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I’m no ..... but I’ll ....

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley

I’m no Harry Potter ... but I have a wand that is magical !

I’m no James Bond .... but I’d like to give you a golden finger

Go on have a go give it your best shot

Tell us who your not but what could you do ?

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By *olgateMan 6 weeks ago

going viral everywhere

I’m no serial killer but I’ll make an exception for you

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I’m no serial killer but I’ll make an exception for you "

Haha I hope this isn’t literally

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By *limarkCouple 6 weeks ago

Next door to Brenda & Clive

I'm no Dentist but happy to give you a filling

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By *oolHardlyMan 6 weeks ago

Derby

I'm no burglar, but I'd love to smash your back doors in

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands

I'm not a Gynaecologist, but I'll have a fucking good look at it.

(Roy Chubby Brown circa 1995 )

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By *luebell888Woman 6 weeks ago

Glasgow

I'm no Marilyn Monroe but i do like it hot

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Dentist but happy to give you a filling"

Good one

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no burglar, but I'd love to smash your back doors in "

I get it

Just not keen on that phrase

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm not a Gynaecologist, but I'll have a fucking good look at it.

(Roy Chubby Brown circa 1995 )"

Haha

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Marilyn Monroe but i do like it hot "

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By *ustinCider888Man 6 weeks ago

a quandary

I'm no Peter Sutcliffe but I'll give your fanny some hammer

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Peter Sutcliffe but I'll give your fanny some hammer

"

Dark

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By *imeeCoolWoman 6 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I ain't no builder but I'll give you an erection

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By *uvhandle20Man 6 weeks ago

SE London

I am not a plumber, but I am happy to lay a pipe

I am not an electrician, but I will give you a buzz

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By *exysquaddieMan 6 weeks ago

derby

These boots are made for walking.

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I ain't no builder but I'll give you an erection "

Love it

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"These boots are made for walking. "

Did you misread the memo ?

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By *H11Man 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no Jeffrey Dahmer but I’ll eat you out

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By *vmeMan 6 weeks ago

READING

I'm no youngster, but I can cum as quickly as one

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By *exysquaddieMan 6 weeks ago

derby

I’m no electrician but I give you sparks lol.

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By *ozapperMan 6 weeks ago

Rossendale

I am no road maker but I'm sure you'd like my assphalt!

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman 6 weeks ago

Big Booty Town

I'm no electrician but I can give you a shock when I break into your house and cook a fried egg at 3am.

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman 6 weeks ago

Big Booty Town

I'm no light bulb but I sure can turn you on with my left nipple.

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman 6 weeks ago

Big Booty Town

I'm no curtain but my fanny definitely opens up if you pull me apart.

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By *partharmonyCouple 6 weeks ago

Redhill

I'm no spring chicken, but I can assure you of a good lay.

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By *oolHardlyMan 6 weeks ago

Derby


"I'm no burglar, but I'd love to smash your back doors in

I get it

Just not keen on that phrase "

Oh I've never used the phrase unironically before

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no burglar, but I'd love to smash your back doors in

I get it

Just not keen on that phrase

Oh I've never used the phrase unironically before "

Glad to hear it

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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago

I'm no Flintstone but I'll make your bed rock

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By *oolHardlyMan 6 weeks ago

Derby

I'm no butcher but I'll give you a sausage

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Flintstone but I'll make your bed rock "

I’ve heard this before

Sorry

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands

I'm no fan of fancy food, but do like Pork in Cider

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman 6 weeks ago

Big Booty Town

I'm no cupcake but you can ice my buns.

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman 6 weeks ago

Big Booty Town

I'm no doormat but you can walk all over me.

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By *ools and the brainCouple 6 weeks ago

in underground bunker

I'm no looker but I'll put a paper bag over my head if it helps.

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By *stbury DavenportMan 6 weeks ago

Nottingham

I'm no farmer, but I can plough from dawn to dusk.

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By *etishkieMan 6 weeks ago

Yorkshire

I'm no tarmac'er but I'll lay you down, all hot an steamy

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By *ameWorldDifferentPlanetMan 6 weeks ago

Great Yarmouth

I'm no astronaut, but I'd gladly explore your space.

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By *oochie72Man 6 weeks ago

MANCHESTER

Im no chicken farmer but ill put my cock in your hen house.

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By *etishkieMan 6 weeks ago

Yorkshire

I'm no flat pack furniture but I'd put us two together

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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago


"I'm no Flintstone but I'll make your bed rock

I’ve heard this before

Sorry "

Yeah, that was lazy . I've gone blank, can't think of any original content now !

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By *oondancer1Man 6 weeks ago

Glasgow

You told me again you preferred handsome men, but for me you would make an exception

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By *inky-MinxWoman 6 weeks ago

Grantham


"I’m no Harry Potter ... but I have a wand that is magical ! "

Mine blew up last night, fused the whole house

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By *etishkieMan 6 weeks ago

Yorkshire

I'm no rock star but i'd give you forty licks

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By *hilledGuerillaMan 6 weeks ago

Dudley

I’m no proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.

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By *etishkieMan 6 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"I’m no Harry Potter ... but I have a wand that is magical !

Mine blew up last night, fused the whole house "

You need a diesel back up generator

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By *osey WalesMan 6 weeks ago

close

Iam not funny but i can certainly make you groan.

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By *ades999Man 6 weeks ago

Macclesfield

I’m weatherman but I think it’s going to be wet tonight

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By *xBonitaApplebumxxWoman 6 weeks ago

Over the hills and far away....

I'm no chef but I'd toss your salad.

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By *agneto.Man 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I'm no nowhere man but I'll certainly make you groan.

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands

I'm no lover of Parrots, but do love a Cockatoo

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By *rWolfMrsWolfCouple 6 weeks ago

Farnborough

I'm no Korean Starcraft player but I'll get you there with my APM.

see, I can do nerd ones xD

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By *iss Rabbit Mr InkedCouple 6 weeks ago

nuneaton

Im no baker but i make a nice cream pie

Miss

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By *ameWorldDifferentPlanetMan 6 weeks ago

Great Yarmouth

I'm no psychologist, but you're already opening up for me.

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By *uberoseWoman 6 weeks ago

London


"I'm no psychologist, but you're already opening up for me."

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By *oolHardlyMan 6 weeks ago

Derby

I'm no frog, but I'll still be in your throat

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By *inky-MinxWoman 6 weeks ago

Grantham


"I’m no Harry Potter ... but I have a wand that is magical !

Mine blew up last night, fused the whole house

You need a diesel back up generator "

Too true

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By *stbury DavenportMan 6 weeks ago

Nottingham

I'm no Tory, but I'll still make you scream in rage and frustration.

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no thief but I’ll take those pants off you

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m not a noisy neighbour but I’ll keep you up all night

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By *stbury DavenportMan 6 weeks ago

Nottingham

I'm no miner, but I'll still give you a shaft.

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no lying politician but I can adjust my position to suit your needs

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By *rMutantCockMan 6 weeks ago

North West

I'm no Orlando Bloom but i can make you feel like your the only girl in the room

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By *ameWorldDifferentPlanetMan 6 weeks ago

Great Yarmouth


"I'm no frog, but I'll still be in your throat "

Applause. This is the winner for me. I'm remembering this one.

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By *achael xWoman 6 weeks ago

somerset

I’m not Jessica Rabbit but you’ll still drool over my picture

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By *ithdelightWoman 6 weeks ago

Ilfracombe

I am no bed but I have two pillows

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By *iaisonseekerMan 6 weeks ago

Liverpool

I'm no bartender but I'll give you a long, slow, comfortable screw up against the wall.

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no fan of fancy food, but do like Pork in Cider "
haha

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I’m no Harry Potter ... but I have a wand that is magical !

Mine blew up last night, fused the whole house "

Ooops

I’ve never put mine in the mains

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no chef but I'd toss your salad."

Don’t say it unless you mean it

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By *am TenderMan 6 weeks ago

man around town

I’m no calendar boy but I’ll still remind you when your library books are due back.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple 6 weeks ago

North West

I'm no Chef, but I'll suck on your chocolate salty balls

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By *G999Man 6 weeks ago

Gloucestershire, Nottinghamshire

I'm no circus act, but with a crack of the whip I'll tame that pussy

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By *oolHardlyMan 6 weeks ago

Derby

I'm no sofa, but I'll give you something to sit on

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley

I’m no ice cream man but you can nibble on my flake an’s lick my bits and juice

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no Winter morning but I know how to make your cheeks red.

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By *iaisonseekerMan 6 weeks ago

Liverpool

I'm no urinary tract infection but I'll set your loins on fire!

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By *eoeclipseWoman 6 weeks ago

glasgow

I'm no Angelina Jolie but I know how to raid your tomb

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no hooligan but I can give you the finger

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By *orthern StarsCouple 6 weeks ago

Co Durham, Yorkshire, and can travel

I'm no racing car but I could set your pulse racing.

(Jeez that sounds corny as!)

Mrs

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By *H11Man 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no courier but I’ll deliver the goods

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By *anastarMan 6 weeks ago

Harlow

I'm no Mr universe but I'll give you a big bang

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By *aptainSpiceMan 6 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

I'm no nurse, but I'll give you a 1 inch jab

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By *Erect-Jim-Man 6 weeks ago

Shrewsbury

I'm no F&B, but I'll fuck your anus.

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm No Jeep Wrangler but I will make sure you have one hell of a fun ride... and that you'll need a shower afterwards!!

#jeepgirl

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm No Jeep Wrangler but I will make sure you have one hell of a fun ride... and that you'll need a shower afterwards!!

#jeepgirl "

Well that sounds fun

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama


"I'm No Jeep Wrangler but I will make sure you have one hell of a fun ride... and that you'll need a shower afterwards!!

#jeepgirl

Well that sounds fun "

I'd take you for a jeep ride

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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago

I'm no sugar daddy, but you can lick my lollipop.

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By *HLOEtvSUBTV/TS 6 weeks ago

Huntingdon

I'm no princess but I am a fairy !!

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm no cup of coffee but I'm hot in the morning and I will get your day going ....

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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago

I'm no sink hole, but you can plug me

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands

I’m no American, but I’ll yank you off any day

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm No Jeep Wrangler but I will make sure you have one hell of a fun ride... and that you'll need a shower afterwards!!

#jeepgirl

Well that sounds fun

I'd take you for a jeep ride "

Ooooft if only you could

I don’t mind getting dirty if I’m in a jeep

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I’m no American, but I’ll yank you off any day "

Haha

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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago

I'm no Abacus but you can always count on me.

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By *arker secrets 321Man 6 weeks ago

West bromwitch

I'm no caffiter but I can still take the piss

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By *izzmasterzeroMan 6 weeks ago

Aberdeen

I'm no vegan zombie... but I'll still eat your grains

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm not from England

But I make the perfect cup of tea and will let you nibble on my crumpets....

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands


"I'm not from England

But I make the perfect cup of tea and will let you nibble on my crumpets.... "

Little finger out while drinking?

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama


"I'm not from England

But I make the perfect cup of tea and will let you nibble on my crumpets....

Little finger out while drinking? "

You Bet ya ...

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands

I’m no Gas fitter, but I’ll come and light your fire

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By *heFeelGoodFactorsCouple 6 weeks ago

Orgasmic heights

I’m no plumber but I’ll check out your drips x

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama


"I'm No Jeep Wrangler but I will make sure you have one hell of a fun ride... and that you'll need a shower afterwards!!

#jeepgirl

Well that sounds fun

I'd take you for a jeep ride

Ooooft if only you could

I don’t mind getting dirty if I’m in a jeep "

Well then let's go... And it's a stick ... So always much more fun to drive !!

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm No Jeep Wrangler but I will make sure you have one hell of a fun ride... and that you'll need a shower afterwards!!

#jeepgirl

Well that sounds fun

I'd take you for a jeep ride

Ooooft if only you could

I don’t mind getting dirty if I’m in a jeep

Well then let's go... And it's a stick ... So always much more fun to drive !! "

You can take me on a ride I’m sure I’ll remember I may need a hand or two for the stick

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no insurance company but I’ll give you comprehensive coverage.

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman 6 weeks ago

Big Booty Town

I'm no shower but you can pee in me

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no vibrator but on the other hand I don’t need batteries.

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By *eet George JetsonMan 6 weeks ago

Free roaming the 7 kingdoms

I'm no will Smith.. But I'd definitely get jiggy with it

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By *aomilatteCouple 6 weeks ago

Midlands

I'm no Plasterer, but I'll spread you nice and ensure a good finish.

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By *indergirlWoman 6 weeks ago

Northants

I'm no equestrian but I'll ride you like a pony

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By *hutters84Man 6 weeks ago

tamworth

I am no mathematician but is anal out of the equation!

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By *hutters84Man 6 weeks ago

tamworth

I am no ornithologist.. but I have just seen some great tits.

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By *lowhands7Man 6 weeks ago

Market Harboro/Leicester

I am not a frequent traveller but I regularly go down under

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By *nonywatchMan 6 weeks ago

cheshire

I’m no jack but I’ve got a giant beanstalk!

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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago

Im no psychic but I'll see you in my future

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no equestrian but I'll ride you like a pony "

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Plasterer, but I'll spread you nice and ensure a good finish."

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By *lowhands7Man 6 weeks ago

Market Harboro/Leicester

I'm no vet but if you just er bend over, I'll take your temperature

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no astrologer but I’ve just discovered Uranus.

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I’m no astrologer but I’ve just discovered Uranus."

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm no Scorpion but I will Rock you like a Florida Hurricane !!

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Scorpion but I will Rock you like a Florida Hurricane !! "

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By *iddlesticksMan 6 weeks ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’m no poet but I’ve a line or two just for you.

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By *atch23Man 6 weeks ago

A town near you

I'm no Brad Pitt, but my greatest work was when in Snatch.

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By *aiseiMan 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no race mechanic, but I can give you a hot rod....

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By *annockjamesxxxMan 6 weeks ago

cannock

I'm no chief

But I would fill your love pudding with cream

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By *lowhands7Man 6 weeks ago

Market Harboro/Leicester

I'm no jockey but I do love to ride.

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By *aiseiMan 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no chapstick, but I’ll moisten your lips.

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By *naquest321Man 6 weeks ago

Carlisle

I’m no Elvis but I’d love you tender

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By *naquest321Man 6 weeks ago

Carlisle

I’m no Mick Jagger but I like sticky fingers

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By *implePleasureMan 6 weeks ago

Addlestone

I am a police officer...but you won't come quietly.

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By *atch23Man 6 weeks ago

A town near you

I'm no chopped onion, but I'll can make your eyes water.

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By *naquest321Man 6 weeks ago

Carlisle

I’m no Chuck Berry but you can play with My ding a ling

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By *luebell888Woman 6 weeks ago

Glasgow

I'm no table but i like to get laid.x

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm no Pink .... But we can get this party started right now!!

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By *ots2loveCouple 6 weeks ago

hartlepool


"I'm no burglar, but I'd love to smash your back doors in "

Brilliant!!

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By *iddlesticksMan 6 weeks ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’m no plumber but I could unblock your pipes.

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm no Brad Pitt, but my greatest work was when in Snatch. "

Brilliant my favourite by far

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By *ots2loveCouple 6 weeks ago

hartlepool

I’m no bread expert but I’ll give you a good rise and you can check my baps

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By *exybuoyMan 6 weeks ago

Dublin

I'm no priest but I believe I'm the answer to all your prayers

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I’m no bread expert but I’ll give you a good rise and you can check my baps "

Haha

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley

I’m no gynaecologist...

But lay back spread your legs and I’ll give you the best examination you’ve ever experienced

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By *ora the ExplorerWoman 6 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

These have really made me laugh. Good thread

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By *oc MartinMan 6 weeks ago

Brough

I'm no electrician but I'll cause a spark between us.

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By *otel PlaymatesCouple 6 weeks ago

Cheshire

I'm no detective Mrs but it looks like you have 5lb of crack in your pants...

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm not Nelly the Rapper but I will make it extra "hot in here" and trust me you will be taking off all your clothes...

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"These have really made me laugh. Good thread "

I do try to brighten the world of fab with a little silly humerus thread

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"I'm not Nelly the Rapper but I will make it extra "hot in here" and trust me you will be taking off all your clothes... "

Booom

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By *oochie72Man 6 weeks ago

MANCHESTER

Im no fan of chocolate but I'd pull your snickers down

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley


"Im no fan of chocolate but I'd pull your snickers down"

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By *aiseiMan 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I'm no Royal Navy recruiter, but I can supply you with semen.

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no Covid vaccination but I can promise you a little prick.

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By *H11Man 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no photographer but I can picture me and you together

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By *atBottomGirlsWoman 6 weeks ago

St Austell-ish

I'm no Cornish lass, but I know what to do with seamen.

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By *exybuoyMan 6 weeks ago

Dublin

I'm no fireman, but you can slide down my pole

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm no Pastry Chef but I will have you melting like butter and asking for more dessert ,while I give you some sugar.

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By *avey-80Man 6 weeks ago

north london

I’m no Dutch boy but I can plug a dike (intentional sp)

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By *ack meeoffMan 6 weeks ago

Glasgow

Im not a gynecologist but i will have a good look at it

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By *ememberTheName OP   Man 6 weeks ago

the sunny side of barnsley

I’m no IT specialist but I have a hard drive that’ll rock your processors world

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By *exybuoyMan 6 weeks ago

Dublin

I'm no Buzz Lightyear but I would love to take you to infinity and beyond!

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm no Brick Mason but I'll let you Lay me all night long and get that white stuff on me !!

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By *ankysteamtrainMan 6 weeks ago

Chesterfield

I'm no horse but the length is

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By *aiseiMan 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no expanding foam salesperson, but I’m ready to fill your holes.

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By *aiseiMan 6 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m no Paxo stockist, but I can certainly stuff your bird.

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By *utdoorcouple69Couple 6 weeks ago

Lower Alabama

I'm no Salesman at a furniture store, but I will help you test out that mattress before you buy it!!

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By *eoeclipseWoman 6 weeks ago

glasgow

I'm no harlot but I'll show you how it's done

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By *appyandHorny72Man 6 weeks ago

colchester

I’m no heavyweight boxer but I can bash you around the ring.

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