FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Swinging vs Relationship
Swinging vs Relationship
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By *aughtydante OP Man
over a year ago
Midlands Based But Travel |
Im writing this as a single guy. So my view point might be different to yours...
But swinging lifestyle or a relationship? Which would you choose?
And to all the couples out there enjoying both. Us single guys can only hope lol. |
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I think the vast majority of folks on this site would like to be in a solid loving swinging relationship. Easier said than done however. It’s difficult enough to find a partner that is a match on all the other criteria that makes a relationship a success before adding swinging to the mix. Although the lifestyle can be summed up in one word, “swinging” there are a multitude of sexual desires, sexual roles, jealousy, degrees of participation etc etc which makes compatibility even harder. Some couples manage it perfectly but anyone who thinks it’s easy is living in a fantasy land. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im writing this as a single guy. So my view point might be different to yours...
But swinging lifestyle or a relationship? Which would you choose?
And to all the couples out there enjoying both. Us single guys can only hope lol."
Both. A swinging relationship |
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"What about ENM relationships? "
Ethical non-monogamy and polyamory are both great scenarios if they can be achieved. The issue for many however is that once emotions are given the same or higher priority over physical pleasure when involving other individuals in a relationship it can get messy. Hats off to those that can achieve it successfully but I think I’d have more chance winning the lottery than having a long term ENM or polyamorous relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im lucky to have both, as im in a open relationship that allows me to have my cake and eat it, she joins in when she wants, if not shes happy to hear all about it at the end of the day its her that i head home to. |
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Relationship, every time. Swinging is transitory, shallow and ultimately lacks real meaning.
I understand people not wanting a romantic relationship and using swinging as a way to get sex, obviously I understand people within a relationship using swinging as a way to get more or different sex but swinging isn't an alternative to a relationship. |
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Relationship first and foremost but if they are open to this lifestyle that would be great. It would be while till I felt secure enough in a relationship to add swinging to it though, once bitten and all that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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?????? most of us couples do both ?? there alot of long term very together loving couples on here who have great relationships and swing at the same time ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sorry see what you mean your asking from a single guy point of view ....
if i or hubs was single we both said it would always be relationship first after all for a couple swinging is nothing with out a rock solid relationship
i dont think fab is for finding relationships just my own personal view but then again you can fall in love anywhere but you'll only ever hear the success storys ... but i do believe fab needs a dating section for those who believe they can find a relationship |
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By *rettyflamingoCouple
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"Im writing this as a single guy. So my view point might be different to yours...
But swinging lifestyle or a relationship? Which would you choose?
And to all the couples out there enjoying both. Us single guys can only hope lol."
I’d love to meet someone special in this lifestyle so we could explore and have fun together |
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"Im writing this as a single guy. So my view point might be different to yours...
But swinging lifestyle or a relationship? Which would you choose?
And to all the couples out there enjoying both. Us single guys can only hope lol."
I’m a unicorn - I’m single and  swinging. However, if the right guy came along, I would ditch the swinging lifestyle and just have a relationship.  |
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I’d love both. I want the cake and to eat it all in as many different flavours as possible but with someone who’s skipping on this journey hand in hand with me.
It’s not my reality as yet but that’s my aim.
You only get one life  |
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"I’d love both. I want the cake and to eat it all in as many different flavours as possible but with someone who’s skipping on this journey hand in hand with me.
It’s not my reality as yet but that’s my aim.
You only get one life "
Thats an interesting post to have been made from a couples account |
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"I’d love both. I want the cake and to eat it all in as many different flavours as possible but with someone who’s skipping on this journey hand in hand with me.
It’s not my reality as yet but that’s my aim.
You only get one life
Thats an interesting post to have been made from a couples account "
My husband doesn’t swing so I have spanks my playmate who I happily skip along with but would love it if my husband did. It’s not his cup
of tea which is fine I live in hope  |
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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
"I think the vast majority of folks on this site would like to be in a solid loving swinging relationship. Easier said than done however. It’s difficult enough to find a partner that is a match on all the other criteria that makes a relationship a success before adding swinging to the mix. Although the lifestyle can be summed up in one word, “swinging” there are a multitude of sexual desires, sexual roles, jealousy, degrees of participation etc etc which makes compatibility even harder. Some couples manage it perfectly but anyone who thinks it’s easy is living in a fantasy land."
Exactly this. However we find it very easy. Swinging is a journey. You take it together and it can make you so so close. I adore my husband. Hes my world, and love the lifestyle we choose to live together x |
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I think before asking either/or you need to ask yourself to what extent is sexual non-monogamy or the need to swing written into your core sexuality? Some can happily live without but for others to live a life of total sexual monogamy would be to live a life not being truly ourselves. There is a real danger in terms of the foundations of a relationship when you can not be fully open, truly yourself and loved and supported for all you are including your kinks and sexual outlook. Naturally I think we would all love to share these aspects with our partners but at the very least be able to be ourselves with our partners blessing. A relationship should not be a cage. It should be something where the both of you are free to be yourselves and grow.
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We have both.
We met in here and our relationship is way more than swinging could ever be on its own.
We have total trust and commitment but also the freedom to explore.
And we’ve just got engaged. |
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"We have both.
We met in here and our relationship is way more than swinging could ever be on its own.
We have total trust and commitment but also the freedom to explore.
And we’ve just got engaged. "
Same with us we met on here and love sharing with other people couldn’t go back to a “normal” relationship now
M |
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We have both.
We met here so the swinging part was/is a natural extension of what we both used to do.
The relationship is the centre of everything though. We’d both give up swinging if it was necessary to protect the relationship, ironically the time we feel like that is the time it not necessary.
J |
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When I’m single I like to mingle and enjoy no strings sex but defo prefer having a regular fwb
I’d prefer a relationship and for me it would be monogamous because I know I have insecurities and trust issues I’ve gave trust too much and had it taken for granted
However anyone I met would have to understand that the friendships I’ve made and the clubs I visit would still very much play a part in my life because they are the places I feel good about myself and confident and my swinger friends are the ones who has supported me through the toughest times in my life where my vanilla friends have fallen far short ! |
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
Relationship. It is arduous work tryna get a shag.
I take it all back. I'll even sit and watch Love Island/Fifty Shades/Downton with you. You can park on double yellows all you want and I won't tell you off anymore. |
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My advice (as a previous singleton on fab), be honest from the offset. If their willing to listen and accept you might not have conformed with "norm", it's surprising how many conversations pop up 
PR had always expressed an interest in exploring with another woman. Who was I to stop her?? Fast forward a year or so, and we've never looked back.
It takes a special connection, we are fortunate enough to be head over heels with eachother, while being able to enjoy exploring with others.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have both agreed that neither of us could be in a relationship where swinging wasn't a part but... Swinging doesn't wash the pots, swinging doesn't pay the mortgage, swinging doesn't help the kids with their homework. Or just cuddle you at night. Relationship definitely the priority. M |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I’ve been hurt too often to get seriously involved with anyone. I have Fab friends that I’ve known for years and when we meet up it can be deep and meaningful, it’s not just sex. We are good friends and often chat about many things.
I have great Fab friends that I socialise with as well. I don’t think I’d find a relationship out with the swinging scene. |
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"We have both agreed that neither of us could be in a relationship where swinging wasn't a part but... Swinging doesn't wash the pots, swinging doesn't pay the mortgage, swinging doesn't help the kids with their homework. Or just cuddle you at night. Relationship definitely the priority. M"
Love this |
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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago
Lincoln |
We’ve got both
Totally depends what you want though. We’ve said we could give up actual swinging but not the sexual openness as that feels more important than actually doing things with other people.
We were both on here initially looking for a swinging lifestyle and it ended up becoming a relationship but I’m sure there’s plenty of people who are looking for a relation first and foremost but end up just with a swinging lifestyle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So I’m in an open marriage. When I say open I mean not just open to swinging. Id love to find someone open minded enough to be happy with my circumstances and have a relationship with. That would 100% add happiness to my life. |
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By *aughtydante OP Man
over a year ago
Midlands Based But Travel |
"We have both.
We met in here and our relationship is way more than swinging could ever be on its own.
We have total trust and commitment but also the freedom to explore.
And we’ve just got engaged. "
Congratulations |
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There are more relationship/lifestyle setups available than the very short list in the original post! For example, I'm solo poly - I don't ever want to share my home, finances, children etc etc with another adult, but that doesn't mean I can't have a close romantic relationship. In fact I'm very lucky and I have two! Our setup is also completely open so I'm free to form whatever other connections I like - whether those are casual or more. |
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"Im writing this as a single guy. So my view point might be different to yours...
But swinging lifestyle or a relationship? Which would you choose?
And to all the couples out there enjoying both. Us single guys can only hope lol."
Having done all 3 I have to say number 3 is the best. We met on here as singles. I liked being a single female, but it was hard work, filtering out all the weirdo's, getting rid of the stalkers, getting single men to accept no for an answer.
Being in a loving relationship is much better having stability and not having to find what the turn ons and offs are, the sex is amazing but misses the buzz of the risk.
Being swingers gives the best of both worlds, we get to enjoy each other and mix it up when we meet. I have to say though, the sex after a meet is always the best. |
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
"I'm single and happy to stay single.
Every now and then i dio my toe in the dating pond, and instantly remember why i stopped dating "
this sounds like me. I would now 100% have a word with myself if I even contemplated dating or a relationship. |
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By *rindnbumpCouple
over a year ago
Our little world of Kinky Fuckery in Durham |
"Relationship, every time. Swinging is transitory, shallow and ultimately lacks real meaning.
I understand people not wanting a romantic relationship and using swinging as a way to get sex, obviously I understand people within a relationship using swinging as a way to get more or different sex but swinging isn't an alternative to a relationship. "
Exactly this.
We've been together 23 years and swinging for about 10 years but only indulge when the mood takes us  |
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I'm not here and actively looking for or wanting anything apart from whatever just happens. Id rather meet and have a drink/laugh/whatever then whatever happens... Id rather that way than waste time looking for just one thing in life that in reality may or may not even happen. |
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I want a relationship. It doesn't have to be a full-blown relationship but it would be preferable. I am not looking for a swinging partner.
I know this is a swinger’s website but what is wrong with looking for a partner on here? What is wrong with wooing the woman? What is wrong in enticing her? What is wrong with missing things like kissing, cuddling, romance, me cooking romantic meals for two, making each other laugh, being there for each other during the good and bad times, etc? I am sure there are women on here looking for a partner. I miss the romantic side of a relationship as well as the sexual side.
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"I want a relationship. It doesn't have to be a full-blown relationship but it would be preferable. I am not looking for a swinging partner.
I know this is a swinger’s website but what is wrong with looking for a partner on here? .......
"
There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking for a relationship on Fabswingers but if you are doing that the reason should be that it is also a swinging relationship you are seeking as any lady you find on here will be a swinger.
If the relationship is more important than the swinging then you should be looking on regular dating sites as the male to female ratio is much more balanced and therefore the chances of finding what you're looking for are significantly higher.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I want a relationship. It doesn't have to be a full-blown relationship but it would be preferable. I am not looking for a swinging partner.
I know this is a swinger’s website but what is wrong with looking for a partner on here? .......
There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking for a relationship on Fabswingers but if you are doing that the reason should be that it is also a swinging relationship you are seeking as any lady you find on here will be a swinger.
If the relationship is more important than the swinging then you should be looking on regular dating sites as the male to female ratio is much more balanced and therefore the chances of finding what you're looking for are significantly higher.
"
That's not true. Some people on Fab are swingers and some aren't.
People can find monogamous relationships on here too. |
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Think wife would agree with me , but our relationship comes first every time , always good to have someone beside you through good times and bad , we treat swinging as that extra bit of fun on the side , like a visit to a theme park for extra thrills , we can chose what ride we want to go on , mostly together ??and the odd one alone |
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I met My Girl on here.
Do you have to comprise? To what extent is swingers part of your core sexuality or is it something your not too bothered with? At the end of the day if this desire is part of you are you happy to go forward living a lie? Surely you want to be truly yourself in a relationship and loved for all of who you are? To share everything (and maybe everyone) with that person?
If so, can you afford to comprise. Are you best not to be open about it until you find the right person who respects this about you and who maybe wants to enjoy it with you? |
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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago
Hyde |
I'm here looking for fun until I find a relationship.... but I need a filth and fun relationship. Ideally swinging but IF i was forced into Into a choice I'd choose the relationship.
But.... dating SUCKS... it's pretty soul destroying. |
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"Mortgages are easier with two people."
Sorry, it was late when we posted this and it was intended to suggest relationships trump swinging in a practical sense.
What would have been better to say is that we found being in a trusting relationship already and then trying swinging worked for us. |
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By *JCouple
over a year ago
Teesside |
"I want a relationship. It doesn't have to be a full-blown relationship but it would be preferable. I am not looking for a swinging partner.
I know this is a swinger’s website but what is wrong with looking for a partner on here? .......
There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking for a relationship on Fabswingers but if you are doing that the reason should be that it is also a swinging relationship you are seeking as any lady you find on here will be a swinger.
If the relationship is more important than the swinging then you should be looking on regular dating sites as the male to female ratio is much more balanced and therefore the chances of finding what you're looking for are significantly higher.
That's not true. Some people on Fab are swingers and some aren't.
People can find monogamous relationships on here too. "
Absolutely people ca and do use the site however it works for them.
Ultimately though when you have 100 single males for every female and then you factor in a very small percentage maybe 5% or less of those females would even consider finding a guy on here with the cavet she must give up swinging then I personal think the chances are extremely small.
If I wanted a monogmus relationship with a female then I would be looking at dating sites where the male to female ratio is much closer to 50/50 and where a high percentage of the ladies on there are looking for a monogmus relationship.
KJ
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
I really struggle to answer the question. I am into someone regular with something in common beyond the sheets. Would be nice to explore fab world together.
However wounds from my breakdown are still fresh (despite two years) and I value my freedom too much. I afraid I’ll unconsciously sabotage future relationship if that happens now. I value my freedom too much.
The way I see it I’ll find regular fwb and if things naturally transform into any shape of relationship- let it be. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"There are more relationship/lifestyle setups available than the very short list in the original post! For example, I'm solo poly - I don't ever want to share my home, finances, children etc etc with another adult, but that doesn't mean I can't have a close romantic relationship. In fact I'm very lucky and I have two! Our setup is also completely open so I'm free to form whatever other connections I like - whether those are casual or more. "
This  |
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"I really struggle to answer the question. I am into someone regular with something in common beyond the sheets. Would be nice to explore fab world together.
However wounds from my breakdown are still fresh (despite two years) and I value my freedom too much. I afraid I’ll unconsciously sabotage future relationship if that happens now. I value my freedom too much.
The way I see it I’ll find regular fwb and if things naturally transform into any shape of relationship- let it be."
I've always believed that we thjnk we know, but in reality, you never know what you until it finds you. |
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After two reasonably long term relationships that ultimately failed. I decided to just focus on me, stay single, meet people who I get along with and who give off good positive vibes. I feel like I'll be happier this way. So far so good. Looking for more like minded ladies if anyone reads this and thinks, that's my kinda guy!
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