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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Have you breadcrumbed someone, or felt like you’ve been breadcrumbed. My understanding of it, is the person doing the breadcrumbing views the person as their back up, you’ve got better options, but in case those fall through, you keep the other person interested by just messaging enough so they don’t lose interest, with the odd flirty message etc. It’s sounds harsh, but I’m sure there’s plenty of people who have done it! So let’s be honest, have you done this to someone, or have you felt like you were breadcrumbed ?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely happened to me. Or they've tried to at least but I have little patience for that kind of thing. They're all of a sudden super keen when I give up. Funny that! "
Yeah, soon as I spot it, I nip that shit in the bud. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did. "
I‘m thinking more about when someone does the bare minimum to keep the other person interested, almost phoning it in, it probably happens more On dating apps/ sites, where people are looking for a relationship, it’s probably different on here, where it’s a more casual thing anyway. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did.
I‘m thinking more about when someone does the bare minimum to keep the other person interested, almost phoning it in, it probably happens more On dating apps/ sites, where people are looking for a relationship, it’s probably different on here, where it’s a more casual thing anyway. "
Oh I agree, it happens. I didn’t mean to suggest it didn’t at all.
I do wonder if subjects of it, myself included, are quick to label it though and perhaps not always accurately. Just thinking.
But yeah, I’ve felt that this has happened to me. |
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"I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did. "
Personally I've found I can tell the difference. I'm quite used to have casual connections who I meet occasionally. We may go periods of time without speaking but then have a good catch up when the time is right.
Breadcrumbers on the flip side are usually people there was more potential with and a view to dating or a relationship and in the beginning, both sides are keen and express this to the other. Then at some point they clearly lose interest but still want to keep you around for when other options dry up. Instead of having an honest conversation that things now aren't going where you both talked about it going they just slowly withdraw contact. They drop you occasional messages but never have a proper conversation until they're at a loose end and want to see you. They'll cancel at short notice if something better comes up though. It's just selfish and disrespectful and it's totally different to a mutually agreed casual arrangement with someone who has respect for you and your time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did.
I‘m thinking more about when someone does the bare minimum to keep the other person interested, almost phoning it in, it probably happens more On dating apps/ sites, where people are looking for a relationship, it’s probably different on here, where it’s a more casual thing anyway.
Oh I agree, it happens. I didn’t mean to suggest it didn’t at all.
I do wonder if subjects of it, myself included, are quick to label it though and perhaps not always accurately. Just thinking.
But yeah, I’ve felt that this has happened to me. "
I think it happens to everyone but I agree that a lot of my interactions on here are a bit of flirting that may or may not develop into more and that’s fine. X |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did.
Personally I've found I can tell the difference. I'm quite used to have casual connections who I meet occasionally. We may go periods of time without speaking but then have a good catch up when the time is right.
Breadcrumbers on the flip side are usually people there was more potential with and a view to dating or a relationship and in the beginning, both sides are keen and express this to the other. Then at some point they clearly lose interest but still want to keep you around for when other options dry up. Instead of having an honest conversation that things now aren't going where you both talked about it going they just slowly withdraw contact. They drop you occasional messages but never have a proper conversation until they're at a loose end and want to see you. They'll cancel at short notice if something better comes up though. It's just selfish and disrespectful and it's totally different to a mutually agreed casual arrangement with someone who has respect for you and your time. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I presume much of the conversation on this site could be considered doing that, but that isn’t necessarily accurate that it’s about keeping a back up as opposed to some of us seeking a number of different interactions with various people. Also sometimes the timing is just off so it takes time to collide in person. And sometimes all you want from anyone is occasional flirting, who decides that it was supposed to be more unless explicitly discussed?
I guess breadcrumbing hapoens, yes. For sure.
But also maybe sometimes we frame it as that, simply because we felt more invested and more entitled and that we had been more transparent than the other person - essentially we’re disappointed that whilst they like us they didn’t like us as much as we hoped they did.
Personally I've found I can tell the difference. I'm quite used to have casual connections who I meet occasionally. We may go periods of time without speaking but then have a good catch up when the time is right.
Breadcrumbers on the flip side are usually people there was more potential with and a view to dating or a relationship and in the beginning, both sides are keen and express this to the other. Then at some point they clearly lose interest but still want to keep you around for when other options dry up. Instead of having an honest conversation that things now aren't going where you both talked about it going they just slowly withdraw contact. They drop you occasional messages but never have a proper conversation until they're at a loose end and want to see you. They'll cancel at short notice if something better comes up though. It's just selfish and disrespectful and it's totally different to a mutually agreed casual arrangement with someone who has respect for you and your time. "
Think you’ve summed it up perfectly there. |
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Oh yes, it's happened to me on here. It's relatively easy to spot, someone who can only ever meet immediately, can't make plans in advance because they're planning on meeting someone else but if that falls through they want to keep me on the hook because I'm better than nothing. Occasional "how r u" messages just to make sure they're still in there 
I can't be arsed with that shit, I'm not going to put any effort in for someone who will use me as a fall back position! |
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