Honestly these answers are much more useful than I thought they would be. Thanks all.
The photos thing, that's something I had already thought about. I can explain the reasons why they're like that but I do agree that seems to be an obvious improvement I should do. The reason they're like that is I'm bad at taking photos of myself, and the ones I do have that show more are a bit older and I also was a bit more fit back then, so I don't want to "catfish" people with them. I need to take new photos that are realistic but good, that's on me. I'm overweight, and while it's not terrible and I know a lot of people still find me attractive, it takes effort (like I figure it does for most people) to take a photo of myself that I find appealing.
I had considered the verifications thing. I also only got photo verified recently on the site. I guess going to clubs again is really a good idea. I haven't gone to clubs in 7 years as well, that's why my one verification is so old. Other people I've had interactions with were not on fabswingers or they were isolated interactions where it didn't occur to me to ask for verifications back then. I guess it didn't occur to me that this would matter so much to others, but I figure if there are a lot of time wasters that can be quite relevant.
Then there's the poly thing and what I'm looking for. To put it clearly, the reason my partner is not on fabswingers is she's not as interested in sex as a special interest as I am. In fact, that is part of why I am looking for other people to have more of that with. I've had that with other partners over the years, as well as when I used to go to clubs, but things change and I'm always interested in finding new people and experiences. The whole spirit of poly is that you can get different things from different people, with different kinds of relationships. At least for me. My partner knows I date other people, knows I have gone to swingers clubs (she actually did go to one with me once), knows I have sex with other people, but she's not really that interested in participating in that herself. She has met other people I've had various types of things with, sometimes, if it feels like it makes sense, but other than that club visit she's never participated with others in sex stuff. Someone mentioned that it looks like I'm looking for a relationship, and I appreciate that wasn't said as if that was a bad thing. The truth is I'm looking for someone (or multiple someones) I can vibe with and also have some naughty fun with. That can be a relationship or friends with benefits or something much more casual, as long as there's a good vibe to it. Most of my relationships of any kind start with big sexual aspects because that's important for me, and sometimes they end there or stay there as just friends with benefits, sometimes they become more. Just looking for people to have a nice time with, honestly.
Perhaps I should say, I have tried and continue to try standard dating websites too, but that's also hard for the opposite reason. People are even more unfriendly to poly there, looking to get married, and even the poly people there are often very slow to move and sometimes get put off by someone with a high libido like myself who cares about the physical aspect. Like to some degree I feel squashed between the world of people who are not interested in being naughty, playful, and exploratory with sex, and the world of people who are not interested in getting to know each other as people. No disrespect to what each person wants, but I just sometimes don't know where to look for people who are after what I'm after.
Either way, good thoughts for sure. I'll try to get better photos, go to clubs and get verifications, and perhaps reword how I explain my relationship situation and what I look for. I might pause trying to search for people in here while I do that. I may also try to use the forums a bit more, these answers were so much better than I expected. Thanks. |
