FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why do people put up with bad sex?
Why do people put up with bad sex?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Off the top of my head reasons: don't know any better, haven't been nurtured to embrace sex/ their own sexuality, don't feel comfortable or safe providing constructive feedback, are having sex with people who don't care about or aren't aware of their pleasure, feeling obligated to engage not actually wanting to, liking everything else about the person. There are a million reasons.. I'd rather no sex than bad sex or sex with someone who I'm not on great terms with, personally. |
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By *sWyldWoman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Fuck me badly once, shame on you, fuck me badly twice shame on me."
While there was a lot of bad quotes to come out of sex and the city, I liked that one.
The reality is sometimes it isn't great, it's clumsy or awkward or you're just not on the same page. That is fine, it happens.
Sometimes sex with someone does get better the more you practice.
Or sometimes you have to either move on or accept its not earth shatteringly wonderful and maybe that's ok. Maybe it's ok enough or maybe bad sex is fine because other things are great.
Maybe I'm just harsh, greedy and unrealistic though.
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i must be lucky never had bad sex with anyone.
Never been told Im bad at it either.
But wouldnt enter into it with somebody thought of as unsuitable... there has to be connection/spark... if there isn't, its not happening. |
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By *ags73Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
I think there’s been times where it’s someone I liked and it started great and just got awkward as it went on as there was an expection that ‘they’d be shagged’ and up to a point that’s okay, but I need the interaction and stimulation too.
Saying that, had awkward and sort of mixed up ones where started badly but after a laugh and some conversation it turned out okay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because for me when I met my partner first the sex was good ....but it took quite some time for me to realise he was very selfish in bed.....Most of the time he was a one shag man & he'd turn over & fall asleep even though I'd say what about me I'm not satisfied....& He'd laugh & say I'm done  like what the fk....
I'd be so sexually frustrated that most of the time I'd have to self play after sex with him....I eventually strayed & who would blame me....I put up with it cos I did love him ..but it was very unsatisfying sex. |
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By *ags73Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Because for me when I met my partner first the sex was good ....but it took quite some time for me to realise he was very selfish in bed.....Most of the time he was a one shag man & he'd turn over & fall asleep even though I'd say what about me I'm not satisfied....& He'd laugh & say I'm done like what the fk....
I'd be so sexually frustrated that most of the time I'd have to self play after sex with him....I eventually strayed & who would blame me....I put up with it cos I did love him ..but it was very unsatisfying sex."
Any selfishness or one-sidedness makes it bad I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because for me when I met my partner first the sex was good ....but it took quite some time for me to realise he was very selfish in bed.....Most of the time he was a one shag man & he'd turn over & fall asleep even though I'd say what about me I'm not satisfied....& He'd laugh & say I'm done like what the fk....
I'd be so sexually frustrated that most of the time I'd have to self play after sex with him....I eventually strayed & who would blame me....I put up with it cos I did love him ..but it was very unsatisfying sex.
Any selfishness or one-sidedness makes it bad I guess."
That's for sure....it took me awhile also to realise he had a way lower sex drive than me....& It got to the stage I decided no sex is better than bad sex.... I'd be left totally sexually frustrated. He only cared about his own satisfaction & once he came he was find & he'd cum very quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because for me when I met my partner first the sex was good ....but it took quite some time for me to realise he was very selfish in bed.....Most of the time he was a one shag man & he'd turn over & fall asleep even though I'd say what about me I'm not satisfied....& He'd laugh & say I'm done like what the fk....
I'd be so sexually frustrated that most of the time I'd have to self play after sex with him....I eventually strayed & who would blame me....I put up with it cos I did love him ..but it was very unsatisfying sex.
Any selfishness or one-sidedness makes it bad I guess.
That's for sure....it took me awhile also to realise he had a way lower sex drive than me....& It got to the stage I decided no sex is better than bad sex.... I'd be left totally sexually frustrated. He only cared about his own satisfaction & once he came he was find & he'd cum very quickly."
*He was Done |
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By *nnCeeWoman
over a year ago
East of Eden, West of Hell |
My ex-husband was inexperienced. I hoped it would get better. We were also both quite large, so logistically it wasn't great.
But most of the time, it's more than just the sex. If you're in a relationship, there's more to it than the bedroom acrobatics... |
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Most people will be average as lovers and, even then, their sex is going to vary in quality.
People also get stuck in ruts, have changing interests, priorities etc. Life has many avenues, work, family, health and other things take over to some extent. Fab has people with sexual interests, whilst the majority soldier on with life, often unaware of what they could have or achieve, even when they are interested.
Most of us will have average sexual activity. And many people don't have that much of it  |
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I had long term relationship with very little and bite great sex. Sex just wasn't the basis of our relationship and we stayed together a very long time.
I don't know b if I ever felt like I was putting up with anything but that part of the relationship wasn't a source of joy.
These days I seek out sex with a good connection and I'm happy to book have sex if that's not what I'm finding |
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I had long term relationship with very little and bite great sex. Sex just wasn't the basis of our relationship and we stayed together a very long time.
I don't know if I ever felt like I was putting up with anything but that part of the relationship wasn't a source of joy.
These days I seek out sex with a good connection and I'm happy to not have sex if that's not what I'm finding |
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By *ags73Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Because we have to make the most out of a bad situation
Because sometimes you love the person so much that you take the bad sex on the chin and then rub yourself off in the shower to make up for it.
"
and you do, things change and there’s other priorities and things to deal with.
Then I guess things change again.
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Being good at sex, being good at giving pleasure and being good at receiving pleasure, takes practice. Which some of us never really got. Inhibitions about our bodies, inhibitions about others bodies, inhibitions about sexual contact. Not knowing how to properly negotiate the minefield of personal contact, and being afraid that going from friend to lover would ruin a relationship. Having self doubt, and not being lucky enough to have a person to build the confidence needed to believe in yourself.
To me it seems that good sex is like riding a bicycle, it's a skill that needs to be learned. Some people find it easier than others. Some people were never lucky enough to have a bicycle. In later life we can get the bicycle, but know we can't ride in the same competitions as those who learned while young.
Still, we live in hope of finding other cycle novices, someone to practice riding with, hoping that we could get good together. |
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My wife isn't great in the bedroom she has no imagination very vanilla and basically it's all about her enjoying herself selfish.. had lots of lovers before her some really dirty and good so I can compare .. |
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By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"And I suppose boring people.ain’t life too short?what are the reasons people do?
Just musing over a discussion I had."
But still not sure what is meant by bad sex. Also seems like this is another man bashing post. |
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Sometimes sex isn't instantly as amazing that you had built up in your head. Sometimes it can become good sex by just simply having a conversation about what you like and don't like.
If it's a case of someone just being selfish and as long as their happy they don't care then maybe that person isn't right for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love and sex are supposed to go together, however sometimes you can genuinely love someone so much but not have great great with them. What do you do in that situation?"
Talk to them.
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"And I suppose boring people.ain’t life too short?what are the reasons people do?
Just musing over a discussion I had."
The reasons are far too many to note here. Not only that, what one person endures in one situation , they may not be willing to put up with in others.
There is always the other person and our relationship to them and our life experiences AND what other benefits may be be forthcoming from that relationship which over ride poor sexual performance.
There are those that may just allow this to happen because of their own low self esteem, over confidence, lack of experience or - as if often the case - the inability to self reflect ...... to see that WE are shit at sex and to point the finger outwards so as not to accept any responsibility for what takes place. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I had a meet here years ago, who was v selfish and it was all about him and I told him I was left unsatisfied.
I didn't leave a veri and wouldn't meet him again, it's easy on here to just cut ties with a meet.
In relationships I don't know why people stay, if it's been rubbish sex from the start. |
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All depends what level of bad we are talking about. I’ve had awkward sex, I’ve had sex where I wouldn’t choose to meet again. I’ve never had sex that’s been so unpleasant that I’ve had to stop midway. The sex I have with hubby is also a very different kind of sex I have with my regular fb. I wouldn’t want the two to mix and I suppose when I think of it the sex with hubby I really enjoy but if I went to see the boyfriend and we had identical sex to I do with hubby I’d probably consider that he was having an off day. It all depends on context of good or bad and different situations |
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