FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advice for a 1st meet
Advice for a 1st meet
Jump to: Newest in thread
Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *otshot14Woman 3 weeks ago
tunbridge wells |
I understand where your coming from,I find that if I meet for a Costa first have a chat,you can kind of work out if u like them,and great way to be flirty.some of the conversation I've had over a Costa,I'm sure people have over heard it.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I understand where your coming from,I find that if I meet for a Costa first have a chat,you can kind of work out if u like them,and great way to be flirty.some of the conversation I've had over a Costa,I'm sure people have over heard it.
"
Great thanks. Yeah good idea. I will definitely consider doing that. Public is a good shout and again gives you a good idea of the person and vibe. Appreciate you takin the time x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Have a slow and steady approach and make that very clear to people when you start chatting.
An initial social in a pub can work well....less people to over hear your conversation and you become less noticed by staff compared to a smaller coffee shop.
Also make it clear, its just a social....nothing more initially.
Feel free to message us if you'd like to chat.
Mrs. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated. "
I think it is natural to be nervous or lack confidence when meeting. unless you spend time getting to know them online first you are meeting a stranger. I worry conversation won't flow. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated.
I think it is natural to be nervous or lack confidence when meeting. unless you spend time getting to know them online first you are meeting a stranger. I worry conversation won't flow. "
Thank you, I think that's what it is, and that pressure (which I've had before) for the meet to go ahead even if you aren't feeling it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If you have a friend you trust and happy to be open with I recommend a club. Always good fun, and loads of people to chat too "
I might try this, always been reluctant as mixed reviews when speaking with other lasses and their experiences with clubs. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My advice would be to go to a club social. That way you can naturally connect with someone and take things from there!"
I think I will try this. Just been reluctant as heard mixed things form other lasses that have attended. Suppose you don't know if you don't try. Thank you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It could be helpful to meet for a limited time period, such as saying you could meet for 15 to 20 minutes, for a social. If you'd think you might feel most confident doing something active, you could potentially go for a walk, alone a route you know, or to feed the ducks, etc - though a drink somewhere, can be relaxing, possibly. If it's framed as time restricted, due to commitments, it may prevent awkward longer silences or navel gazing. And it stops surprises when you have to end it.
If you can get to a club, you could also meet at one. It can still be fully social and others being present, may help you feel more comfortable? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It could be helpful to meet for a limited time period, such as saying you could meet for 15 to 20 minutes, for a social. If you'd think you might feel most confident doing something active, you could potentially go for a walk, alone a route you know, or to feed the ducks, etc - though a drink somewhere, can be relaxing, possibly. If it's framed as time restricted, due to commitments, it may prevent awkward longer silences or navel gazing. And it stops surprises when you have to end it.
If you can get to a club, you could also meet at one. It can still be fully social and others being present, may help you feel more comfortable? "
Brill with the 15-20 minutes idea. I've had it before where there was pressure to stay longer, and I felt I couldnt really get away so good to make that clear form the start.
And yeah, club would be great for a social, especially with other people (like minded) being present.
Thank you for this x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Always make sure any meet initially is in a public place. Then if you feel you can trust him/them go somewhere private."
Going forward, this will be the plan. Just didn't know if I could with obviously things needing discussed form the site...wouldn't want anyone over hearing lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Always public for coffee and avoid alcohol and initially watch your drink…it’s a dodgy world and if he’s a decent chap..he’ll understand..good luck "
It really is that... Luckily I'm well travelled, already have the "keep an eye on your drink" programmed in my head lol. Just not well socialized for this kind of scenario lol. Thank you x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated. "
Maybe arrange to meet and attend a club together, where theres no dress down rule. That way, you can have a social, and posdibly get chatting to others while there. Itll give you confidence in a club setting, without feeling pressed into going further |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Make you sure you let them know about the trepidation you are feeling and then say you will only meet on your terms, so somewhere public, social only (nothing else guaranteed) - they should respect this and work with you to make that initial meet a success. If they dont, try to influence you down a different path etc, then walk away. There will be others who understand how and why you want a specific approach.
A short coffee meet & greet is a good way as others have suggested. It can start innocent and turn flirty, but it also gives you the option of saying "thanks, but no thanks" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Make you sure you let them know about the trepidation you are feeling and then say you will only meet on your terms, so somewhere public, social only (nothing else guaranteed) - they should respect this and work with you to make that initial meet a success. If they dont, try to influence you down a different path etc, then walk away. There will be others who understand how and why you want a specific approach.
A short coffee meet & greet is a good way as others have suggested. It can start innocent and turn flirty, but it also gives you the option of saying "thanks, but no thanks""
Really like this reply, thank you. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated.
Maybe arrange to meet and attend a club together, where theres no dress down rule. That way, you can have a social, and posdibly get chatting to others while there. Itll give you confidence in a club setting, without feeling pressed into going further"
I'm going to think about a club after reading these replies. I think this could help. Thank you x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Any advice (men and women) please?
Have been on and off site for several years.
Haven't met anyone off here recently except socially. And to be fair, can't say I was feeling it with them.
Had a fwb off site so that suited me, to keep that going and be friendly on here, nothing else. But now I have ended that, I'm here with people wanting to meet, guys that I genuinely would be up for meeting but I'm just dreading it due to my lack of confidence.
I'm sure once I got into the "swing" of it, I'd be fine. It's just that initial hurdle, the starting point.
Any advice without judgement would be appreciated. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
