FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > BBW girl feeling very self conscious
BBW girl feeling very self conscious
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Hi all, I’m sure you get this a lot.
My OH and I first looked into swinging about a year ago. We met up with a lovely couple and then arranged to accommodate at ours. After that I decided I’d rather do something more like Chams as I found it awkward initiating everything (absolutely nothing to do with the couple, it was both mine and H’s first time and they were absolutely great with us) and felt a bit better getting right to it so to speak. After that night at Chams BBW we didn’t look into it again as our work lives took over.
Recently H has been bringing it up again, especially as dirty talk, which I’m completely for, but I think since then I’ve put on even more weight and have also been diagnosed with PCOS, which has sort of knocked my confidence. The sexy side of me totally wants another Chams night, but the other side of me just wants to cover up.
Anyone else had this? What did you do to get over it? I’m not particularly a girly girl so find dressing up hard.. I’m thinking of maybe uploading more recent pics of myself, as these are a year old and I don’t want to mislead anyone 
TIA x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be confident!!! It speaks a thousand words!!!
I was heavier before than I am now and all I needed was J to tell me he loved the way I looked and that did it for me. I was always self conscious (still am) but just be confident and own it!!! Men love that in a woman!
And most importantly....have fun!! |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"Be confident!!! It speaks a thousand words!!!
I was heavier before than I am now and all I needed was J to tell me he loved the way I looked and that did it for me. I was always self conscious (still am) but just be confident and own it!!! Men love that in a woman!
And most importantly....have fun!! "
This. I was quite self-conscious about my weight...and even more now I’ve lost quite a bit so I have loose skin. My other half has really helped by telling me how gorgeous he finds me. Gave me the push I needed to come back.
You’ll find that no one will even think about it...it’s all just fear in your head. Go out and strut your sexy stuff in one of those bathrobes (I don’t do the dress up thing either  ) |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Your not alone. Everyone goes through a lack of confidence at some time. Wear what makes you feel good and try to relax. Maybe arrange to meet people you know at the club and start to talk to others.
Why not meet a few other girls for a coffee and a chat it does help. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hi would have pm’ed you but I’m outside your age range. I’m size 18/20 at the moment and have some of the same concerns. If you are more comfortable wearing something when you dress down, to camouflage bits you are less comfortable with, there are some nice, not too frilly ‘baby dolls’/chemises and basques on Amazon and Lovehoney.
The people at bbw events are there because they PREFER larger bodies. Taking that to heart is empowering.
And finallly, I got stuck in tiny pants and bra at a club bar a few weeks ago (for reasons I won’t go into for brevity), belly out and completely on view. First night back on the scene after a couple of months away and lots of hot bodies on view. I felt much less judged than in many real life situations where I have been fully, and conservatively, dressed. Swingers are used to seeing all shapes and sizes of people and I think once you go again you will find it a lot less scary in actuality than it is at the moment in your head.
Good luck and have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi all, I’m sure you get this a lot.
My OH and I first looked into swinging about a year ago. We met up with a lovely couple and then arranged to accommodate at ours. After that I decided I’d rather do something more like Chams as I found it awkward initiating everything (absolutely nothing to do with the couple, it was both mine and H’s first time and they were absolutely great with us) and felt a bit better getting right to it so to speak. After that night at Chams BBW we didn’t look into it again as our work lives took over.
Recently H has been bringing it up again, especially as dirty talk, which I’m completely for, but I think since then I’ve put on even more weight and have also been diagnosed with PCOS, which has sort of knocked my confidence. The sexy side of me totally wants another Chams night, but the other side of me just wants to cover up.
Anyone else had this? What did you do to get over it? I’m not particularly a girly girl so find dressing up hard.. I’m thinking of maybe uploading more recent pics of myself, as these are a year old and I don’t want to mislead anyone
TIA x"
I have polycystic ovaries and poor body image so i treated myself to steel boned corsets... It gives me a great waist |
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By *unny!Woman
over a year ago
Here, there and everywhere! |
I’m sure most of the ladies here would agree that the more conscious you feel, the less likely you are to enjoy yourself and have a good time; it’s a vicious cycle. The key is feeling sexy and that’s a lot easier said than done! Remember that sex appeal isn’t about dress size or body shape, there are so many ways in which you can make yourself feel more sexy without changing any part of your physique.
I fluctuate between a size 16-20 and I’m currently around a 18/20. There are many days where I feel overweight, unattractive and far from sexy but I never let my mind stay in that place for long. Experiment with makeup; try doing something different with your hair; take some sexy pics; dress up sexy for your man.
There’s a big market now for plus size lingerie so have a look on the internet. I always find Love Honey is a good option. Their plus size crotchless suspenders tights are an absolute must for me when I feel like I want to cover up! I’ve also bought some beautiful long cover up dresses and robes, which make me feel great when I’m ‘dolled up’ and rocking some killer heels. Also try Sparking Strawberry.
Some of the sexiest women I know are not slim but what they all have in common is their attitude towards who they are and bags of confidence. Remember that many slim ladies also have body hang-ups and insecuries; it’s not just us larger girls.
As a regular guest at Chams BBW event, I can say with absolutely certainty that all women, regardless of their size are adored. You have a captive audience of people who prefer fuller figured ladies and there’s no pressure to play so just go along with the intention of socialising and meeting new friends.
Be proud of your body and embrace it  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take pictures!
Honestly, if I’m feeling shitty I like to take selfies and then I realise I look good and that insecurity goes.
If you wear makeup, put some on, do your hair and dress in some nice lingerie and pose! It works!
The moment you get that confidence back nothing will stop you. X |
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Have you tried a BBW night at chams?
They are great fun. You can just socialise or have more sexy fun than you can dream of
I think on 14th September the BBW Bash is going to Newport Chams or there is one on 19th August in Darlaston
I was just like you when I first went but everyone is lovely and there is every shape and size there and men or other couples who adore those shapes and sizes.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you tried a BBW night at chams?
They are great fun. You can just socialise or have more sexy fun than you can dream of
I think on 14th September the BBW Bash is going to Newport Chams or there is one on 19th August in Darlaston
I was just like you when I first went but everyone is lovely and there is every shape and size there and men or other couples who adore those shapes and sizes.
"
I want to go to one of these, I’ve never been to a club and I think a BBW night will be the perfect way to ease myself in. Just gotta pluck up courage! Ha! |
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"Have you tried a BBW night at chams?
They are great fun. You can just socialise or have more sexy fun than you can dream of
I think on 14th September the BBW Bash is going to Newport Chams or there is one on 19th August in Darlaston
I was just like you when I first went but everyone is lovely and there is every shape and size there and men or other couples who adore those shapes and sizes.
I want to go to one of these, I’ve never been to a club and I think a BBW night will be the perfect way to ease myself in. Just gotta pluck up courage! Ha! "
These events are fantastic, all shapes and sizes, literally something for all tastes.
You should definitely go to one, you look fabulous in your pictures & I'm sure you'll have a great time.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you tried a BBW night at chams?
They are great fun. You can just socialise or have more sexy fun than you can dream of
I think on 14th September the BBW Bash is going to Newport Chams or there is one on 19th August in Darlaston
I was just like you when I first went but everyone is lovely and there is every shape and size there and men or other couples who adore those shapes and sizes.
I want to go to one of these, I’ve never been to a club and I think a BBW night will be the perfect way to ease myself in. Just gotta pluck up courage! Ha!
These events are fantastic, all shapes and sizes, literally something for all tastes.
You should definitely go to one, you look fabulous in your pictures & I'm sure you'll have a great time.
"
Thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hey,
I just wanted to echo what others have said really, I’m overweight (size 20-22) and have PCOS with some side effects which don’t always make me feel sexy or girly.
Just be kind to yourself, your partner obvious thinks you’re a hottie and I’m sure lots of others will do too! X |
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Unfortunately as women we are our own worst critics! We can always find something beautiful about a female friend but not ourselves. I am a size 10 and I have body issues but mine are due to being older and not being able to compete with younger bodies but at the end of the day you have to hold your head up high and realise you are beautiful, you have a beautiful body and you are sexy that is why you have a guy who fancies you and wants to be with you! There is nothing so sexy than a woman who carries herself with a feminine charm that draws you in, and that is whatever the size! Love yourself, there is only ever going to be one you and that means you are special 
Jayne xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You aren't big.
Join a ladies gym to firm up and handle the pcos.
Otherwise you will just be focused on feeling low and hating the extra weight.
The gym will firm you up.
Only an idea.
Don't buy lingerie that is floppy and no structure.. It isn't flattering on any one who isn't athletic build. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not all guys like skinny girls. You look lovely in your pics but if you want to tone up then do it because you want to, not because of other people's perceived expectations. |
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"Unfortunately as women we are our own worst critics! We can always find something beautiful about a female friend but not ourselves. I am a size 10 and I have body issues but mine are due to being older and not being able to compete with younger bodies but at the end of the day you have to hold your head up high and realise you are beautiful, you have a beautiful body and you are sexy that is why you have a guy who fancies you and wants to be with you! There is nothing so sexy than a woman who carries herself with a feminine charm that draws you in, and that is whatever the size! Love yourself, there is only ever going to be one you and that means you are special
Jayne xx "
Believe me, some guys can feel unsure about there bodies.. me for one.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP you look gorgeous on your photos and I'm sure you still do.
I'm quite a curvaceous girl and I'm very concious of certain areas, but I wear clothing that flatters me and hides my worst areas.
You will find the majority of people in clubs seriously don't judge others. I'm sure your personality shines through and that's what will attract people.
Anyone who is put off by your size, well you wouldn't want to have sex with them with that attitude anyway.
Be brave and get yourself there. |
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I just want to thank you all for your lovely messages, and to those that have PMd me, you’re all very kind
It’s so reassuring to know you’re looked out for on here, and I honestly really appreciate it xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just want to thank you all for your lovely messages, and to those that have PMd me, you’re all very kind
It’s so reassuring to know you’re looked out for on here, and I honestly really appreciate it xxx"
After looking at your photos I really do not know what your are worried about. You have a fantastic body that many ladies would die for. Best of luck for your future exploits. Xx |
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"Hi all, I’m sure you get this a lot.
My OH and I first looked into swinging about a year ago. We met up with a lovely couple and then arranged to accommodate at ours. After that I decided I’d rather do something more like Chams as I found it awkward initiating everything (absolutely nothing to do with the couple, it was both mine and H’s first time and they were absolutely great with us) and felt a bit better getting right to it so to speak. After that night at Chams BBW we didn’t look into it again as our work lives took over.
Recently H has been bringing it up again, especially as dirty talk, which I’m completely for, but I think since then I’ve put on even more weight and have also been diagnosed with PCOS, which has sort of knocked my confidence. The sexy side of me totally wants another Chams night, but the other side of me just wants to cover up.
Anyone else had this? What did you do to get over it? I’m not particularly a girly girl so find dressing up hard.. I’m thinking of maybe uploading more recent pics of myself, as these are a year old and I don’t want to mislead anyone
TIA x"
You are very beautiful and anyone would be lucky to meet the both of you |
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"Hi all, I’m sure you get this a lot.
My OH and I first looked into swinging about a year ago. We met up with a lovely couple and then arranged to accommodate at ours. After that I decided I’d rather do something more like Chams as I found it awkward initiating everything (absolutely nothing to do with the couple, it was both mine and H’s first time and they were absolutely great with us) and felt a bit better getting right to it so to speak. After that night at Chams BBW we didn’t look into it again as our work lives took over.
Recently H has been bringing it up again, especially as dirty talk, which I’m completely for, but I think since then I’ve put on even more weight and have also been diagnosed with PCOS, which has sort of knocked my confidence. The sexy side of me totally wants another Chams night, but the other side of me just wants to cover up.
Anyone else had this? What did you do to get over it? I’m not particularly a girly girl so find dressing up hard.. I’m thinking of maybe uploading more recent pics of myself, as these are a year old and I don’t want to mislead anyone
TIA x"
You've already been to Chams, so you've done the hard part. If you go again you're under no obligation to play, so just go and mingle and see how you feel when you get there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Be confident!!! It speaks a thousand words!!!
I was heavier before than I am now and all I needed was J to tell me he loved the way I looked and that did it for me. I was always self conscious (still am) but just be confident and own it!!! Men love that in a woman!
And most importantly....have fun!! "
|
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"Hi all, I’m sure you get this a lot.
My OH and I first looked into swinging about a year ago. We met up with a lovely couple and then arranged to accommodate at ours. After that I decided I’d rather do something more like Chams as I found it awkward initiating everything (absolutely nothing to do with the couple, it was both mine and H’s first time and they were absolutely great with us) and felt a bit better getting right to it so to speak. After that night at Chams BBW we didn’t look into it again as our work lives took over.
Recently H has been bringing it up again, especially as dirty talk, which I’m completely for, but I think since then I’ve put on even more weight and have also been diagnosed with PCOS, which has sort of knocked my confidence. The sexy side of me totally wants another Chams night, but the other side of me just wants to cover up.
Anyone else had this? What did you do to get over it? I’m not particularly a girly girl so find dressing up hard.. I’m thinking of maybe uploading more recent pics of myself, as these are a year old and I don’t want to mislead anyone
TIA x"
Confidence is key and some of us prefer the curvier female form. We all have our little insecurities but be comfortable in your skin and you will attract the right people with the right attitudes.
A woman that can make me laugh, doesn't suffer fools and knows what she wants usually gets priority tickets to my "knickers" |
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Preface: Positive message, promise.
You're not our type, personally. But we've spent some time in clubs (which you reference as wanting to back to!) and you will ABSOLUTELY
A. Get attention
B. Enjoy yourself
C. Feel good about your bod
Everyone does have a type and at a club you WILL have people interested, I guarantee it. Maybe not every night, but we've had that ourselves. It's not a guarantee!
We've had a couple of 'encounters' (FUN!) with larger persons and thoroughly enjoyed them. Honestly, a club brings everyone down to the same level. You'll totally have fun! |
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Some good answers here!
FWIW we've found clubs can be a lot easier but that's simply for the logistics, trying to find convenient times to meet and or making sure people are actually going to turn up when they say etc etc.
From the confidence point of view, this lifestyle has made us both more confident in many ways. Hard to believe, but not everyone is into the body shapes promoted by mainstream media. And for us it really is the case that being around like minded folk who are confident enough to simply enjoy themselves is more of a turn on than anything else. Time is precious. Stop worrying about body issues and just enjoy. PCOS can be severely debilitating at times, but many of us have have health issues that affect our day to day lives in some way. The secret is to understand they won't put others off. When you get to know people you'll realise we all have something we worry about.
Get out end enjoy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It’s all in the mind and being confident whatever your body is like regardless if your skinny or big a lot of people have insecurities it’s just getting over them and just getting on with it and if your unhappy with it just do something about it to make yourself happy.Theres lots of things which attract people different so just enjoy life |
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I'm self conscious about my tummy so always wear an outfit that covers that area. Although the guys do seem to like to feel skin. Once the fun has began I soon get over my worries.
They know what build you are from your profile, if they don't fancy woman with plenty of body to go around then they wouldn't be arranging to meet with you.
Happy fabbing lovely lady x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi all, I’m sure you get this a lot.
My OH and I first looked into swinging about a year ago. We met up with a lovely couple and then arranged to accommodate at ours. After that I decided I’d rather do something more like Chams as I found it awkward initiating everything (absolutely nothing to do with the couple, it was both mine and H’s first time and they were absolutely great with us) and felt a bit better getting right to it so to speak. After that night at Chams BBW we didn’t look into it again as our work lives took over.
Recently H has been bringing it up again, especially as dirty talk, which I’m completely for, but I think since then I’ve put on even more weight and have also been diagnosed with PCOS, which has sort of knocked my confidence. The sexy side of me totally wants another Chams night, but the other side of me just wants to cover up.
Anyone else had this? What did you do to get over it? I’m not particularly a girly girl so find dressing up hard.. I’m thinking of maybe uploading more recent pics of myself, as these are a year old and I don’t want to mislead anyone Your profile pics are great and I'm sure any new pics will be just as knockout....as a man married to a curvy lady and who wouldn't change a single thing about her,,,,either body or soul....I'd say embrace the body and curves ye have and flaunt what you've got and I'm pretty sure your partner wants nothing more then to show off his sexy other half...Mr S
TIA x"
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By *oxy BBWWoman
over a year ago
Home Counties |
"As a regular guest at Chams BBW event, I can say with absolutely certainty that all women, regardless of their size are adored. You have a captive audience of people who prefer fuller figured ladies and there’s no pressure to play so just go along with the intention of socialising and meeting new friends.
xx"
I attended on Sunday and had 2 men take the piss out of my size - right in front of me  . They said I was too big to be there and should think about leaving. (A bbw party) They did get a cutting reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As a regular guest at Chams BBW event, I can say with absolutely certainty that all women, regardless of their size are adored. You have a captive audience of people who prefer fuller figured ladies and there’s no pressure to play so just go along with the intention of socialising and meeting new friends.
xx
I attended on Sunday and had 2 men take the piss out of my size - right in front of me . They said I was too big to be there and should think about leaving. (A bbw party) They did get a cutting reply. "
Omg are you joking how fucking rude of them xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As a regular guest at Chams BBW event, I can say with absolutely certainty that all women, regardless of their size are adored. You have a captive audience of people who prefer fuller figured ladies and there’s no pressure to play so just go along with the intention of socialising and meeting new friends.
xx
I attended on Sunday and had 2 men take the piss out of my size - right in front of me . They said I was too big to be there and should think about leaving. (A bbw party) They did get a cutting reply. "
This is shocking and I hope you didn't just leave it there? I would have got their fab names so they couldn't attend the event again
I'm size 24 I have a huge stomach area. I don't ever go to specialist BBW events - just personal reasons. But I have never had anyone be rude to me in a club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi you have no worries hun your pics are fantastic . I am a bbw and I have body confident issues but take it from me you are half my size so don't worry you look fantastic. I have to take medication and that's what has caused me to be the larger woman lol xx  |
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"As a regular guest at Chams BBW event, I can say with absolutely certainty that all women, regardless of their size are adored. You have a captive audience of people who prefer fuller figured ladies and there’s no pressure to play so just go along with the intention of socialising and meeting new friends.
xx
I attended on Sunday and had 2 men take the piss out of my size - right in front of me . They said I was too big to be there and should think about leaving. (A bbw party) They did get a cutting reply.
This is shocking and I hope you didn't just leave it there? I would have got their fab names so they couldn't attend the event again
I'm size 24 I have a huge stomach area. I don't ever go to specialist BBW events - just personal reasons. But I have never had anyone be rude to me in a club. "
.
I’ve had guys being rude about my size quite a bit I didn’t get any names as it’s not worth the hassle |
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