FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why can’t people just be honest
Why can’t people just be honest
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When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest "
Married probably, or horny and having a wank and then get post nut clarity |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest
Married probably, or horny and having a wank and then get post nut clarity "
It was a women actually who apparently has full permission from partner so 🤷🏽♀️ |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest
Married probably, or horny and having a wank and then get post nut clarity
It was a women actually who apparently has full permission from partner so 🤷🏽♀️"
Interesting, maybe it wasn’t a women in the end, it wouldn’t shock mem |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest
Married probably, or horny and having a wank and then get post nut clarity
It was a women actually who apparently has full permission from partner so 🤷🏽♀️
Interesting, maybe it wasn’t a women in the end, it wouldn’t shock mem"
Beginning to think that may have been the case tbh |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest
Married probably, or horny and having a wank and then get post nut clarity "
Yes 100 percent |
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Few people are ready to meet quickly, due to other constraints and needing to investigate suitability. Plus, most people are not mutually compatible with most other people - so it takes time to establish just who is and who isn't comfortable. They will all typically start with lashings of optimism and positivity but certain things may erode this, due to whatever might be revealed.
We do need to have realistic expectations here, including that many apparently golden opportunities will tarnish or not happen |
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It happens to me often, leaving me waiting usually in a car park or park, late at night. Fortunately Master has me GPS tagged and is always nearby.
But let us be clear, this would never happen in the real world.
Too many timewasters and sexual tourists who love the 'idea' until reality hits and they need to find an excuse to tell their wives to leave the house....resulting in leaving a vulnerable woman on her 'own' lol  |
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It happens waaay more than I ever thought it would - to the point where I’m not even sure it’s even different people but 1 or 2 with multiple accounts or something.
Blank profile photo or not, both are just as likely |
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"Better that than turning up to meet and they don't answer the door or turn up. Sadly there's plenty of idiots on here, but it's worth it once you find the good folks."
That happened to us before. Blocked one minute before we would have been knocking at her door. Despite repeatedly checking in to make sure all was okay in the lead up! Certainly will not let that happen again ever! |
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"It happens to me often, leaving me waiting usually in a car park or park, late at night. Fortunately Master has me GPS tagged and is always nearby.
But let us be clear, this would never happen in the real world.
Too many timewasters and sexual tourists who love the 'idea' until reality hits and they need to find an excuse to tell their wives to leave the house....resulting in leaving a vulnerable woman on her 'own' lol "
It's within your control not to put yourself into such vulnerable positions |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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...And after you report them the admins should investigate through the messages and block them from the site or take away their verifications/videos/pictures.... ect and don't let it happen again with someone else but they do nothing!!...
Forum mods are even saying that "it's completely fine doing this".... |
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"Unfortunately the site is full of fakes, time wasters and lying men in relationships
Claiming to be single."
Being entirely honest doesn't make much difference, believe me.
I've had two potential meets, even going as far as a phone conversation to agree one meet with both of them, and then been let down because 'the hotel was full' - it wasn't, of course. I don't believe I've ever been more disappointed. |
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More likely a guy pretending to be a single female, unfortunately all to come lately.
We’ve had no shows before booked hotels after travelling to be blocked just after checking in.
Unfortunately this spoils it for a lot of genuine folk.
We don’t normally chat to unverified accounts now or if we do we are very careful not to send photos  |
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By *aandLoCouple 13 weeks ago
Southampton |
"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest "
We've had chats which were going well, and then the other party says something, or we notice a pattern of comments/requests which raise a red flag. Or, on chatting a bit longer we realise they're not our type after all. 🫤
We will endeavour to exit the chat tactfully. But others would simply block. That's a bit of a shitty way to behave but it obviously wasn't meant to be. Consider it time saved, and move on. |
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They might have just changed their mind and found it easier to block than tell you.
Perhaps something in the general chit chat put them off.
Maybe it was really a man.
Maybe they never intended meeting at all
I think it's fair to assume that a large portion of interactions one has here will never lead to more no matter how promising things might look at the outset, so it's good to temper enthusiasm with a healthy dose of reality. |
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" It was a women actually who apparently has full permission from partner so 🤷🏽♀️"
Hmmm....we've recently had a message from a woman who's got permission and whose husband is apparently working away which is why her location doesn't tie up with where she says she is. We'll see...... |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest
Married probably, or horny and having a wank and then get post nut clarity
It was a women actually who apparently has full permission from partner so 🤷🏽♀️"
Maybe didn't have permission, many claim they do and don't unfortunately.
Could be they realised there wasn't a spark or they weren't who they said they were or something happened in real life etc.
It's frustrating op and in an ideal world people would be honest before blocking.It's a regular thing on here judging by the threads on it. |
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A lot of people use this site for fantasy and don’t actually want to swing or meet in person, they probably masturbate thinking about it and then once they are finished they are gone , it’s frustrating but it’s part of the journey sadly. This is why we gave up on single men and only meet with couples and even then we haven’t had any meets outside clubs because of location etc. |
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest "
We feel your pain & frustration. Too many cranks on here, sadly, and no way of rooting them out. |
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By *aandLoCouple 9 weeks ago
Southampton |
There's a host of reasons people behave that way. But for us they fall into one of 3 categories: fantasists, deceitful liars or just plain rude.
We had a few panic attacks early on in our journey about meeting new people, but never stood anyone up, never ghosted or blocked anyone. We were always honest, maybe too honest. 😬 We've toughened up and have more confidence now so only ever agree to a meet if we're 100% sure we want to.
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By *homas400Man 9 weeks ago
Carmarthen / Llandeilo |
Yes I've experienced being blocked by a 'couple' who were leading the converastion. I'd have been fine with them saying 'have a nice day' but to be suddenly blocked is just plain rude. They contacted me initially too. |
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"There's a host of reasons people behave that way. But for us they fall into one of 3 categories: fantasists, deceitful liars or just plain rude.
We had a few panic attacks early on in our journey about meeting new people, but never stood anyone up, never ghosted or blocked anyone. We were always honest, maybe too honest. 😬 We've toughened up and have more confidence now so only ever agree to a meet if we're 100% sure we want to.
"
.
This is so true, it really does toughen you up.
Its also made me cynical, I always think somethings to good to be true.
Mr. |
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"There's a host of reasons people behave that way. But for us they fall into one of 3 categories: fantasists, deceitful liars or just plain rude.
We had a few panic attacks early on in our journey about meeting new people, but never stood anyone up, never ghosted or blocked anyone. We were always honest, maybe too honest. 😬 We've toughened up and have more confidence now so only ever agree to a meet if we're 100% sure we want to.
.
This is so true, it really does toughen you up.
Its also made me cynical, I always think somethings to good to be true.
Mr. "
Yes we understand that sentiment. If they look and sound too good to be true then they usually are…. |
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Unfortunately lots of time wasters.
Even worse i think for us single gents! I’ve been in conversations with couples exchanging pics & conversations going smoothly then mid conversation they disappear…they come back online and i don’t hear anymore? Like you say just be upfront & honest.
Obviously we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but I’d rather someone say thanks but not for us. |
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At least they have done it now and you’d not arranged a meet then they lot show up as that’s really frustrating when that happens. I have found the single male to disguised as a couple also a little annoying. Chat for ages & block |
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"Unfortunately lots of time wasters.
Even worse i think for us single gents! I’ve been in conversations with couples exchanging pics & conversations going smoothly then mid conversation they disappear…they come back online and i don’t hear anymore? Like you say just be upfront & honest.
Obviously we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but I’d rather someone say thanks but not for us."
In real life in person it would be socially unacceptable and rude to literally walk away mid conversation. Online it’s easier because you can just ignore or block and there is no come back to the person doing the ignoring or blocking, so many people are keyboard warriors or hide behind the internet. When there is no consequence to one’s actions there isn’t a deterrent to behaving poorly. |
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We've had this a few times now. Presenting as very keen, sending face photos...then bam, either we're blocked or the conversation stops dead in its tracks.
I believe that if they were willing to put in the effort in the initial approach, it's not much more to ask for a reason why things won't be going further. It feels like a basic courtesy. But when you're interacting through a screen, that courtesy often disappears... |
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We're not honest. If we told some people the truth as to why we didn't want to meet them it would be unkind.
We prefer to use polite excuses that leave all of us feeling ok about ourselves or just not respond at all |
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"We're not honest. If we told some people the truth as to why we didn't want to meet them it would be unkind.
We prefer to use polite excuses that leave all of us feeling ok about ourselves or just not respond at all"
A polite excuse is still better than abrupt radio silence. You're just left wondering what on earth happened. |
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"We're not honest. If we told some people the truth as to why we didn't want to meet them it would be unkind.
We prefer to use polite excuses that leave all of us feeling ok about ourselves or just not respond at all
A polite excuse is still better than abrupt radio silence. You're just left wondering what on earth happened."
Yes it probably is but the op was asking why people can't be honest. Honesty is sometimes not what people want to hear.
A guy we met a couple of times ghosted us. I'm pretty sure I know why but I'd rather not see it in writing. If he'd just said he'd changed his mind I still would have wondered why, if he said he couldn't make it for x,y or z reason but didn't ask to meet again I'd be no further forward as to his reasons. |
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Yes it all becomes a little exhausting tbh. Lots of groundwork and effort put in, getting on well, really well aligned and engaged … then gone.
Almost 5mths in and shocked at how rude (no manners) it can be on here. No social, no meets - maybe I need to fix my face!
There’s better stuff I can be doing with my time I’m sure. But perhaps a high proportion only use Fab for self reassurance 🤷🏼♂️ |
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I do not get the hang up about Whether a guy is single or not.its a swinging site, it's irrelevant. Most will lie anyway and those people who say , you can tell ..well I'm sorry you can't!
If you want a relationship you should be on a different site. |
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"I do not get the hang up about Whether a guy is single or not.its a swinging site, it's irrelevant. Most will lie anyway and those people who say , you can tell ..well I'm sorry you can't!
If you want a relationship you should be on a different site."
It's not a hang up really though, it's personal choice.
I agree you can't always tell though. We've only realised after the event a couple of times |
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By *iver78Man 8 weeks ago
barton upon humber |
"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest "
Married / attached- get a buzz from the attention , find someone else they find more interesting, endless list really , wouldn't worry about it , lots on here just love collecting pics - chats always a big red flag for me when someone posts how many messages they have lol ,I have a lady friend who littelrally made a profile on here with no pic and very little in her bio and she got 320 message in one night !! So guess they need to realize that a lot of men are no fussy haha
Take it with a pinch of salt , the good ones are always nice iv found  |
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As they are liars, fakes, want a quick bit of easy wanking material, after a cheap thill or cheating.
It’s the constant of Fab to the point we often say maybe just come off the site. Even replying to this message we will get a load of “I can’t believe anyone would mess you around, I’d never do that” from the exact type of people we have mentioned already, likely from the other side of the country who won’t even bother to read our profile which says local and verified only and face pics on first message. Then we will say you haven’t sent a face pic and they will come back with “oh sorry I thought it was attached” then we will say you are 200 miles away and they will google where we live and claim that they work/are in university etc etc down the road. Full of fantasists and billy bullsh1tters. |
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We've found the more they want to chat, the less likely they will end up meeting.
Sadly, for 121 meets FAB is one of the worse sites but great for club, socials and holiday meets.
One of the swinging holiday WhatsApp groups we are on has culls to get rid of those who will never attend, so timewasters are everywhere.
After a while you do get proficient at sniffing them out.
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Same with me get talking to couples who want to meet or so they say
And then I just get idle chat of we must meet, it would be good etc etc
Every time I say let’s arrange it they come back the same sort of chat again and then they stop messaging |
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By *WB85Man 5 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
As time goes on, you get better at spotting the signs. We've been on here for almost 4 years now and had some amazing meets.
Were the opposite to most, this is our preferred method of meeting people. The club scene just isnt for me.
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"When someone messages m sounds really keen , exchange face photos and says really interested n would like to arrange a meet , then messages again next day for idle chit chat then out of nowhere blocks you. Few times this has happened . Can someone explain why people do this ? Why can’t they just be honest "
Well think there's a few reasons, couple of times it's happened to me, from looking at the time of day and the convo, I think I was just being used to spice up whatever they were doing, which I don't mind at all, but why then block immediately afterwards.
Nowt as queer as folk. |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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I guess people who do such are either spammers or scammers. I had a disappointing evening yesterday. They were ready to meet, so I booked a hotel room. They requested I paid their uber to the location and back, so I sent a giftcard. I arrived the hotel room and was expecting them. Guess what? They stopped replying my messages and blocked me. I felt like a fool. Apparently, I had been scammed. |
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"I had been scammed."
Lesson learned unfortunately, but never ever send anyone money or gift cards or anything. You'll get people claiming they need taxi fares, baby sitter money, a card for the kids to download a game to keep them quiet, all sorts. Always report the profile, too. |
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We would never ask someone to pay for our taxis or hotel or anything, if we play in a hotel we normally like to stay in it the night so would cover the costs, if someone wanted to contribute they could just bank transfer us whilst on the meet. Never pay or give any form of money to someone unless they are next to you and you know you haven’t been stood up. No person who’s worthy of your time would expect you to pay for stuff unless it was a ‘ professional ‘. |
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By *olo_89Couple 5 weeks ago
Kettering |
This is the exact reason we will only meet with people at clubs, if they don't show who cares we still have a good night if they do fantastic and if everything goes well then we can arrange meets outside of clubs. |
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By *WB85Man 5 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
"Think that’s our downfall we’re to honest and just get messed around more often than not "
I'm the same. But atleast I can say I've always been honest and genuine when others haven't.
My conscience is clear. |
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"At least they talk to you a little.
I normally send a message and just get blocked without a reply.  "
Yes, or the message lays unread for a while and is deleted, or you get a wink, you message them, then you get blocked. All part of the great FAB game. However, just once in a blue moon you may actually get to meet and have a great time.... |
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If I'm assuming good id say 99% of people are too polite to say sorry your not for me. Lots of people cultivate multiple options, lots of people use the block as way to manage the account.
If I'm assuming bad intent, as people say.... Loads of time wasters and talkers who just like to online flirt a bit.
In either case they are not going to be open and honest which is why you have to build good bullshiter detection abilities lol. We are getting good at it now.
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Unfortunately, things have changed in 20 years. Swinging used to be swinging. Now fab is like a social media site not a swinging site.People want to build a connection, meet for a coffee, looking for a relationship - go on a dating site then, this is supposed to be a swinging site!! Also, the quality has gone South fast. |
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"Unfortunately, things have changed in 20 years. Swinging used to be swinging. Now fab is like a social media site not a swinging site.People want to build a connection, meet for a coffee, looking for a relationship - go on a dating site then, this is supposed to be a swinging site!! Also, the quality has gone South fast. "
Swinging was difficult some years back or at least required some effort.
Its so easy now to put up a one line profile, a shit photo and bang out one lined messages to hundreds of people.
Its a Mecca for the bone idle and a massive pointer to why some are single or in a failing relationship.
Like most things in life, to be successful, it takes effort.
But with some diligence, the good ones can be found, but is it worth the effort.
A run of fakes can kick the stuffing out of you but it only takes one good meet to renew your optimism.
We were told by a couple many years ago if you get one good meet from around 100 messages, you are doing well.
We laughed at them but they were about right.
This site, like many others, is a reflection of society.
The site is not to blame.
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By *aandLoCouple 5 weeks ago
Southampton |
"Unfortunately, things have changed in 20 years. Swinging used to be swinging. Now fab is like a social media site not a swinging site.People want to build a connection, meet for a coffee, looking for a relationship - go on a dating site then, this is supposed to be a swinging site!! Also, the quality has gone South fast. "
But wasn't swinging purely for married couples back then??
It's not for you or anyone to dictate to others whether they can be a member of the swinging community, or how they choose to be with their swinging partners. But we can, all ask that people behave in a decent, respectful way. |
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By *olo_89Couple 5 weeks ago
Kettering |
"Unfortunately, things have changed in 20 years. Swinging used to be swinging. Now fab is like a social media site not a swinging site.People want to build a connection, meet for a coffee, looking for a relationship - go on a dating site then, this is supposed to be a swinging site!! Also, the quality has gone South fast. "
What was the old type of swinging, and tbh I do prefer getting to know someone 1st before we play as it makes the whole experience much better |
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I can understand your frustration must be really annoying knowing people have gone through all the week effort of sending pictures and chatting arranging to meet at a place then they don’t turn up.
I know things happen last minute, but really.
Fabi, annoying I get that and haven’t recently where we booked hotel loads of people were up for meeting and literally no one turned up just loads of guys give me all the talk but not the walk. |
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