FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Struggling to comeback to fab
Struggling to comeback to fab
Jump to: Newest in thread
I am sorry in advance for how long this is!
It’s the female of the couple speaking btw 
We have been a super active couple on fab over the years and have had an absolute blast. Never had any issues, arguments or bad meets etc.
Made some lovely friendships over the years, I honestly feel so lucky to have had such good experiences.
I had been losing weight over the last three and half years or so and last year got to my goal weight, which I was very happy about but I was left with so much excess skin predominantly on my stomach and it really bothered me.
So much so that we went to only one party last year, I was so insecure and in my head about trying to cover my stomach that I couldn’t enjoy the party to the fullest- everyone was lovely, it was 100% a me issue.
From that point I just did not want to meet anymore, my confidence had disappeared, so we stopped. As much as mr agreed with the decision I definitely think he missed it more than I did.
Fast forward to now and I’m 7 weeks post op from skin removal surgery and I’m delighted with my new body.
So I popped some pics on a few days ago and told mr that I would like to start with a club or party first, in April. I need a group social setting to ease me back in, i think.
All was well until messages about meeting have started, mr has sent a lot of messages and I know he’s super keen which usually would be okay but during this time off, and since the conversation of coming back, there was a lack of interest/intimacy from him and that was a secondary reason for staying away last year because I didn’t want to watch him be with someone else when he didn’t want to be sexual with me.
All these years on fab I’ve never felt so insecure and i absolutely hate it.
I really want to come back, I want to get back to our naughty secret adventures, I want to see our friends and make new ones.
I want to be social, I want to get dressed up and feel sexy, I genuinely miss all of it.
It just all feels so overwhelming and it feels like a pressure to go straight back to how it was before and I don’t know if my brain is going to let me do that.
I felt overwhelmed tonight and it made me just want to delete the entire profile and forget about fab forever.
I honestly think I might be broken.
Sassy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *CExeCouple 12 weeks ago
Hong-Kong/Exeter |
Take it slowly. Don't pressure yourself, enjoy the forums and the silly side of stuff on here. Build up some friendships and some trust with folks and see how things go. Sounds like you've had quite the journey, no need to rush coming back. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A huge congratulations on achieving your goals and getting to where you want to be. I completely empathise with where you are at and weight loss can be a massive change not just physically but also mentally, which is often under appreciated.
You are not broken. Not for a moment. Not at all. It sounds like you need time to figure out the new you, and so does Mr. Can you start with some
play with just the two of you in a club and grow from there? No expectations. No others. Building your confidence and security bit by bit?
There is no need to rush back. I completely agree that if you feel uncomfortable now, it will be worse if you’re all in the throes of it an those feelings of jealousy (fear of loss), over envy (compersion and joy), sneak in.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Firstly thanks for sharing, it’s nice to see people sharing their emotions and wanting to talk about them, also well done on reaching your goal weight, that’s an amazing achievement.
I would echo what others have said and just take things slowly and build your confidence from there, you will get back to your old ways soon enough |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Don't come back until you have resolved the lack of intimacy issue with your partner. If you're feeling vulnerable and then see him enjoying being with other women it will only end in problems. "
Just wanted to second this advice. You (both) need to work on the intimacy between you both lest you just feel worse about the situation and I feel that would be very difficult to come back from.
You could always, when ready, modify your boundaries if you do visit a club - make the evening a low-key affair or just touching or the like.
You should not feel under any pressure to rush back to this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Would like to know what the Mr thinks of your post? You've been on the journey together so is his feelings considered  "
He’s more of a keep it all in kind of person. I’m a need to talk about it kind of person. In regards to this, I can’t really talk to a friend about it so like minded people here seem to be the best bet.
I’m not suggesting he is pressuring me or anything like that, it’s my own internal thoughts creating these feelings of anxiety. Possibly from being away for so long so it feels like starting over, or because I’m physically different my brain is taking some time to catch up. Or both?
I’m not sure, but I’m certainly not placing blame on him.
His feelings have always been “you look great” no matter my size or how my body looked before plastics.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi op
It sounds like you need to address the issues you have with your partner, before you start meeting again.
You sound like you really resent him, obviously we don't know the full story of what happened. Were you pushing him away when you felt unattractive? Or was it him who pulled away?.
Either way, you should have an open discussion and tell him you're hurt by his actions. Don't bring this to meets or it could be harmful to your relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 12 weeks ago
|
You are a couple, your intimacy and closeness first. Perhaps he is burned out from it all, or feeling insecure because you have worked on yourself and feels maybe left behind. Take it all slowly and work on his needs first. Or keep to chat online, read the messages to him and rude his cock. Find that spark again |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We all have moments like this whether it be our bodies, mental health or something else.
I (Mr) am very aware that at times I have to step away from it for anxiety and mental health reasons.....you have to know when to take a break.
Id say that when were in those kind of moments, we attend specific club nights, just to be with each other.
I hope that you figure it out.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi op
It sounds like you need to address the issues you have with your partner, before you start meeting again.
You sound like you really resent him, obviously we don't know the full story of what happened. Were you pushing him away when you felt unattractive? Or was it him who pulled away?.
Either way, you should have an open discussion and tell him you're hurt by his actions. Don't bring this to meets or it could be harmful to your relationship. "
Only ever pushed fab away. Never him, i have always wanted him.
Resentment is a strong word and i certainly don’t feel that way at all towards him, I love him very much and i loved the dynamic we had. We were very much an unproblematic couple on the scene, which is why as soon as things didn’t feel quite right we stepped away.
I’ll never be that person to bring drama to other couples at all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Firstly well done to you for all aspects you've written about.
That's strength in itself.
Be communicative with Mr, please don't shy away from that.
Well done also the previous responders on this thread, supportive and considerate comments, you are all ⭐ ⭐.Club goers will be supportive in person too
Back to you. Maybe re write the profile for now, write what you wish for, explain you don't want single meets etc.
Could clothing cover the scar tissue areas you are worried about until you have the confidence back?
Be the new you and own it, Don't look back x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think you could come to regret rushing to others with you, before you have established full engagement together. This seems like the potential issue for you both just now. Not discussing this leaves a potential crack that might increase and isn't what you both deserve to have as a foundation. You know each other well and I'd recommend talking now and to see what you can jointly find as your way forward. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've known a number of couples over the years, and the one thing that all of them had was an incredibly strong bond.
It might sound like a bit of an oxymoron but I think you need to be really secure and tight as a couple to allow others into the bedroom.
You should take time to review your situation, rather than rush in
And, you're not broken, you're just not ready.
Good luck
Ps: you look great in your photos too x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oelMan 12 weeks ago
Midlands, London, Brussels |
"I am sorry in advance for how long this is!
It’s the female of the couple speaking btw
We have been a super active couple on fab over the years and have had an absolute blast. Never had any issues, arguments or bad meets etc.
Made some lovely friendships over the years, I honestly feel so lucky to have had such good experiences.
I had been losing weight over the last three and half years or so and last year got to my goal weight, which I was very happy about but I was left with so much excess skin predominantly on my stomach and it really bothered me.
So much so that we went to only one party last year, I was so insecure and in my head about trying to cover my stomach that I couldn’t enjoy the party to the fullest- everyone was lovely, it was 100% a me issue.
From that point I just did not want to meet anymore, my confidence had disappeared, so we stopped. As much as mr agreed with the decision I definitely think he missed it more than I did.
Fast forward to now and I’m 7 weeks post op from skin removal surgery and I’m delighted with my new body.
So I popped some pics on a few days ago and told mr that I would like to start with a club or party first, in April. I need a group social setting to ease me back in, i think.
All was well until messages about meeting have started, mr has sent a lot of messages and I know he’s super keen which usually would be okay but during this time off, and since the conversation of coming back, there was a lack of interest/intimacy from him and that was a secondary reason for staying away last year because I didn’t want to watch him be with someone else when he didn’t want to be sexual with me.
All these years on fab I’ve never felt so insecure and i absolutely hate it.
I really want to come back, I want to get back to our naughty secret adventures, I want to see our friends and make new ones.
I want to be social, I want to get dressed up and feel sexy, I genuinely miss all of it.
It just all feels so overwhelming and it feels like a pressure to go straight back to how it was before and I don’t know if my brain is going to let me do that.
I felt overwhelmed tonight and it made me just want to delete the entire profile and forget about fab forever.
I honestly think I might be broken.
Sassy"
Slow down, you are totally in control |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aandLoCouple 12 weeks ago
Southampton |
"I've known a number of couples over the years, and the one thing that all of them had was an incredibly strong bond.
It might sound like a bit of an oxymoron but I think you need to be really secure and tight as a couple to allow others into the bedroom.
You should take time to review your situation, rather than rush in
And, you're not broken, you're just not ready.
Good luck
Ps: you look great in your photos too x"
Perfectly put. ⬆️
You are amazing OP! Work on seeing yourself that way, and healing your sex life with Mr before you think about opening it up to others again. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I am sorry in advance for how long this is!
It’s the female of the couple speaking btw
We have been a super active couple on fab over the years and have had an absolute blast. Never had any issues, arguments or bad meets etc.
Made some lovely friendships over the years, I honestly feel so lucky to have had such good experiences.
I had been losing weight over the last three and half years or so and last year got to my goal weight, which I was very happy about but I was left with so much excess skin predominantly on my stomach and it really bothered me.
So much so that we went to only one party last year, I was so insecure and in my head about trying to cover my stomach that I couldn’t enjoy the party to the fullest- everyone was lovely, it was 100% a me issue.
From that point I just did not want to meet anymore, my confidence had disappeared, so we stopped. As much as mr agreed with the decision I definitely think he missed it more than I did.
Fast forward to now and I’m 7 weeks post op from skin removal surgery and I’m delighted with my new body.
So I popped some pics on a few days ago and told mr that I would like to start with a club or party first, in April. I need a group social setting to ease me back in, i think.
All was well until messages about meeting have started, mr has sent a lot of messages and I know he’s super keen which usually would be okay but during this time off, and since the conversation of coming back, there was a lack of interest/intimacy from him and that was a secondary reason for staying away last year because I didn’t want to watch him be with someone else when he didn’t want to be sexual with me.
All these years on fab I’ve never felt so insecure and i absolutely hate it.
I really want to come back, I want to get back to our naughty secret adventures, I want to see our friends and make new ones.
I want to be social, I want to get dressed up and feel sexy, I genuinely miss all of it.
It just all feels so overwhelming and it feels like a pressure to go straight back to how it was before and I don’t know if my brain is going to let me do that.
I felt overwhelmed tonight and it made me just want to delete the entire profile and forget about fab forever.
I honestly think I might be broken.
Sassy"
I lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago. I am really self conscious about my tummy flab. So I always have some sexy underwear on when we meet people. It helps a lot. If you do feel comfortable once you start you could always take it off.
P. S well done on the weight loss x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Congrats on the new bod, it takes a lot to set your mind to I'd think. With that in mind, 7 weeks post op is far too soon imo... I could be wrong but I think hub could be thinking similar.
You've had a big op, you look good, but to rush back in for sake of - you've had a long time out of meeting, I'd personally slow things down, light some candles and get some good lovin on, then have a wander back into a club/ hol resort. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
