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Being a sub to someone
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Your profile says you have an owner.
If you are wanting mentoring then it’s best that it’s something that you both do or seek advice together via attending munches.
One persons view of a dynamic is very different to another’s |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Have you gone through a vetting stage or an under consideration stage.
If he has done this before then you need to speak to him and if he hasn’t learn together
Communication
No one, in my opinion, should give advice on another’s dynamic without knowing it fully. If you are a newbie to the lifestyle there is some great stuff you can read |
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At the risk of getting splinters for sitting on a fence - you have to work out what being submissive means to you and what you want that to look like. What your limits are and what your kinks are (but these can change over time)
Work out you .... and then I suggest joining a real life social scene as there's way too many wannabes in the bdsm scene of all roles.
I knew I was submissive at 17... and found my real life scene at 18. It's a journey!
K
X |
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"At the risk of getting splinters for sitting on a fence - you have to work out what being submissive means to you and what you want that to look like. What your limits are and what your kinks are (but these can change over time)
Work out you .... and then I suggest joining a real life social scene as there's way too many wannabes in the bdsm scene of all roles.
I knew I was submissive at 17... and found my real life scene at 18. It's a journey!
K
X"
Agree with this. There's no one way to approach it, every dynamic is different |
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Agree with all the good advice above.
It seems you are very new to this generally, so frankly jumping into being “owned” seems like too big a first step.
As people have said, expose yourself to various aspects of BDSM in a safe club environment so you can get a feel for what resonates with you. If your Dom is truly experienced he will understand and gently guide you without exerting any undue pressure.
You might want to explore other reputable fetish social media sites to learn more.
In conclusion, take it slow, learn all you can, don’t let anyone pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with, seek advice when you are unsure, and most of all enjoy. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Hi there, I am wondering if I can seek some advice on being a submissive and how the dynamic is meant to work "
hi really depends on the dynamic.Dont think you can forecast it I was so lucky to meet an experienced domme who I loved initially who ( cliche) really did take me in z journey.sexiest ever.but hey ho .bout relationship I think look in their eyes.
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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The advice here is positive, it's definitely a personal journey so there is no right or wrong. Exploring fetish sites for concepts & how they make you feel, observing scenes in clubs, going to local bsdm meets (munches) to find your initial ways to explore, discuss what about submissive appeals to you with your partner, what you want from them, they can then look to find a mentor or more experienced Dom for advice, start slow, experiment, agree & check in regularly with safewords. Traffic lights are good basic safewords (green - good to continue, amber - pause/ discuss, red - stop & aftercare needed). Happy to be pm'ed if you want to chat privately. Sin xo |
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"It's something I've always wanted to explore but the couple of Mistress's that have show interest just wanted me as a cash pig and that's something I definitely can't afford to be. "
Then they aren't in that dynamic with you for the love rather than the payment.... sooooo more of a job!
Female Dommes are rarer to come by so very hard to find - the good ones even more so |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Remember submission is your choice. Every act is something you allow. It doesn't have to be a "Dom" taking things because they want to, unless you consent to those things. Their role is to be the Dom you need/ want, not a license to abuse another person. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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For me personally being a sub comes naturally in time … with a person you have got to know quite well… my experience is how my dom makes me feel … my dom has the most filthiest voice u could imagine .. we don’t meet regular by any means … best to allow the sexual pressure build up slowly .. dom n sub relatationships can be electrifying.. as long as everyone is honest and respectful …
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"It's something I've always wanted to explore but the couple of Mistress's that have show interest just wanted me as a cash pig and that's something I definitely can't afford to be. "
I am a Domme..(actually I'm more of a switch, I used to be sub leaning but not so much anymore)
It is all about the needs of my sub. Sometimes my current Sub likes to buy gifts. Or serve me by cleaning and tidying. There are lots of ways this dynamic can work without money ever exhanging hands.
Every dynamic is different and requires constant open and honest communication. |
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"At the risk of getting splinters for sitting on a fence - you have to work out what being submissive means to you and what you want that to look like. What your limits are and what your kinks are (but these can change over time)
Work out you .... and then I suggest joining a real life social scene as there's way too many wannabes in the bdsm scene of all roles.
I knew I was submissive at 17... and found my real life scene at 18. It's a journey!
K
X"
This is not sitting on the fence but sound advice. Both sides of the / should do the work to understand what they want, will accept in regard to the D/s, the emotional and the relationship requirements and who they are in D/s, to name a few items.
People should read a sensible text such as Screw The Roses, or the Better Bottoming Book, or listen to sensible podcasts/YouTube.
Understanding that it is a journey which should be enjoyable but not endured and that they always have a choice. |
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"At the risk of getting splinters for sitting on a fence - you have to work out what being submissive means to you and what you want that to look like. What your limits are and what your kinks are (but these can change over time)
Work out you .... and then I suggest joining a real life social scene as there's way too many wannabes in the bdsm scene of all roles.
I knew I was submissive at 17... and found my real life scene at 18. It's a journey!
K
X"
great advice- to add find a local munch, make friends and a support network. It reduces vulnerability as there are predators that treat newcomers like fresh meat.
Also, it’s not binary, tops and bottoms are often more accurate than Dom/sub and comes with different expectations and responsibilities for both parties. The new topping book and new bottoming book is excellent (and available on audible), Michael mAkai’s Domination and Submission is also good, albeit can seem protocol heave and slightly dated but has excellent chapters on dynamics as you asked for.
Enjoy the journey. And best of luck!
Xx
K |
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"Hi everyone thank you for your comments they have been really helpful. As it turns out he lied to me about something so I have decided to not be his sub x"
I'm really sorry to hear that... sadly there's many fakes and wannabes out there that prey in submissives as they see them as gullible and easy targets.
Please please see this now as an opportunity.... read up.... research, connect with a local scene. You may be submissive but that doesn't mean you're weak.
Good luck
K
X |
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"Hi everyone thank you for your comments they have been really helpful. As it turns out he lied to me about something so I have decided to not be his sub x
I'm really sorry to hear that... sadly there's many fakes and wannabes out there that prey in submissives as they see them as gullible and easy targets.
Please please see this now as an opportunity.... read up.... research, connect with a local scene. You may be submissive but that doesn't mean you're weak.
Good luck
K
X "
Thank you I am definitely interested in exploring the scene for sure at least I can then understand it better x |
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If you start on this journey, you'll probably discover your limits and further down the line these limits may be pushed and eventually dissolve. Don't ever think it's a fixed dynamic when, as humans, we naturally evolve. |
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"If you start on this journey, you'll probably discover your limits and further down the line these limits may be pushed and eventually dissolve. Don't ever think it's a fixed dynamic when, as humans, we naturally evolve."
Thank you |
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When I started out, it was helpful to understand the difference between bottoming and submitting.
Bottoming means having things done to you or giving up power in a scene. It tends to be time bound and limited in its scope. You might say “I bottom to my friend when we go to the dungeon together”.
Being someone’s sub suggests a longer term arrangement or a relationship dynamic. But within that, the two of you can decide what it means for you - what power you want to give up and what the Dom wants to take.
My advice would be to give up power a little at a time and, initially, for short periods. It’ll let you see how it feels.
Enjoy. X |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"If you start on this journey, you'll probably discover your limits and further down the line these limits may be pushed and eventually dissolve. Don't ever think it's a fixed dynamic when, as humans, we naturally evolve."
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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Fetlife.com is a great place to learn more about sub/dom dynamics. I've been to loads of events organised via there, met several play partners and my current parter/dom. |
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