FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Touching without asking in public areas of clubs

Touching without asking in public areas of clubs

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

Seems to happen a lot in wet areas of clubs and in couple's rooms. I normally remove hand or in the case of someone playing footsie move my feet. If they then do it again. I will normally say. However in a couple's room i feel less comfortable to say to much..

It tends to be women more often than guys and often without even asking if i am into women... and lost count of the amount of women that help themselves to my partner ( or try to ) even had my hand removed from his cock so they can get to it.

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I for one would wait to be given a sign that the lady wanted me to touch her up

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inderellaRockerfellazCouple over a year ago

warrington

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

Regardless of Gender touching without permission is NOT acceptable. We would suggest that rather than feel uncomfortable point out with a smile "don't touch without an invite please". If it continues then a more direct "no means no" after that it becomes a club issue and the staff should be involved. The person/s should be either warned or if more than a touch - asked to leave the club immediately.

Perhaps sounds to stern but to keep every safe & comfortable consistently it has to be this way in our view.

Cupids "where the customer comes first"

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously "

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should never just accept it. It's horrendous behaviour and shouldn't be tolerated no matter the setting.

Alert the staff and ask them to deal with it then leave as your safety, wellbeing and comfort isn't high on their agenda

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *oletiCouple over a year ago

Doncaster

In my opinion it doesnt matter where you are playing people should always ask. Its your body and people should respect that. I would be pretty annoyed if someone removed my hand to touch my hubby without asking. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

Oh this riles me and it tends to be females that do it to me. The amount of times I've had my tits grabbed! I have no qualms in telling them that it's inappropriate.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

The only thing you can do is tell them to stop. If they don't then tell the staff.

The issue of consent concerns me because so many people (not just men) fail to understand it and feel that they can assume it on another person's behalf.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

With blokes it's simple, they touch wiggles without asking and if they are lucky it's me that has a word to say no.. if unlucky wiggles does it herself.

Tbh though far far more women have simply done the grabbing than guys, though a lot more have been incredibly polite xx

Our first trip to a club with a hot tub and a lady simply grabbed my hand and placed it between her legs, other ladies have simply pulled of my towel of shoved a hand up it or when I had a long beard simply grabbed it (I'm not complaining though most were pretty damn hot, though I hated it if women tried to plat my beard)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *edheadsruleCouple over a year ago

lancashire

What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *elightful 2Couple over a year ago

No longer in the UK.

It's only happened to us once, the man was told no he apologised.

We'd always tell who ever it was no, it's not acceptable behaviour.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ackhammer87Man over a year ago

Walsall

At the end of the day manors cost nothing

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My wife and I are visiting Quest this weekend (25th Feb) it's our first time if someone touched her up it would ruin our night, plus it's taken us a long time to pluck the courage up to go, don't think she'd go again if it happened.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *isdirtygirlCouple over a year ago

somewhere out there

"At the end of the day manors cost nothing "

I dunno mate. A manor costs a bloody fortune today - unless it is in the middle of some place remote like Wales.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

I usually shove them away, hard enough to throw them off and make a point.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We were in Chams in Darlaston about a year ago in the cinema and a young couple sat next to us. The lady was sat next to me,Jez,our legs were touching. I felt uncomfortable, silly I know but I didn't want her thinking I was paying unwanted attention.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

I'd go mad of this happened,just because you're in a club doesn't mean it's a free for all .

Like others said ,if it happens report to the club .

Miss

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is the part of swinging I don't like.

I'm very tactile, I like to be touched, if someone has a feel of my bum as I walk past in a pub it puts a spring in my step for the rest of the night...but in a swingers club if you allow someone to touch you without pulling them up on it they automatically take that as a green light to play, If you make eye contact, you want to play, if you sit next to someone in the hot tub you want to play...people seem to lose all sense of propriety and think you're a sure thing without putting in any effort to talk, flirt or ask permission

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aveandkate35Couple over a year ago

telford

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

I understand that, but also understand how single guys get told 1000's of times on here don't ignore my fella and just focus on me. Yes, I agree with you but with so many messages I do t think people always do it disrespectfully, in fact it's probably the opposite. Albeit, not quite right.

As for touching, we, personally see nothing wrong with a touch on an impersonal part of the body. I.e. Arm, or foot in jacuzzi etc. I think it's what happens next that's important. If the hand is moved away, or head shake or anything that isn't an indicaton it's ok to carry on, then it ends. If they don't, then it becomes an issue.

I'm not consenting to mass gropings but in play situations I don't want to have to stop and sign a letter of consent, acheck their passport and CRB before carrying on.

a simple gesture should suffice.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt .an issue previously "

I totally agree with you! People think because you are in a swingers clubs , just put the hands on you! I remove it and tell do not do it without asking! A guy told me he been swinging for 15 years and never asked!

Also let's say you played with someone before! And you are with a friend , they think because you played once they are allowed to touch you whenever! I would like to be asked!x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ostafunMan over a year ago

near ipswich

"At the end of the day manors cost nothing

I dunno mate. A manor costs a bloody fortune today - unless it is in the middle of some place remote like Wales."

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

Single men are in a rock and hard place on this one. If, whilst the male partner is present they ask the women if they can touch her, then the male partner will stop things or throw a spanner in the works for being disrespectful to him. I learnt from experience that a single man cannot be seen to cut across the male partner. When I was playing I would ask the male if it was OK to touch his partner, in the hope he will say it is her decision, ask her. Then the circle is usually squared. Not all male partners are easy going.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea_CoffeeCouple over a year ago

Near Kettering

We would always ask as it's only polite. Doesn't matter the location or if we had previously played.

Unfortunately everyone expect slightly different things so pleasing everyone will always s be difficult.

I do think though grabbing a stranger in a club or anywhere is rude and disrespectful. There are plenty of ways to show interest in some one without invading their personal space and making them uncomfortable

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Don't post allegations of sexual assault on the forum.

If you are going to discuss this please keep it general.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ogistical NightmaresCouple over a year ago

Manchester Area

In a hot tub if a guy has played footsie with me, I tend to say rather loudly " Sorry, has my foot accidently touched yours"

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

How about saying to the woman 'Hey, would you be interested in playing?'

If it's not the woman's decision to make, she will soon refer you to her partner.

Sorted.

You don't want to play with people who aren't easy going anyway.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If talking to a couple surely you should ask along the lines of is it ok with bothe of you if I touch you're partner ?

Or why not just ask about the dynamic between them and then ask the right one

Lets face it a mutual smile and maybe a raised eyebrow or an is it ok? Not rocket science really

Or simply let the female make the first move

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I ask first .... either outright or just by the "look" you get from a partner that it's ok. If people are messing about in a public area I will quickly whisper "oooh can I join you".

If it's me and I'm happy that I've just been groped... well game on

. If you catch me unawares or I'm not interested you'll get a polite but very direct no thank you. If you keep on at me after I've said no thanks then I turn into my mother ..... you have been warned.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"At the end of the day manors cost nothing

I dunno mate. A manor costs a bloody fortune today - unless it is in the middle of some place remote like Wales."

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *andsonjohnMan over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously "

op its your personal space that should not be entered into with out your consent to do so.

you going to have be learn to be hard I'm afraid if you wish to stop such behaviour ,

make eye contact and politely say please do not invade my personal space again like that loudly while maintaining eye contact .

its a violation any deliberate unsolicited touching is a violation off ones personal space you owe it to yourself and other women out there to pull up such individuals who behave in the way you described in my opinion op.

I can not believe people do this if I'm being honest and I can honestly say someone invading my personal space with out a invite would be shut down instantly .

in my opinion that is what you should be doing op taking control and shutting down such individuals not only for yourself but also for the next person that catches there/ eye ,

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

As a couple who play with single guys if the guy ask me (male) I will look to my mrs if she says yes then fine if the guy asks her and she says yes fine. The bit that will get by back up or where I will stop play is if we're playing and we say yes and the person try's to push me out of the way or take over we gave permission for the person to join us not to have a solo with her. It didn't matter wether it's a guy female or a couple.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aznlouCouple over a year ago

co durham

See this is were I'm rubbish in clubs. I wait till invited to join in & I don't assume anything. Been asked before how comes I didn't join in & told I should have. I'm not that confident to ask a lot (Lou)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hloe sussexTV/TS over a year ago

Larne

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously "

I touch then back normally my boot in there genitals ,although in some clubs guys might get of on that lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Age old problem. I've had 2 guys touch me without permission, and I told them both times to stop and they did, but like you OP, its been women who have touched me the most without asking. One twisted my, quite sensitive, nipples very hard and got shitty when I told her she hurt me AND didn't ask me. And another woman groped my breasts while I was doing doggy with my partner without asking a d when I removed her hands and said 'Please ask!' She told me 'Its a couple's room. It's allowed'

Nowt as queer as folk as they say! Dreamcatcher Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's only women that have touched new without permission too.

I've been groped, spanked, kissed and bitten with no prior warning or permission.

I am so bloody rubbish at saying anything too so I just tend to let it happen and hide behind Adam as quick as I can.

I am super shy too so I would never ask someone if we join in ha ha.

Eve. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *laclkguyMan over a year ago

Pontefract

I really find it weird that guys can’t seem to able ask before they can touch

It’s a nice boost to the ego when the lady says yes

(and they often do)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I even ask the MAN of a couple is it OK I touch you too. As well as the lady. My Mama raised me polite and right. Lol

Dreamcatcher Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I accepted it once when someone touched me intimately in a hot tub from behind. I was so shocked that I wasn't even sure it had happened or who had done it that I just sat down rapidly, got upset and insisted that we leave soon after without telling buns what was wrong. I then beat myself up for ages afterwards that I had allowed myself to be sexually assaulted and not stood up for myself (I didn't allow it, obviously but those of you it's happened to may recognise the thought processes behind that). it made me determined that I would never be treated that way ever again without asserting my boundaries very clearly, and I haven't.

on the other side, I will always ask "May I?" to the person I am looking to touch prior to making any kind of contact with them not their partner...only they can give consent, not someone else on their behalf...and if someone asked buns if they could touch me, I'd refuse...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's only women that have touched new without permission too.

I've been groped, spanked, kissed and bitten with no prior warning or permission.

I am so bloody rubbish at saying anything too so I just tend to let it happen and hide behind Adam as quick as I can.

I am super shy too so I would never ask someone if we join in ha ha.

Eve. X"

You sound impossible woman! I'm worried now

To be fair I've never had a women I don't know touch me without asking etc. I have had a couple of men do it but as soon as I gave a stern 'no' they fucked off.

H x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is sexual assault and I would not stand for it at all. I would insist that the person be thrown out and I would be inclined to phone the police. Clubs have clear rules in place for this very reason. Just because I am at a club does not mean I give sexual conscent to anyone and they should not be seen as the playground for sex offenders.

I appreciate this may seem a little OTT but I have seen first hand how abuse can destroy someone's life and it should not be tolerated in or outside the swinging environment.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's only women that have touched new without permission too.

I've been groped, spanked, kissed and bitten with no prior warning or permission.

I am so bloody rubbish at saying anything too so I just tend to let it happen and hide behind Adam as quick as I can.

I am super shy too so I would never ask someone if we join in ha ha.

Eve. X

You sound impossible woman! I'm worried now

To be fair I've never had a women I don't know touch me without asking etc. I have had a couple of men do it but as soon as I gave a stern 'no' they fucked off.

H x"

You say no!? Teach me ha ha.

I suck! I'm too nice. I love chatting to people and then sometimes they then touch me thinking it's OK because we have been chatting.

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *idnes17ladMan over a year ago

widnes

I have only ever been one club. Going again in march but im useless at reading signals and a lady would have to say "fancy a fuck" for me to pick up on it haha

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's only women that have touched new without permission too.

I've been groped, spanked, kissed and bitten with no prior warning or permission.

I am so bloody rubbish at saying anything too so I just tend to let it happen and hide behind Adam as quick as I can.

I am super shy too so I would never ask someone if we join in ha ha.

Eve. X

You sound impossible woman! I'm worried now

To be fair I've never had a women I don't know touch me without asking etc. I have had a couple of men do it but as soon as I gave a stern 'no' they fucked off.

H x

You say no!? Teach me ha ha.

I suck! I'm too nice. I love chatting to people and then sometimes they then touch me thinking it's OK because we have been chatting.

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X"

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x"

Well that's creepy.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x

Well that's creepy."

Haha I didn't mean it to sound that way

H x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x

Well that's creepy.

Haha I didn't mean it to sound that way

H x"

It didn't sound creepy doll, we have spoken at length about meeting on Saturday and you know i think your cute so I understood that you just want to make sure I'm totally cool with anything we do.

Eve. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is the part of swinging I don't like.

I was smiling at a guy in a club, he was smiling back. He came and sat next to me and put his hand on my thigh without even speaking to me. I just got up and walked off.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x

Well that's creepy.

Haha I didn't mean it to sound that way

H x

It didn't sound creepy doll, we have spoken at length about meeting on Saturday and you know i think your cute so I understood that you just want to make sure I'm totally cool with anything we do.

Eve. X"

If you have to ask more than once it means you've been turned down - and therefore it's creepy to ask again.

Sometimes we type things that don't come out the way they're supposed to - I'm sure this is one of those times.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *unLuvazCouple over a year ago

cheshire

At townhouse they have a strict policy about touching other people. A polite no thank you if it carries on tell a member of staff and they will be dealt with seriously.. That's part of why we always go to townhouse.. Everyone knows the rules..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x

Well that's creepy.

Haha I didn't mean it to sound that way

H x

It didn't sound creepy doll, we have spoken at length about meeting on Saturday and you know i think your cute so I understood that you just want to make sure I'm totally cool with anything we do.

Eve. X

If you have to ask more than once it means you've been turned down - and therefore it's creepy to ask again.

Sometimes we type things that don't come out the way they're supposed to - I'm sure this is one of those times."

I didn't mean I'd ask again if anyone said no, I meant I would keep checking someone was okay with it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they asked me first then I would probably try to really nicely say no but they don't ask ha ha.

Adam gets mad at me for it too. He will happily say no.

Eve. X

Well I'll ask a thousand times on Saturday haha

H x

Well that's creepy.

Haha I didn't mean it to sound that way

H x

It didn't sound creepy doll, we have spoken at length about meeting on Saturday and you know i think your cute so I understood that you just want to make sure I'm totally cool with anything we do.

Eve. X

If you have to ask more than once it means you've been turned down - and therefore it's creepy to ask again.

Sometimes we type things that don't come out the way they're supposed to - I'm sure this is one of those times.

I didn't mean I'd ask again if anyone said no, I meant I would keep checking someone was okay with it."

I understood doll. Don't worry.

Eve. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *r an Mrs xMan over a year ago

liverpool

"Oh this riles me and it tends to be females that do it to me. The amount of times I've had my tits grabbed! I have no qualms in telling them that it's inappropriate. "

That's the last time I pick your tits up to save you tripping over them _ilac

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have not been to a club yet,went years ago with my wife,but I think they have changed now,I am single now but I agree with you guys you can't just go up and touch who ever you like, I hope to go to one soon how will I know who wants to play p

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We don't mind which of us is asked, especially if my face is otherwise engaged, (which it often is) it's more than acceptable to us for the guy/girl to ask Pete...and the chances are, when asked we will say yes.

However, we massively fucking mind if not asked, and it's doesn't end well

Ruby

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

I'm not consenting to mass gropings but in play situations I don't want to have to stop and sign a letter of consent, acheck their passport and CRB before carrying on.

a simple gesture should suffice.

Pmsl

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *unLuvazCouple over a year ago

cheshire

"I have not been to a club yet,went years ago with my wife,but I think they have changed now,I am single now but I agree with you guys you can't just go up and touch who ever you like, I hope to go to one soon how will I know who wants to play p"

By asking politely if there interested or talk downstairs first.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't dare touch a woman and just as bad I wouldn't dare ask if I could touch her ....

Unacceptable totally ..in disrespectful .

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Having been a single guy in clubs it's is really easy and good fun. Do the talking in the early part of the evening with couples at the bar or in the social areas. Enjoy the thrill of the flirt. It's ok to walk over and say hello. talk to both.

If you can't pick up the vibe and know the signals it's back to flirting school.

General rule for single guys if it's not on in the social room it's not likely to be on in the play room. For couples that's not true because they already have a play partner the play can extend and evolve for them.

Mostly I got approached by couples and groups in the social area. On nights I didn't I stayed in the social area. Never went on the prowl in the rooms, what's the point ? It just ruins the play for others.

Guys ask yourself this, are you confident and comfortable talking to girls and guys in non swinging places ?

Don't assume that because you can't flirt naturally then swinging cuts out the need for it and gets you straight to a easy fuck.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been a single guy in clubs it's is really easy and good fun. Do the talking in the early part of the evening with couples at the bar or in the social areas. Enjoy the thrill of the flirt. It's ok to walk over and say hello. talk to both.

If you can't pick up the vibe and know the signals it's back to flirting school.

Guys ask yourself this, are you confident and comfortable talking to girls and guys in non swinging places ?

Don't assume that because you can't flirt naturally then swinging cuts out the need for it and gets you straight to a easy fuck.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I ( mrs ) always ask ... I am terrible at reading messages . I will always say no when not happy .

I was at a well known club once with hubbie we were having some fun in a public area. .... this guy latches onto my breast ... I tap him on the shoulder and say name first .... hubbie keeps reminding me of it ??

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's good to be tentative and try reading the signs. At a recent party I went exploring by myself and passed a couple having sex. I stopped for a second then thought they might not like that so moved on. A few moments later I walked back and they'd stopped but the minute they saw me they started again. I walked on past thinking about this then thought perhaps they did like me watching. Looking back I noticed the woman was still looking at me down the corridor so I lingered for a while, us looking at each other from afar whilst she was being fucked. Now more confident she might like me watching, I walked back and watched more obviously. They seemed to enjoy it and I was rock hard so thought they might like to see me stroking myself so got my cock out. At that, the woman waved for me to come forward and... well let's just say the image went all wobbly and I descended into a world of marshmallow rainbows and lollipop flowers

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ndigo40Woman over a year ago

secret town

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously "

Don't go to sex clubs anymore

Problem solved

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

Problem with this approach ozz is you've disrespected the woman's right to choice first. If someone asked the guy first it would be an automatic no from me. But I know it's hard for guys to know which way round the couple prefer to be asked

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

I had this issue of being grabbed by a guy from a couple last night in a club in Germany. It's not on. As I didn't speak German what I said he didn't get so I spoke to the staff. Full story is here (at the end) but glad to say they dealt with it really well. Happy to read the riot act myself in this country as it does happen unfortunately too regularly for my liking

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/clubs/421640

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

Thanks to all that have posted.. it stops me feeling that im getting mardy in my old age...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What boils my piss more is when men ask himselfs permission to touch me, not mine

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We've never had a guy try touch without asking.

Had plenty of women come onto both of us and there's only been one time it bothered us. But that was a d*unk customer and dealt with by the club management instantly.

It's always been a charged conversation/situation and not a totally out of the blue tit grab.

We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We had a very extreme version of this lately. My guard is always up in a club anyway but mainly in the public areas where Ruby and I like to show off or play with new people sometimes. I'm pretty good at keeping an eye out and managing the odd rogue hand making its way onto Ruby. That gets dealt with immediately and guys respect that a no from me is a definite no. But the level of play we often find ourselves in can demand multiple checks in my eyes. If we have started playing (touching or oral) then if it moves on to fucking I / we expect to be asked if it's ok. Now in the moment it's likely going to be a yes. But if someone assumes anything goes without checking it fucking ends there and then no matter what. A recent incident tested us to the max. And if I'm honest I struggled to keep it together at the time as I wanted to take the guys head off!! But we spotted it and stopped it immediately! It's just fucking disrespectful. My beautiful girl whom I love dearly loves to play and we are up for most things with most people. But check with us please!! We are sharing the most intimate and fun acts as a couple and allowing people to join us in trust and understanding. It doesn't seem too much to ask for people to check what's ok and what isn't. I think we all need to remember this and demand the respect that what we are all doing deserves. Fun is the aim and a lack of basic manners and respect just kills the fun instantly for us. Pete

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We've never had a guy try touch without asking.

Had plenty of women come onto both of us and there's only been one time it bothered us. But that was a d*unk customer and dealt with by the club management instantly.

It's always been a charged conversation/situation and not a totally out of the blue tit grab.

We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it! "
there had been no conversation in this situation at all

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously "

I tell them to fuck off you rude c%#t it does the trick every time LOL X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We've never had a guy try touch without asking.

Had plenty of women come onto both of us and there's only been one time it bothered us. But that was a d*unk customer and dealt with by the club management instantly.

It's always been a charged conversation/situation and not a totally out of the blue tit grab.

We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it! "

That depends on attraction though right? I will happily chat with every woman in the bar but that doesn't mean I want to play or to be touched by them.

I'm sorry but I have to be attracted to them and if I'm not then it's just as bad as if I guy were to do the same.

Eve. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it! "

You'd love it? Even if you thought she were hideously ugly? Or if she had awful body odour? Or if she were d*unk? Or a total letch?

Or you'd love it simply because she owns a vagina?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it!

You'd love it? Even if you thought she were hideously ugly? Or if she had awful body odour? Or if she were d*unk? Or a total letch?

Or you'd love it simply because she owns a vagina?"

I wonder if this guy has ever turned down sex in his life?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it!

You'd love it? Even if you thought she were hideously ugly? Or if she had awful body odour? Or if she were d*unk? Or a total letch?

Or you'd love it simply because she owns a vagina?"

When I was flogging a naked man strapped to a flogging bench I stopped for a moment. A woman watching reached out a touched his arse balls and cock before I could get to her. I slapped her hand away and said never touch without asking. She mumbled so I said consent has to be given, ask me, him or his wife there and it would be like a bloke in a club grabbing your boob without asking.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ackhammer87Man over a year ago

Walsall

Respect goes a long way I'd never dream of touching before I asked xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it!

You'd love it? Even if you thought she were hideously ugly? Or if she had awful body odour? Or if she were d*unk? Or a total letch?

Or you'd love it simply because she owns a vagina?

She then said yes I understand that but followed it up with 'I thought he'd like it though'!! Seriously wtf??!! I asked her what if that was the response you got from the man who grabbed your boob...a look of horror on her face when she finally 'got it'. Doesn't matter the gender or orientation, consent is everything! "
i can well believe this.. women are my real bug bear.. Mr doesn't mind if they help themselves if im honest but as his partner i find it very rude and disrespectful towards both... especially when as I say ive had a woman actually try to move me off my own partner...

I put this post as I was being made to to feel by a few close people that I dont get swinging because i dont accept this... and as playing as a couple its still newish (4 years compared to 18 as a single) i do sometimes wonder if I dont quite always get it right.

But seems at least on the forums that many dont think im wrong... i love clubs but am getting where I am getting mighty pissed off at these women helping themselves either to me.. my partner or both. And I find when you tell a woman off it seems to cause offence and your seen as jealous ( if your complaining about them helping themselves or pushing you away from your own partner ) or just odd if its you x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it!

You'd love it? Even if you thought she were hideously ugly? Or if she had awful body odour? Or if she were d*unk? Or a total letch?

Or you'd love it simply because she owns a vagina?

She then said yes I understand that but followed it up with 'I thought he'd like it though'!! Seriously wtf??!! I asked her what if that was the response you got from the man who grabbed your boob...a look of horror on her face when she finally 'got it'. Doesn't matter the gender or orientation, consent is everything! i can well believe this.. women are my real bug bear.. Mr doesn't mind if they help themselves if im honest but as his partner i find it very rude and disrespectful towards both... especially when as I say ive had a woman actually try to move me off my own partner...

Well u shall be seen the same way then because there isn't a soul alive who could move me from Adam and not expect a mouthful.

We were married for a reason and we are together for a reason. We love each other and want to spend our lives together.

That includes any and all situations.

Just the same that if a guy tried to move Adam from me, shit would go down ha ha.

Consent is key, manners are key.

I wouldn't bloody dream of ever moving anyone. I would politely ask to join, if approval was given then I would take cues from the couple because I am an extra, an add on.

Just because we are swingers, that doesn't change the dynamic of a relationship and/or the feelings of both partners.

Eve. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

i always ask or wait to be invited

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We just take it in our stride and embrace it as all part of the fun. If I was talking to a woman and she started feeling my leg up I'd love it!

You'd love it? Even if you thought she were hideously ugly? Or if she had awful body odour? Or if she were d*unk? Or a total letch?

Or you'd love it simply because she owns a vagina?"

If you read what I put and the context in which I wrote it you'd see I was mentioning its always been in a sexually charged conversation/situation.

I wouldn't get into that situation with someone I didn't find attractive.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

When I had a long beard I had a t-shirt that said if you touch my beard, I will touch your arse.. women got prissy saying its nothing similar, as apparently only women have personnel space..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would always ask permission before I touched anyone, and if it's a couple I ensure both are happy, as I have had issues where women have seemed jealous.

If someone touched me without asking I would be polite about it and either move away slightly or just say thanks but no thanks. I wouldn't be offended, or be verbally abusive to anyone. I do feel some people slightly overreact to the smallest of things.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"At the end of the day manors cost nothing "

Manors cost loads it manners that cost nothing!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

We had a guy try lastnight, he was politely told no and left the room quite sharpish.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *osieWoman over a year ago

Wembley

I don't touch anybody. If someone touches me without my permission, they usually get a tongue lashing followed by me making a real issue of it with the club management, and in one case, giving him a slap across the face for sexually assaulting me

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

This one gets right on my nerves. We have had it with number of females and once with a male.

D told the female who moved on to a softer target but that soon got pointed out to the management and was delt with.

I delt with the male as it was in the play areas and right in front of me, he wasn't very happy at all and I didn't care in the slightest he was told that once more and he would be removed, so he removed himself and we haven't seen him since.

I really don't see the difference between a swing club and a 'nilla club you don't have permission to touch then you don't touch in any sort of intimate way end of story.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A swift and simple no has always worked for me, i guess with me being quite tall that does help. It really shocks the girls when i say it to them, maybe some think the rules are different for them ? Regardless the no seems to have worked so far

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Id class unwarranted sexual touching it as assault and should be reported to the club

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hell and jCouple over a year ago

doncaster

Touching without asking a no no xx I just say ohhh no touch before asked x dark rooms or mazes that are dark that's what there for xx it's the thrill of not seeing who touches but for me a no no xx a good slap away normal helps if that don't help then I just say no thanks if that don't work then it's a polite fukk off xx if that don't help I then get staff involved xx I been on the receiving end yrs ago in a club what a horrible experience but the club involved were brilliant said offendee was removed from club in minutes banded for life xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otlovefun42Couple over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

Touching without asking is wrong

Touching without asking is right

Touching without asking is in a grey area.

I think all three of the above are correct.

It just depends on the circumstances and what kind of touching.

Firstly anyone just grabbing tits, pussy, or cock (I should be so lucky LOL) in a public area of a club without so much as a word is a no go and neither of us would tolerate it.

However sometimes, especially from single guys, a gentle stroke of a leg or arm is used as a way of asking and if she is interested she will let it develop. If not she will let her body language do the talking and just take a step away. If the guy persists after that then he will be told in no uncertain terms.

In hot tubs the same would apply, other than the body language bit is more difficult so she would just push the hand away if she wasn't interested.

Open play rooms/orgy rooms are a bit different. If you go in to that kind of room and lie on the bed naked with your legs open you can't complain too much if someone touches you. Yes you still have a choice and you can still say no to someone you don't like the look of, but if you don't want to be touched at all you shouldn't be there in the first place.

Dark rooms? Well isn't anonymous touching (and more) what they are for?

Grey areas?

As a hypothetical example. A girl is sat on a couch doing a full on bukkake session. She is sucking and wanking every cock that comes her way. She has got 8 or 10 guys around her, all naked and all stood to attention. Another couple, both naked, join the group and stand watching in the middle of all the guys. One of the guys touches the arse of the woman, not a full on grab but just a gentle stroke. If she is not interested should she just politely push his hand away or kick off and cause a scene?

Bottom line is that we nearly all go to swinger clubs for some form of sexual attention and while boundaries should still exist I don't think that it is unreasonable to accept that they maybe moved a little.

I would also add that anyone who is overly sensitive to unwanted touching should avoid French and Spanish clubs like the plague.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *he bemused IrishmanCouple over a year ago

Burton

Like others on here I've only had other women touch me without asking. I find a death glare gets their hand off my arse fairly fast. Ime there's an expectation that I'm bi purely because I'm in a swingers club. Er, no. Strangely, I find male gropers easier to deal with. Experience in pubs and clubs growing up means I know they need dealing with quickly and aggressively. Female molesters are a new breed to me, and it took me aback at first. Made me a bit sad, too.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My wife and I visited Quest on Saturday for the first time,and whilst we were in the couples room, a guy looked at me and asked if he could touch her. We aren't at the swinging stage yet, so I told him this and he accepted it without question. His wife then took it upon her self to grab my wife's bum cheeks which caught us off guard. She only did it in a playful way, but still would have been better to have asked.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Touching without asking is wrong

Touching without asking is right

Touching without asking is in a grey area.

I think all three of the above are correct.

It just depends on the circumstances and what kind of touching.

Firstly anyone just grabbing tits, pussy, or cock (I should be so lucky LOL) in a public area of a club without so much as a word is a no go and neither of us would tolerate it.

In hot tubs the same would apply, other than the body language bit is more difficult so she would just push the hand away if she wasn't interested.

Dark rooms? Well isn't anonymous touching (and more) what they are for?

Grey areas?

I would also add that anyone who is overly sensitive to unwanted touching should avoid French and Spanish clubs like the plague.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *artinlycraMan over a year ago

southport

Hi friends the only time I touched without asking was in a spa and I (purposely) caught a lovely girls foot ! She knew it was me n smiled. So I made a little more movement, next under the bubbles she had her feet around my rapidly hardening cock !!! Wow

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would grab his hand and ask him if he felt it was appropriate to sexually assault someone, loud enough that people close could hear.

Watching someone have sex is not consent to be touched by people who have not asked for permission.

Touching without consent is not ok. Whichever way you try and justify it to yourself. Just don't do it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would also add that anyone who is overly sensitive to unwanted touching should avoid French and Spanish clubs like the plague.

FWIW - I was treated with the utmost respect when I went to a swingers club in Paris. I was never touched inappropriately. People were nice and very kind. And made the effort to make conversation before asking if I would like to play. Remarkable!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *onny MCMan over a year ago

Crawley

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously "

What kind of "touching" are people actually referring to here? In a regular club, if you're flirting with someone, there can be a little contact, not necessarily sexual but hinting towards that. Yet I feel sometimes in social areas of swingers clubs, you have to stay a foot apart at all times like a chaperoned school disco, then jump straight to snogging, groping and shagging. Do women here really object to a little gentle, affectionate contact during the "chatting up" part of the evening?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously

If you touch my arm and ask if I'd like a drink - sure, that's fine. That's not an entirely unusual thing to do in society. I don't particularly like it, but I accept that it's considered normal.

If you touch my face, neck, head, breasts, torso, butt, labia, etc without my consent - then you'd going to get a kicking.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *onny MCMan over a year ago

Crawley

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously

If you touch my arm and ask if I'd like a drink - sure, that's fine. That's not an entirely unusual thing to do in society. I don't particularly like it, but I accept that it's considered normal.

If you touch my face, neck, head, breasts, torso, butt, labia, etc without my consent - then you'd going to get a kicking."

So, we're sitting chatting and I brush against your leg. Not like I'm trying to get my hands between your thighs, just trailing a fingertip. Which side of the line is that?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So, we're sitting chatting and I brush against your leg. Not like I'm trying to get my hands between your thighs, just trailing a fingertip. Which side of the line is that? "
i find this very unsettling without being asked... and it will mean they get their hand removed... and I'd not be impressed..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously

If you touch my arm and ask if I'd like a drink - sure, that's fine. That's not an entirely unusual thing to do in society. I don't particularly like it, but I accept that it's considered normal.

If you touch my face, neck, head, breasts, torso, butt, labia, etc without my consent - then you'd going to get a kicking.

So, we're sitting chatting and I brush against your leg. Not like I'm trying to get my hands between your thighs, just trailing a fingertip. Which side of the line is that? "

I've had discussions about this exact situation with other guys. They think it's ok. Some women may do. Me personally if I'm in a hottub naked and relaxing, I don't want a finger trailing up my thigh without asking. Actually clothed and not relaxing I don't want it either! Sorry but consent is respect, and respect is everything to me.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

So, we're sitting chatting and I brush against your leg. Not like I'm trying to get my hands between your thighs, just trailing a fingertip. Which side of the line is that? i find this very unsettling without being asked... and it will mean they get their hand removed... and I'd not be impressed..

Yes me too. And once a man has shown disrespect for me and for consent, then it's a no however nice he is, however big his cock is or however funny he is.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yes me too. And once a man has shown disrespect for me and for consent, then it's a no however nice he is, however big his cock is or however funny he is.

"
yeah same for me with guys or girls. I am not interested in the slightest after that. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iptopcoolMan over a year ago

mid

This seems a very serious issue about women doing the most touching without asking but can I just say that if any women want to touch me up in a club or anywhere else to that matter then no need to ask just go ahead and help yourself

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

On weekend I had a beautiful lady come into a room with us and sit down all snuggled up, I still asked if I could touch...

It saves a lot of hastle and dosnt take much to ask.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iptopcoolMan over a year ago

mid

And yes my previous message was just a light hearted joke and no hurt was intended

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

"How do you deal with it?

Is it an issue for you... or do you just accept it.

For me unless it was in a dark room or orgy room I do not want to be touched without asking..

I am either getting sensitive in my middle age or it wasnt an issue previously

If you touch my arm and ask if I'd like a drink - sure, that's fine. That's not an entirely unusual thing to do in society. I don't particularly like it, but I accept that it's considered normal.

If you touch my face, neck, head, breasts, torso, butt, labia, etc without my consent - then you'd going to get a kicking.

So, we're sitting chatting and I brush against your leg. Not like I'm trying to get my hands between your thighs, just trailing a fingertip. Which side of the line is that? "

Outside of the play areas if it is exceptable in a normal vanilla enviroment then that's exceptable.

Inside the play areas then a non intimate touch as a question is usually deemed exceptable.

We spent an entire week in clubs in Gran Canaria and never had a single problem.

Swing clubs are not a license to be inappropriate.

If we didn't know you and hadnt jad any contact before trailing your finger tips up a leg when the lady in question may well be wearing a short skirt with no underwear on, then no we wouldn't be comfortable with that, that's making a lot of assumptions. Would you do that in a normal club?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The point i made further up was in the context of mutual flirting/chatting up going on.

If it's someone just trying it on with you and you're not interested then touching is a no go.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

"On weekend I had a beautiful lady come into a room with us and sit down all snuggled up, I still asked if I could touch...

It saves a lot of hastle and dosnt take much to ask.

This and it's just simple manners.