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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have been mulling this over for a while and wanted to ask for opinions, so this isn't asking for a character assassination, as such.
What makes swingers unfaithful? They have an open relationship, so they have permissive non- monogamy and yet they still lie and cheat?
Is it that they get addicted to the thrill of going behind their partners' back, do you think?
Is it a form of narcissism?
Do they get a kick out of "having one over" on someone?
Interested to hear from those that are here with or without the knowledge of their partners?
Why don't they just remain single and see people openly- is it less thrilling?
What do you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been mulling this over for a while and wanted to ask for opinions, so this isn't asking for a character assassination, as such.
What makes swingers unfaithful? They have an open relationship, so they have permissive non- monogamy and yet they still lie and cheat?
Is it that they get addicted to the thrill of going behind their partners' back, do you think?
Is it a form of narcissism?
Do they get a kick out of "having one over" on someone?
Interested to hear from those that are here with or without the knowledge of their partners?
Why don't they just remain single and see people openly- is it less thrilling?
What do you think?"
I think it's when they cross whatever boundaries they've set with their partner/s that they then become unfaithful. Selfishness, fear and unhappiness are the usual drivers towards this behaviour i guess.. I dunno.. I wasnt a swinger the only and last time i'll ever cheat on someone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult one. We both play with the openness and blessing of each other, we even show each other messages etc. If I found out my hubby was seeing someone behind my back through fab/swinging that would be it. It’s got to be all or nothing for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely would be unfaithful. This is why we both tend to play with couples together. I’ve played with singles and so as he but it’s not for us as we like a good foursome. That’s the pleasure for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe if one half of the couple connects with a person and the other doesn't.
The one that does connect is too selfish to let it go and meets behind the others back regardless.
It ain't just about not connecting, the one that got cheated on may have had a gut feeling that the person was bad news and that's why they didn't want to meet.... and it would turn out they were right to!
Talk about throw away probably the best thing that ever happened to ya in pursuit of a kick.
Sad times.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe if one half of the couple connects with a person and the other doesn't.
The one that does connect is too selfish to let it go and meets behind the others back regardless.
It ain't just about not connecting, the one that got cheated on may have had a gut feeling that the person was bad news and that's why they didn't want to meet.... and it would turn out they were right to!
Talk about throw away probably the best thing that ever happened to ya in pursuit of a kick.
Sad times.
P"
I’ve seen this happen time and time again to others. |
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I wonder if swingers are more predisposed to cheating. I know swinging itself isn’t cheating but we’re allegedly monogamous. It isn’t a massive leap from wanting sex outside your marriage/partnership in a swinging environment to cheating. Is it maybe Pandora’s box for some? |
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"I wonder if swingers are more predisposed to cheating. I know swinging itself isn’t cheating but we’re allegedly monogamous. It isn’t a massive leap from wanting sex outside your marriage/partnership in a swinging environment to cheating. Is it maybe Pandora’s box for some? "
I think that is somewhat true, the line in the sand may more blurred. |
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"I have been mulling this over for a while and wanted to ask for opinions, so this isn't asking for a character assassination, as such.
What makes swingers unfaithful? They have an open relationship, so they have permissive non- monogamy and yet they still lie and cheat?
Is it that they get addicted to the thrill of going behind their partners' back, do you think?
Is it a form of narcissism?
Do they get a kick out of "having one over" on someone?
Interested to hear from those that are here with or without the knowledge of their partners?
Why don't they just remain single and see people openly- is it less thrilling?
What do you think?"
I think in those loose fab relationships it is mostly just a case of having their cake and eating it too.
For some people it's just easier to avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions, emotional or otherwise. Most men just want to avoid any 'discussion'!  |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I think some people will cheat no matter how good they have it,its just in them.Whilst others will never cheat no matter how tough it gets.
People who swing are no different to everyone in every day life and I guess some enjoy the secrecy and sneaking about.
I couldn't imagine doing it,as I have Jacks permission to meet ,so no need to hide anything. |
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"I have been mulling this over for a while and wanted to ask for opinions, so this isn't asking for a character assassination, as such.
What makes swingers unfaithful? They have an open relationship, so they have permissive non- monogamy and yet they still lie and cheat?
Is it that they get addicted to the thrill of going behind their partners' back, do you think?
Is it a form of narcissism?
Do they get a kick out of "having one over" on someone?
Interested to hear from those that are here with or without the knowledge of their partners?
Why don't they just remain single and see people openly- is it less thrilling?
What do you think?
I think in those loose fab relationships it is mostly just a case of having their cake and eating it too.
For some people it's just easier to avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions, emotional or otherwise. Most men just want to avoid any 'discussion'! "
Thanks basically it.
The ways us men think is as follows "hmmm, I'd quite like to see x, but my partners not tremendously keen on me doing that. I could discuss it with her. But that will be an uncomfortably conversation and I hate those. I know, I'll see her without telling my partner and no one will be any the wiser" |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We only play together, NEVER separately. If one of us isn’t feeling it, we don’t play, simple. "
Same for us.
When we started swinging it was a joint decision that we always done it together.
We have a great sex life without it. It’s just something kinky as an extra and we both feel that it’s brought us closer together.
The moment either of us secretly want to meet others separately, is the moment we quit the site or the relationship.
When we meet other couples we get off on watching each other with other people and sharing someone that we love and feel proud to share. We also feel privileged to be given the opportunity to share their partner.
We’re not here to experience anyone better than our own partners or looking for better sex.
We can’t understand how couples can do separate room swaps or how they let their partner play alone. But that’s not something we have to understand. If that’s what works for them then that’s their own business. |
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"We only play together, NEVER separately. If one of us isn’t feeling it, we don’t play, simple.
Same for us.
When we started swinging it was a joint decision that we always done it together.
We have a great sex life without it. It’s just something kinky as an extra and we both feel that it’s brought us closer together.
The moment either of us secretly want to meet others separately, is the moment we quit the site or the relationship.
When we meet other couples we get off on watching each other with other people and sharing someone that we love and feel proud to share. We also feel privileged to be given the opportunity to share their partner.
We’re not here to experience anyone better than our own partners or looking for better sex.
We can’t understand how couples can do separate room swaps or how they let their partner play alone. But that’s not something we have to understand. If that’s what works for them then that’s their own business."
We play separately.
It's about not feeling sexually possessive of your partner and seperating emotional attachment from sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For some it could be the forbidden fruit concept i.e. a person their partner wouldn't approve of.
For some it could be the thrill of it being a secret.
For some it might be that they don't want their partner to have an excuse to meet more people, in a "You did it so I have the right to do it too ".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing. "
I gave trying to work out why my husband cheated on me, even though he said I was the perfect wife. I put it down to him wanting sex with other women but not wanting me to have sex with other men.
If we had become swingers we would have been one of those couples who only meet bi women so the man can get his fill. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you get to jump the fence sometimes you see the grass can be greener. Maybe little niggles you didnt know were there in your relationship become more apparent the more you get too look around you. |
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"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing.
I gave trying to work out why my husband cheated on me, even though he said I was the perfect wife. I put it down to him wanting sex with other women but not wanting me to have sex with other men.
If we had become swingers we would have been one of those couples who only meet bi women so the man can get his fill."
I think that's it really. Some Men like variety but get insanely jealous if their partners do the same.
Arses. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"...It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing. "
 Sadly I think this is the truth. It could be for all sorts of reasons but only the person who cheats truly knows why. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing. "
And when they arent "constrained" or "held back", in fact are given the opportunity to do as they please, to leave the relationship, but they still lie and cheat? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing.
And when they arent "constrained" or "held back", in fact are given the opportunity to do as they please, to leave the relationship, but they still lie and cheat?"
Maybe because they can “have it all” the thrill of meeting people for sex isn’t there anymore.
For some cheating is exciting, an adrenaline rush.
No two people are the same in their reasoning. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing.
And when they arent "constrained" or "held back", in fact are given the opportunity to do as they please, to leave the relationship, but they still lie and cheat?"
I can't speak for your situation, nor his, but in the generic scenario it would be a case of 'have your cake and eat it' I guess. Having someone there that you don't respect around is better than having no one, I'd imagine.
I truly sympathise with you and I hope that you find the closure that you're looking for, although, as I said; sometimes the answers are worse |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing.
And when they arent "constrained" or "held back", in fact are given the opportunity to do as they please, to leave the relationship, but they still lie and cheat?
I can't speak for your situation, nor his, but in the generic scenario it would be a case of 'have your cake and eat it' I guess. Having someone there that you don't respect around is better than having no one, I'd imagine.
I truly sympathise with you and I hope that you find the closure that you're looking for, although, as I said; sometimes the answers are worse "
Thanks but I was thinking that he is more deserving of your pity than me. Afterall, I am not a narcissist! |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There could be many many reasons, sadly sometimes we'll just never know and that's the killer. Looking for reasons and a degree of closure can bring about its own kind of madness and hell.
It's may be that they were looking for the thrill of meets unfettered by the perceived constraints that the partner placed on them. A degree of selfishness and unwillingness to fully commit maybe or perhaps they felt 'held back' by the partner.
Unfortunately though we can never really know why and sometimes the answers are worse than not knowing.
And when they arent "constrained" or "held back", in fact are given the opportunity to do as they please, to leave the relationship, but they still lie and cheat?
I can't speak for your situation, nor his, but in the generic scenario it would be a case of 'have your cake and eat it' I guess. Having someone there that you don't respect around is better than having no one, I'd imagine.
I truly sympathise with you and I hope that you find the closure that you're looking for, although, as I said; sometimes the answers are worse
Thanks but I was thinking that he is more deserving of your pity than me. Afterall, I am not a narcissist!"
Fair enough. I wasn't pitying you though, perhaps empathising is more accurate. |
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