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Club etiquette need help
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi we are very new to this swinging lark and although we have both loved the fun that we have had upto now we do seem to be struggling with the club scene
The clubs really do apeal to us as our family commitments mean they we don't get to play nowhere near as much as we would like so the opportunity of going to a club and meeting couples there seems like the ideal solution for us
Now the only problem is that we don't seem to be meeting any couples in the clubs  I think our ma in problem is we are both a bit shy and are just having real trouble reading the situation and the signs
We was at Chams last night and for all those who don't know the place there is a play room with the big round bed that has the rule of if your playing on there you can play with others on the bed and they can play with you , now that we understand and have had fun with others in that room
It's everywhere else we seem to have problems
well not problems as such we just don't know how it all works , last night on a few occasions we was playing in a room on our own when another couple would come in and start playing right next to us and we would have loved to have joined them but just don't know how to go about it that does not end up with one of us getting a slap
Just last night there were many couples that we really liked the look of but just did not know how best we should make the first move
We would love to hear from other couples that enjoy the clubs and would appreciate any advice you could give us
It's a shame as it was our first night out kids free for months last night and Alice was hoping to lose her swinging virginity last night but we just do not have the guts to go upto somebody and ask them to do that
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wasn't 'a couple' for very long, but I know what you mean about the difficulty of making the first move. Even after chatting to another couple in the bar/pool/sauna, it's not easy for new swingers to say outright "would you like to play?"
What worked for us was:-
~step one: move slightly closer to the other couple (usually achieved tactfully by changing our sexual position),
~step two (only if they don't move away, of course!): I would allow my ankle to touch the other lady's ankle.
If she left her ankle touching mine, it was much easier for me to catch her eye and ask her "do you two ever play with other couples?". It also set the scene for discussions about boundaries.
This always worked for us, but I'm sure other more experienced couples will give you their advice. Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers for that some great advice
Have to say there were a few couples last night who gave a lot of eye contact while we was playing it's just that we was scared to reach out and touch |
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You are in a public room where people are usually expecting contact - it's different to a private room. Reach out and touch a leg or arm gently - if you get a no thanks then stop. If after a short while you get no response back then stop. If you get a touch back carry on.
The worst that can happen is they say no thanks. Regular club goers are grown up and won't be upset if you touch gently but will let you know if they don't want you touching. It's worked for us for 10 years of very regular club going with no dramas. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You are in a public room where people are usually expecting contact - it's different to a private room. Reach out and touch a leg or arm gently - if you get a no thanks then stop. If after a short while you get no response back then stop. If you get a touch back carry on.
The worst that can happen is they say no thanks. Regular club goers are grown up and won't be upset if you touch gently but will let you know if they don't want you touching. It's worked for us for 10 years of very regular club going with no dramas."
Thanks for that and we just need to not be so shy |
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We are not very forward when visiting clubs, although we find it very easy to chat to people.
Its often difficult to find a "four way buzz" where you both like both of them, and vice versa.
As others have said in reply to the OP, if you are in a room with others, a gentle touch perhaps on a leg or arm, nothing too forward, will often break the ice, and after that its full steam ahead if you get a good response lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wasn't 'a couple' for very long, but I know what you mean about the difficulty of making the first move. Even after chatting to another couple in the bar/pool/sauna, it's not easy for new swingers to say outright "would you like to play?"
What worked for us was:-
~step one: move slightly closer to the other couple (usually achieved tactfully by changing our sexual position),
~step two (only if they don't move away, of course!): I would allow my ankle to touch the other lady's ankle.
If she left her ankle touching mine, it was much easier for me to catch her eye and ask her "do you two ever play with other couples?". It also set the scene for discussions about boundaries.
This always worked for us, but I'm sure other more experienced couples will give you their advice. Good luck! "
My friends also use this strategy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we went to a club and just sat in the bar area would people think we were strange?..or journos looking for a scoop etc?"
Nah you'd get chatting to people so it would be cool x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we went to a club and just sat in the bar area would people think we were strange?..or journos looking for a scoop etc?"
At the club I go to, no-one would think you were strange if you wanted to stay in the bar area - for many, the 'social side' of swinging is just as important as the sexual side. Some couples attend many times, just to watch and chat, as there is never any pressure to play, until/unless you're ready.
I recommend you research the club you're thinking of attending first ... Adam & Eve's in Manchester has a very small bar, for example - staying in there all night might be boring. La Chambre, on the other hand, has a very large bar/lounge/dancefloor area, so there are usually plenty of people to chat with. On a good night, though, the bar area can be very quiet after about midnight, as everyone is upstairs in the play areas.
Incidentally, journalists at a swingers club would achieve very little without a cameraman, and anyone taking photos would be immediately ejected from the club, so no worries there. |
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Thanks bright/sunny...
We dont swing, but it would be nice to just sit and be involved in the atmosphere...just to take it all in etc...swingers seem really nice people.
We wouldnt want to walk around leering at people...just enjoy the buzz. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks bright/sunny...
We dont swing, but it would be nice to just sit and be involved in the atmosphere...just to take it all in etc...swingers seem really nice people.
We wouldnt want to walk around leering at people...just enjoy the buzz."
I love the social side, I quite often go to chams and end up gassing all night to mates old and new, not playing at all! |
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We just come right out and ask lol
So much easier than hoping the other couple read the signs. Do it once and after that it will be second nature.
We find that people appreciate the straight forward approach too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We just come right out and ask lol
So much easier than hoping the other couple read the signs. Do it once and after that it will be second nature.
We find that people appreciate the straight forward approach too "
Yeah we do think thats the approach we should be trying , we only get the chance to goto a club every few months so want to make every minute count  |
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"If we went to a club and just sat in the bar area would people think we were strange?..or journos looking for a scoop etc?
Nah you'd get chatting to people so it would be cool x"
So people would still be ok to chat to us once we told them we wasnt into the big scene?...we have this image of people coming over, striking up a conversation and then ten just making their excuses and wandering off after a couple of minutes once they found out...we are nice a socialable though..not wallflowers etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So people would still be ok to chat to us once we told them we wasnt into the big scene?...we have this image of people coming over, striking up a conversation and then ten just making their excuses and wandering off after a couple of minutes once they found out"
Most people at clubs are happy to chat to newcomers - we were all new once, and it's nice to be able to reassure people who might be slightly nervous.
You might get chatting to people who are looking for playmates, so (if you're not playing) they probably won't chat to you all night. However, you should be able to have a series of pleasant conversations. And if anyone wanders off after only a couple of minutes .... well, they just weren't on your wavelength, so you've missed nothing. x |
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If you're in a playroom and another couple keep looking at you, and you return their looks, that's a good start. That's how we lost our swinging virginity - we and another couple moved closer to each other, we touched, swapped and that was it. Chatting to the couple in the bar afterwards they said "we could tell you were interested because you kept on looking". It gets easier as you get more confident and you're able to read the signals better. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're in a playroom and another couple keep looking at you, and you return their looks, that's a good start. That's how we lost our swinging virginity - we and another couple moved closer to each other, we touched, swapped and that was it. Chatting to the couple in the bar afterwards they said "we could tell you were interested because you kept on looking". It gets easier as you get more confident and you're able to read the signals better."
Have to say we have had that a lot couples looking at us just like you say , we just need to learn to read all those signals
D&A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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some really good advice in here, just posted saying about advice for first timers and then found this thread, got a party this weekend were going to and both nervous but excited! xx |
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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
"If we went to a club and just sat in the bar area would people think we were strange?..or journos looking for a scoop etc?"
I have seen a more mature couple sitting in the corner of the Round Bed room at Chameleons just watching the porn and the action on the bed - no problem at all! Whatever their reasons, be it just being voyeuristic of not wanting or able to perform with others, they weren`t hurting anyone else and no doubt got the buzz they were looking for! I suggest you try walking around the club and stop in different areas to have your perve/chatter and not stick too rigidly to the bar. |
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Thanks _umpkin...not really into having a perve..we would feel like a right couple of spares just stood there watching, ..plus I doubt if we would be that interested.
We would just really go to take in in the atmosphere etc and soak up the happy buzz...wouldnt go to Chams though...fuck sitting in a towel or a pair of shorts all night while the wife 'had' to wear something sexy...but we know that they are not all like that so..one day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was at Chams in Newport last night with a regular playmate. I was giving him a tour (as it was his first time there) and as we stopped off in the empty cinema room thought we'd have a little fun there. In comes two guys and just started groping me without so much as a 'hi' or 'do you mind if we join in'. Then we went upstairs to the dungeon where a guy stood back and watched before politely asking if we minded him playing too which we didn't. Worse though, was whilst in jacuzzi again playing with my 'partner' some big black guy grabbed my boobs and squeezed so hard i felt like screaming then grabbed my hand to put on his cock. I then told him NO and moved to other side. Later on, whilst back in the jacuzzi and playing with friends the same guy had to be told a further 3 times NO before I had to move again. |
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"I was at Chams in Newport last night with a regular playmate. I was giving him a tour (as it was his first time there) and as we stopped off in the empty cinema room thought we'd have a little fun there. In comes two guys and just started groping me without so much as a 'hi' or 'do you mind if we join in'. Then we went upstairs to the dungeon where a guy stood back and watched before politely asking if we minded him playing too which we didn't. Worse though, was whilst in jacuzzi again playing with my 'partner' some big black guy grabbed my boobs and squeezed so hard i felt like screaming then grabbed my hand to put on his cock. I then told him NO and moved to other side. Later on, whilst back in the jacuzzi and playing with friends the same guy had to be told a further 3 times NO before I had to move again."
Nice..  ...and will you be going back? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was at Chams in Newport last night with a regular playmate. I was giving him a tour (as it was his first time there) and as we stopped off in the empty cinema room thought we'd have a little fun there. In comes two guys and just started groping me without so much as a 'hi' or 'do you mind if we join in'. Then we went upstairs to the dungeon where a guy stood back and watched before politely asking if we minded him playing too which we didn't. Worse though, was whilst in jacuzzi again playing with my 'partner' some big black guy grabbed my boobs and squeezed so hard i felt like screaming then grabbed my hand to put on his cock. I then told him NO and moved to other side. Later on, whilst back in the jacuzzi and playing with friends the same guy had to be told a further 3 times NO before I had to move again.
Nice.. ...and will you be going back?"
Oh definately! I won't let one guy spoil it for me but if I see him again and he acts the same way I WILL report him. |
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