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Jealous of your partner
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Soo I've been in an open relationship for about 2 years now.
My partners had a few meets and has a regular Fwb she sees every two weeks.
I'm finding things harder each day because I'm clearly not the 'type' for women (which is okay) so I've accepted that side of things now.
but its starting to feel like shed rather sleep with other people than with me and plans a lot of things in with friends. I'm always the one initiating intimacy and I'm starting to feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. I've spoken to her and told her how it's making me feel. She's acknowledged it and said she would try. But it's still been non existent...even stupid things like texting me when she's out the bath telling me to go up and fuck her! (At least it says she's thinking of me)
I'm just at a loss. She's my world, but Its making me feel like I'm second to everyone else and that if I want any intimacy, I have to be the one to constantly initiate it.
Tbh not really looking for a reply. Just haven't voiced this yet
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"Soo I've been in an open relationship for about 2 years now.
My partners had a few meets and has a regular Fwb she sees every two weeks.
I'm finding things harder each day because I'm clearly not the 'type' for women (which is okay) so I've accepted that side of things now.
but its starting to feel like shed rather sleep with other people than with me and plans a lot of things in with friends. I'm always the one initiating intimacy and I'm starting to feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. I've spoken to her and told her how it's making me feel. She's acknowledged it and said she would try. But it's still been non existent...even stupid things like texting me when she's out the bath telling me to go up and fuck her! (At least it says she's thinking of me)
I'm just at a loss. She's my world, but Its making me feel like I'm second to everyone else and that if I want any intimacy, I have to be the one to constantly initiate it.
Tbh not really looking for a reply. Just haven't voiced this yet
"
Sounds like a relationship that is now toxic and one that is damaging your mental health. |
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Sounds like she wants excitement in sex at this stage in your relation. Having a regular FWB gives her that because she does not need to live with this person, while you provide the day to day emotional support. If you value the relation keep talking but make sure it's positive and productive, focus on acceptance of outcomes, even if sometimes night be hard to hear it, since that's the first step to look for solutions.
All the best! |
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By *ACOLCouple 6 weeks ago
limerick |
"Soo I've been in an open relationship for about 2 years now.
My partners had a few meets and has a regular Fwb she sees every two weeks.
I'm finding things harder each day because I'm clearly not the 'type' for women (which is okay) so I've accepted that side of things now.
but its starting to feel like shed rather sleep with other people than with me and plans a lot of things in with friends. I'm always the one initiating intimacy and I'm starting to feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. I've spoken to her and told her how it's making me feel. She's acknowledged it and said she would try. But it's still been non existent...even stupid things like texting me when she's out the bath telling me to go up and fuck her! (At least it says she's thinking of me)
I'm just at a loss. She's my world, but Its making me feel like I'm second to everyone else and that if I want any intimacy, I have to be the one to constantly initiate it.
Tbh not really looking for a reply. Just haven't voiced this yet
"
Good to let all that out.
Perhaps chat with your partner, sometimes you need to regroup and see re invent yourself as a couple (not sure if it will work thesane for OR), sometimes relationships stay on a loop and end up becoming more roommates than lovers.
Hope the outcome is in your favour.
Lina. |
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Hi op
Sorry to hear this
I know you said you've spoken to her, but I'd try again.
Sit down with her and he open and honest about how you feel and ask her what her feelings are on the relationship and if it can be improved.
If she won't listen or change, then I think you need to decide if it's worth continuing the relationship. There's really no point in staying with someone who can't see any issues or makes you unhappy.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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I just want to say that this sounds exactly like what my man told me when I got a bit obsessive and craved my dopamine hits from meets.
It was a buzz that I couldn't get from us and I got obsessive and had no energy left for him.
I love him endlessly and would never want to be without him, but I got very wrapped up in it and he couldn't understand that him not giving me that buzz wasn't to do with us lacking anything we should have, it was just me realizing that I don't have an outlet for feel good kicks.
I went back to the gym and now I kick my own butt there for thrills.
But. It very almost cost us.
I guess my point is, just know that it could easily be nothing you've done wrong or missing from your relationship. It could be her own way of dealing with something personally, and if it's anything like me (maybe not). You need to really bring her away from it for a short while to come back to the real world and deeply discuss what makes you both happy and if there is anything missing from your relationship.
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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Also I often think about how much easier it is for women to find a play friend than it is for their male partner. Think that part is pretty standard and nothing to do with you 'not being the type for women' |
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That relationship is over. Sorry but it is.
I fully expect to hear some outcry here but I'm speaking from 28 years worth of swinging experiance AND being married in an open relationship (got an account on here with my wife as well).
The one thing many people fail to realise is that men and women are very different. When getting into an open relationship the first thing you need to under stand is one is that women control sex and men control relationships.
It's VERY easy for women to get sex....just ask the average single lady on here how many messages she gets each day. Its not so easy for men.
And here is where your problem smacks you in the face.
Your partner is happy to rush out and have sex with other people but not so.much you it seems.
She's getting her sexual.needs sorted elsewhere and your left proping up the relationship side.
Ita a win win for her and loss for you.
Now in my case its the other way around. My wife is into women herself, loves me being with other women and likes me being the dominant one. Also I ain't worried about other guys.
But I've seen guys in your situation over the years. She's getting all the attention and you get none..even from her. It never EVER works out.
I'm.sure some will say I have a misogynistic view but when it comes to open relationships I think men with a few girlfreinds is doable. It's worked for us for years. Women with a few boyfreinds....turns into a mess 80% of the time because ive seen it happen so many times.
Men have to be territorial somewhat over their women. Even when swinging. It's human psychology...and don't take my word for it, go listen to numerous psychologists about female nature. I suggest Sadia Khan's books or yt channel as she talks about this in depth.
Call it a day man. She's checked out already and she's monkeybranching off to this other guy.
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OP it doesn’t sound like a very balanced relationship. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it is broken like some have but you need to decide what you want from it and then make that happen.
It could be that your gf is just seeing the world from her side (like red fox says) and that she is oblivious to your needs. Maybe that’s the case. Or it could be that she has moved on. Either way you need to have a brutally frank conversation with her and let her know how you feel. You also need to decide what you want to do if she doesn’t change. No one can help you decide that but you - are you going to stay in the hope it change or are you going to move on with your life? You might have to make that choice. |
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You say you are in an open relationship, do you live together or do you just see each other regularly? I'm asking as it's an important piece of information for me.
Anyway, I know you're not seeking advice but let me tell you about my situation. I have been in an open relationship for 5.5 years now. We don't live together but we spend most weekends together and, when we are together, we are only meeting as a couple. But when we are not together, we are as good as single, can meet anyone we wish. I have a couple of regular FWBs, he hasn't managed (like you, OP) to find anyone regular. Yes, he does say to me that he wishes he could have someone to meet mid-week, too, but he has not asked me to stop as he knows how important my FWBs are to me, and how important having the freedom is to me.
If you and your partner don't live together, try similar arrangement to mine- spend weekends (or whatever days suit you both) together and only meet together on those days.
It's harder if you do live together, I guess - I'd say have a regular "date night" with your partner? |
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By *oxy jWoman 6 weeks ago
somerset |
some times men think because they are part of a couple that it will be easier for them ....it wont your just another single guy and there are women and couples out there who wont play with a male half of a swinging couple due to the entitlement issues for alot of them |
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By *WB85Man 6 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
Swinging is a really funny thing.
We all say it's easier for women as they have so much choice, but it's actually not true.
It's just as hard for women as they have so many absolute twats messaging them.
It's hard for us all, I've had my solo account for a few months now and had no message replies or meets.
It will happen for us all in time when it's right. Maybe right now though you need to focus on your relationship and real life. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"You say you are in an open relationship, do you live together or do you just see each other regularly? I'm asking as it's an important piece of information for me.
Anyway, I know you're not seeking advice but let me tell you about my situation. I have been in an open relationship for 5.5 years now. We don't live together but we spend most weekends together and, when we are together, we are only meeting as a couple. But when we are not together, we are as good as single, can meet anyone we wish. I have a couple of regular FWBs, he hasn't managed (like you, OP) to find anyone regular. Yes, he does say to me that he wishes he could have someone to meet mid-week, too, but he has not asked me to stop as he knows how important my FWBs are to me, and how important having the freedom is to me.
If you and your partner don't live together, try similar arrangement to mine- spend weekends (or whatever days suit you both) together and only meet together on those days.
It's harder if you do live together, I guess - I'd say have a regular "date night" with your partner? "
Yes I agree with this. You have to make time for each other
Also, an open relationship needs lots and lots of communication. Dynamics and feelings change all the time and you have to be able to talk openly about it, and adapt to each others needs.
Why can’t you go to a club together? Or have a 3sum or meet another couple? Then she can still enjoy other people but you are part of the fun too.
Also, read about ENM and polyamory. Some people want a primary partner, some people want no hierarchy. Is she seeing the same person over and over, or different people?
Also, sometimes it’s good to step away from the swinging if it impact on your relationship. If she doesn’t want to do this when she hears how much you are struggling you do have to ask yourself if she values what you have as much as she does.
Good luck OP
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It sounds like one of those 'be careful what you wish for' scenarios. You've both agreed to an open relationship, but it works better for her than you.
Communication is key and the only way to resolving it.
Ultimately, the 3 usual options apply:
1. Put up and shut up
2. Change it.(You need 2 willing parties)
3. Get out of it. |
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Since you and your partner have a couple's profile on here, it's possible she will see this thread. If not, perhaps you should show it to her and it might open up the honest discussion you obviously need to have |
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I think it's usual for couple's in open relationships for the woman to have more opportunities. That's just how it is whether single or in a couple.
I had a FWB for about a year who was in an open relationship and get other half didn't meet another woman for three years. When he did it hit her like a ton of bricks and she had a bit of processing to do herself. They are still together and happy and stronger now.
I think what your going through is probably really hard. All you can do is talk to your partner honestly about what's happening and how it's likely to affect your future together.
You deserve happiness too. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"Soo I've been in an open relationship for about 2 years now.
My partners had a few meets and has a regular Fwb she sees every two weeks.
I'm finding things harder each day because I'm clearly not the 'type' for women (which is okay) so I've accepted that side of things now.
but its starting to feel like shed rather sleep with other people than with me and plans a lot of things in with friends. I'm always the one initiating intimacy and I'm starting to feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. I've spoken to her and told her how it's making me feel. She's acknowledged it and said she would try. But it's still been non existent...even stupid things like texting me when she's out the bath telling me to go up and fuck her! (At least it says she's thinking of me)
I'm just at a loss. She's my world, but Its making me feel like I'm second to everyone else and that if I want any intimacy, I have to be the one to constantly initiate it.
Tbh not really looking for a reply. Just haven't voiced this yet
Sounds like a relationship that is now toxic and one that is damaging your mental health."
Totally agree |
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Just talk about swinging together.
If a couple plays separate. It's always the female half having all the fun.
I know a couple in the club. He is sat at the bar doing nothing, while she's fucking loads of men.
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Sounds more a you problem than a her problem.
If a woman told you that she finds it far harder to get interesting work than her husband (often the case), what would you advise her?
1. Settle for less.
2. Settle for nothing and find something else to do.
3. Train yourself to be better at your job.
4. Train yourself for another job.
That's 4 things you can work on today.
Lx |
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"Soo I've been in an open relationship for about 2 years now.
My partners had a few meets and has a regular Fwb she sees every two weeks.
I'm finding things harder each day because I'm clearly not the 'type' for women (which is okay) so I've accepted that side of things now.
but its starting to feel like shed rather sleep with other people than with me and plans a lot of things in with friends. I'm always the one initiating intimacy and I'm starting to feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. I've spoken to her and told her how it's making me feel. She's acknowledged it and said she would try. But it's still been non existent...even stupid things like texting me when she's out the bath telling me to go up and fuck her! (At least it says she's thinking of me)
I'm just at a loss. She's my world, but Its making me feel like I'm second to everyone else and that if I want any intimacy, I have to be the one to constantly initiate it.
Tbh not really looking for a reply. Just haven't voiced this yet
"
Any updates OP ?. Difficult to advise from so little information yet there are hints of 'normality' in what you've said. When a couple have been together for some years sex can become somewhat routine and yes much less exciting than with a new friend or FB. Yet if the love is still there between you it can still be loving, enjoyable. You also did say she sees her FB only once a fortnight, not several times a week is it. You have her most of the time and she always comes back to you. Yes most women need to feel desired hence hope their partner will show that and make the first move towards intimacy, even years down the line. Does she respond when you do ?, is it loving sex ?. Yes on the flip side it can make us men feel somewhat undesired yet our partners can still love us to death and never think of leaving us.... More detail OP ! |
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Talk to her. Explain in no uncertain terms how you feel.
The way the relationship is going she is going to loose you. You need to be blunt and tell her you feel like you’re been taken for granted and you need to tell her if something doesn’t change she will loose you.
Even if the relationship ending is not on your radar right now you have to put that out there. It’s not any kind of emotional bribery. It’s facts. She’s drifting away from you, and… well to be straight fella, you need to make her aware of it. And if nothing changes, for your own health, you need to walk away because if you don’t nothing will change. |
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