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Being discreet
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that "
Not difficult with a bit of care and intelligence.
There’s always the element of bad luck, but it’s minimal risk if you’re selective as to who, where and when you meet. |
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I am open about what I do and antics, if people wish to judge me for the lifestyle I choose then they are welcome to move on.
I chose not to have my pictures public on this site to respect people privacy and because not everyone can be as open as I am able to.
As my taste lay within the BDSM side of things, I have found most people are just to afraid of what they don’t know and the false information given out about what we actually do.
I tend to the person that people want to come ask questions to regarding stuff mainly butt stuff or how they spice up a dirty weekend away.
On the whole, I found most people accepting of my lifestyle because I am open to answering questions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that
Not difficult with a bit of care and intelligence.
There’s always the element of bad luck, but it’s minimal risk if you’re selective as to who, where and when you meet. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that
Not difficult with a bit of care and intelligence.
There’s always the element of bad luck, but it’s minimal risk if you’re selective as to who, where and when you meet. "
How do you choose who and where you meet? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am open about what I do and antics, if people wish to judge me for the lifestyle I choose then they are welcome to move on.
I chose not to have my pictures public on this site to respect people privacy and because not everyone can be as open as I am able to.
As my taste lay within the BDSM side of things, I have found most people are just to afraid of what they don’t know and the false information given out about what we actually do.
I tend to the person that people want to come ask questions to regarding stuff mainly butt stuff or how they spice up a dirty weekend away.
On the whole, I found most people accepting of my lifestyle because I am open to answering questions. "
That's good, before I did any of this I always thought it was horrible how people who potentially did it got treated and gossiped about why does it even matter |
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"I am open about what I do and antics, if people wish to judge me for the lifestyle I choose then they are welcome to move on.
I chose not to have my pictures public on this site to respect people privacy and because not everyone can be as open as I am able to.
As my taste lay within the BDSM side of things, I have found most people are just to afraid of what they don’t know and the false information given out about what we actually do.
I tend to the person that people want to come ask questions to regarding stuff mainly butt stuff or how they spice up a dirty weekend away.
On the whole, I found most people accepting of my lifestyle because I am open to answering questions.
That's good, before I did any of this I always thought it was horrible how people who potentially did it got treated and gossiped about why does it even matter "
It doesn’t matter and shouldn’t matter at all.
I chose to be open as I am a masochist, and sometimes I can’t hide the marks as well as I would like or they take longer to show. So to remove the awkward conversations for some people.
Now I have people that want to come to a club and explore their sexuality with me and want to actually understand the things I do and even experience some of the stuff I do.
I have the opinion that can’t change the way kink is viewed unless we are open and discuss it. |
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We don't share face pics or numbers until we have chatted a few times. Usually filters non genuine people out a bit and we know some like face pics straight off but that's their personal choice.
When out in public (pre covid) we wouldn't meet in bars where people we know go. We would be upfront about being discreet and mutual respect. Most people get that. If we did bump into someone and introductions needed (hasn't happened yet) we would say we are work colleagues or old uni mates, that kind of thing and then move onto another bar (or the hotel room). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always managed to keep it quiet from family. My parents are very prudish and would be disgusted and they are very nosey about my life anyway. I've had to tell them little white lies over the years especially when I used to go to the clubs down south. I'm a very private person so I've always been two steps ahead before any questions get fired at me x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We don't share face pics or numbers until we have chatted a few times. Usually filters non genuine people out a bit and we know some like face pics straight off but that's their personal choice.
When out in public (pre covid) we wouldn't meet in bars where people we know go. We would be upfront about being discreet and mutual respect. Most people get that. If we did bump into someone and introductions needed (hasn't happened yet) we would say we are work colleagues or old uni mates, that kind of thing and then move onto another bar (or the hotel room). "
Good tips, thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Always managed to keep it quiet from family. My parents are very prudish and would be disgusted and they are very nosey about my life anyway. I've had to tell them little white lies over the years especially when I used to go to the clubs down south. I'm a very private person so I've always been two steps ahead before any questions get fired at me x"
That's good to know, yeah it's family that would be an issue for us x |
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that "
We've never had any issues keeping it to ourselves. It helps that our kids are grown up and don't need baby sitting. There are things that certainly help.
We don't have people at our house.
We regularly have nights away, visiting different parts of the UK. So it's nothing strange when we have a night or weekend away.
We try not to tell lies, so we can tell family that we're going out for a drink and meeting friends.
We don't have our faces in public pics.
Beyond that, there's nothing special.
Cal |
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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago
wolverhampton |
"Keep your mouth shut . People only know what you tell then . 
Yeah but others talk, for example if you met someone from the same town? "
Then there not being discreet and that's as good as braking ones trust. Some people just dont no when to keep there mouth shut . |
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I'm discrete I've met people in same village and know others who are on here but don't I know ,the way to keep it discrete op is not to have too many strange people come to the door ,don't acknowledge people u have met if they want to keep fab desperate from reality and never kiss and tell and I've been on and off here for 8 years and none of my family or friends any the wiser |
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Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that
We've never had any issues keeping it to ourselves. It helps that our kids are grown up and don't need baby sitting. There are things that certainly help.
We don't have people at our house.
We regularly have nights away, visiting different parts of the UK. So it's nothing strange when we have a night or weekend away.
We try not to tell lies, so we can tell family that we're going out for a drink and meeting friends.
We don't have our faces in public pics.
Beyond that, there's nothing special.
Cal"
OK, we do all that thank you. Have you ever met in your own town? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well "
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Keep your mouth shut . People only know what you tell then .
Yeah but others talk, for example if you met someone from the same town?
Then there not being discreet and that's as good as braking ones trust. Some people just dont no when to keep there mouth shut . "
I know people say they are but I worry they may not be xx |
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk "
you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world"
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? |
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? "
not at all if I don't know them why would I avoid them ,chances of you knowing someone if u are in a big town or city is very low and chances of bumping into them in the street even rarer so why worry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? not at all if I don't know them why would I avoid them ,chances of you knowing someone if u are in a big town or city is very low and chances of bumping into them in the street even rarer so why worry"
I'm a worrier haha |
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? not at all if I don't know them why would I avoid them ,chances of you knowing someone if u are in a big town or city is very low and chances of bumping into them in the street even rarer so why worry
I'm a worrier haha "
they are here for same thing ,good discrete sex with like minded people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? "
I'm not too bothered tbh as you can see I have my face pics on. I also work in the public eye. I do have a lot of friends who don't have face pics on and they don't seem to mind I have my face showing.
It's never been an issue with people I've met
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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago
shropshire |
"Always managed to keep it quiet from family. My parents are very prudish and would be disgusted and they are very nosey about my life anyway. I've had to tell them little white lies over the years especially when I used to go to the clubs down south. I'm a very private person so I've always been two steps ahead before any questions get fired at me x"
Lol took the words right out of my mouth |
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that "
I’m in the middle.
I’m discreet cause I keep this side of me away from friends and family. I’m also discreet when it comes to people I’ve met.
But I also don’t care about bumping into someone in the street who recognises me from here  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? not at all if I don't know them why would I avoid them ,chances of you knowing someone if u are in a big town or city is very low and chances of bumping into them in the street even rarer so why worry
I'm a worrier haha they are here for same thing ,good discrete sex with like minded people"
Very true x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered?
I'm not too bothered tbh as you can see I have my face pics on. I also work in the public eye. I do have a lot of friends who don't have face pics on and they don't seem to mind I have my face showing.
It's never been an issue with people I've met
"
I don't mind people with face pics but I tend to avoid it local as I feel like they may be more likely to discuss with others, I'm just paranoid haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that
I’m in the middle.
I’m discreet cause I keep this side of me away from friends and family. I’m also discreet when it comes to people I’ve met.
But I also don’t care about bumping into someone in the street who recognises me from here "
Haha a bit exciting? But what about if you were with family lol mum, Dad, kids?? Hahs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always managed to keep it quiet from family. My parents are very prudish and would be disgusted and they are very nosey about my life anyway. I've had to tell them little white lies over the years especially when I used to go to the clubs down south. I'm a very private person so I've always been two steps ahead before any questions get fired at me x
Lol took the words right out of my mouth "
It's really best to tell a half truth rather than an outright lie lol x |
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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago
Heaven in the Midlands |
Friends and family, it's easy to keep it secret from them. It's the ones we meet for a social, declaring discretion is a must. We arrive at the destination separately, then they wanna start snogging us before we leave the pub. That's not discretion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Friends and family, it's easy to keep it secret from them. It's the ones we meet for a social, declaring discretion is a must. We arrive at the destination separately, then they wanna start snogging us before we leave the pub. That's not discretion."
No definitely not x |
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"All the people who want to be discreet have you managed to be able to keep this lifestyle quiet from friends and family? What are some good tips for keeping it that way.
Also if you don't care about being discreet let me know how you get on with that
We've never had any issues keeping it to ourselves. It helps that our kids are grown up and don't need baby sitting. There are things that certainly help.
We don't have people at our house.
We regularly have nights away, visiting different parts of the UK. So it's nothing strange when we have a night or weekend away.
We try not to tell lies, so we can tell family that we're going out for a drink and meeting friends.
We don't have our faces in public pics.
Beyond that, there's nothing special.
Cal
----
OK, we do all that thank you. Have you ever met in your own town? "
We've had a couple of socials locally (one turned out to be Anita's cousin), but generally we go to clubs. We wouldn't have a problem with meeting locals, but it just hasn't happened that way yet.
Cal |
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Just be very careful, just put county or town in your profile , try to meet people outside your area ,Especially if they are single ,couples tend to be more descrete,as like us may have offspring living at home ,Either withold your number or have a second phone ,don’t give facial pics until your certain you can trust them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also op never give your full name or use pics from your social media as you can be traced numerous ways and only give Kik or SC until your confident you can trust the other person I've found works well
I do all that, thank you. I'd like to meet local but feel it's too much of a risk you'll find they are just as discrete if not more as they don't want friends or neighbours judging them like I said I've met a few couples on the village off here and we have all kept our sex lives secret from everyone else and never acknowledge each other as we don't share the same circle of friends in the real world
Would you avoid people who use face pics public as they don't seem bothered? "
Yep. |
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Location does matter - a big town is definitely more comfortable from the privacy perspective. It is an absolutely valid wish to keep your intimate life to yourself especially when having children as they need to find things out at an appropriate times and not to have it sprang up on them by accident.
Personally, there is discreet and "discreet" - genuine wish to keep your life private and deceit, I am not interested in being anyone's dirty secret or helping them lie to their partner.
I am also of the old-fashioned view that intimate details of my life is not my family's business, just the same as I do not want to know theirs. It's inappropriate. We are all of the same view and this is never something that would be discussed.
My friends know about my lifestyle and I am open about it in general - if a subject arises I am open about my interests and about kink (as appropriate). It is easy not to worry when it is not a secret. Also, people need to learn to accept differences and diversity, unless they are educated about kink they will learn from garbage like fifty shades of shit etc (which is not BDSM but domestic violence).
I have my own ways of preserving my privacy: my photos tend to be taken by professional photographers and are artistic, as a dancer and occasional Burlesque performer I am already close to alternative lifestyle so the gap is very small. I don't exchange photos with people, if they wish to see me they will have to meet me for a coffee. I won't engage with anyone who does not fulfill the bare minimum of genuine respect and friendly connection - all this mitigates potential risks to a minimum. Yes, it is time consuming and a lot of effort, what can you do.
What I would advise is to evaluate the risks and have a strategy of what you are comfortable to do. For example, remember that any photo that you send or put on the internet is forever so be prepared to own that. Share only photos you would be OK with being made public. If your town is small and you feel uneasy about gossip, meet people from areas around and meet them at a hotel away for example or otherwise vet them thoroughly and evaluate how respectful they are. Play at clubs where there is a mutual privacy protection and perhaps take trips away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Location does matter - a big town is definitely more comfortable from the privacy perspective. It is an absolutely valid wish to keep your intimate life to yourself especially when having children as they need to find things out at an appropriate times and not to have it sprang up on them by accident.
Personally, there is discreet and "discreet" - genuine wish to keep your life private and deceit, I am not interested in being anyone's dirty secret or helping them lie to their partner.
I am also of the old-fashioned view that intimate details of my life is not my family's business, just the same as I do not want to know theirs. It's inappropriate. We are all of the same view and this is never something that would be discussed.
My friends know about my lifestyle and I am open about it in general - if a subject arises I am open about my interests and about kink (as appropriate). It is easy not to worry when it is not a secret. Also, people need to learn to accept differences and diversity, unless they are educated about kink they will learn from garbage like fifty shades of shit etc (which is not BDSM but domestic violence).
I have my own ways of preserving my privacy: my photos tend to be taken by professional photographers and are artistic, as a dancer and occasional Burlesque performer I am already close to alternative lifestyle so the gap is very small. I don't exchange photos with people, if they wish to see me they will have to meet me for a coffee. I won't engage with anyone who does not fulfill the bare minimum of genuine respect and friendly connection - all this mitigates potential risks to a minimum. Yes, it is time consuming and a lot of effort, what can you do.
What I would advise is to evaluate the risks and have a strategy of what you are comfortable to do. For example, remember that any photo that you send or put on the internet is forever so be prepared to own that. Share only photos you would be OK with being made public. If your town is small and you feel uneasy about gossip, meet people from areas around and meet them at a hotel away for example or otherwise vet them thoroughly and evaluate how respectful they are. Play at clubs where there is a mutual privacy protection and perhaps take trips away. "
Great advice, thank you x |
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