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Spotting the Timewasters
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I’m sure this has been brought up many (many) times before so sorry if this is a repetitive post topic! Just after some fresh perspective please, pretty please?
I’ve been on this site for years. Not always actively meeting but I’ve had very few problems with timewasters and liars, until the last few months.
In that time, I’ve added 4 guys to my block list when I’ve only got 6 on there in total. And have had 3 social meets cancelled on the day with crap excuses/blatant lies. All of them recently meet verified by others so surely must be real people?
Always thought I had a decent vibe for the timewasters, but clearly I’ve lost my skills! And if I decide I don’t want to meet someone, I am honest about it and why. It’d be nice to at least be given the same courtesy.
I’m so frustrated with it all now and am seriously considering leaving site for good. But before I take that leap, could you lovely helpful people tell me what I’m doing wrong and how you spot the timewasters please?
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Hi op,
When I was meeting as a single woman, I found lots of men didn't want a social meet. They either couldn't meet me in public because they weren't single or just didn't want to put any effort in and get straight to the fun.
I don't know what to suggest tbh apart from maybe arrange a social where you'd be anyway. Ie for a coffee in town, then you can still have a drink and chill even if they don't show.
Or, try a a club or organized social possibly, if you'd feel comfortable to do so. |
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Unfortunately, there are a lot of fantasists and dreamers on here, as well as keyboard wankers. They don't have the guts to meet in real life, but they like the chase. Once they catch you (read: arrange to meet), the game is over for them.
How to spot them? Typically they'd turn the conversation to sexual matters very early on, want to talk about what you're going to do to each other or even just discuss fantasies/likes and dislikes. They may also try to move conversation away from here early on. However, some show zero signs of being a possible time waster... I get that anyone can get cold feet, but I agree with you, OP- it would be good if we were told they changed their minds.
Clubs might be best to find people to meet- you are already in the same place at the same time. But a lot of men, in my opinion, make a mistake of not trying to talk to people in clubs, just staring or, god forbid, furiously wanking while talking to you.
Sorry, OP, I'm not being very helpful. |
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By *CExeCouple 7 days ago
Lincoln/Exeter |
It's so frustrating when you get a rough patch of idiots.
A good bit of chatting, arrange the social with a good bit of notice and make it clear that cancelling on the day means being blocked. Look for recent verifications on profiles, we've found the ones with nothing recent tend to be quite flaky.
You're gorgeous, so fingers crossed some decent chaps will come your way very soon! |
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By *eyeYCouple 7 days ago
Nr Leicester |
If anyone won't meet us for a social, whether as we state, may most likely develop into more if we click, they won't be meeting us at all..
Tend to find those who won't take a leap of faith with pictures, real world contact details etc won't turn up.
So we'll never put faith in a promise here x |
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By *aandLoCouple 7 days ago
Southampton |
If we aren't 100% sure they're reliable we insist on meeting at a club or spa, that way if they're a no show we can still enjoy a fun evening/day.
An insistence on a social, even if it's just a coffee seems to sort out the time wasters too. The conversation and connection at a social also gives us an indication if a 'single guy' really is single.... A few have revealed themselves unknowingly in conversation or behaviour, lol
But time wasters still get through sometimes 🫤 Not sure there's a fool proof methodology, sorry. x |
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"Just an idea
Download telegram. You can hide number and call them. "
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Echoing some of the wonderful sentiments and advice above, but I agree with this, especially if you want to quickly mitigate any potential timewasters: get them onto Telegram. Ask them to do a video call, voice call or perhaps get them to write their fab name on a piece of paper together with a word that you've provided (e.g. "rhubarb") and send it to you.
It shouldn't have to be this complicated or convoluted but it's something better than nothing. 🩶 |
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By *WB85Man 6 days ago
Staffordshire |
I always make it clear I have a slower approach.
After an initial connection is made I prefer to chat via telegram, and as soon as I get on there I photo verify. Have them take a picture holding a random object of their choice.
I also make it very clear theres no real sex talk or naughty pics until after a social. So if thats what they're after....they will just stop talking.
Then the social. Its just a social, we aren't booking a hotel or anything like that. A drink, a meal or something fun....but thats it.
Most won't put in this level of effort if fake.
I call it my blueprint....and if people aren't prepared to follow it, they aren't for me.
I hope you figure it out and find your people. |
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All good general tips.
Sometimes our 'twit'spotting radars are off.
Maybe have a week off fab, and / or amend the profile to reflect what you currently seek.
Chaps should expect to social meet first unless specifically stated in the profile. |
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For me a big red flag once someone has agreed to a meet is him asking me for photos or videos, even though I have lots on my profile. It usually means they just want to get themselves off and will not show. They get one chance but I have cancelled meets for this x |
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By *aandLoCouple 6 days ago
Southampton |
"....
I also make it very clear theres no real sex talk or naughty pics until after a social. So if thats what they're after....they will just stop talking...."
We make it known we're not looking for a pornographic penpal, lol |
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By *unner6969Man 6 days ago
London & Surrounding Area |
Like you, OP, I come on this site to meet.
Likewise, I get let down, as well as asked for money/gifts/arrangements in advance, none of which goes with the Fab ethos. But this happens all too often nowadays.
To be fair, I have also postponed meets, once or twice at short notice - because of unexpected work, or family commitments - but always with the intention of rearranging.
So, I probably can’t be much help spotting the timewasters as I come across as many, if not more, as you do.
Unfortunately the site is now full of porn-fuelled fantasists getting their kicks on here, rather than in real life.
Some good comments in this thread - but you still won’t avoid all of them. |
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By *WB85Man 6 days ago
Staffordshire |
"....
I also make it very clear theres no real sex talk or naughty pics until after a social. So if thats what they're after....they will just stop talking....
We make it known we're not looking for a pornographic penpal, lol"
Often stops them in their tracks. |
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"Really appreciate all your replies, thank you 
Some rejigging and thinking to do if I choose to remain on site xxxx"
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Your lådyship, do let us know when you're next venturing onto the Dickensian cobbled streets of ye olde London Towne. It shall be 'time invested' and not 'timewasted'. 💌 |
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It can be worthwhile evaluating whether there's anything in the profile type of people who you are looking for, that helps to select for people who might be more trouble than others, of different types. It's not about changing what and who is right for you but removal of anything that could be more likely to cause issues.
I always pay attention to when men contact me. And pay lots of attention to whether they are subconsciously signalling that they are unreliable or trouble.
Unlike others. I have become resistant to moving off from Fab, until almost the last moment before meeting. Over 90% of those encouraging me off-site, were trying to get sexual content and unreliable. I'm okay doing something as a litmus test, to guage suitability but I do find Fab works best. It also gives an audit trail, that Admin can see if users get reported as time wasters.
Just as with fraudsters being 1 step ahead of the police, devious people who deceive will try to master their skills.  |
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"
I always pay attention to when men contact me. And pay lots of attention to whether they are subconsciously signalling that they are unreliable or trouble.
Unlike others. I have become resistant to moving off from Fab, until almost the last moment before meeting. Over 90% of those encouraging me off-site, were trying to get sexual content and unreliable. I'm okay doing something as a litmus test, to guage suitability but I do find Fab works best. It also gives an audit trail, that Admin can see if users get reported as time wasters.
Just as with fraudsters being 1 step ahead of the police, devious people who deceive will try to master their skills. "
You are very analytical about all this Sophie, I can tell you have some experience in these matters
And I do agree, they often want to go on whatsapp, kik or telegram but I rarely do that before the day of the meet when its actually useful. I much prefer messages to and fro here where I can reply when I want, not be pestered by the phone going off!
Also, yes, check the profile, one reason why I never reply to those 'fill in later' profiles..
xx |
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It’s not just women and couples who suffer from no show or late drop out meets I find men are struggle along even more. There are a lot of couple profiles who are actually just the male partner with a fantasy of wanting to share their wives when in-fact the wife’s knows nothing about it and if she did would be horrified at the thought. Yes the pictures they show are real but not intended for showing in public. I can imagine a women’s profile gets a lot of views and offers to meet but they too seam to just want to talk and soon drop out when it gets to the let’s meet stage.
So OP it’s not just women or couples who are let down it’s a site wide problem that isn’t easy to solve. I basically think it’s to easy to get on the site for a quick thrill with no intention of ever meeting. Not sure how to stop it other than making entry into the site harder by insisting of proof that we are who we say we are. How many profiles do you see that sound perfect or to good to be true then have no interests, can not accommodate or travel even theirs pics don’t match their profile or are years out of date. Clubs are the ideal place to meet but again for a single guy can be very expensive to get admission with guarantee of any type of sex. It’s not an easy topic to solve I’ve arranged meets, booked hotels done everything required but still they don’t turn up and to make it worse they block you. |
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The best way we have found is go to your local clubs and speak to people there and socialise there. There's normally a line of single men waiting for single women or couples that want to play with them.
There's way to many time wasters on here. We tend to only chat to people after we have met them in person |
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"I’m sure this has been brought up many (many) times before so sorry if this is a repetitive post topic! Just after some fresh perspective please, pretty please?
I’ve been on this site for years. Not always actively meeting but I’ve had very few problems with timewasters and liars, until the last few months.
In that time, I’ve added 4 guys to my block list when I’ve only got 6 on there in total. And have had 3 social meets cancelled on the day with crap excuses/blatant lies. All of them recently meet verified by others so surely must be real people?
Always thought I had a decent vibe for the timewasters, but clearly I’ve lost my skills! And if I decide I don’t want to meet someone, I am honest about it and why. It’d be nice to at least be given the same courtesy.
I’m so frustrated with it all now and am seriously considering leaving site for good. But before I take that leap, could you lovely helpful people tell me what I’m doing wrong and how you spot the timewasters please?
"
The problem is the other people not you.
I am quite adept picking up kn blokes with couples profiles or females in my experience blokes try too hard to write like most women I had contact with.Far too many mmmmm, babe, hun and so on.
I just about manage being me let alone trying to multi task being someone else
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By *andy3Man 5 days ago
lockerbie |
Ive read all the comments and as a man im polite, respectful on how a meet would like to go, willing to send pics but some woman hardly want to to chat, what can I do as a man to meet a woman and see how a social or a fun meet can go? |
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We have never let anyone down on a meet, ever. We've had men not turn up for MFM after chats and video calls and socials. its down to human nature and that second sense we all have to suss timewasters out. If at any point you have a doubt then walk away, doesn't always work as we demonstrate but it does reduce. |
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I've found that meeting within a short time frame helps. I usually meet people same day and meet within a few hours time frame.
Pretty much everyone I've met from here has tried to meet again and some are my years long lovers now so it can work.
I also meet people locally as well so when you start discussing drive or tube times asking for locations etc it also clearer who is serious.
I understand wanting to take a bit longer to get to know someone but I've wasted weeks talking to people who never materialised. I know men in real life who admit they use this site for a wank and free porn so I avoid showing everything or engaging with prolonged sexual talk coz u know they just gonna wank instead! |
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By *ornypair300Couple 2 days ago
scottish borders /edinburgh |
We are finding pretty much the exact same thing just now ,been ghosted 4times lately and to top that off the amount of men that when told no either kick off at you or try to convince you to change your rules etc is disgusting, if they can try and coherce you over messages to change things then certainly wouldn’t take the risk to meet you as god knows what you would do . It used to be a lot simpler here where people were happy to meet for a social before anything but now it seems people want to just dip n split . Hoping something gives soon as we are so close to calling it a day |
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We are on the opposite side of this.
We often get people messaging us and we will message back to get to know them to see if there is either a spark for play or if they can be potential friends, but more often than not they lose patience and call us time wasters. |
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"I've found that meeting within a short time frame helps. I usually meet people same day and meet within a few hours time frame.
Pretty much everyone I've met from here has tried to meet again and some are my years long lovers now so it can work.
I also meet people locally as well so when you start discussing drive or tube times asking for locations etc it also clearer who is serious.
I understand wanting to take a bit longer to get to know someone but I've wasted weeks talking to people who never materialised. I know men in real life who admit they use this site for a wank and free porn so I avoid showing everything or engaging with prolonged sexual talk coz u know they just gonna wank instead! "
Time is the key. In my experience meets that happen tend to happen quickly. Meets that are long way off just have more time for something to get in the way and derail them.
If someone is a talker then the odds are that’s all they are. |
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