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Getting over 'traditional relationships'

By *tallionExotica OP Man over a year ago

Islington

Ok so I'm practically new to this (After having tried so many chances at being in relationships and seeing them not working out one way or another), so all of this is a little bit overwhelming for me.

But at the same time my curiosity is much aroused.

While I still end up thinking that I can work on a relationship with people who I could really connect with, but the last person I really connected with was someone who's already in a relationship with another guy.

The problem is, I sometimes end up thinking about her, and wish she knew how much I wanted to be with her. (She already knows I fancy her, and with the conversations we've had, I know she's keen to try going for me as well). But her boyfriend is one of those insecure, jealous types, who'll throw tantrums and sort of manipulate her emotionally to get her back. (He isn't the brightest of the bunch now).

I still keep in touch with her at times, but everytime I see that boyfriend of hers acting like a manipulative idiot, it really bugs me off. Ever since she started seeing him, she's been keeping less in touch with her our mutual friends as well. She still ends up being confused in the relationship, and she also tends to fight a lot with her boyfriend too.

I don't even understand why would anyone be with someone like that? What sort of a relationship is it where couples end up fighting so much? I can't see myself in a relationship like that. Yeah couples do argue and have fights, but they also tend to sort the matter out in a nice manner as well, not this craziness that I end up hearing about.

What is up with some of the people who end up going for the idiotic type? I'm sure looks and money aren't the sole factor for a successful relationship, yet some can be so shallow to not look beyond that. (In order to hone their status in society).

That last attempt at trying to be with someone in a relationship was sort of the last straw for me, and here I am on this site, looking for some fun that doesn't take itself too seriously. And slowly, I lean myself on thinking a traditional relationship will not work for me, and that I might end up being with someone who'll be into swinging as well and is openly expressive / communicative about it (Or at the very least explore the more kinky side of herself).

How have you all dealt with past 'traditional' relationships / marriages? Did it work out or not?

What persuaded you to try out swinging?

I just felt I needed a discussion on this just so I can be more comfortable here.

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

I would recommend you try listening to podcasts such as Life on The Swingset, episode 200 is a great one to start on if you are interested in ethically non-monogamous relationships. This podcast really helped my wife and I to open up and we wouldn't be here without it.

Or you can try books like Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.

Good luck

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By *epper123Woman over a year ago

London

I am not sure if I am that traditional, but anyway .. a few thoughts. I came on here because I was looking for sex without the pain in the arse that all my past relationships had become because I am essentially stubborn and love my own company. I had had a few relationships in the past, hence three children, but also spent a good few years alone, out of choice, to find myself and focus on my kids and career. I think, as a woman, I am just in the generation to go along with a man, but that was so not my personality (brat sums me up so much better) I had to come to terms with that. So, after four years of being on here, on and off between relationships - yes they still happened, despite of myself, but never really felt right, I totally and utterly by chance met someone who I totally click with and we have the most awesome, close and supportive relationship not only that I can imagine, but one I never thought could exist for me (not because I am a sad tucker, but because I am too stubborn and independent). For me, it was about being in the right place, knowing and being true to myself and having the space and time to do that ... strangely fabs helped me do this. I recently heard that the man who introduced me to fabs and swinging passed away, and still shed a tear for those good times and the liberation he gave me. Gone off on a tangent, almost time to go to work, probably the best place for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is hard i know

I dont think of the past no more. Memories but not the what if.

I cut people from my life i didnt want in it that was my ex of 12 years, and its easier trust me

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By *exyCityWomanCouple over a year ago

Sidcup

"I would recommend you try listening to podcasts such as Life on The Swingset, episode 200 is a great one to start on if you are interested in ethically non-monogamous relationships. This podcast really helped my wife and I to open up and we wouldn't be here without it.

Or you can try books like Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.

Good luck

That podcast sounds good... I will have to give it a go!

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By *exyCityWomanCouple over a year ago

Sidcup

I got into swinging with my partner (now husband) and we really enjoyed it. We got into it together and we both found that although our sex life together was amazing, we couldnt imagine being in a situation of being with one person forever more...

Thankfully this is something we found out together and have stuck with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My mum has a great saying. She's 93 Bless. No one knows what goes on in a marriage (she's a bit of a traditionalist) and not married relationships behind closed doors. What she means is you just have a little snapshot of these peoples lives now and again and have formed an opinion that they are unhappy.

For all you know they could be blissfully happy when you are not there and I'll be perfectly honest I think it is none of your business really to get involved and if you are developing feelings for this woman then really you should stop seeing them as it's not fair to threaten their relationship.

If he is not for her then let it run it's course and be prepared to be a shoulder to cry on if she needs that at some point.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He bugs you because you see him as stopping you from getting what you want. In reality, she could leave him for you and isn't doing.

You're projecting onto him because it's easier than telling yourself someone you wanted doesn't want you. She's the manipulative one if she made you think any differently.

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

Or you can try books like Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.

Good luck

That podcast sounds good... I will have to give it a go!

I hope you do, it's great and I think a lot of people could benefit from it. Let us know what you think

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm in an open relationship with a man, we play separately at clubs and have permission to play as long as the other knows about it after.

Its not easy, as he played with a girl he had feelings for and tried to hide the fact they played. So you will still get issues like cheating and jealousy.

But then again, we talked it through and are still in an open relationship as our communication and trust are getting a lot better.

So good luck

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By *eakcoupleCouple over a year ago

peak district

We were in traditional relationships with our exes, but both of us needed a certain amount of extramarital fun. When we met we acknowledged neither of us were the faithful sort, and started swinging as a couple a fairly short time afterwards. That's worked perfectly for both of us, enough extramarital sex to keep us happy, without guilt and in fact with the encouragement of the other. Sex with just one person all your life isn't natural, but a lot of people confuse sex with love. Sex with someone you love is wonderful but sex with those you don't love, don't know and may never even see again is pretty good too!

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By *oxesMan over a year ago

Southend, Essex

Or you can try books like Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.

Good luck

Where do i find this podcast?

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

I get it on my phone. I'm an android user so i downloaded a free app called Podcast Addict and then you just type "life in the swingset" into the search feature on the app and click subscribe. Its also on itunes so I guess its easy for the iphone users.

But you can also listen direct from their website (just google them) if you just want to listen from your computer. I plug my phone into my car so I can make my commute a little less tedious

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By *SweetVioletxWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I'd have a realistic think about why you are on here & also your expectations.

It sounds like you think you're going to find a solution to a problem which involved a girl you fancied not leaving her boyfriend for you.

Have a read of the singke male threads who discuss their frustrations at not getting anywhere or women of the site not paying them enough attention etc.

Most people are lucky to meet one person never mind find a resolution to past relationship hang ups.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

I found the opening post a little ironic.

Talking about her being emotionally manipulated by her bf. ( life and relationships are inevitably this).

But seems to be bothered by it as he wants yo be with her more and have more of an emotional connection with her.

So the problem is the bf emotional connection is stronger than the bit of fun on the side.

That makes perfect sense. You are additional fun he is someone she shares more than sex with.

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By *tallionExotica OP Man over a year ago

Islington

"We were in traditional relationships with our exes, but both of us needed a certain amount of extramarital fun. When we met we acknowledged neither of us were the faithful sort, and started swinging as a couple a fairly short time afterwards. That's worked perfectly for both of us, enough extramarital sex to keep us happy, without guilt and in fact with the encouragement of the other. Sex with just one person all your life isn't natural, but a lot of people confuse sex with love. Sex with someone you love is wonderful but sex with those you don't love, don't know and may never even see again is pretty good too!"

I've moved towards that line of thought pretty much now, but finding someone like that in your everyday lives can be really challenging.

Plus I prefer to be with someone with whom I can share a spark with, not just physically, but mentally as well. And that's where I feel open communication helps a lot. But many tend to hide it because of fear of what would that other person think of them.

Slut-shaming in society is still pretty rampant and looked down upon, specially towards women (Which, in my opinion, is pretty stupid and silly).

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By *tallionExotica OP Man over a year ago

Islington

"I'd have a realistic think about why you are on here & also your expectations.

It sounds like you think you're going to find a solution to a problem which involved a girl you fancied not leaving her boyfriend for you.

Have a read of the singke male threads who discuss their frustrations at not getting anywhere or women of the site not paying them enough attention etc.

Most people are lucky to meet one person never mind find a resolution to past relationship hang ups. "

Not really, I'm not here to go around and have sex with each and every person out there. I'm just opening myself up more, explore more possibilities about myself, see what really works for me. I know different things work for different people and what their preferences are.

As far as I know, I want to see if swinging really is for me. I've already had two experiences here so far (One was pleasant, the other was highly disappointing), so I do feel there's more to it than what I initially estimated.

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By *eakcoupleCouple over a year ago

peak district

" I've moved towards that line of thought pretty much now, but finding someone like that in your everyday lives can be really challenging.

Slut-shaming in society is still pretty rampant and looked down upon, specially towards women (Which, in my opinion, is pretty stupid and silly).

Agree with you there. We were lucky, neither of us set out to find a swinging partner. The spark came first and it was due to our openness that we both found about the other one's past and needs. You can't deny your sex-drive and as you say it's silly to say it's OK for men but not women. When she told one of her female friends that we were swinging she got the slut-shaming treatment, and that from another woman! Good luck in your search!

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