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How to find a sub?
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Evening all.
I'm pretty new to the scene but one desire I do have is to dominate a woman while she orgasms multiple times. Maybe in a forced orgasm sort of way.
Anyway, What i'm wondering is how you start out as a Dom and how do you find a sub?
Thanks |
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A good way to start is by reading about it on the web, in books etc and by chatting to more experienced people. Lots are very willing to help someone with no experience after all everyone had to start somewhere, some less so. Its not something that you can just fall in to with a woman but if you meet someone who would like to build that kind of relationship you can grow together. It does take trust and a good knowledge of your partners character.
Good luck on your journey |
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By *arksidesubCouple
over a year ago
not far from you.. |
"Evening all.
I'm pretty new to the scene but one desire I do have is to dominate a woman while she orgasms multiple times. Maybe in a forced orgasm sort of way.
Anyway, What i'm wondering is how you start out as a Dom and how do you find a sub?
Thanks"
To be a true Dominant takes years of experience.
Do your research & learn the basics.
Find an experienced & trusted Dom to train you first. To be a Dominant you have to learn respect & trust/control in yourself ect there is so many layers to being a true Dominant/Sir it takes years to master.
Good luck OP
Bambi x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't rush it...there are a lot of books available and we are blessed with an active fet scene. Don't even rush into the title dominant...
Please take it slow and careful...it's a massive subject and you will learn a lot about yourself. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
PMSL. Be a true dom or dominant by reading a book and going to a gathering of like-minded folk.
It's like saying have good sex by talking about it on the net.
If you want to explore it there are plenty of women that are just starting out like you, the only problem is finding them. People will say this is the wrong site but there will be loads. If you don't know what you are doing, take it easy, talk things through, respect goes both ways, listen to what she says and try not to throw the kitchen sink into play. You'll have your work cut out though, as you are 1 in 1000. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Before you do anything more OP it sounds to me like you need to think long and hard about what being "dominant" means to you - it's not clear from your post, and most definitely not from your profile. There's a massive difference between being a Dom and being assertive/dominant in the bedroom.
Your post suggests you want to "dominate a woman while she orgasms multiple times. Maybe in a forced orgasm sort of way." - which to me could mean anything from just taking light assertive control in an otherwise vanilla sexual way, right up to restraint and domination of a completely different sort. So you need to be clear where you stand and think about exactly what you expect the dominant role to be - there are plenty of very good on-line questionnaires that might help you get your head round that.
Once you've a better idea in your head of your own desires and expectations then as others have said read as much as you can (there are some excellent books available on the subject), get along to munches and fet clubs in an observational capacity, and yes finding other like-minded people that will take you their wing and help you is not a bad idea.
Please don't rush into anything though - there are a lot of very dangerous people calling themselves dominants out there that think BDSM is telling people what to do and punishing them when they don't and it really is anything but that.
Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"PMSL. Be a true dom or dominant by reading a book and going to a gathering of like-minded folk.
It's like saying have good sex by talking about it on the net.
If you want to explore it there are plenty of women that are just starting out like you, the only problem is finding them. People will say this is the wrong site but there will be loads. If you don't know what you are doing, take it easy, talk things through, respect goes both ways, listen to what she says and try not to throw the kitchen sink into play. You'll have your work cut out though, as you are 1 in 1000."
And I get your point - some people are naturally dominant ( as opposed to less desirable reasons to be 'that way inclined' ) but if he was...he wouldn't ask like that ( or would he...maybe he is just humble enough to ask for advice...I kinda like that)...so suggesting books and talking to others face to face rather than the internet is MY answer to him. I never stop learning. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"PMSL. Be a true dom or dominant by reading a book and going to a gathering of like-minded folk.
It's like saying have good sex by talking about it on the net.
If you want to explore it there are plenty of women that are just starting out like you, the only problem is finding them. People will say this is the wrong site but there will be loads. If you don't know what you are doing, take it easy, talk things through, respect goes both ways, listen to what she says and try not to throw the kitchen sink into play. You'll have your work cut out though, as you are 1 in 1000.
And I get your point - some people are naturally dominant ( as opposed to less desirable reasons to be 'that way inclined' ) but if he was...he wouldn't ask like that ( or would he...maybe he is just humble enough to ask for advice...I kinda like that)...so suggesting books and talking to others face to face rather than the internet is MY answer to him. I never stop learning. "
People have kinks. You have them or you meet people with them and you give them a shot, they work or they don't. Either way, you cannot describe the sensation of sex. You cannot describe the sensation of (for sake of thread) a slapped arse. Ambling around and attending fet fairs will only open possibilities, when meeting someone like-minded and taking things easy is a little better than taking notes from people.
For people to take his post as some 5hrs sybian fest is just silly. Its like unless you have several badges of honour within the scene you must always and forever peer into it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't mistake domineering with dominating!
One is a bully and one is a gentleman with certain kinks.
Its a fine line to tread and can be over stepped easily if your not naturally dominant"
^ This. |
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"Evening all.
I'm pretty new to the scene but one desire I do have is to dominate a woman while she orgasms multiple times. Maybe in a forced orgasm sort of way.
Anyway, What i'm wondering is how you start out as a Dom and how do you find a sub?
Thanks"
Goto a local munch, meet people, mix, get advice and see if you find one. A good community at a munch will often introduce you and a sub to eachother.
This can help find the right one, as it's far too easy to meet someone sub or Dom, who has either no clue or a bad rep. |
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"Before you do anything more OP it sounds to me like you need to think long and hard about what being "dominant" means to you - it's not clear from your post, and most definitely not from your profile. There's a massive difference between being a Dom and being assertive/dominant in the bedroom.
Your post suggests you want to "dominate a woman while she orgasms multiple times. Maybe in a forced orgasm sort of way." - which to me could mean anything from just taking light assertive control in an otherwise vanilla sexual way, right up to restraint and domination of a completely different sort. So you need to be clear where you stand and think about exactly what you expect the dominant role to be - there are plenty of very good on-line questionnaires that might help you get your head round that.
Once you've a better idea in your head of your own desires and expectations then as others have said read as much as you can (there are some excellent books available on the subject), get along to munches and fet clubs in an observational capacity, and yes finding other like-minded people that will take you their wing and help you is not a bad idea.
Please don't rush into anything though - there are a lot of very dangerous people calling themselves dominants out there that think BDSM is telling people what to do and punishing them when they don't and it really is anything but that.
Good luck "
That comes across really well. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"That comes across really well. "
Thank you, appreciate the comment.
I can't profess to be an expert (and certainly am not dominant in any shape of the word) but do have enough knowledge to know there are a lot of people (mainly men sadly) who call themselves dominant who are anything but and think it's important that people give some real thought to who/what they are, especially in a role where trust and respect are such major factors. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Evening all.
I'm pretty new to the scene but one desire I do have is to dominate a woman while she orgasms multiple times. Maybe in a forced orgasm sort of way.
Anyway, What i'm wondering is how you start out as a Dom and how do you find a sub?
Thanks"
Dominance takes many forms but 50 shades of rubbish make out it's all about sex.....it's not. It's about trust and total power exchange and all stops in-between. Get a mentor who actually knows what they are talking about. Be careful your forced dominance doesn't become forced and non-consensual sexual activity. |
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That explains where I've been going wrong. 
