Wife and I have been discussing this a lot lately. Not 100% sure this site is for the both of us. Mainly, she wants a more affectionate relationship ENM type of scenario (hoping I've said that right, new to the lingo haha), which I am open to.
Essentially, I think she wants more of a double dating/swapping/poly type relationship... Is anyone else in a similar position? Any advice? Or know where we should look?
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There's not 1 type only of engagement that people are looking for here. And some people look for different things in multiple places.
As the poster above says, it's important for you both to be sure about what you want. Even if it changes over time, it's essential to be united |
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We havent been in a full ENM relationship situation, but we can imagine. We have had some VERY close friends who we swung with for years. Its a different dynamic in terms of spending time together, relaxed evenings and more of a partner exeperince together. With swinging (for us at least) the emotions arent a part of it and the sex is almost no more than just having pure fun.
I would say with an ENM relationship by nature of it, the emotions would get a lot more complicated and the scope for jealousy is far greater... |
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Thanks all for the advice! I know we need to work out a few things first, I think both of us are approaching this at different speeds so we need to catch up with each other.
I feel like maybe we should attend a social or something, that way we can talk to others, gain insights etc. Good/bad idea? |
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Yeah I would say a good idea. Socials are a good way of meeting people, but bear in mind everyone has a different dynamic and adding someone into the mix can be complicated. I always describe it as like going on a double date, except everyone has to like and fancy everyone else!
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"Yeah I would say a good idea. Socials are a good way of meeting people, but bear in mind everyone has a different dynamic and adding someone into the mix can be complicated. I always describe it as like going on a double date, except everyone has to like and fancy everyone else!
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Yeah, I think we need to take some time away and give this all some thought. Thank you for all of the advice  |
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The point about traditional swinging is that it's something you do as a couple. It's a shared experience, and as such can actually strengthen and deepen your relationship if you do it right.
ENM/poly sounds more focused on individual pleasure. So the best you can hope for is that it doesn't make your relationship worse. Many people do it successfully, but surely it requires a lot more emotional care than an orgy? |
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"The point about traditional swinging is that it's something you do as a couple. It's a shared experience, and as such can actually strengthen and deepen your relationship if you do it right.
ENM/poly sounds more focused on individual pleasure. So the best you can hope for is that it doesn't make your relationship worse. Many people do it successfully, but surely it requires a lot more emotional care than an orgy? "
Maybe I have it wrong? I don't really know all this lingo as it's very new to me. Generally the idea we were talking about was us as a couple dating another couple. I thought Poly was generally just about the sex element and ENM was more about relationships?
It may be easier if I lay it out in case I have my assumptions wrong haha.
What she wants: something with more emotion, sensual relationship esque.
How I feel about what she wants: not a problem, I don't mind if she falls in love with someone else so long as she still loves me and our relationship. I don't want whatever she chooses to have to affect what we have.
What I want: I don't particularly want a relationship with anyone else, up for friendship, FWB type scenario or maybe even ONS or NSA etc.
How she feels about it (based on conversations we've had so maybe not 100%): She's concerned that I won't be able to keep emotion out of it and fall in love with someone else and ultimately leave her. Also, as it's still quite new, she doesn't know how she feels about me being intimate with others yet.
So far our experience has been her having online relationships with one other and me aiding their relationship  this was very exciting for both of us. Honestly I've forgotten the question writing this haha. Thanks for listening at least haha. I don't know where we go from here, I know it'll take time and we both need to be certain and strong in our relationship. Just hope we both stop torturing ourselves with the unknown, our ADHD has been in overtime trying to work this shit out |
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There are more people who think that they can handle being in love with two people, than there are that actually can. You won't know for sure until you've tried, and by then it may be too late.
Another worry is that she says she wants romance, but would be anxious if you did the same. Having different rules for each party makes the whole thing more difficult to get right.
The one thing that you have going for you is that you're both neuro divergent. ND people tend to be better at compartmentalizing their lives.
In summary, I really hope that it works out for you, but I'm not optimistic. |
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I would say there are plenty of poly people and folk looking for a bit more connection on this site. However maybe look more to ENM/poly site for guidance as well as the right people because its a huge undertaking.
Also maybe try a swinger social event. It's a social space where you can simply talk to people no pressure. An opportunity to judge vibe with people and suss out those who are poly or open to a deeper connection. We even had a great night getting to know a poly couple at a swingers social who were not swingers just there as a potential hunting spot for potential partners. Because there is some cross over for some people.
And in my opinion friendship, love and relationships are a wide and diverse spectrum. Maybe she is happy with some deeper connections in swinging. Because we sometimes make on this scene we make quite deep friendships/relationships (or somewhere in between) with people. We have a couple who've we've grown a great love and friendship with over the years. Sometimes things plot somewhere else on the spectrum but are full of connection and value too.
Mr |
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Ive never understood others needing affection or connection to fuck others, that should be kept for your own relationship only.
Personally I think if you need affection from another person your playing with the devil.
Me and my Mrs keep it simple anyone we play with are toys nothing more nothing less. |
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