FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Polyamorous Relationships
Polyamorous Relationships
Jump to: Newest in thread
Hii fabbers.
What is everyone's thoughts/views on polyamorous relationships? I'm interested to hear from people who are in one or have been in the past.
Something that I have thought about a few times, never got round to pursuing it yet. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's not something I've experienced but I can definitely see the appeal.
I've found I can connect with people in so many different ways and I really do enjoy and appreciate them all. Ideally I'd like all those traits in one person but that's very unlikely to happen so maybe polyamory is the way to go.
I guess my main concern would be jealousy and perhaps the logistics of it all but I guess that's part of it, finding a level that works for all involved.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
That is the one thing that put me off. The jealousy aspect of it. If I was to pursue it, safest option is to take it very slowly and make sure there's an understanding between everyone.
Im certainly intruiged. Maybe worth trying sometime. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't have time for one relationship let alone multiple ones lol!
Seriously though, If I did I'd totally opt for this dynamic. I don't always feel like just sex is enough but being someones only partner is too much pressure and expectation so maybe being in a relationship with a poly person who has a primary partner or multiple other partners would be pretty good for me. Some days I do wish I had a boy/manfriend so maybe this isn't such a bad idea. Assuming he really is openly poly and not lying and cheating. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r3mrsCouple
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
We are! It's something that evolved over a few years though, we didn't just jump into it. There has to be a good level of trust there, which we find by just being completely open and honest about everything. There are definitely some challenging conversations to be had; for example how do we know if when to stop and what to do if you start getting feelings. It actually gave us a plan and we don't worry about these things happening (if they ever do). I would say though that most guys think a poly relationship is just you both shagging around, it deffinately isn't that! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *assNGuyCouple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"We are! It's something that evolved over a few years though, we didn't just jump into it. There has to be a good level of trust there, which we find by just being completely open and honest about everything. There are definitely some challenging conversations to be had; for example how do we know if when to stop and what to do if you start getting feelings. It actually gave us a plan and we don't worry about these things happening (if they ever do). I would say though that most guys think a poly relationship is just you both shagging around, it deffinately isn't that! "
Maybe we are mistaken but isn't poly all about building emotional connections with your partners.
It's why we don't do Poly as its our only real rule between each other, can play as desire, have fwb etc etc but any emotional attachment we need step back with that person for a bit or disconnect from that connection... so we are just well evolved swingers in essence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m totally into the idea. I think after being in a long term monogamous relationship and realising sex was one of the main factors in its demise.
I kinda feel like it’s a more modern approach to a traditional relationship.
I think It’s very difficult [probably impossible] to find everything we want and need as individuals in just one other individual.
I mean. As they say, sharing is caring   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have thought about this many times and think this is the path for me a have never found anyone that has all I'm looking for and have found myself cheating in the past as a have got bored and lost interest very quickly this started from.very first relationship |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We are definitely into this. Helen has Had 2 serious very regular relationships over the last 5 or so years. Definitely very hard to find someone trustworthy and in a situation that’s feasible. Always on the look out for something along this scenario with the right person |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"We are! It's something that evolved over a few years though, we didn't just jump into it. There has to be a good level of trust there, which we find by just being completely open and honest about everything. There are definitely some challenging conversations to be had; for example how do we know if when to stop and what to do if you start getting feelings. It actually gave us a plan and we don't worry about these things happening (if they ever do). I would say though that most guys think a poly relationship is just you both shagging around, it deffinately isn't that!
Maybe we are mistaken but isn't poly all about building emotional connections with your partners.
It's why we don't do Poly as its our only real rule between each other, can play as desire, have fwb etc etc but any emotional attachment we need step back with that person for a bit or disconnect from that connection... so we are just well evolved swingers in essence."
Closest post here on target. I’ve had poly relationships in the past few years and it is all about connections. And openness.
Now a different dynamic happening and that’s fantastic.
And the poly is not something you look for. Yes be open to, but is evolutionary. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
Honestly until about 5yrs ago I didn’t even know what this was then I met someone who was Poly, whilst I wasn’t in what I would call a ‘serious relationship’ with this person it did come as a bit of a shock, something I wasn’t used to hearing was a man I spent time with also being open about the time he spent with someone else - in this dynamic which was very much a fwb situation I could separate my time with him and his time with another as I wasn’t in love with this person, I cared for him and enjoyed his company but my emotional involvement wasn’t at a degree where it was much more than a sexual/friendship.
I don’t expect any one human to give me everything I desire/need but I also don’t feel I could give parts of myself to multiple people in a romantic/sexual sense and that boils down to a feeling of spreading myself thin. When I developed feelings to the level I have for someone who came into my life this year I realised this just isn’t necessary for me, what I don’t get from my partner I give to myself through friendships, family, connections in other aspects of my life and I value what I can bring to the table on my own - life isn’t always about what other people give you self love an self awareness are just as important.
Whilst I don’t condemn people of a poly nature it’s something I feel would make me feel less ‘me’ and I wouldn’t invite anything or anyone into my life that has the capacity to do that x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks for your feed back everyone. It it is definitely something that interests me. Im not a fan of sleeping around so I think I will give it a try to see how it goes. Just need to find people wanting the same thing.
If you's know anyone.. feel free to get in touch  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We had a poly relationship in the late 1970s when we were living in a commune up the west coast of Scotland. At the time there was another 3 involved in poly relationships. It worked very well for us and only came to an end when the other girl moved back home after the death of her mother. We never found anyone else we wanted another relationship with and have since realised an open relationship works best for us.
BTW we are still great friends with Roseanne after all those years, who stays in Cumbria and go down to vist her at least once a year and she also comes to visit us regularly |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I love it, I didn't always when my wife first started getting feelings for someone else but after a few months and alot of research and communication I can finally say we are all really happy, It has taken some of the pressure off me to be her every thing and it allows me to explore it myself if I wish, we can all get defrant things form different people the only restaurants I have found is while love can be infinite time is most certainly not |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Don’t think poly is for me as I would be too
Insecure with it, always wondering if they preferred time with the other woman although maybe that’s cause I’m not in a secure relationship I think that.
Everyone is different and sometimes it’s what your not looking for that ends up being what makes you happiest |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Pre covid I had the joy of an open poly relationship with first a f2m trans partner and my wife, then a bi m and my wife. She then had her own set or deep sensual relationships. We are both open yp it happening again,maybe through a Fab encounter where the love gets deeper. Lots of honest communication, care on going through diaries, and agreed safety principles. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly until about 5yrs ago I didn’t even know what this was then I met someone who was Poly, whilst I wasn’t in what I would call a ‘serious relationship’ with this person it did come as a bit of a shock, something I wasn’t used to hearing was a man I spent time with also being open about the time he spent with someone else - in this dynamic which was very much a fwb situation I could separate my time with him and his time with another as I wasn’t in love with this person, I cared for him and enjoyed his company but my emotional involvement wasn’t at a degree where it was much more than a sexual/friendship.
I don’t expect any one human to give me everything I desire/need but I also don’t feel I could give parts of myself to multiple people in a romantic/sexual sense and that boils down to a feeling of spreading myself thin. When I developed feelings to the level I have for someone who came into my life this year I realised this just isn’t necessary for me, what I don’t get from my partner I give to myself through friendships, family, connections in other aspects of my life and I value what I can bring to the table on my own - life isn’t always about what other people give you self love an self awareness are just as important.
Whilst I don’t condemn people of a poly nature it’s something I feel would make me feel less ‘me’ and I wouldn’t invite anything or anyone into my life that has the capacity to do that x"
Really interesting post.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I met a guy who was in a poly relationship and I saw him for about a year. It was something we discussed and probably without realising it I became part of it. He knew who I met and I knew who he met up with. We were very open about it. The relationship was more Dom/sub rather than romantic but I didn’t realise how deeply feelings went until we stopped meeting abruptly when his primary partner died suddenly.
These relationships evolve, you don’t go looking for them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ibliosWoman 48 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
There's lots of different flavours of and approaches to poly so, like most relationships, a lot of it comes down to good communication. Yes, it can take a bit more effort on the logistics but I like not relying on one person to be All The Things or vice versa. The only time I find I have issues are where people have unrealistic expectations or are really just looking for an official "bit on the side" to fit around their primary relationship when it suits them (and ditch you when it doesn't) - fine if that's what you want but be honest about it instead of trying to dress it up as something it's not. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This is something we are very interested in. Helen sharing time between our primary relationship and having a boyfriend also. More than just a sexual relationship but spending regular time, dates, overnights or even holidays with her boyfriend. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There's a difference between polyamory and polyfuckery
I've done polyamory , it ended because of polyfuckery.
Even the best polyamorous folks have moments of jealousy it's human nature.
I could only ever do closed poly nowadays |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
As far as my understanding of polyamory its all about emotional connections toward multiple partners , I think and just my opinion when the emotional part isn't there surely thats just trying to put a new spin on the swinging label if it's aimed at sexual feelings instead of an emotional attachment.. also I think it can be used as a way to get out of cheating if you declare yourself as poly in order to shag about . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've been polyamorous for a little over ten years.
It's not without its difficulties but I find it suits me best.
I currently have two partners that I love fiercely and our poly is still open although at the moment I'm not sure I have time for another love match as my time is limited.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If it works for you, magic, crack on.
If I love you, and we're in a relationship, then I'm not ok with you having any kind of intimate and emotional relationship with someone else.
We're all made different. Keeps life interesting I suppose. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It’s good to have a healthy discussion about it. I like hearing the views of other people.
Communication is important though to make sure everyone you are involved with understands and agrees the boundaries. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We have had relationships in the past that you would be considered polyamary. However, we see it as we are one entity dating someone else if that makes sense, and try to make it as mutual as possible. It does take a lot of communication, trust and there's always some bumps along the way, but as long as no one flies off the handle and are able to sit down and talk about it, it's great having additions to an already solid relationship. It's not about filling the gaps of wants and desires, it's about enchancing the dynamic two people may already have and having more experiences and opportunities to do things with other human beings |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have been in a few, have just come out of one which ended in such a heartbreaking way.
I’ve found as long as there’s complete honesty with each other and full openness always it can work for some. No sneaking around behind each others back, seeking hookups in secret.
Best to completely discuss everything like expectations, rules etc from the start. Once the trust is broken it’s hard to recover in my experience and can feel you’re in a world of pain!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Truth be told, I’ve struggled to find men with the emotional maturity to do it properly but for all the struggles I’ve learned it’s what I’ve always steered towards without necessarily being conscious of it.
During a night out I unsoberly proposed a threesome with my first ever boyfriend and my best friend. As I was knackered by the end of the night, I suggested they two go ahead without me. In the morning I felt compersion although it was for my friend rather than my boyfriend - she had just lost her virginity and I wanted to hear all about it as best mates do. No jealousy, no insecurity.
Unfortunately, rather than this develop into something beautiful, I later learned they carried on some kind of affair behind my back.
My ex from about 8 years ago was the first to introduce me to the idea officially. Unfortunately for him it was about distance rather than closeness. He weaponised it, any time I did something he didn’t like he would tell me “M would never do that!” Or “M agrees you’re being a dick about this whole thing”. M and I had never met, all we knew of eachother was the poison he’d spewed. I did not have the self confidence to pursue another partner, largely due to him, so I didn’t.
With my most recent ex, we started as poly from the getgo. Although it was brief as when covid hit, we moved in together and lost touch with other partners entirely. As the world started to open back up, now much more serious about eachother, we looked at reopening. Unfortunately we realised we had very different ideas of what polyamory was. He was looking for something hierarchal and sex based - so swinging. I want the freedom to love and be loved, polyamory. We broke up for other reasons but this played into that a little.
Truth be told there’s no such thing as unemotional anything for me. Love is at the very core of my being and I hate how much I hold this back, for the comfort of others or due to societal expectations. I’ve never cheated and I never would. I don’t see the need to hurt anybody when it’s an option that everybody be free to do what they like and everything be out in the open.
Now that I’m understanding better who I am and what I want, I’m really looking forward to exploring this further.
Excuse the pure essay lol I have been restricted from posting on forums and dying to dive in lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I had a poly relationship about 30 years ago. It started because my bf worked away from home a lot and I got frustrated, so we agreed it was ok for me to have a girlfriend. Then it all developed and she moved in with us. It went sour when he started getting jealous. We’re all still friends though.
If I were to do it again it would definitely be with 2 bi guys rather than 2 females. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
