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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'd like to tell you a story. It began several years ago when my daughter was a baby. Everything was perfect the day the health visitor came to visit. The house was looking immaculate, my delightful daughter playing so sweetly whilst I performed my barista duties. I made the finest one shot lattes that day.
Feeling a little giddy with pride I settled down to make polite conversation about how well things were going. My daughter has always been very enthusiastic about any house guests and delighted in showing the health visitor all her toys.
They played a little game which involved my beautiful girl putting toys under the blanket that lay on the sofa to much giggles and merriment. The health visitor lifted up the blanket and there underneath is what can only be described as a PERSONAL MASSAGE DEVICE! MY PERSONAL MASSAGE DEVICE. I clocked it, my heart racing, what do I do? Do I launch myself at the sofa? Do i start singing opera to buy time? I do nothing! I look at the health visitor. She's clocked it. Oh f*ck! Oh f*ck! Oh f*ck!
Before I can do anything she's picked it up. SHE'S F*CKING PICKED UP MY SEX TOY! She studies it. I can see the cogs ticking 'one of those ergonomically designed baby toys'! And then, I see it click and her face drops. This is all unfolding before my eyes and I am powerless to do anything. She puts it down, covers it with the blanket and we carry on as though NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.
And there we have it! And for the good of mankind I will continue to share the story of the day my health visitor found my ergonomically designed baby toy/ personal massage device/ sex toy. |
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