FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Help and tips for someone new to the scene.
Help and tips for someone new to the scene.
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
I live a private life and havent had much confidence since lockdown. My sexlife is basically non existent and I find myself in a vicious cycle I honestly dont know how to get out of.
I joined the site to try and break out of this wierd place I have found myself in and honestly I havent got a clue what im even doing.
I dont even know why I am posting this but if you have ever found yourself in my position and have managed to break out of it any words of advice or even just conversation would be appreciated.
Don't know what I expect from posting this but at this point I honestly just think why not!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *WB85Man 4 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
So I started this 4 years ago now.
My mistake when I started was high expectations.....I was naive thinking it was going to be an easy process as were all looking for the same things.
We aren't all looking for the same things, theres so many different dynamics on here.....half of which I needed to google.
You have one opportunity to reach out.....if that first message doesn't catch someones eye, its unlikely you'll get a 2nd chance.
So my advice is to really read someones profile. Are you realistically looking for the same things?
Make your message personal, find a way to make it clear you've read their profile.
Dont copy and paste the same shit because it doesn't work....and I'm speaking from experience.
So many opportunities wasted by copying and pasting and I don't have the balls to message them again.
Thats my take on things anyway.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So I started this 4 years ago now.
My mistake when I started was high expectations.....I was naive thinking it was going to be an easy process as were all looking for the same things.
We aren't all looking for the same things, theres so many different dynamics on here.....half of which I needed to google.
You have one opportunity to reach out.....if that first message doesn't catch someones eye, its unlikely you'll get a 2nd chance.
So my advice is to really read someones profile. Are you realistically looking for the same things?
Make your message personal, find a way to make it clear you've read their profile.
Dont copy and paste the same shit because it doesn't work....and I'm speaking from experience.
So many opportunities wasted by copying and pasting and I don't have the balls to message them again.
Thats my take on things anyway.
"
I’m still new but this is excellent advice. I’d also add chatting in the forums when you can, you get a good idea of people sometimes in here rather than chats!
Messaging is really hard. I am sure I still suck at it; but I’ve had a couple of good ‘mutual’ chats with good people. Ie non - sexual chats
I’ve had one promising chat which unfortunately seems to have ended with me being ghosted after a good start. I would say, after spending some time rolling that one round my head, just perhaps don’t take things like that to heart. There’s a lot of guys on here so getting off the ground is hard (for me, anyway!) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"My question to you would be, what is it you're looking to get out of this site?"
I dont want to get into a relationship so havent been dating. Figured this site would have been a much more casual way of having fun.
But having to make a CV to promote myself is something I really cant do. In person i have absolutely zero problems chatting to people and being myself but on here when I make a bio or take pictures of myself I just cringe. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"So I started this 4 years ago now.
My mistake when I started was high expectations.....I was naive thinking it was going to be an easy process as were all looking for the same things.
We aren't all looking for the same things, theres so many different dynamics on here.....half of which I needed to google.
You have one opportunity to reach out.....if that first message doesn't catch someones eye, its unlikely you'll get a 2nd chance.
So my advice is to really read someones profile. Are you realistically looking for the same things?
Make your message personal, find a way to make it clear you've read their profile.
Dont copy and paste the same shit because it doesn't work....and I'm speaking from experience.
So many opportunities wasted by copying and pasting and I don't have the balls to message them again.
Thats my take on things anyway.
"
Thanks, thats good advice.
Ive sent a couple messages here and there but texting, forums and generally typing online isnt something I ever really did before so I really suck at it. In person I have absolutely no issues talking to people but online i completely suck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"So I started this 4 years ago now.
My mistake when I started was high expectations.....I was naive thinking it was going to be an easy process as were all looking for the same things.
We aren't all looking for the same things, theres so many different dynamics on here.....half of which I needed to google.
You have one opportunity to reach out.....if that first message doesn't catch someones eye, its unlikely you'll get a 2nd chance.
So my advice is to really read someones profile. Are you realistically looking for the same things?
Make your message personal, find a way to make it clear you've read their profile.
Dont copy and paste the same shit because it doesn't work....and I'm speaking from experience.
So many opportunities wasted by copying and pasting and I don't have the balls to message them again.
Thats my take on things anyway.
I’m still new but this is excellent advice. I’d also add chatting in the forums when you can, you get a good idea of people sometimes in here rather than chats!
Messaging is really hard. I am sure I still suck at it; but I’ve had a couple of good ‘mutual’ chats with good people. Ie non - sexual chats
I’ve had one promising chat which unfortunately seems to have ended with me being ghosted after a good start. I would say, after spending some time rolling that one round my head, just perhaps don’t take things like that to heart. There’s a lot of guys on here so getting off the ground is hard (for me, anyway!)"
Its not necessarily that im taking anything to heart its just frustrating when I cant put forward a good representation of myself or talk to people in a way that feels natural |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Try and see if you can get a single male membership for a club like Chams/ Xtasia/ Attic and get out! If you’re better in person, spaces for swinging really could be your bag. Once you get veris/ get to know people, things should start to flow more. You can post a meet on here beforehand so you can get chatting to people before you go and you can arrange to meet them there. It’s lesser pressure for everyone involved.
Good luck!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad BodMan 4 weeks ago
clitheroe |
I know exactly what youre saying here...I'll sometimes write a message then delete it because it sounds awkward even though it probably doesnt but I overthink it. In person I wouldnt even hesitate if I felt slightly comfortable |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Making realistic expectations for yourself is essential, for your wellbeing.
Fab isn't a magic sex solutions generator - it means investment of hard graft for single men. It's complementary to the swinging world, so it's helpful, if you engage in that world.
Look for posts from men who struggle, asking for advice, as there will be great tips and advice given, that you can probably adopt.
Get to know others and take the pressure off you. Consider ways you can improve your confidence and engagement with potential partners outside of Fab. You deserve not to be isolated and to improve your satisfaction from life. Take baby steps, you don't have to fix everything in one go! Sorry, if I've started. When we get insights into our lives potentially not being quite right, it's usually valuable if we welcome and encourage them, so that we can inch away from what's uncomfortable, towards what's likely going to be rewarding, for the person we've become.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Making realistic expectations for yourself is essential, for your wellbeing.
Fab isn't a magic sex solutions generator - it means investment of hard graft for single men. It's complementary to the swinging world, so it's helpful, if you engage in that world.
Look for posts from men who struggle, asking for advice, as there will be great tips and advice given, that you can probably adopt.
Get to know others and take the pressure off you. Consider ways you can improve your confidence and engagement with potential partners outside of Fab. You deserve not to be isolated and to improve your satisfaction from life. Take baby steps, you don't have to fix everything in one go! Sorry, if I've started. When we get insights into our lives potentially not being quite right, it's usually valuable if we welcome and encourage them, so that we can inch away from what's uncomfortable, towards what's likely going to be rewarding, for the person we've become. "
What lovely advice. Thank you  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Try and see if you can get a single male membership for a club like Chams/ Xtasia/ Attic and get out! If you’re better in person, spaces for swinging really could be your bag. Once you get veris/ get to know people, things should start to flow more. You can post a meet on here beforehand so you can get chatting to people before you go and you can arrange to meet them there. It’s lesser pressure for everyone involved.
Good luck!
"
That sounds like a good plan. Cheers! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I know exactly what youre saying here...I'll sometimes write a message then delete it because it sounds awkward even though it probably doesnt but I overthink it. In person I wouldnt even hesitate if I felt slightly comfortable "
I genuinely love talking to people but constantly deleting and rewriting messages drives me nuts haha.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Making realistic expectations for yourself is essential, for your wellbeing.
Fab isn't a magic sex solutions generator - it means investment of hard graft for single men. It's complementary to the swinging world, so it's helpful, if you engage in that world.
Look for posts from men who struggle, asking for advice, as there will be great tips and advice given, that you can probably adopt.
Get to know others and take the pressure off you. Consider ways you can improve your confidence and engagement with potential partners outside of Fab. You deserve not to be isolated and to improve your satisfaction from life. Take baby steps, you don't have to fix everything in one go! Sorry, if I've started. When we get insights into our lives potentially not being quite right, it's usually valuable if we welcome and encourage them, so that we can inch away from what's uncomfortable, towards what's likely going to be rewarding, for the person we've become. "
Really helpful comment. Thanks Sophie, appreciate it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Try and see if you can get a single male membership for a club like Chams/ Xtasia/ Attic and get out! If you’re better in person, spaces for swinging really could be your bag. Once you get veris/ get to know people, things should start to flow more. You can post a meet on here beforehand so you can get chatting to people before you go and you can arrange to meet them there. It’s lesser pressure for everyone involved.
Good luck!
That sounds like a good plan. Cheers!"
We post meets when we’re going out, if you want a friendly face to meet when you’re going out, drop us a line. I’m an epic wing woman haha |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Seriously,Not much of chance of meeting a lady on here ,plenty of them ,my advice Stick to Hinge ,Tinder ,POF you will get more Action that way .
Or Take a Trip to the Atic swinger club Derby great club always busy ,Don't feel nervous just wander around with a Drink smile and be polite /sociable chat with couples ,women ,Guys . Enjoy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Try and see if you can get a single male membership for a club like Chams/ Xtasia/ Attic and get out! If you’re better in person, spaces for swinging really could be your bag. Once you get veris/ get to know people, things should start to flow more. You can post a meet on here beforehand so you can get chatting to people before you go and you can arrange to meet them there. It’s lesser pressure for everyone involved.
Good luck!
That sounds like a good plan. Cheers!
We post meets when we’re going out, if you want a friendly face to meet when you’re going out, drop us a line. I’m an epic wing woman haha"
Thanks mate. Is there one of those clubs you would recommend checking out first? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Seriously,Not much of chance of meeting a lady on here ,plenty of them ,my advice Stick to Hinge ,Tinder ,POF you will get more Action that way .
Or Take a Trip to the Atic swinger club Derby great club always busy ,Don't feel nervous just wander around with a Drink smile and be polite /sociable chat with couples ,women ,Guys . Enjoy "
Yeah, club meets definitely sound better suited for me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *CExeCouple 4 weeks ago
Hong-Kong/Exeter |
You've done the right thing by doing something different. It doesn't matter if you get a meet or not; you've recognised you need to make changes to your life. Gey along to a club or social. Push your boundaries and comfort levels and you'll start to notice an increase in self confidence. Not easy, but definitely worth it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iam Dee OP Man 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"You've done the right thing by doing something different. It doesn't matter if you get a meet or not; you've recognised you need to make changes to your life. Gey along to a club or social. Push your boundaries and comfort levels and you'll start to notice an increase in self confidence. Not easy, but definitely worth it."
Cheers bab.
Going to a Social/club is the plan. When is another question haha
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Im a member at xtasia and only meet there, theres plenty of good events on a friday night which is the only night you can go as a single male, the best thing to do is give them a ring and enquire about a membership you may have to wait but its well worth it, its £40 a year for a membership and then £50 on the night for entry. Most of the events have a group chat which is a great way to get to know people before you go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
