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Improving confidence at a club
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious 
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone?  "
I go to a lot of places on my own. I go early, get a pint of whatever and sit down and people watch.
If it's a really good club, you can tell them it's you first time and they will show you around the club and they will look out for you all night long. Propping up the bar and chatting to bar staff when they are not busy also helps.
I get anxious but my therapist taught me 4-7-8 breathing so I just have that only phone and do that before I get there. I do it so often that I can do it from my head without the audio.
I went to Torture Garden on Saturday alone for the first time. Didn't expect to see anyone I knew. Ended up seeing lots of people I knew. lol! But I did go for a sensory break in the smoking area.
Some of us have an alter ego to go to these clubs so if you can invent one that's always helpful and then I come home and unmask to my naked natural self.
Also most clubs are dark and dim so very forgiving lighting!
I'm plus sized and older so I'm not going to look like someone thinner and younger but I'm just learning to be happy in my body, regardless. |
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It's definitely easier once you get to know a few people.
I will say I find some clubs friendlier than others, also certain nights seem to be easier too.
Just try and relax a bit and people watch,I find I have to make sure my body language and face are open and approachable and not in the typical RBF mode
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone? "
I've been doing this for about 2.5 years and eventually the regulars and the staff get to know you if you keep turning up at the same places every week or every month.
Confidence...for me that's an inside job and there are times that I don't feel confident and I just say fuck it, I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I can't stay home all the time hiding under my weighted blanket and duvet.
Other times, i'm super horny and hyperfocus on the...um...hunt...finding a victim? um..willing volunteer. Lol!
Yeah Domme Cougar mode is a little bit scary but me at my most confident. 
In sub mode, I just let the Dom do all the thinking so I can relax. Lol!
I'm a switch. |
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Most of the events I go to at my local club all have a telegram group chat so you can get to know people before you go which takes alot of the pressure off, and like other people have said the more the go the more people will recognise you |
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"Most of the events I go to at my local club all have a telegram group chat so you can get to know people before you go which takes alot of the pressure off, and like other people have said the more the go the more people will recognise you"
Great idea. a lot of clubs and events have their own separate messaging platforms so regulars and newbies can congregate. |
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By *WB85Man 34 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
A lot of clubs have chats on various platforms dedicated to certain events.
This can act as like a pre club social, you'll know people and it can make the experience a little more comfortable. |
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When we started, the wife had an ultra ego approach.
She became another person for the night.
But after more club visits, she became more relaxed and enjoyed the attention.
Also regularly visiting the same club helps
Gary x |
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone? "
Going alone that in itself takes confidence so give urself credit !
I can’t hit Tesco without having to build myself up with some star jumps and leg lunges so good on you seriously  |
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone? "
I found it hard as a single and still challenging in a couple but different when you have your best freind in the corner encouraging you and supporting you (like sometimes she will push me to aproach women and make my own side missions).
As a single I found the best way to get over this is simply exposure and bravery. That's it.
Exposure: simply the your you go, emerse yourself and get more comfortable with the people and environment. Its easier to relax and let go when the environment is familiar. When you feel comfortable you feel less inhabited.
Bravery: Just get stuck in. Stop fearing rejection or it not going well. Become accepting that it's a possibility but you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet. If there's people you fancy or stuff you want to join in with just go, approach, be charming and be clear with your intent and what you want. Now I know that's easier said than done but it's what you need to do and it gets easier the more you do it. And what if its a no thanks? First it happens a lot less than you think and people are normally lovely and polite in how they do it. Second swallow your pride, there's a bigger objective here and there's nothing to be gained by sitting in the corner with a fear of rejection. The more you push yourself the better you get. You just need the strength to be brave in the first place.
Mr |
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone?
Come with us.... Chams?  "
I've never actually been to Chams, but would definitely like to go at some point  |
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone?
I found it hard as a single and still challenging in a couple but different when you have your best freind in the corner encouraging you and supporting you (like sometimes she will push me to aproach women and make my own side missions).
As a single I found the best way to get over this is simply exposure and bravery. That's it.
Exposure: simply the your you go, emerse yourself and get more comfortable with the people and environment. Its easier to relax and let go when the environment is familiar. When you feel comfortable you feel less inhabited.
Bravery: Just get stuck in. Stop fearing rejection or it not going well. Become accepting that it's a possibility but you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet. If there's people you fancy or stuff you want to join in with just go, approach, be charming and be clear with your intent and what you want. Now I know that's easier said than done but it's what you need to do and it gets easier the more you do it. And what if its a no thanks? First it happens a lot less than you think and people are normally lovely and polite in how they do it. Second swallow your pride, there's a bigger objective here and there's nothing to be gained by sitting in the corner with a fear of rejection. The more you push yourself the better you get. You just need the strength to be brave in the first place.
Mr"
This is very helpful indeed, thank you Mr |
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"Most of the events I go to at my local club all have a telegram group chat so you can get to know people before you go which takes alot of the pressure off, and like other people have said the more the go the more people will recognise you
Great idea. a lot of clubs and events have their own separate messaging platforms so regulars and newbies can congregate."
Where would I find these? |
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"Most of the events I go to at my local club all have a telegram group chat so you can get to know people before you go which takes alot of the pressure off, and like other people have said the more the go the more people will recognise you
Great idea. a lot of clubs and events have their own separate messaging platforms so regulars and newbies can congregate.
Where would I find these?"
Vanilla Alternative has a blog when you sign up for membership.
Torture Garden and Killing Kittens and Fox den are have their own app. we @re X.
Chameolons is on Facebook
Ignite is on tik tok and Spicy M@tch. |
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Forgot to add you can go to most club websites and see when they have a newbies night.
Like Penthouse playrooms.
Most of the clubs are listed in the clubsection of this website.
the fetish people have their own fetish website...as do the LGBTQIA people. |
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone?
I found it hard as a single and still challenging in a couple but different when you have your best freind in the corner encouraging you and supporting you (like sometimes she will push me to aproach women and make my own side missions).
As a single I found the best way to get over this is simply exposure and bravery. That's it.
Exposure: simply the your you go, emerse yourself and get more comfortable with the people and environment. Its easier to relax and let go when the environment is familiar. When you feel comfortable you feel less inhabited.
Bravery: Just get stuck in. Stop fearing rejection or it not going well. Become accepting that it's a possibility but you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet. If there's people you fancy or stuff you want to join in with just go, approach, be charming and be clear with your intent and what you want. Now I know that's easier said than done but it's what you need to do and it gets easier the more you do it. And what if its a no thanks? First it happens a lot less than you think and people are normally lovely and polite in how they do it. Second swallow your pride, there's a bigger objective here and there's nothing to be gained by sitting in the corner with a fear of rejection. The more you push yourself the better you get. You just need the strength to be brave in the first place.
Mr"
But I like to sit in a corner and be an autistic, thirsty voyeur.......sipping on my drink. 
I especially like to be tied up and put in a corner by a rigger/dom/top. |
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"Sometimes I venture off to a club by myself, but always feel very anxious and self-conscious
How can I improve my confidence when attending a club alone? "
I admire you for going by yourself, that's extremely brave and you have alot of confidence. I too afraid of going by myself and feel I'm missing out on lots of fun. |
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