FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can popularity be mistaken for desirability sometimes?
Can popularity be mistaken for desirability sometimes?
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Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 2 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I honestly don't know who's popular with who tbh. Frequency of posting in here, responses to threads and posts and comments made don't always mean someone is popular.
I know who I like. I know who I find desirable.
Who others believe to be popular and who they desire is on them, not me.
'Popularity' is a word often thrown around in here by some, and I wonder if they mean something different to someone else's definition? |
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By *sWyldWoman 2 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I don't know. Sometimes maybe.
On the forums, possibly, though the illusion of popularity or desirability can sometimes be just that and it can maybe even put some people off.
In life, I think they are very different things.
I can at times be quite popular with people, I'm well liked for the most part but I'm not seen as desirable at all. Often far from it! |
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"I honestly don't know who's popular with who tbh. Frequency of posting in here, responses to threads and posts and comments made don't always mean someone is popular.
I know who I like. I know who I find desirable.
Who others believe to be popular and who they desire is on them, not me.
'Popularity' is a word often thrown around in here by some, and I wonder if they mean something different to someone else's definition? "
The clique get the dick  |
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Honestly, on here it's hard to tell. Well it's hard for me to tell. Some people chat a lot and appear to have many friends, thus being popular, but they might just enjoy lots of forum interactions rather than have lots of friends. Others may be quieter but have many friendships off the forums. Some folk like a flirt and that's always going to be seen as desirable, especially if they are a single woman! I don't necessarily equate the two, though.
Mrs TMN x |
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I'm thinking back to school. It was all girls but the most popular ones were also the ones who the students from the nearby boys school pursued. The next in the popularity stakes were the very sporty ones followed by the ones with the most fashionable clothes |
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
I don't know Pickle. It's not something I think about unless there's a thread similar to this.
Possibly? Maybe? What is popularity though? Desirability?
On a personal level I wouldn't say I'm particularly popular nor desirable. I enjoy talking to lots of people, I wouldn't say I'm particularly flirty.
The most important thing for me is do those I like like me? Those I desire desire me? Other than that? I'm good. |
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I'm not sure, on here I wouldn't have a clue who's popular? There's people that do more forum posts does that make you popular or just more easily recognised?
I'd have zero way to guage popularity on fab.
In real life I guess it does go a little hand in hand.
Mrs |
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I think it massively can on here. And I think some people chase popularity on the forums thinking it will make them more desirable.
Everyone likes to be liked, even the Millwall forumites who state nobody likes me and I don't care. Then why are you wasting your time talking into the void? But that's for a different thread.
The forum gives people the opportunity to show a different side of themselves apart from their profile page. Which I think can be a good thing.
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By *illy IdolMan 2 weeks ago
Somewhere near the middle |
"I honestly don't know who's popular with who tbh. Frequency of posting in here, responses to threads and posts and comments made don't always mean someone is popular.
I know who I like. I know who I find desirable.
Who others believe to be popular and who they desire is on them, not me.
'Popularity' is a word often thrown around in here by some, and I wonder if they mean something different to someone else's definition? "
Well put, Obi. I hate the word popular. The most vocal on here can often be mistaken for the most popular on here. I don't believe that's necessarily the case |
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Im not trying to sound full of myself, but I reckon I’m reasonably popular but I know that the majority of people who like me don’t desire me, which I’m ok with.
Except you, if you’re reading this, you know who you are  |
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Some people confuse productivity with popularity.
I've had people tell me in the past that I'm very popular on fab and when I've told them that I average one message a month, rarely get fabbed and have never met or chatted to the vast majority of people on the forums they are genuinely surprised.
I've asked how they came to the conclusion that I was popular and they have all said because I'm on the forums most days. |
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x
I was talking about off here.
I know that on fab it's all smoke and mirrors"
It really is an interesting place. The sociologist in me loves it. |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though. "
I think that makes great sense. I wonder if part of the reason people are popular is because they’re attractive/ sexually desirable? |
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x"
Off from here, I think myself and the majority of my mates my age. Don't give a fuck about popularity. Yeah we did when we were younger but now nah. We've not time for that, and it really shows on my social media. Mates my own age posts are about silly or niche things in general. My younger mates from dance class, a lot more look at me and my friends and what I'm accomplishing or doing. Totally different vibes. |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though.
I think that makes great sense. I wonder if part of the reason people are popular is because they’re attractive/ sexually desirable? "
I have always been popular with women actually although mostly as a bro kinda figure. I’ve been bro zoned a zillion times (not a problem btw) so maybe that theory isn’t true |
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x
Off from here, I think myself and the majority of my mates my age. Don't give a fuck about popularity. Yeah we did when we were younger but now nah. We've not time for that, and it really shows on my social media. Mates my own age posts are about silly or niche things in general. My younger mates from dance class, a lot more look at me and my friends and what I'm accomplishing or doing. Totally different vibes. "
Do you think age plays a part for you and your mates? |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though.
I think that makes great sense. I wonder if part of the reason people are popular is because they’re attractive/ sexually desirable?
I have always been popular with women actually although mostly as a bro kinda figure. I’ve been bro zoned a zillion times (not a problem btw) so maybe that theory isn’t true"
Who knows. I know I like people I'm attracted to but I also like people I'm not attracted to.
I'm often sis zoned. Is that a thing?  |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though.
I think that makes great sense. I wonder if part of the reason people are popular is because they’re attractive/ sexually desirable?
I have always been popular with women actually although mostly as a bro kinda figure. I’ve been bro zoned a zillion times (not a problem btw) so maybe that theory isn’t true
Who knows. I know I like people I'm attracted to but I also like people I'm not attracted to.
I'm often sis zoned. Is that a thing? "
But are they attractive people but just not attractive to you?  
Sis zoned is surely a thing. |
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x
Off from here, I think myself and the majority of my mates my age. Don't give a fuck about popularity. Yeah we did when we were younger but now nah. We've not time for that, and it really shows on my social media. Mates my own age posts are about silly or niche things in general. My younger mates from dance class, a lot more look at me and my friends and what I'm accomplishing or doing. Totally different vibes.
Do you think age plays a part for you and your mates?"
Yep totally, we used to care about posting about nights out etc etc. Look at me I'm so popular. Think the last time I was out with them we have no photographic evidence. FOMO is definitely less of a thing for my mates my own age. It's a totally different kettle of fish with my younger ones, who are mid 20's early 30's. |
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"Sorry pickles.
I do think there may be something in that. For some. I think there are those who want to shag the populars. Whoever they may be.
"
Someone I used to chat to on here once told me that she felt safer on the forums by surrounding herself with popular posters.
When I told her I didn't consider myself popular and couldn't understand her thought process she said what she really meant was someone not afraid to speak out who might stand up for her.
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x
Off from here, I think myself and the majority of my mates my age. Don't give a fuck about popularity. Yeah we did when we were younger but now nah. We've not time for that, and it really shows on my social media. Mates my own age posts are about silly or niche things in general. My younger mates from dance class, a lot more look at me and my friends and what I'm accomplishing or doing. Totally different vibes.
Do you think age plays a part for you and your mates?
Yep totally, we used to care about posting about nights out etc etc. Look at me I'm so popular. Think the last time I was out with them we have no photographic evidence. FOMO is definitely less of a thing for my mates my own age. It's a totally different kettle of fish with my younger ones, who are mid 20's early 30's. "
I think a lot of young people care a lot about letting others know what they’re up to. But I think it’s birds of a feather. They care. Their friends care too. I rarely take pictures with people or of things I do to post on social media. And when I’m with my friends they’re the same. We don’t really care.
But also I know it’s more common that people care in my generation. I mean social media is used mostly by us. |
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"I honestly don't know who's popular with who tbh. Frequency of posting in here, responses to threads and posts and comments made don't always mean someone is popular.
I know who I like. I know who I find desirable.
Who others believe to be popular and who they desire is on them, not me.
'Popularity' is a word often thrown around in here by some, and I wonder if they mean something different to someone else's definition?
Well put, Obi. I hate the word popular. The most vocal on here can often be mistaken for the most popular on here. I don't believe that's necessarily the case"
I think on here people confuse popularity for being regular or familiar. But I’m talking about popularity as it actually is |
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By *viatrixWoman 2 weeks ago
Back in Gatwick! |
"In a Fab context?
I am not popular, but I am desirable.
I much prefer it that way in all honesty. One doesn’t get orgasms from popularity lol
If you’re not popular, how do you know?  "
It depends on what you classify as popular, Pickles.
To me, being popular means being well liked- part of the clique lmao. But for others popular may mean well known, not necessarily liked.
I’d say I am visible, not popular. It used to grate a couple of years ago, because of the pandemic, haha- but once I was able to get myself out and meet people I am more than ok with it. |
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"I'm thinking back to school. It was all girls but the most popular ones were also the ones who the students from the nearby boys school pursued. The next in the popularity stakes were the very sporty ones followed by the ones with the most fashionable clothes"
School is a world of its own though. Status matters |
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x
Off from here, I think myself and the majority of my mates my age. Don't give a fuck about popularity. Yeah we did when we were younger but now nah. We've not time for that, and it really shows on my social media. Mates my own age posts are about silly or niche things in general. My younger mates from dance class, a lot more look at me and my friends and what I'm accomplishing or doing. Totally different vibes.
Do you think age plays a part for you and your mates?
Yep totally, we used to care about posting about nights out etc etc. Look at me I'm so popular. Think the last time I was out with them we have no photographic evidence. FOMO is definitely less of a thing for my mates my own age. It's a totally different kettle of fish with my younger ones, who are mid 20's early 30's.
I think a lot of young people care a lot about letting others know what they’re up to. But I think it’s birds of a feather. They care. Their friends care too. I rarely take pictures with people or of things I do to post on social media. And when I’m with my friends they’re the same. We don’t really care.
But also I know it’s more common that people care in my generation. I mean social media is used mostly by us. "
Not sure I agree with you, by the amount of my feed content. Which is full of allotments and such like by my uncles and aunts. |
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"I’m also keen to find out about off of here as well x
Off from here, I think myself and the majority of my mates my age. Don't give a fuck about popularity. Yeah we did when we were younger but now nah. We've not time for that, and it really shows on my social media. Mates my own age posts are about silly or niche things in general. My younger mates from dance class, a lot more look at me and my friends and what I'm accomplishing or doing. Totally different vibes.
Do you think age plays a part for you and your mates?
Yep totally, we used to care about posting about nights out etc etc. Look at me I'm so popular. Think the last time I was out with them we have no photographic evidence. FOMO is definitely less of a thing for my mates my own age. It's a totally different kettle of fish with my younger ones, who are mid 20's early 30's.
I think a lot of young people care a lot about letting others know what they’re up to. But I think it’s birds of a feather. They care. Their friends care too. I rarely take pictures with people or of things I do to post on social media. And when I’m with my friends they’re the same. We don’t really care.
But also I know it’s more common that people care in my generation. I mean social media is used mostly by us.
Not sure I agree with you, by the amount of my feed content. Which is full of allotments and such like by my uncles and aunts. "
as in you think they use social media more? |
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I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x"
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 2 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Im not trying to sound full of myself, but I reckon I’m reasonably popular but I know that the majority of people who like me don’t desire me, which I’m ok with.
Except you, if you’re reading this, you know who you are "
Oh, I doooo  |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc. "
Dunno. I think it's to do with the developing brain. I also think if you're constantly with a group of your peers then there's that sense of competition and hierarchy, whether you lean into it or consciously reject it. Throughout my teens and twenties, prime age for people getting into relationships and looking for partners, that defo feeds in.
This is armchair psychology at its worst so I'm going to stop now. Just going off my own experiences and musings.
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 2 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I think frequently (not constantly) popularity equates to visibility. You're more likely to be desired if more people notice you. Of course, if you're visibly unpopular, the reverse is true - although there are those perverse sorts drawn to the unpopular.
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"I honestly don't know who's popular with who tbh. Frequency of posting in here, responses to threads and posts and comments made don't always mean someone is popular.
I know who I like. I know who I find desirable.
Who others believe to be popular and who they desire is on them, not me.
'Popularity' is a word often thrown around in here by some, and I wonder if they mean something different to someone else's definition?
Well put, Obi. I hate the word popular. The most vocal on here can often be mistaken for the most popular on here. I don't believe that's necessarily the case"
I am with Obi and Willy |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc. "
I care about being liked, but the pool of people I care if they like me is less. I probably care more about my friendships now than when I was younger. |
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"
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc.
I care about being liked, but the pool of people I care if they like me is less. I probably care more about my friendships now than when I was younger. "
Yes and yes  |
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You see a lot of faux flirting on here…many match threads have the popular people matched but then you don’t see verifications between the two or even over the top LPP so I don’t think the desirability is essentially there.
I mean some mightn’t want verifications but others would be name dropping people every day if they actually had sex with another on the forums
So no, purely based on the ‘popular’ people on the forums, I don’t think all are essentially desired.
There are some people I like to read their comments, so I guess they are popular to me, but I don’t want to jump into their bed.
K
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By *illy IdolMan 2 weeks ago
Somewhere near the middle |
"I honestly don't know who's popular with who tbh. Frequency of posting in here, responses to threads and posts and comments made don't always mean someone is popular.
I know who I like. I know who I find desirable.
Who others believe to be popular and who they desire is on them, not me.
'Popularity' is a word often thrown around in here by some, and I wonder if they mean something different to someone else's definition?
Well put, Obi. I hate the word popular. The most vocal on here can often be mistaken for the most popular on here. I don't believe that's necessarily the case
I think on here people confuse popularity for being regular or familiar. But I’m talking about popularity as it actually is"
What does popularity mean to you? |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though.
I think that makes great sense. I wonder if part of the reason people are popular is because they’re attractive/ sexually desirable?
I have always been popular with women actually although mostly as a bro kinda figure. I’ve been bro zoned a zillion times (not a problem btw) so maybe that theory isn’t true
Who knows. I know I like people I'm attracted to but I also like people I'm not attracted to.
I'm often sis zoned. Is that a thing?
But are they attractive people but just not attractive to you?
Sis zoned is surely a thing. "
Just not attractive to me because I'm think nearly everyone has something attractive to somebody |
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We're social animals, so are influenced by others
, including desirability. We can want what is harder to get, than something that's no challenge or on a plate.
Popularity covers a range of things, including potentially that someone is actually really lovely and broadly attractive amongst others. |
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By *ustBoWoman 2 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I think it can be especially on here. You see the popular ones in the forums. Not just the people who post often but the ones who are actually popular with so many and being seen to get a veri off them seems like a step up the fab ladder. I've never understood it myself and I've had people say to me when after I have said no thanks did you not see who has veried me. 
Like others have said as I get older I care even less about being popular and especially on here. As long as those I like and get on with feel the same I don't care about what others think.But I've never played the popular game on here or in life outside of here. And I've seen so many fall from grace as well and take it really badly that it looks like way too much agro and hassle to be bothered with.
Maybe you just need to like yourself first then worry about what others think of you. Being popular all the time or desired by loads would get very tiring I would imagine. |
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By *os19Man 2 weeks ago
Edmonton |
I don’t believe I have ever in popular on Fabs so it’s no big deal for me.As for the workplace it seems the only time I am noticed is when I’m on leave as nobody brings in the free Metro newspapers which I leave in kitchen / canteen area for colleagues to read or take home. |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc. "
It definitely happened to me that i cared less as i got older. Dtarted in my 40s.
I have been wildly unpopular at vwrious points of my life but as long as i had q atrong circle of friends it never bothered me that much. I particularly couldn't give a shit about it on online sites. |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc.
Dunno. I think it's to do with the developing brain. I also think if you're constantly with a group of your peers then there's that sense of competition and hierarchy, whether you lean into it or consciously reject it. Throughout my teens and twenties, prime age for people getting into relationships and looking for partners, that defo feeds in.
This is armchair psychology at its worst so I'm going to stop now. Just going off my own experiences and musings.
"
Tbh I dunno I’m just very unsure how I feel about constantly being told by older people that xyz will change when you get older. It’s mad condescending. Not in this thread but I think I’m just unsure of it |
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For every person you think is popular I can guarantee someone else thinks they're an utter dick.
No one is popular or better than anyone else.
There's groups of people that obviously get on and like to blow spoke up each others arses, and there's people that make lots of threads and comment lots. Being present doesn't make you popular.
The desirability bit? There are certain people on here that will want someone because they are just well known on the forums. |
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On here I think a lot of people are full of shite, so who could say who is popular or desirable?
I know the people I find desirable and many of them don't wander I to the forum so would never be classed as popular on here.
Out in the real world I'd hope most of us are popular within our friends group.
Back at school when there were genuine groups of popular kids I was certainly not one of them. I didn't fit in at the posh school and all my mates were at other schools, so I was a loner.
Judging by the number of times I was picked up in bars and clubs I'd guess I was desirable, but I suspect that had more to do with being very young and having tits, not to do with me as a person or any assumed level of popularity.
At a deeper level I think feeling like a popular person gave those kids a sense of confidence, which is a desirable trait. Maybe the same holds true as adults. |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though. "
Oh my lady me pickle. Fight over your atention all the time your certainly desirable in our eyes and on forum your exceedly popular |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc.
Dunno. I think it's to do with the developing brain. I also think if you're constantly with a group of your peers then there's that sense of competition and hierarchy, whether you lean into it or consciously reject it. Throughout my teens and twenties, prime age for people getting into relationships and looking for partners, that defo feeds in.
This is armchair psychology at its worst so I'm going to stop now. Just going off my own experiences and musings.
Tbh I dunno I’m just very unsure how I feel about constantly being told by older people that xyz will change when you get older. It’s mad condescending. Not in this thread but I think I’m just unsure of it "
I think it depends on the intent. Is someone saying it to belittle or placate you? Or are they talking about their own experiences? |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc.
Dunno. I think it's to do with the developing brain. I also think if you're constantly with a group of your peers then there's that sense of competition and hierarchy, whether you lean into it or consciously reject it. Throughout my teens and twenties, prime age for people getting into relationships and looking for partners, that defo feeds in.
This is armchair psychology at its worst so I'm going to stop now. Just going off my own experiences and musings.
Tbh I dunno I’m just very unsure how I feel about constantly being told by older people that xyz will change when you get older. It’s mad condescending. Not in this thread but I think I’m just unsure of it
I think it depends on the intent. Is someone saying it to belittle or placate you? Or are they talking about their own experiences? "
I think the difference is usually someone saying ‘as I got older xyz’ (like in this thread) vs ‘when you get older’ |
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"Sexually desirable? I think the two often go hand in hand when it's people popular with the opposite sex (or sex they're attracted to).
I've never been popular or particularly desirable by loads of people I don't know if that proves anything though.
Oh my lady me pickle. Fight over your atention all the time your certainly desirable in our eyes and on forum your exceedly popular "
It’s true I think Mrs N is hot but she knows this and doesn’t change the validity of what she’s saying |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc.
Dunno. I think it's to do with the developing brain. I also think if you're constantly with a group of your peers then there's that sense of competition and hierarchy, whether you lean into it or consciously reject it. Throughout my teens and twenties, prime age for people getting into relationships and looking for partners, that defo feeds in.
This is armchair psychology at its worst so I'm going to stop now. Just going off my own experiences and musings.
Tbh I dunno I’m just very unsure how I feel about constantly being told by older people that xyz will change when you get older. It’s mad condescending. Not in this thread but I think I’m just unsure of it "
But what would you tell a group of people 10 years younger than you? Would you not tell them that life changes and do priorities etc? You wouldn't be condescending, just offering your life experiences. |
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I think here it's more likely familiarity rather than popularity. The more someone posts, the more they are recognised. Therefore more likely to be liked (or not) depending on the content of their posts I suppose.  |
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"I honestly don't know how you classify popularity once you're not moving within a large group of your peers eg school, college, uni. And I don't think it matters. I give less of a shit what others think the older I get, whereas when I was younger I was more interested in courting others approval and interest, which I think equates to popularity.
The definition of popularity is the crux of your question, you twisty man
Mrs TMN x
I am defining it pretty simply as being liked and / or friends with a lot of people.
Also I think it’s interesting the way people (you and Frida on this thread but people more generally in my experience as well) suggest that getting older makes us care less about this stuff. I wonder why that is? I mean I care a lot about being liked or actually not being disliked but I’ve unpacked that a lot in therapy. I think more people should just have therapy to get over the trauma of school and the other shit that makes you internalise fitting in etc.
Dunno. I think it's to do with the developing brain. I also think if you're constantly with a group of your peers then there's that sense of competition and hierarchy, whether you lean into it or consciously reject it. Throughout my teens and twenties, prime age for people getting into relationships and looking for partners, that defo feeds in.
This is armchair psychology at its worst so I'm going to stop now. Just going off my own experiences and musings.
Tbh I dunno I’m just very unsure how I feel about constantly being told by older people that xyz will change when you get older. It’s mad condescending. Not in this thread but I think I’m just unsure of it
But what would you tell a group of people 10 years younger than you? Would you not tell them that life changes and do priorities etc? You wouldn't be condescending, just offering your life experiences. "
Telling them my life and priorities changed but not saying that will necessarily happen to them. Being on fab I’ve met plenty of people older than me that are no more mature or sensible or carefree than any of my friends my age. It’s life that makes us these things. I’m completely different to lots of my friends also because I have a kid and a fiancé I’ve been with for 10 years and live with them and not in a house share. Age *hasn’t got much do do with these things imo. |
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"I think I’m popular with some but seen as friendly not desirable  lol
I think we quickly put people in these categories. - ‘they’re just my friend. I don’t like them like that’"
Probably but hey it’s there preference I guess so can’t complain |
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Honestly, I do think I'm fairly popular on here. I don't think I'm seen as particularly desirable though. Our inbox doesn't suggest that, my lamppost doesn't get pissed on and people don't really flirt with me.
J |
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"Honestly, I do think I'm fairly popular on here. I don't think I'm seen as particularly desirable though. Our inbox doesn't suggest that, my lamppost doesn't get pissed on and people don't really flirt with me.
J"
Call me, sis |
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"Honestly, I do think I'm fairly popular on here. I don't think I'm seen as particularly desirable though. Our inbox doesn't suggest that, my lamppost doesn't get pissed on and people don't really flirt with me.
J"
I've totally flirted with you. Obviously, badly. |
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"Some people confuse productivity with popularity.
I've had people tell me in the past that I'm very popular on fab and when I've told them that I average one message a month, rarely get fabbed and have never met or chatted to the vast majority of people on the forums they are genuinely surprised.
I've asked how they came to the conclusion that I was popular and they have all said because I'm on the forums most days. "
this - volume of posting doesnt account to popularity - same in chat rooms, people chasing the cam views
its a funny fab place - when you look at some of the fab pics some people have like 3k likes, now that is popular |
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"Some people confuse productivity with popularity.
I've had people tell me in the past that I'm very popular on fab and when I've told them that I average one message a month, rarely get fabbed and have never met or chatted to the vast majority of people on the forums they are genuinely surprised.
I've asked how they came to the conclusion that I was popular and they have all said because I'm on the forums most days.
this - volume of posting doesnt account to popularity - same in chat rooms, people chasing the cam views
its a funny fab place - when you look at some of the fab pics some people have like 3k likes, now that is popular "
To be fair - I would say 3k likes is really just lust rather than popularity. |
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"Honestly, I do think I'm fairly popular on here. I don't think I'm seen as particularly desirable though. Our inbox doesn't suggest that, my lamppost doesn't get pissed on and people don't really flirt with me.
J
I've totally flirted with you. Obviously, badly."
Same. But clearly I mean NOTHING |
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"Honestly, I do think I'm fairly popular on here. I don't think I'm seen as particularly desirable though. Our inbox doesn't suggest that, my lamppost doesn't get pissed on and people don't really flirt with me.
J
I've totally flirted with you. Obviously, badly.
Same. But clearly I mean NOTHING"
Ok, I'll qualify it. The flirting rarely feels like there's genuine intent behind it if that makes sense.
Didn't mean to upset my few flirty friends  
J |
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"Honestly, I do think I'm fairly popular on here. I don't think I'm seen as particularly desirable though. Our inbox doesn't suggest that, my lamppost doesn't get pissed on and people don't really flirt with me.
J
I've totally flirted with you. Obviously, badly.
Same. But clearly I mean NOTHING
Ok, I'll qualify it. The flirting rarely feels like there's genuine intent behind it if that makes sense.
Didn't mean to upset my few flirty friends
J"
You are supposed to mean it when you flirt? I thought you had to fake it until you make it. |
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Context is everything. Some seem popular on ....(Fab/ the forums/ life outside fab) & it's a perpetuating evolution so they do well, others, not so much. Some will flock to who they observe as popular, others will avoid those that appear popular. It's all relatively to each person & what is important to them individually.
I don't think I am popular nor would I think I'd enjoy it, it's a bit similar to fame, it has specific benefits & pitfalls but it doesn't appeal. I like people because of who they appear to be, how they make me feel & how much we enjoy each others company. Some of those people may be popular, others might not, it has no relevance to me or my relationships with them. |
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