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Shy partner
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By *ornyhfd OP Couple 37 weeks ago
Hereford |
Hi all was after thoughts on this.
Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.
We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.
My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.
When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.
I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated |
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Gosh I'm sorry to hear this! It seems like advice on shyness/nerves/anxiety regarding swinging is pretty thin on the ground - I get so panicky if there's a potential meet on the cards, I'm so self conscious and terrified of coming across as awkward!
What makes you think the post-meet ghosting is her fault? X |
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By *ornyhfd OP Couple 37 weeks ago
Hereford |
May well do but when you advise anyone before hand that she is shy but happy to play and forewarned about it.
Would you not think that ghosting us afterward is wrong at least with the people we have had feedback from we can still chat too |
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If it was an awkward atmosphere, regardless of the reason, I wouldn't want to play again
I know that might seem harsh but my time is precious
Could you have socials before so that there is no pressure and she is a bit less shy for the playing? |
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"May well do but when you advise anyone before hand that she is shy but happy to play and forewarned about it.
Would you not think that ghosting us afterward is wrong at least with the people we have had feedback from we can still chat too "
We met a couple like you twice, both times it was awkward and a disaster. From a female point if view it just looks like she would rather not be involved. |
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Not everyone wants to meet more than once and whatever reason they give you should respect that. I understand that you've forewarned people but the decision not to meet again is ultimately theirs.
We had a meet with a couple who assured us that the woman was fully on board but you could tell she was extremely anxious and nervous. This made me in particular feel very awkward for many reasons and due to that we didn't meet them again.
It's a two way thing when you meet and if you're expecting other people to make allowances for you you must make allowances for them.
I hope you can find a way to cope with meeting  |
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If people block you because *they* feel awkward, that is totally on them. Your wife needn't feel bad about that.
My guess is that they were thinking they'd meet someone shy because a shag's a shag. Then when they met they realised it wasn't going to be quite as easy as they wanted, or that they had been kidding themselves and they don't really have the patience for it.
Either way, plenty of people find shy women attractive. |
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By *oxy jWoman 37 weeks ago
somerset |
it a weird one but it one that often ruins a meet ... a few nerves is good keeps you on your toes but shyness not for me ...
you'll be amazed how many guys are shy to a point i had to put it on my profile that i wont meet shy anymore it totally kills the vibe for me so im only interested in assertive confident guys my play time is limited due to my solid work pattern and being on call ..
there are guys out there who think its ok to be completely silent during a meet too not a word erm no thanks
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By *oxy jWoman 37 weeks ago
somerset |
also to add and ive seen this a zillion time the wife often reserved / shy / not interested can be taken as a sign thast its a guy run relationship and she often is only doing it to please him |
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By *ornyhfd OP Couple 37 weeks ago
Hereford |
That’s definately not the case with us we have been together since 15 and married for 20 years.
When Lou says she is not interested we totally by pass that as I respect her desicion etc but totally get what your saying |
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It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.
Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x |
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"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.
Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x"
I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here. |
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"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.
Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x
I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here."
I did feel quite alone in feeling that way for some time, it's reassuring to hear others go through the same! |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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I had a quick read of your veri’s and would never guess from them that your wife is shy. It seems that everyone enjoyed themselves.
You’ve mentioned that you make potential meets aware of her shyness, not sure what else you can do really.
As long as you’re both on the same page with the lifestyle just stick with the people who your wife feels comfortable with. |
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By *ornyhfd OP Couple 37 weeks ago
Hereford |
"I had a quick read of your veri’s and would never guess from them that your wife is shy. It seems that everyone enjoyed themselves.
You’ve mentioned that you make potential meets aware of her shyness, not sure what else you can do really.
As long as you’re both on the same page with the lifestyle just stick with the people who your wife feels comfortable with."
Yeah not saying she always like it I think it takes more of a click before she warns x |
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"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.
Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x
I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here.
I did feel quite alone in feeling that way for some time, it's reassuring to hear others go through the same!"
I read verifications and forum posts and know I'm not like many of the women here. I'm ok with that and none of us are wrong or bad, just different. I don't explain or excuse myself though. |
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By *eyeYCouple 37 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
You have glowing veris, which illustrates whilst maybe shy/anxious you evidently grow within an understanding/sharing situation..
We honestly would possibly struggle with the feeling we are potentially crossing your boundaries if we got a vibe of you being unsure..
Whilst I can be a force of nature and D is far from a shrinking violet, playing devil's advocate it may affect an experience for us.. Mrs  x |
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"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.
Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x
I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here.
I did feel quite alone in feeling that way for some time, it's reassuring to hear others go through the same!
I read verifications and forum posts and know I'm not like many of the women here. I'm ok with that and none of us are wrong or bad, just different. I don't explain or excuse myself though. "
I love this - not wrong or bad, just different |
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We’ve had meets where we have been concerned with coercion, where the woman is doing it to make him happy. Consider that she leads the profile, makes connections and has the conversation rather than the M. It may also be worth her doing the checkins and follow up. I appreciate that this is more admin for her, and potentially less meets for the male, initially.
With her taking the lead, this may lesson the concerns and she might seem more into it, and ownership of the experience?
Good luck. |
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By *red73Man 37 weeks ago
Fredsville |
"Hi all was after thoughts on this.
Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.
We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.
My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.
When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.
I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"
You need to meet socially first a few times, if I were to meet you I would want us all to be comfortable and not want it to be a one off.. trust and respect all the way. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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I think if you didn't get a bit nervous, you'd be a bit up yourself and that's not attractive. If you've been blocked after a play, then their loss but there are great meditation videos on you tube for anxiety. But I would seriously ask yourself is it all worth the angst! |
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By *ornyhfd OP Couple 37 weeks ago
Hereford |
"I think if you didn't get a bit nervous, you'd be a bit up yourself and that's not attractive. If you've been blocked after a play, then their loss but there are great meditation videos on you tube for anxiety. But I would seriously ask yourself is it all worth the angst! "
The shyness can mrs from self doubt she is always questioning if she is good enough and fears rejection more than most. |
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"I think if you didn't get a bit nervous, you'd be a bit up yourself and that's not attractive. If you've been blocked after a play, then their loss but there are great meditation videos on you tube for anxiety. But I would seriously ask yourself is it all worth the angst!
In my head I'm an utter pornstar when it comes to swinging, but in person I'm super nervous when it comes to that transition point between socialising and fucking. Just find it so awkward to instigate things!
The shyness can mrs from self doubt she is always questioning if she is good enough and fears rejection more than most."
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"I think if you didn't get a bit nervous, you'd be a bit up yourself and that's not attractive. If you've been blocked after a play, then their loss but there are great meditation videos on you tube for anxiety. But I would seriously ask yourself is it all worth the angst!
In my head I'm an utter pornstar when it comes to swinging, but in person I'm super nervous when it comes to that transition point between socialising and fucking. Just find it so awkward to instigate things!
The shyness can mrs from self doubt she is always questioning if she is good enough and fears rejection more than most."
Not sure what happened to my last post!
In my head I'm a pornstar when it comes to swinging - but in reality I find the transition point between socialising and fucking SO awkward. I just can't instigate things and wish there was a guide book for it  |
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"We have had feedback of the odd person saying they felt awkward with it in turn that makes her feel worse.
"
I feel like being shy and things being awkward is slightly different, I'm a very shy person but can hold a conversation regardless of how I feel inside weather it be shy, or insecure, worried about how I look etc! But being awkward is not knowing how to be in certain situations so therefore making that situation awkward! I'm not sure if iv explained this so it's understandable, but I cannot stand being in someone's company that makes things feel very awkward so I can understand why you might get this reaction from people and its not through your wife being shy its possibly how she comes accross with theses situations. |
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By *ickD80Man 37 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
I’m comfortable around other people and pretty good at holding conversations unless I’m with someone who I can tell is feeling shy and uncomfortable because that automatically makes me feel uncomfortable. I have experienced this in sexually situations before and each time I’ve actually had to ask if we can stop what we were doing because it felt too uncomfortable. I didn’t do it in a rude way at all and in my experience it’s the best thing to do. I say something like ‘let’s stop and chill for a bit because this doesn’t feel right to me, let’s slow down and get comfortable with each other.’ then we’ll have a drink and a chat and take it from there, just going at a pace we’re comfortable with.
I recently discovered (although it seems pretty obvious really) that the best way to get more comfortable and relaxed with someone is to hug….I was with someone who i could tell was uncomfortable so I slowed it down and he said to me, ‘I really just want a hug’ so we hugged…we didn’t talk we just hugged and from there we started again and it was 1 million times more comfortable after the long hug. |
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"I’m comfortable around other people and pretty good at holding conversations unless I’m with someone who I can tell is feeling shy and uncomfortable because that automatically makes me feel uncomfortable. I have experienced this in sexually situations before and each time I’ve actually had to ask if we can stop what we were doing because it felt too uncomfortable. I didn’t do it in a rude way at all and in my experience it’s the best thing to do. I say something like ‘let’s stop and chill for a bit because this doesn’t feel right to me, let’s slow down and get comfortable with each other.’ then we’ll have a drink and a chat and take it from there, just going at a pace we’re comfortable with.
I recently discovered (although it seems pretty obvious really) that the best way to get more comfortable and relaxed with someone is to hug….I was with someone who i could tell was uncomfortable so I slowed it down and he said to me, ‘I really just want a hug’ so we hugged…we didn’t talk we just hugged and from there we started again and it was 1 million times more comfortable after the long hug. "
Love this  |
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"Hi all was after thoughts on this.
Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.
We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.
My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.
When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.
I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"
Strange indeed yet we find many on here who talk of lasting naughty friendships and frequent meets are actually serial monogamists so don't take it personally ! |
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"To be honest dont we all get a bit nervous on a first meet ,it certainly wouldn't bother me meeting your shy partner .Maybe your social meets should be over an alcohol drink."
I don’t agree with this advice.
I wouldn’t ever want to meet someone when alcohol is involved in order to “ease” the shyness or whatever, simply over consent concerns. |
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I get nervous for every meet whether that be a social or sexual meet, I'm definitely slightly awkward too, I always mention it upfront that I'm a little shy it's also in our profile, I can't say that it's ever bothered anyone we meet, certainly haven't been blocked because of it.
Usually the worst thing is people don't know if I'm into them or not.
Mrs |
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By *ornyhfd OP Couple 37 weeks ago
Hereford |
"I get nervous for every meet whether that be a social or sexual meet, I'm definitely slightly awkward too, I always mention it upfront that I'm a little shy it's also in our profile, I can't say that it's ever bothered anyone we meet, certainly haven't been blocked because of it.
Usually the worst thing is people don't know if I'm into them or not.
Mrs "
That’s the point I make with Lou bless her she never gives if signals x |
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"Hi all was after thoughts on this.
Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.
We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.
My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.
When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.
I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"
You maybe meeting the wrong people. Maybe they are pushing things a bit quickly to sex. Are you meeting them socially first or in the deep end and meeting to have sex? Any of them will make your mrs shyness worse and cause anxiety prior to playing with them. Joanne. |
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As a newcomer to this world I do get nervous and I am still unsure about initiating the physical side whereas the social side is never really a problem. That said, I have had social meets that were either flatline or mediocre and the answer for me at least, is to be polite, thank the other parties for their time and be honest and admit you are not feeling it.
It is a 50/50 deal really and if the people you meet don't understand and work with you,and you with them of course, was it a good idea.
In any field of human interaction not everyone clicks and we just have to keep looking. |
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"Hi all was after thoughts on this.
Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.
We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.
My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.
When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.
I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"
Just wondering why you assume it is the shyness? Have people said that to you. Did something happen with those people? It sounds from your veris like all has been good. Perhaps another reason? It does happen that people just want to meet once. Perhaps after meeting they just felt you weren't compatible sexually or in other ways, which happens to us all, and you are assuming this is down to shyness? |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"Hi all was after thoughts on this.
Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.
We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.
My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.
When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.
I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated
Just wondering why you assume it is the shyness? Have people said that to you. Did something happen with those people? It sounds from your veris like all has been good. Perhaps another reason? It does happen that people just want to meet once. Perhaps after meeting they just felt you weren't compatible sexually or in other ways, which happens to us all, and you are assuming this is down to shyness? "
He said earlier that a few people have mentioned they don't want to meet because of the awkwardness, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's because the wife is shy.
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"I wouldn't feel comfortable playing with someone who was really shy and probably wouldn't meet again if the meet was awkward as a result of it "
Totally this. I meet for uninhibited, hedonistic fun. It might sound selfish but I need the same in return from whoever I’m meeting. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"We have had feedback of the odd person saying they felt awkward with it in turn that makes her feel worse.
Perhaps it comes across that she doesn't really want to be there "
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"May well do but when you advise anyone before hand that she is shy but happy to play and forewarned about it.
Would you not think that ghosting us afterward is wrong at least with the people we have had feedback from we can still chat too "
If you are the person they chat to, of course they will ghost you if they are concerned she was coerced. They won't want any part of that situation, especially if they feel that way after meeting. |
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I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.
Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways. |
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I suppose it depends what your triggers are and how it manifests. For me I mainly get nightmares that wouldn't affect my time in a club or with a couple. I consider myself responsible for managing that, knowing my limits etc. It does make me wary of certain types of people (no fault of their own) so I may miss out on opportunitities due to my emotional state, but better that than going too far or accidentally upsetting someone. |
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"I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.
Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways. "
I think its easy to think that all women who swing are outgoing, bubbly and the life and soul of the party. I'm quite reserved and remember a private party we went to where we all picked dares out of a hat and when I put mine back because I wasn't comfortable with it I heard other women talking about me despite having been told it was a no pressure game. If people do expect me to change my personality they're in for a disappointment but I realised that the type of party we went to was wrong for me. Now we stick to private meets and occasional organised socials |
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"I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.
Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways. "
This. In normal life I'm extremely outgoing and bubbly, but am chronically anxious when it comes to swinging. I often hear "is it worth all the grief?!" but I live in hope of one day spontaneously becoming an uninhibited sex goddess lol |
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"I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.
Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.
This. In normal life I'm extremely outgoing and bubbly, but am chronically anxious when it comes to swinging. I often hear "is it worth all the grief?!" but I live in hope of one day spontaneously becoming an uninhibited sex goddess lol"
There are many ways to be a sexual woman and uninhibited sex goddess is only one of them .
There's room for all of us |
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"I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.
Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.
This. In normal life I'm extremely outgoing and bubbly, but am chronically anxious when it comes to swinging. I often hear "is it worth all the grief?!" but I live in hope of one day spontaneously becoming an uninhibited sex goddess lol
There are many ways to be a sexual woman and uninhibited sex goddess is only one of them .
There's room for all of us "
You're quite right, I do tend to limit myself with the way I think  |
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"I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.
Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.
This. In normal life I'm extremely outgoing and bubbly, but am chronically anxious when it comes to swinging. I often hear "is it worth all the grief?!" but I live in hope of one day spontaneously becoming an uninhibited sex goddess lol
There are many ways to be a sexual woman and uninhibited sex goddess is only one of them .
There's room for all of us
You're quite right, I do tend to limit myself with the way I think "
Me too. We're alright though, still waters and all |
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We have had our share our nervous people including first timers popping their cherry. We have never, ever ghosted or blocked people because of it. Doing that just makes things worse. Find an opportunity to meet up and we'll put you totally at ease x |
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