FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Jealousy and swinging

Jealousy and swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Peeps, I was having a reflection day today and I was wondering

Let’s talk about JEALOUSY! Such an evil thing !!!

Do you get jealous, and if so how do you manage it with the swinging lifestyle you lead?

And if you do recognise that you might have jealousy issues, do you think it’s a good idea to be here?

I wondered because if I get attached I might struggle with jealousy. (I’ve learnt not to act on it tho as it’s totally on me) So I’m not really into the open relationship type thing.

Does anybody here gets turned on by feeling jealous tho? Like some cuck men might get turned out by that?

And what about when women are jealous about other women? (Do men get this??! Shine some light!!)

Tho I suppose it’s more envy than jealousy, as jealousy is fear of losing someone we like, while envy is more insidious and it’s more about what we lack in ourselves and we wish we had??

I’ve had my fair share of envious/jealous women and wow, some were N A S T Y !

Give me your thoughts!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

not in the slightest.. i couldn't give a toss

im here for me, no one else.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

I’m a single Pringle on here so I don’t have anything to be jealous of. In the past when I’ve taken a fancy to someone and they flirt with other women I’ve been known to umm kick off. Now, if I felt like I wasn’t the only pie a guy had his finger in I’d just remove my pie from the equation so he could concentrate on the others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have never felt any jealousy, but Sandra gets extremely jealous, so for that reason we chose to give up seeking fun with couples almost from the word go. Just doesn't work for us.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

Yes that’s pretty an accurate description and I agree that sometimes the best thing when we realise we feel jealous of someone is to remove ourselves from it. It isn’t worth it

I don’t like the feeling of jealousy but I’ve learnt on how to deal with it and handle it better

Therapy has helped for me

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Back in Gatwick!

I am jealous. I wish I weren’t, but I am.

I’ve had a couple of fwbs I’ve had to stop seeing because they wanted to keep meeting new people. Fair enough, but not for me. So I removed my pie from the equation.

My regulars- it seems I am the only one they meet. Or so I’m told.

What does happen though when a couple or a single person meets another one who they do like very much, someone they do want to meet as often as possible? how is that explained to the other half of the couple or to other partners? I’ve always been curious but never dared to ask before ....

Never been envious of other women on here tbh.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

Not anymore something that happend in teenage years but never since x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jealousy is a really toxic emotion I think and it's based on this idea of a scarcity economy. That there's only so much affection and love to go around. So if your partner is with someone else you will lose something. If I have a flap over something I try and figure out exactly what has pushed my buttons. Is it feeling unattractive or that the person is treating me as second best perhaps.

I don't accept feeling jealous - I challenge it because it's not a healthy emotion.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Never been the jealous type. If I sense that a person is into someone else then they can carry on. Plenty of more fish in the pond x

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

I actually rather enjoy the pangs of sexual jealousy, and sharing someone. It’s a fine line though and requires clear communication.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have some of our best sex after one of us has fucked someone else

We tend to fuck like rabbits for a few days after too despite neither of us being turned on by the other having sex with others

I think that's not so much a jealousy thing, but maybe a possession / re-bonding thing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am jealous. I wish I weren’t, but I am.

I’ve had a couple of fwbs I’ve had to stop seeing because they wanted to keep meeting new people. Fair enough, but not for me. So I removed my pie from the equation.

My regulars- it seems I am the only one they meet. Or so I’m told.

Never been envious of other women on here tbh. "

I think some people are more proper to jealous than others, sometimes I kinda wish I wasn’t that type of person who would feel jealousy.

Like I’m greedy as fuck with my men but I want them for me

What even is that all about?

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

I think being jealous is quite normal it’s how you deal with the situation that matters .Me and my husband have been together 28 years and I would probably be a little worried if neither of us had those little moments of jealousy.

We are not into the Cuck scene but I have been know in the past to get a twinge in my minge when I have felt slightly jealous which was confusing at the time but now I just roll with it .Any issue we have ever had we have talked about straight away.I think without communication things will not be plain sailing.

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By *eatrice BadinageWoman over a year ago

In a Sparkly Dress

I've only ever felt proper jealousy once in my life and that was when my friends as a child had a normal loving family.

Ive been polyamourous my entire adult life and I reached Compersion at 18, I just didn't know it was called that till I came on here

I do feel fleeting envy when someone has a burger and I really want one, but then I just go and get one. I wish I could do that with a DB9

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

I'll know it when I find it.

I think jealousy can be an umbrella term on here, when you start to unbox your emotions, the reasoning behind them I've realised it's not actually jealousy but hurt at not being considered, manipulative behaviour because the other person enjoys that thrill yadda, yadda. The closest I've come to experiencing it was the day after my dad died. At the time I dubbed it jealousy but was it? Heck no.

I also think the term is bandied about a bit on here at times, like you dislike someone/their behaviour because you're jealous of them? The whole jealous woman trope is a tired one and rather dismissive.

I'm now at a point in my life where I don't feel jealousy. I've never felt jealousy about women on here because it's not a competition (and again, for those in the back) but I have with scenarios if that makes sense? I've come to realise that open, honest and respectful discussions stop that happening, as does knowing my boundaries and being with those who can respect that.

I can understand why people do get jealous, I've known enough people in my life who do! But it's not necessarily a bad emotion, it's how we handle it and others when that emotion is felt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've only ever felt proper jealousy once in my life and that was when my friends as a child had a normal loving family.

Ive been polyamourous my entire adult life and I reached Compersion at 18, I just didn't know it was called that till I came on here

I do feel fleeting envy when someone has a burger and I really want one, but then I just go and get one. I wish I could do that with a DB9

Food envy is legit!!! I suffer from BAAAAD food envies

And it’s consuming me

Ya know when u order something and then you see ur BFF’s dish and it looks WAY better than yours and you freaking wish you picked that instead???

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

I've never felt jealous even when someone went out of their way to provoke the emotion. It's just not in my nature.

Maybe I'm just too cold for it, who knows?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

Yes that’s pretty an accurate description and I agree that sometimes the best thing when we realise we feel jealous of someone is to remove ourselves from it. It isn’t worth it

I don’t like the feeling of jealousy but I’ve learnt on how to deal with it and handle it better

Therapy has helped for me

I think jealousy could be linked to your intuition and your gut feeling. I was shagging a beginning of the year who I worked with and just the way he conducted himself and conversed with other women made me feel jealous even though he was adamant to me that he was only meeting and interested in me. Afterwards I found out that he was trying it on with almost every woman there so my gut feeling was right.

I think if you know in your heart that someone is yours and they make you feel that they won’t drop you like a hot turd then you wouldn’t feel jealousy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh Jesus my typos. My screen is cracked and I have a big black blob on it. I meant to say I was shagging a guy at the beginning of the year!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m not one for jealousy, it’s a horrible trait and can turn nasty really quickly. Like others have said I just remove myself situations

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Liverpool

When it comes to fab and all that surrounds it nope.

To say I don't get jealous or envious, that would be a lie. However it is healthy to be so at times. As somebody else said its natural and a part of being human, the actions caused by the emotion are what should define the positive/negative outlook on it.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

I'm pretty sure some folks try to create the feelings of jealousy in others in an attempt to prove to themselves they're worth fighting for or some shit. Try to play people off against each other, swinging their dicks or tits, getting an ego rubbing from the emotion they can draw to the surface in others. Cunts.

I think what we may believe on the surface to be jealousy is no more than insecurity and fear. That fear isn't always about losing the other person, but being made a fool of.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

Yes that’s pretty an accurate description and I agree that sometimes the best thing when we realise we feel jealous of someone is to remove ourselves from it. It isn’t worth it

I don’t like the feeling of jealousy but I’ve learnt on how to deal with it and handle it better

Therapy has helped for me

I think if you know in your heart that someone is yours and they make you feel that they won’t drop you like a hot turd then you wouldn’t feel jealousy. "

I agree, I think if we find a special someone who makes us secure in ourselves, I don’t think we would experience jealousy.

While the more shaky the “relationship is” the more that feeling is heightened.

I think tho, I personally was jealous of my dad too In childhood, and I swear I hated the idea of him getting involved with another woman because in my mind I thought he’d not find time for me and I wanted his attention !

So I wonder if this jealousy issue is something also that is carried from childhood. Some people are while some aren’t

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m not one for jealousy, it’s a horrible trait and can turn nasty really quickly. Like others have said I just remove myself situations "

It is a horrible trait! X it can be controlled tho for sure x

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By *uenevereWoman over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I don't get at all jealous and imagine that swinging would be problematic if you did.

I enjoy watching my husband with another woman.

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

We have so far managed to avoid the jealousy thing. We do anything like this together (with a small number of agreed exceptions). We talk a lot about things before they happen and make sure we are both happy with anything we do. We've had some mild experiences that haven't gone too well but the more involved things have been fantastic.

That's not to say I (Luke) haven’t gone wrong sometimes by getting too enthusiastic about certain possibilities that have come up on here, but that's annoyance rather than jealousy.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

"Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

Yes that’s pretty an accurate description and I agree that sometimes the best thing when we realise we feel jealous of someone is to remove ourselves from it. It isn’t worth it

I don’t like the feeling of jealousy but I’ve learnt on how to deal with it and handle it better

Therapy has helped for me

I think if you know in your heart that someone is yours and they make you feel that they won’t drop you like a hot turd then you wouldn’t feel jealousy. "

I think this is spot on. Sometimes your intuition can feel like jealousy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm pretty sure some folks try to create the feelings of jealousy in others in an attempt to prove to themselves they're worth fighting for or some shit. Try to play people off against each other, swinging their dicks or tits, getting an ego rubbing from the emotion they can draw to the surface in others. Cunts.

I think what we may believe on the surface to be jealousy is no more than insecurity and fear. That fear isn't always about losing the other person, but being made a fool of."

I fucking adore you. You’ll always be my favourite small.

I’m just laughing here, the swinging their dicks or tits comment has tickled me.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

I get jealous. I hate it. It’s all about insecurity and definitely the fear of losing what I have. Wish I didn’t feel it though, it’s awful.

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By *nliveneTV/TS over a year ago

Selby

"Never been the jealous type. If I sense that a person is into someone else then they can carry on. Plenty of more fish in the pond x"

This for me

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By *nliveneTV/TS over a year ago

Selby

I think what we may believe on the surface to be jealousy is no more than insecurity and fear. That fear isn't always about losing the other person, but being made a fool of."

So so true

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to be bad but as I got older I learnt to deal with it because it ruined my first serious relationship. I consider myself to suffer with envy though. I think that's a healthier emotion right?

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

I think what we may believe on the surface to be jealousy is no more than insecurity and fear. That fear isn't always about losing the other person, but being made a fool of."

I've been in that situation over the years but all it made me do was distance myself - someone trying to make me jealous will never achieve their goal.

You're right though, I watch those games being played and the players are utter twats.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I used to be bad but as I got older I learnt to deal with it because it ruined my first serious relationship. I consider myself to suffer with envy though. I think that's a healthier emotion right? "

I think Envy is the worse one of the two. The green eyed monster!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I get jealous. I hate it. It’s all about insecurity and definitely the fear of losing what I have. Wish I didn’t feel it though, it’s awful. "

I wish I could remove it as an emotion on me altogether x hate it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah it’s a funny one because I think societal conditioning and childhood experiences have a lot to answer for. Some of us perhaps have deep-rooted insecurities, not only regarding our partners but in relation to other people and their lifestyle/looks etc…

I was a jealous person in relationships in my younger years. I’m much better now, by no means perfect but life is a constant work in progress for me.

Similarly I occasionally find myself getting envious of my peers in the industry I work in. And sometimes of other men.

All comes down to how much you value yourself I think. Insecurity/low self-esteem is a bitch!

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t swing so I guess not x

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman over a year ago

Cambs

I don't get jealous at all, just turned on x

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I'm not the jealous type, but communication and agreed boundaries negate any need for jealousy or insecurity.

I've been subjected to rather unpleasant behaviour from others that seemingly stemmed from their envy though...there's absolutely no need for it when I haven't done them any harm whatsoever

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get jealous. I hate it. It’s all about insecurity and definitely the fear of losing what I have. Wish I didn’t feel it though, it’s awful.

I wish I could remove it as an emotion on me altogether x hate it

I don't see how you can remove an emotion - it will come up whether you like it or not. But being able to examine it a little and not let it rule you - that's possible. As others have said jealousy is a label we use for other feelings.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Yeah it’s a funny one because I think societal conditioning and childhood experiences have a lot to answer for. Some of us perhaps have deep-rooted insecurities, not only regarding our partners but in relation to other people and their lifestyle/looks etc…

I was a jealous person in relationships in my younger years. I’m much better now, by no means perfect but life is a constant work in progress for me.

Similarly I occasionally find myself getting envious of my peers in the industry I work in. And sometimes of other men.

All comes down to how much you value yourself I think. Insecurity/low self-esteem is a bitch! "

I agree there. I was thinking last night about my childhood and how certain things make us feel certain ways.

I often felt rejected and unworthy. There were obviously numerous signals that made me feel this way, one of them was something that many parents do without thinking anything of it. Eating at different times to your children.

Me and my sister ate on our own, the adults ate later. Sounds innocent enough right? My young brain didn't interpret it that way, through my child eyes it was one part of a bigger picture, that I wasn't worthy of eating with the family. It seemed especially apparent on curry night. Was a Friday night about once a month and my parents would wait until we'd gone to bed and then order a curry. I could smell it from my bedroom and it was a subconscious sign that I wasn't worthy of a treat, that I wasn't good enough. I'd feel like I was missing out or being punished.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I'm not the jealous type, but communication and agreed boundaries negate any need for jealousy or insecurity.

I've been subjected to rather unpleasant behaviour from others that seemingly stemmed from their envy though...there's absolutely no need for it when I haven't done them any harm whatsoever

This! Definitely

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm not the jealous type, but communication and agreed boundaries negate any need for jealousy or insecurity.

I've been subjected to rather unpleasant behaviour from others that seemingly stemmed from their envy though...there's absolutely no need for it when I haven't done them any harm whatsoever

Agreed with what you said.

Some envious bastards, the worst are the ones who spread random rumours because they got nothing else… like get the fuck away!! X

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By *ikAshCouple over a year ago

London

I honestly thought I would feel jealous when we first started this journey together, seeing him with another woman, but on our first swap, because the other couple were genuinely lovely, and so clearly loved up, my fears disappeared, and it was a great experience. As for envy, I don’t go there… there will always be women more beautiful than me, but I know what we have is so much more than swinging. As long as I genuinely like the other couple and we all get along, it’s all good x

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By *ikAshCouple over a year ago

London

"I'm not the jealous type, but communication and agreed boundaries negate any need for jealousy or insecurity.

I've been subjected to rather unpleasant behaviour from others that seemingly stemmed from their envy though...there's absolutely no need for it when I haven't done them any harm whatsoever

I think envy usually stems from insecurities… it’s sad, and it’s not nice when it’s aimed at someone who hasn’t done anything wrong x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've seen some vile stuff linked to jealousy.

I mean there is being jealous, which is perfectly normal and any reasonable person recognises it and deals with it

Then there is the jealousy which harbours hate and do hateful things in the name of jealousy, sorry but don't blame jealousy. You can't tell me it's ok to be a cunt to someone and blame being jealous, you were a cunt before that happened, the jealousy was just a catalyst.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree there. I was thinking last night about my childhood and how certain things make us feel certain ways.

That's fascinating (and sad too that you ended up feeling that way).

I eat once my little one is in bed and am now reconsidering my dinner time purely off the back of this.

It's crazy because, as a parent, you just never know what can have an effect on your child's sense of self. I do everything I can to make sure she knows she is loved, but also encourage her to love herself. That's the biggest lesson we all need to learn... we don't need external love/validation/compassion, it all comes from within.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've seen some vile stuff linked to jealousy.

I mean there is being jealous, which is perfectly normal and any reasonable person recognises it and deals with it

Totes!!! X

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By *ragoniteMan over a year ago

Cheshire

It’s a normal human emotion and makes some kind of sense in vanilla world even though it’s destructive.

In Fab world it would be great to think it could just be locked in a box given the potential for it to rear its ugly head. I guess people deal with it in different ways. As Miss D said, it’s never an excuse to be a c””t though.

I deal with it by telling myself that I was kind of lucky in the first place to be able to have a share of the time of whoever is causing that jealousy, and telling myself to get a grip. Maybe that’s my own self-esteem issues but it helps me cope with it.

I’ve been on the receiving end of some horrible behaviour too caused by other people’s jealousy and know that I wouldn’t/couldn’t do that however jealous I might feel.

Minefield doesn’t begin to describe it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Outside of fab, and years ago I used to be extremely jealous of my husband. He was an army lad, and we alllll know how most of their brains are wired (for those that don't know, most are wired via their cocks). Being in a long distance relationship when he was in brothel central with mates that had no willpower was a strain.

Now the fog has settled I see how daft I used to be.

On here I'm not jealous though. We're in a very happy relationship and nothing from fab adds or changes it. It's just a place to enjoy ourselves once in a while. Even if we agreed that it was only females we were meeting then I'd absolutely love it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m not one for jealousy, it’s a horrible trait and can turn nasty really quickly. Like others have said I just remove myself situations

It is a horrible trait! X it can be controlled tho for sure x "

Yes it can be, I didn’t mean anyone that gets jealous is nasty but it can turn people nasty without even realising x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jealousy can be truly toxic. You can have fun with people but then the green eyed monster appears and ruins everything. Had it happen to me twice on here. I've never regretted meeting anyone but my only regret was not being able to stay friends but hey ho life has to go on.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Jealous of what???

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By *arry2525Man over a year ago

Woking

Whilst jealousy is never normally fun for any party I’m not sure you can call it evil. It’s a very basic human emotion. And I don’t care what anyone says or how cool they’re desperate to come across, every single person here has felt and experienced it at some form during their life.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

I agree there. I was thinking last night about my childhood and how certain things make us feel certain ways.

That's fascinating (and sad too that you ended up feeling that way).

I eat once my little one is in bed and am now reconsidering my dinner time purely off the back of this.

There were lots of things that made me feel that way, not just the dinner time thing. I think it didn't help that when I went to friends houses they ate as a family and that strengthened my logic. It was a different time then though, my friends parents were all home by 6pm whereas now a lot of parents work shifts meaning it's not possible to eat together.

There were plenty of other "indicators". Birthdays weren't really celebrated, I remember getting one cake in 17 years. Never once went out for a birthday meal. One of my childhood close friends had her birthday the day before mine so that was a shitter coz she'd be telling me at school on my own birthday all the celebrations from the day before for hers and I'd be happy for her but at the same time wistful, praying I'd have something even half as good when I got home. I never did.

I didn't learn how to deal with or process emotions. I had to try to hide sadness or frustration coz my mum would simply tell me to grow up, stop being a tit. If I was upset there wasn't reassurance, there were threats, scolding and belittling.

I felt rejected by my own mother. Like the only time I was worthy of love was when her friends complimented on her how well behaved I was. So then I learnt that love, and withdrawal of love was a tool for keeping me on a certain path. I wanted to be loved because of who I was, who I am, not because of how I made someone else look. On the surface she looked like a great mum with well behaved kids, but those kids were nothing but scared.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I used to be bad but as I got older I learnt to deal with it because it ruined my first serious relationship. I consider myself to suffer with envy though. I think that's a healthier emotion right?

I think Envy is the worse one of the two. The green eyed monster!!! "

Its healthy envy, not the dangerous type. The sort of "I wish that was me, what a lucky git" and "I bet he of she is loving that and wish it was me". Not the type of envy where I'd stalk someone....that's just weird!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A girl I used to go out with many years ago used to try and make me jealous dancing provocatively with other men. They thought they were getting one over on me too. One night she kissed a guy on the dancefloor but kicked off massively when she turned to look at me and I was kissing another girl. She never tried it again and we were together for ages after.

If someone makes you jealous. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've only been jealous during my younger years when I would save up for weeks months for something, only for my friend's dad to buy it outright the moment they saw it themselves. Growing up with a single parent with 3 other siblings, jealousy often reared its ugly head for more complete economically stable households. That feeling has since long gone.

I'd never get jealous with the swinging side of things because it's simply something I don't care for and would never do with my loved one.

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By *ikAshCouple over a year ago

London

"A girl I used to go out with many years ago used to try and make me jealous dancing provocatively with other men. They thought they were getting one over on me too. One night she kissed a guy on the dancefloor but kicked off massively when she turned to look at me and I was kissing another girl. She never tried it again and we were together for ages after.

If someone makes you jealous. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

Haha… good one! Although, trying to make someone jealous is not a good thing x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If someone makes you jealous. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

Haha did they make you jealous tho? Or ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jealousy is a bad thing in the swinging scene xx most couples I've met know that you can't be jealous and swing at the same time x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Whilst jealousy is never normally fun for any party I’m not sure you can call it evil. It’s a very basic human emotion. And I don’t care what anyone says or how cool they’re desperate to come across, every single person here has felt and experienced it at some form during their life. "

It’s not evil until you start acting on it and become a crazy psycho, if you sit through the emotion and learn how to live with it then it’s fine and it’s a human emotion. The problem is when people can’t control it and act out

Think of those who end up murdering for jealousy/anger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Peeps, I was having a reflection day today and I was wondering

Let’s talk about JEALOUSY! Such an evil thing !!!

Do you get jealous, and if so how do you manage it with the swinging lifestyle you lead?

And if you do recognise that you might have jealousy issues, do you think it’s a good idea to be here?

I wondered because if I get attached I might struggle with jealousy. (I’ve learnt not to act on it tho as it’s totally on me) So I’m not really into the open relationship type thing.

Does anybody here gets turned on by feeling jealous tho? Like some cuck men might get turned out by that?

And what about when women are jealous about other women? (Do men get this??! Shine some light!!)

Tho I suppose it’s more envy than jealousy, as jealousy is fear of losing someone we like, while envy is more insidious and it’s more about what we lack in ourselves and we wish we had??

I’ve had my fair share of envious/jealous women and wow, some were N A S T Y !

Give me your thoughts!!!

Great thread x i know a few people who have got jelous when swinging x it's not a nice thing xx if you are jealous you shouldn't be on here xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've only been jealous during my younger years when I would save up for weeks months for something, only for my friend's dad to buy it outright the moment they saw it themselves. Growing up with a single parent with 3 other siblings, jealousy often reared its ugly head for more complete economically stable households. That feeling has since long gone.

I'd never get jealous with the swinging side of things because it's simply something I don't care for and would never do with my loved one."

I know people confused jealous and envy. That’s more envy I’d say x

you felt envious at how easy they had it compared to you.

If they were colours, Jealousy is more a dark blood red while envy is green/dark green

One for example is about things that you deem belong to you (think of someone touching your toys and you don’t want them to so you get jealous) while the other is wanting other toys that belong to other kids (and that you can’t have)

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

I don't feel jealousy.

I quite like hearing what my partners are up to with other women.

When my long term partner sends videos of him with his other woman I think "Lucky bitch", but I know it will be me soon.

I get turned on watching him with another woman.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Peeps, I was having a reflection day today and I was wondering

Let’s talk about JEALOUSY! Such an evil thing !!!

Do you get jealous, and if so how do you manage it with the swinging lifestyle you lead?

And if you do recognise that you might have jealousy issues, do you think it’s a good idea to be here?

I wondered because if I get attached I might struggle with jealousy. (I’ve learnt not to act on it tho as it’s totally on me) So I’m not really into the open relationship type thing.

Does anybody here gets turned on by feeling jealous tho? Like some cuck men might get turned out by that?

And what about when women are jealous about other women? (Do men get this??! Shine some light!!)

Tho I suppose it’s more envy than jealousy, as jealousy is fear of losing someone we like, while envy is more insidious and it’s more about what we lack in ourselves and we wish we had??

I’ve had my fair share of envious/jealous women and wow, some were N A S T Y !

Give me your thoughts!!!

Great thread x i know a few people who have got jelous when swinging x it's not a nice thing xx if you are jealous you shouldn't be on here xx

I think the member numbers would dwindle considering jealousy is a normal human emotion.

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

I think a lot of people are confusing jealousy with envy.I don’t think it’s a bad thing to experience a pang of jealousy every now and again if your a couple the issue comes when you don’t discuss the issues and bottle it up .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If someone makes you jealous. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

Haha did they make you jealous tho? Or ?

I wasn't jealous because I could see it for the attention seeking it was. I'm sure that's why she kissed that guy to try and get more attention from me. Weird thing was, I never neglected her of attention. And when I showed her she could lose me as I can get it elsewhere if I want, she cut it all out.

I'm sure I've felt jealous in the past but can't think of any particular occasion. Maybe because I'm pretty confident in myself.

Maybe if I was in a swinging relationship I'd get envious at the fact she could get a man with one word and I'd still need to put in the charisma and effort. But I'm not going to enter into a swinging relationship so no danger of that occurring x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get jealous. I hate it. It’s all about insecurity and definitely the fear of losing what I have. Wish I didn’t feel it though, it’s awful. "

I’m the same completely x

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By *eyond PurityCouple over a year ago

Laceby

Neither of us had ever been in a situation of watching a partner with someone else so until we were faced with it did we know how it was going to be.

But we spoke about it as much as possible, about our fears and turn-ons.

Thankfully we both found it a huge turn-on and it adds to our amazing sex life so there’s no jealousy at all.

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I'm not the jealous type, but communication and agreed boundaries negate any need for jealousy or insecurity.

I've been subjected to rather unpleasant behaviour from others that seemingly stemmed from their envy though...there's absolutely no need for it when I haven't done them any harm whatsoever

Is that where jealousy manifests as envy? You have something they desire?

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I’m not and never have been the jealous type. I can’t understand why people who are in relationships suffer jealousy in the swinging world, or even why they step into it if they know it will manifest.

It’s by no means a bad thing, after all it’s one of many human emotions. It’s knowing how to manage it without making a public prat of yourself!

I don’t think swinging and jealousy mix very well at all

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By *ikAshCouple over a year ago

London

Thankfully we both found it a huge turn-on and it adds to our amazing sex life so there’s no jealousy at all.

This is exactly the same for us… being honest about your feelings and communication are important x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jealousy could stem from clinglyness. Attachment and many other reasons.

I feel at my stage of life. I dont envy, nor get jealous nor possesive..

Let people be. Nobody owns anybody. We wish to be with whom we do. When we dont it shows.

Live and let live..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"not in the slightest.. i couldn't give a toss

im here for me, no one else.

Px "

Ditto!!

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Jealousy could stem from clinglyness. Attachment and many other reasons.

I feel at my stage of life. I dont envy, nor get jealous nor possesive..

Let people be. Nobody owns anybody. We wish to be with whom we do. When we dont it shows.

Live and let live.. "

That’s a really good analysis!

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By *atalie..Woman over a year ago

Bolton

Definitely not wired to be jealous... some partners of old have found this odd and accused me of having no feelings for them because I wasn't a jealous type

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Jealousy could stem from clinglyness. Attachment and many other reasons.

I feel at my stage of life. I dont envy, nor get jealous nor possesive..

Let people be. Nobody owns anybody. We wish to be with whom we do. When we dont it shows.

Live and let live.. "

Fear of abandonment can trigger jealousy because that insecurity is triggered by the idea of another person coming to steal “my man” for example..

So good points btw x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

Spot on i agree. Let people go on their merry way. Everything goes back in the Box after playtime! Lol

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Compartmentalisation is they key! A box for every occasion!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jealousy is a really toxic emotion I think and it's based on this idea of a scarcity economy. That there's only so much affection and love to go around. So if your partner is with someone else you will lose something. If I have a flap over something I try and figure out exactly what has pushed my buttons. Is it feeling unattractive or that the person is treating me as second best perhaps.

I don't accept feeling jealous - I challenge it because it's not a healthy emotion. "

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I mostly find that when someone treats me well and makes me feel special in my own way, I don't get jealous. If I do have a wobble, I'll talk about it. I do have ethically non-monogamous relationships though so it's possible I see things a bit of a different way to those who don't want that.

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS over a year ago

Carlisle

Why be jealous if not attached! Open relationship suits some people, It’s also fine if not someone's cup of tea each to their own. Everyone is unique so not good to be jel! Envy and jealousy is two different things.

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By *aysOfOurLivesCouple over a year ago

Chigwell

"Jealousy is fear of losing something you already have and envy is wanting something someone has got yeah? I just had to read the correct meanings of them as I get them mixed up.

How funny is it to read your plays on words and words on playing.

Very astute observations and attitude xx

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS over a year ago

Carlisle

"Definitely not wired to be jealous... some partners of old have found this odd and accused me of having no feelings for them because I wasn't a jealous type

"
They sound odd! Why would they of wanted you to be jealous? Surely if you trust them theirs no need to be jealous. They sound insecure and narcissistic! Haha

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By *inx and NymphCouple over a year ago

bristol

My partner is a bit jealous, we are new to this though. He is open minded so I guess we will only know how we will both react once we get started.

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"My partner is a bit jealous, we are new to this though. He is open minded so I guess we will only know how we will both react once we get started.

Talk to each other about it, discuss your fears and how to deal with them

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By *aughty but nice...Man over a year ago

Staffs

With my recent experience jealousy and swinging don't mix

I think if you can't be in an open relationship then you shouldn't be swinging

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"With my recent experience jealousy and swinging don't mix

I think if you can't be in an open relationship then you shouldn't be swinging "

Kinda see the point and agree x

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

Jealousy and envy are natural feelings.

It's ok to be jealous. Acting on jealousy is another thing altogether.

Our first taste of non monogamy was when my had a passionate kiss from a woman. I felt envy. But I didn't act on it. I was delighted for her. So that's what I displayed.

It's hard to put down jealousy and envy. You feel them for a reason.

But letting them ruin your night or week or relationship is pointless.

I still feel envy or jealousy at times when I see my wife sucking some dudes cock or what not but it never ever lasts more than a second.

Identify the emotion and put it aside.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't get remotely jealous over sex. It's caused me issues in the past as my ex felt like I didn't care, but it's just not a reaction that kicks in for me. I only ever got jealous if he talked a lot/confided in other women.

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

I have had people stop flirting with me on here because I flirted with another woman in a thread.

It did make me feel sad both because I lost a potential friend and also because I knew their reaction was going to change my behaviour in the future.

For me this is non monogamy. For others it's a dating site or a form of competition. And it's my fault that I have lost these friends because I didn't see things from their perspective.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes, if I've ever felt anything - I've stopped communicating with that person and I've let them know why too.

Only happend with one guy - but I was glad to have the break from them and that jealousy attachment

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

In a relationship be it swinging or vanilla a small amount of jealousy is normal and frankly if there wasn't any I'd be questioning the relationship.

It's healthy and shows that you care and love the other person.

However I say a small amount.

This is a huge difference from controlling all consuming jealousy that can destroy a relationship.

As a couple where the female is a hot wife I as the man whilst not a cuck I do enjoy watching.

On occasion I do feel the pang of jealousy but know at the end of the evening Mrs is coming home with me and we will go to sleep and wake up together.

So I leave jealousy firmly rooted at the back of the mind and carry on enjoying the views.

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By *aughty but nice...Man over a year ago

Staffs

I think communication is key within the relationship

My actions my have caused the issue but had I been told earlier enough I could have modified my behaviour

Shame because now I feel really down.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Debate about what jealousy is or why we might feel it aside; but maybe swinging is the wrong hobby for someone who has the kind of insecurities or unstable relationship where jealousy arises?

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By *heArrowsCouple over a year ago

"Debate about what jealousy is or why we might feel it aside; but maybe swinging is the wrong hobby for someone who has the kind of insecurities or unstable relationship where jealousy arises?

But how many people are here for swinging?

Most of the singles are here for dating or nsa sex. Swinging is different from what they are looking for. Couples who with jealousy issues probably shouldn't be here. But singles are playing a different game in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Debate about what jealousy is or why we might feel it aside; but maybe swinging is the wrong hobby for someone who has the kind of insecurities or unstable relationship where jealousy arises?

But how many people are here for swinging?

That may be quite correct. I was reaCting tot the thread title and Op’s question about jealousy and swinging lifestyle.

The fact that many here are not really swingers (in the traditional sense) is immaterial to that question or answer.

Vanilla jealousy is something quite normal for most people to some degree or other. My point was it that coping with swinging might be a challenge to those who can’t control it.

You’re right though that this is not so much a swinging site these days as a singles market for NSA and complains about why that market is failing them.

This place is really more of parody of a dating site. Clubs are where the action is!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't get remotely jealous over sex. It's caused me issues in the past as my ex felt like I didn't care, but it's just not a reaction that kicks in for me. I only ever got jealous if he talked a lot/confided in other women. "

I mean it must mean some people are more prone to jealousy while others aren’t x

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Debate about what jealousy is or why we might feel it aside; but maybe swinging is the wrong hobby for someone who has the kind of insecurities or unstable relationship where jealousy arises?

But how many people are here for swinging?

Yeah I agree with this. I couldn’t swing with someone I loved in a proper relationship. Never. I’m just not made that way.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

"Debate about what jealousy is or why we might feel it aside; but maybe swinging is the wrong hobby for someone who has the kind of insecurities or unstable relationship where jealousy arises?

But how many people are here for swinging?

I completely agree. As a single person I like the recreational sex I can find through Fab/clubs. I’m not a swinger though. If I was in a relationship I wouldn’t want to share my man with anyone else, nor would I want another man to touch me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" I mean it must mean some people are more prone to jealousy while others aren’t x "

I guess it boils down to what jealousy really is. Insecurity that a partner may have more ‘fun’ with someone else? That one might not be ‘good enough’ thereafter, fear of loss? Jealousy is a negative emotion, and can cause anxiety, mistrust and all sorts of itrational behaviour. It takes a certain level of maturity, and a whole other level of trust, honesty and openness to to swing when a couple vs have a few random shags with different partners as a single. No judging, we all have different needs, and different circumstances which present us with different opportunity.

Why people visit a swinging site to find dates when they are not ‘into swinging’ seems peculiar. But each to their own.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

" I mean it must mean some people are more prone to jealousy while others aren’t x

Why people visit a swinging site to find dates when they are not ‘into swinging’ seems peculiar. But each to their own. "

I’m not a swinger, but as single person I like to have sex in clubs with various people, group sex etc. I like to play with couples. It’s hard to find that without involving somewhere like Fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think a certain degree of jealousy is normal and tbh quite healthy... it shows you care! A lot! However... if that jealousy, as with any emotion gets out of hand and negativly effects your outlook and behaviour then it is a problem! I'm single at the moment but in previous relationships... I found that sometimes I got jealous but was mostly in my head and just slight insecurity blip so I just dealt with it. On other occasions there were genuine reasons to be jealous and I knew the relationship was not healthy so just removed myself from the equation! If someone makes you sad or angry or anxious you wouldn't be with them so same goes for jealousy! X

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By *ryant2018Couple over a year ago

Bristol

Must admit I thought I might get jealous if the other couple male had a bigger cock better looking etc , but actually just got really turned on by her enjoying herself x

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