail to allow a conversation to be completely open. However always remember (well for us at least) it has to be fun.. |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
"Is it just being in a sexless marriage or do you miss the intimacy, is there any intimacy between you two.
This seems more common than I anticipated..."
For me it’s the passion and intimacy. When I am with my fb we both manage to get in to each other’s head so the sex is off the hook. |
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Once again I am not making excuses or asking for sympathy or forgiveness. But could you imagine a life without sex? Not just for a week, a couple of months but say 2 years???
So do I go to my wife and say I’m leaving because we don’t have sex?
Or do I carry on being a dutiful husband, pretend it’s not a big deal, and find a fwb who is in the same boat?
Yes it is deceitful and I wish it was not so but it is and I live with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. And it isn't about having the balls to walk away when you have so many other things intertwined with each other. That's a rubbish comment to make.
You try to be all things to her, change your approach, be spontaneous, create fantasies and excitement and at the end of the day you're lying awake thinking of what the next thing to do is.
Only advice I can give is just continue to be the best you can be, but at the same time be nice to yourself.
She married you for a reason, and once upon a time it was probably good and that may come back.
Have a meet or an affair, see if it makes things any better, but to be honest you'll most likely feel empty and the whole thing will stress you out.
Honestly it's so hard to get around it but you have to be awake to the moments where she is ready to talk about it, and use your words wisely.
Ultimatum giving is a big turn off, there's no advantage to that, but you're 50/50 in this. As much as you care for her feelings, she has to care about yours.
Being on fab and asking for advice is probably not the best place and makes you look like a cheater but I have no doubt that you made this profile in the hope that she would join you on a sexual adventure. Fuck the haters and their judgemental shit. No one knows your situation. You love her and want to stay with her. Fab lets you talk to people who might understand you better.
To be honest I'm losing my mind with the lack of sex. Happy to chat via PM. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a fantastic well thought out reply.... what he said!!
"Yep. And it isn't about having the balls to walk away when you have so many other things intertwined with each other. That's a rubbish comment to make.
You try to be all things to her, change your approach, be spontaneous, create fantasies and excitement and at the end of the day you're lying awake thinking of what the next thing to do is.
Only advice I can give is just continue to be the best you can be, but at the same time be nice to yourself.
She married you for a reason, and once upon a time it was probably good and that may come back.
Have a meet or an affair, see if it makes things any better, but to be honest you'll most likely feel empty and the whole thing will stress you out.
Honestly it's so hard to get around it but you have to be awake to the moments where she is ready to talk about it, and use your words wisely.
Ultimatum giving is a big turn off, there's no advantage to that, but you're 50/50 in this. As much as you care for her feelings, she has to care about yours.
Being on fab and asking for advice is probably not the best place and makes you look like a cheater but I have no doubt that you made this profile in the hope that she would join you on a sexual adventure. Fuck the haters and their judgemental shit. No one knows your situation. You love her and want to stay with her. Fab lets you talk to people who might understand you better.
To be honest I'm losing my mind with the lack of sex. Happy to chat via PM."
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"Yep. And it isn't about having the balls to walk away when you have so many other things intertwined with each other. That's a rubbish comment to make.
You try to be all things to her, change your approach, be spontaneous, create fantasies and excitement and at the end of the day you're lying awake thinking of what the next thing to do is.
Only advice I can give is just continue to be the best you can be, but at the same time be nice to yourself.
She married you for a reason, and once upon a time it was probably good and that may come back.
Have a meet or an affair, see if it makes things any better, but to be honest you'll most likely feel empty and the whole thing will stress you out.
Honestly it's so hard to get around it but you have to be awake to the moments where she is ready to talk about it, and use your words wisely.
Ultimatum giving is a big turn off, there's no advantage to that, but you're 50/50 in this. As much as you care for her feelings, she has to care about yours.
Being on fab and asking for advice is probably not the best place and makes you look like a cheater but I have no doubt that you made this profile in the hope that she would join you on a sexual adventure. Fuck the haters and their judgemental shit. No one knows your situation. You love her and want to stay with her. Fab lets you talk to people who might understand you better.
To be honest I'm losing my mind with the lack of sex. Happy to chat via PM."
.
Soo true.. my hubby found my old fab account and now wants a divorce.. tbh I’m heartbroken as love him and the kids..
but if he finds my sexuality soo disgusting then he’s not for me..
I’m willing to try for the kids but he refuses.. it’s all about HIM..  |
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Sorry to hear that, Minx. I imagine my other half would react in a similar way if she found my profile. I think my response would be something along the lines of: well, what the bloody hell did you think was going to happen? All very well putting the blockers on any kind of physical intimacy but it’s a bit naive to expect there to be no consequences to that! |
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"Sorry to hear that, Minx. I imagine my other half would react in a similar way if she found my profile. I think my response would be something along the lines of: well, what the bloody hell did you think was going to happen? All very well putting the blockers on any kind of physical intimacy but it’s a bit naive to expect there to be no consequences to that!"
Well aren’t you just a top notch guy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Probably loads. You have 2 choices stay or leave. That choice is yours alone but i get fed up with guys moaning about it when they dont have the balls to walk away."
boom |
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"
Soo true.. my hubby found my old fab account and now wants a divorce.. tbh I’m heartbroken as love him and the kids..
but if he finds my sexuality soo disgusting then he’s not for me..
I’m willing to try for the kids but he refuses.. it’s all about HIM.. "
Don't know your full story but I would say don't stay for the kids. Totally different situation to you but I stayed for the kids and they as young adults wish I hadn't.
Kids suffer if both parents aren't content and happy.
Good luck whatever you decide xx |
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"
Soo true.. my hubby found my old fab account and now wants a divorce.. tbh I’m heartbroken as love him and the kids..
but if he finds my sexuality soo disgusting then he’s not for me..
I’m willing to try for the kids but he refuses.. it’s all about HIM..
Don't know your full story but I would say don't stay for the kids. Totally different situation to you but I stayed for the kids and they as young adults wish I hadn't.
Kids suffer if both parents aren't content and happy.
Good luck whatever you decide xx"
I stayed for the kids but when i left when they were older they hated me and never spoke to me for many weeks. It was a bad time in my life but alls good now. |
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"
Soo true.. my hubby found my old fab account and now wants a divorce.. tbh I’m heartbroken as love him and the kids..
but if he finds my sexuality soo disgusting then he’s not for me..
I’m willing to try for the kids but he refuses.. it’s all about HIM..
Don't know your full story but I would say don't stay for the kids. Totally different situation to you but I stayed for the kids and they as young adults wish I hadn't.
Kids suffer if both parents aren't content and happy.
Good luck whatever you decide xx
I stayed for the kids but when i left when they were older they hated me and never spoke to me for many weeks. It was a bad time in my life but alls good now. "
I remember when my kids were really young my cousin told me it would be easier on the kids to leave my ex when they are young as he was a teenager when his parents split which he thought was harder.
My older kids were upset initially but I managed to keep the family home so they didn't have to move house which I think helped. My youngest adjusted quite well as he was only 3.
Glad it worked out in the end for you, I think there is much more responsibility placed on a mother to do whats right for the family and not her sanity |
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By *ser574Man
over a year ago
London |
Why do you want to know all the details of the people you meet here and in the lifestyle?
People have their own histories, fears, secrets, see the whole picture and they may not want to share it with some random guy/woman they meet here.
I never pray in the lives of people I meet. I respect their privacy and the reasons they are drawn here.
If they want to share and talk I happily engage in discussions without judging them.
I am not going to tell them what to do and what is right or wrong when it comes to affairs of their personal lives.
Life may be short but it can also be very long..and real life usually tends to be complicated.
If they want to cheat I don't judge them. If they want to collect validations I don't judge them. I just accept them. And if what they are/do does not suit me I move on and wish them well.
And I expect the same in return. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why do you want to know all the details of the people you meet here and in the lifestyle?
People have their own histories, fears, secrets, see the whole picture and they may not want to share it with some random guy/woman they meet here.
I never pray in the lives of people I meet. I respect their privacy and the reasons they are drawn here.
If they want to share and talk I happily engage in discussions without judging them.
I am not going to tell them what to do and what is right or wrong when it comes to affairs of their personal lives.
Life may be short but it can also be very long..and real life usually tends to be complicated.
If they want to cheat I don't judge them. If they want to collect validations I don't judge them. I just accept them. And if what they are/do does not suit me I move on and wish them well.
And I expect the same in return."
totally agree with this... who am I to judge anyone.. we live in a world of judgement everyday... just because I dont like things doesn't mean its wrong … its just not what I want to do... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What a fantastic well thought out reply.... what he said!!
Yep. And it isn't about having the balls to walk away when you have so many other things intertwined with each other. That's a rubbish comment to make.
You try to be all things to her, change your approach, be spontaneous, create fantasies and excitement and at the end of the day you're lying awake thinking of what the next thing to do is.
Only advice I can give is just continue to be the best you can be, but at the same time be nice to yourself.
She married you for a reason, and once upon a time it was probably good and that may come back.
Have a meet or an affair, see if it makes things any better, but to be honest you'll most likely feel empty and the whole thing will stress you out.
Honestly it's so hard to get around it but you have to be awake to the moments where she is ready to talk about it, and use your words wisely.
Ultimatum giving is a big turn off, there's no advantage to that, but you're 50/50 in this. As much as you care for her feelings, she has to care about yours.
Being on fab and asking for advice is probably not the best place and makes you look like a cheater but I have no doubt that you made this profile in the hope that she would join you on a sexual adventure. Fuck the haters and their judgemental shit. No one knows your situation. You love her and want to stay with her. Fab lets you talk to people who might understand you better.
To be honest I'm losing my mind with the lack of sex. Happy to chat via PM."
Thanks for your kind words.
I'm just about to hit the date where my wife and I have only had sex twice in 12 months.
It's killing me.
No intimacy, no matter what I do.
It's nice to be wanted some times. I am so sick of rejection. The only person I want to have sex with, doesn't want me back. I'm invisible to her. I'm on here just to have the excitement that it might happen for me or us, but genuinely losing all hope. Potentially might cheat, and/ or leave her.
Be terrible for the kids but this marriage is 5050.
Send thoughts and prayers! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was in a sexless marriage. For a few years the ex and I only had sex every 6 months or so. I was in the army and away to much so thought she was just tired of being an army wife and tired bringing the kids up mostly by herself.
It was not until I left the army after 22 years and 20 years of marriage that what i thought was completely wrong.
She had been cheating for years with some other married soldier.
There is always a reason for a sexless marriage. I should have been brave enough to ask and saved myself a few years of misery. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was, for many years. As soon as the kids were older I walked away. Life's too short. Best decision I've made in years "
Did you lose out badly in the split? Ie house, kids etc.? |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I’m in the that situation, it’s not as simple as walking away. My girlfriend is financially independent and lives in my house but she won’t leave, I’ve asked her several times but she thinks I’m joking even though I’ve told her I’m serious. This is why I’m looking to have an intimate relationship elsewhere, not having much luck on here though "
Then you need to do things legally. Find a lawyer. Looking for intimacy elseware will not solve your issues. Doing things with the correct legal advice will. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority..
What about the women who say they are in a sexless marriage? Do you think most of them lying to get a shag too?"
Very probably. It's not exclusive to men. |
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"I was in a sexless marriage. For a few years the ex and I only had sex every 6 months or so. I was in the army and away to much so thought she was just tired of being an army wife and tired bringing the kids up mostly by herself.
It was not until I left the army after 22 years and 20 years of marriage that what i thought was completely wrong.
She had been cheating for years with some other married soldier.
There is always a reason for a sexless marriage. I should have been brave enough to ask and saved myself a few years of misery."
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
|
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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago
London St Helier Trier |
Well done. The hardest decisions are the best but not many will do so.
I am still trying to rekindle our sex life after our children. Relationship otherwise very good.
I don't want to start a new relationship. Just more sex and more varied sex. Sex she is not into and certainly not the frequency I would like. So even if it got better I would still want sex.
Being honest. Tried to make a long story short so many gaps. |
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"Well done. The hardest decisions are the best but not many will do so.
I am still trying to rekindle our sex life after our children. Relationship otherwise very good.
I don't want to start a new relationship. Just more sex and more varied sex. Sex she is not into and certainly not the frequency I would like. So even if it got better I would still want sex.
Being honest. Tried to make a long story short so many gaps."
Greed is probably the worst trait a person can have... |
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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago
London St Helier Trier |
Good code to swing by.
"Why do you want to know all the details of the people you meet here and in the lifestyle?
People have their own histories, fears, secrets, see the whole picture and they may not want to share it with some random guy/woman they meet here.
I never pray in the lives of people I meet. I respect their privacy and the reasons they are drawn here.
If they want to share and talk I happily engage in discussions without judging them.
I am not going to tell them what to do and what is right or wrong when it comes to affairs of their personal lives.
Life may be short but it can also be very long..and real life usually tends to be complicated.
If they want to cheat I don't judge them. If they want to collect validations I don't judge them. I just accept them. And if what they are/do does not suit me I move on and wish them well.
And I expect the same in return."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well, I have been in a "passionless" marriage for the last 9 years. If I beg or pester I can get a handjob but there is no kissing or any other form of intimacy. It's like checking the tyres on the car, a chore. I have stopped begging as without passion there is fuck all point. I believe this passion is called in the fab world " chemistry"
I am looking for an occasional person who is keen on voyeurism and/or touching with kissing. I have concluded I cannot fuck anymore, that has gone out of me. I never could fuck just anyone, but now it's even less likely I could. I will say I'd love that to be proved wrong.
There is every shade of opinion expressed in this thread and I do think that's great but in the cold light of a sexless bed, some of the harasser comments sting a little. They do say the truth hurts.
Walking away from 30 plus years is not in the remotest sense easy- it can be said and it can be weaponised. It merely becomes a weapon to inflict more pain on a person who is almost certainly already hurting, I am.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yep. And it isn't about having the balls to walk away when you have so many other things intertwined with each other. That's a rubbish comment to make.
You try to be all things to her, change your approach, be spontaneous, create fantasies and excitement and at the end of the day you're lying awake thinking of what the next thing to do is.
Only advice I can give is just continue to be the best you can be, but at the same time be nice to yourself.
She married you for a reason, and once upon a time it was probably good and that may come back.
Have a meet or an affair, see if it makes things any better, but to be honest you'll most likely feel empty and the whole thing will stress you out.
Honestly it's so hard to get around it but you have to be awake to the moments where she is ready to talk about it, and use your words wisely.
Ultimatum giving is a big turn off, there's no advantage to that, but you're 50/50 in this. As much as you care for her feelings, she has to care about yours.
Being on fab and asking for advice is probably not the best place and makes you look like a cheater but I have no doubt that you made this profile in the hope that she would join you on a sexual adventure. Fuck the haters and their judgemental shit. No one knows your situation. You love her and want to stay with her. Fab lets you talk to people who might understand you better.
To be honest I'm losing my mind with the lack of sex. Happy to chat via PM."
|
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"Probably loads. You have 2 choices stay or leave. That choice is yours alone but i get fed up with guys moaning about it when they dont have the balls to walk away."
Haha... It's fucking true.... 2 options... 1) put up with it and Don't moan about it
2) or get rid and move on.... (Don't fucking cheat though... She'll take you to the cleaners)
Life's too short... |
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"Anyone else in one of these? "
It’s not always about the sex sure it helps but there is also love, deep feelings for one another Being content and compassion towards each other.
Some of the reasons I still remain very close to my ex even though we are so far apart from each other |
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"Forgive me, but if I had a pound for every guy claiming to be in a sexless marriage on here I'd be a milluuuuunaire.
Most are bloody lying just to get a shag, in my experience.
I do appreciate there are some genius cases. But they're in the minority..
What about the women who say they are in a sexless marriage? Do you think most of them lying to get a shag too?"
Probably. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Wonder how many people who say they are in a sexless marriage have told their other halves they are on here looking for sex?
Because - and here's the thing - just because you are not getting enough sex, they maybe.
|
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I was with my ex for over eighteen years, the last ten pretty much no sexual contact.
We both agreed to go are own ways, one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make.
She always was and always will be in my heart. |
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