FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Broaching the subject
Broaching the subject
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I would love to swing with my (kind of) ex wife. 11yrs of frustrating sexless marriage and a relationship that's hit the rocks but I still fancy her and would do anything to get that spark back. We no longer even talk about sex and I'm completely unsure whether she has any sexual thoughts at all, never mind about me! At a loss! I've had the occasional meet on here (yes, that does mean I'm the devil incarnate, but 11yrs without any sex will do strange things to morals) |
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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago
The dot in the i |
I won’t meet married or attracted men because I’ve dont agree with it but the other problem with meeting someone attracted is they have a lot tighter schedule, you may find this to be a problem while looking for meets |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens. "
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months |
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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
But not to be so flippant, I think it might be a bit of a big leap to go from nothing to swinging. Maybe try to reconnect at a lower level and bring romance back first? Try and rebuild that connection and gradually incorporate other possibilities into the equation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not to sound flippant and you don’t have to reply here for the world to see, my mind is saying ‘why’?
Why is / was it sexless for 11 years?
If she’s not interested in a sex life why would she be into swinging?
She could be Asexual.
Maybe it’s 2am and my insomnia brain has missed the point lol |
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"What do you mean by "kind of ex wife"? Are you separated, divorced, still living together?"
Just what I was going to say, what exactly is a “kind of ex wife”? She’s either an ex or a current wife. Unlike a lot of things it’s bkack and white, there are no shades of grey in the middle! |
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Wow. I think communication would be a good start and probably work on rekindling what you think might be still be there between you - before you get to the subject of swinging! And if you get to the subject of swinging - take it SLOW and do it all together! Make sure she is involved...
Otherwise like some others have said - you might just find what you are looking for on here! A sexless marriage sounds like no fun at all!  good luck x cherry x |
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By *qua vitaeWoman
over a year ago
Shropshire/South Yorkshire |
"I would love to swing with my (kind of) ex wife. 11yrs of frustrating sexless marriage and a relationship that's hit the rocks but I still fancy her and would do anything to get that spark back. We no longer even talk about sex and I'm completely unsure whether she has any sexual thoughts at all, never mind about me! At a loss! I've had the occasional meet on here (yes, that does mean I'm the devil incarnate, but 11yrs without any sex will do strange things to morals)"
If you would like to start swinging with your wife, then the first thing you ought to do is to take steps to repair that relationship first. Swinging isn’t advisable to repair relationships, as it can lead to further problems.
I understand that all relationships aren’t ‘made in heaven’ and depending upon the situation, leaving isn’t always an option, but I would advise not to refer to your wife in any negative way on here. |
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"I would love to swing with my (kind of) ex wife. 11yrs of frustrating sexless marriage and a relationship that's hit the rocks but I still fancy her and would do anything to get that spark back. We no longer even talk about sex and I'm completely unsure whether she has any sexual thoughts at all, never mind about me! At a loss! I've had the occasional meet on here (yes, that does mean I'm the devil incarnate, but 11yrs without any sex will do strange things to morals)"
My thoughts...If you are still together have you considered couples counselling.
You need to be able to communicate openly to either fix what you have or to be able to move on .
It seems a huge jump to say "my wife won't have sex" to "but I want her to go swinging"....and somewhat unrealistic?
I'm not here judging anyone but I wonder what your wife's take on the story would be?What happened 11 years ago ?
You say you'd do anything to get the spark back...the first step is honest and open communication (and that means being honest with yourself also)
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can’t swing with someone unless your relationship is very secure.
Talk to her. Ask if she wants a sexual relationship with you and if not then decide if you can stay with her.
Swinging with her is way, way down the line. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months"
If sex or the lack of it is that bad then why not just leave set yourself up on your own and you can meet people to your hearts content for sex it seems the logical step if things are that bad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months"
By sort of you mean you've moved on and sleeping around but haven't told her?
I went 10 years plus for the sake of my daughter, so I know exactly what it's like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months"
It wouldn’t get to a year for me.
I’d be communicating with them and letting them know if things don’t change and the relationship doesn’t improve I’ll be leaving, I’d much rather do that than ever lie or deceive someone.
Communication is key. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months"
I do understand completely your situation. When I was married I went for years without any sex. It was my choice entirely but when things were not right in the marriage I lost any sexual feelings for my husband. After I left him I managed to get him to have a friendly relationship for the sake of our daughter, and I am very proud that I achieved that.
When I was at difficult times with him I decided to write letters to him as he didn't want to discuss problems and would just close down and be silent and then I would get angry and shout from frustration.
Write an honest letter and pour your heart out to her - you may not be accurately communicating your feelings. You might find it doesn't help but may start to open up discussion between you. |
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Wow .What can we say . kind of ex wife . You are either married or not married . Posting on here is possibly not the best idea as in also having a single profile . Either knock the marriage on the head and move on or give up fab ,sit and talk . Would say its shit or bust . Swinging talk wont fix a sexless marriage but talking to her as a equal will . Then in a year or two you might come back as a couple .
Be a man ,man up and dont hide behind the excuse that its all down to her . |
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months"
Ok...
The basics of any relationship are based on 3 simple things, trust, communication and honesty
Now if sex is not happening at home then you are not communicating or being honest with each other because something isnt working.
You are on a swinger site, she doesnt know about so again no communication, no honesty.
As for me lasting 11 years... I certainly would of discussed it, i certainly would of bought it up. I certainly would of asked questions like
1) are we together because its habitual or because of actual emotion?
2) if im not having sex, shes not having sex. Why has that changed?
3) oh im gonna go on a swinger site and fuck others, how will this impact on my current relationship?
All quite big questions which should actually be asked.
Now as for me, ive been into kink for nearly 20yrs. I am open, upfront and honest, sometimes to upfront but at least i get an answer one way or another so when something stops i ask questions...pure and simple
If her feelings have changed 11yrs ago and she has been going through the motions for you then you both have technically wasted 11yrs!
If the sex was boring, explore more together! But again its communication!
So try working on those principes first
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You road wouldn't last 3 months
Ok...
The basics of any relationship are based on 3 simple things, trust, communication and honesty
Now if sex is not happening at home then you are not communicating or being honest with each other because something isnt working.
You are on a swinger site, she doesnt know about so again no communication, no honesty.
As for me lasting 11 years... I certainly would of discussed it, i certainly would of bought it up. I certainly would of asked questions like
1) are we together because its habitual or because of actual emotion?
2) if im not having sex, shes not having sex. Why has that changed?
3) oh im gonna go on a swinger site and fuck others, how will this impact on my current relationship?
All quite big questions which should actually be asked.
Now as for me, ive been into kink for nearly 20yrs. I am open, upfront and honest, sometimes to upfront but at least i get an answer one way or another so when something stops i ask questions...pure and simple
If her feelings have changed 11yrs ago and she has been going through the motions for you then you both have technically wasted 11yrs!
If the sex was boring, explore more together! But again its communication!
So try working on those principes first
"
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I wouldn’t want to be in a sexless marriage, I would find that very difficult. Whatever you try to do to resolve those issues is your business. I do think though that you should be explicit on your profile that you are married and your participation on Fab is without your wife’s knowledge or consent. I’ve seen your status and profile before and seen you refer to people being on their high horse about you being married and you wanting no drama. Reading between the lines i’d say that you haven’t been upfront which is what caused the problem.
You will find some people that don’t agree with your choice to cheat on your wife, regardless of what you may write here in the forum regarding the reasons for it. But there are many that won’t mind. It’s not acceptable though to hide the fact you’re married and meet someone and have sex with them under false pretences. That’s an unpleasant thing to do. Honesty all round is the best policy. |
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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
It might be sexless but does she show she still cares for you by doing other things?
How about taking her to where you first met, or somewhere she would youve remembered was special?
Marriage makes sex hard work when you add the mundane tasks to it x
Feel for you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn’t want to be in a sexless marriage, I would find that very difficult. Whatever you try to do to resolve those issues is your business. I do think though that you should be explicit on your profile that you are married and your participation on Fab is without your wife’s knowledge or consent. I’ve seen your status and profile before and seen you refer to people being on their high horse about you being married and you wanting no drama. Reading between the lines i’d say that you haven’t been upfront which is what caused the problem.
You will find some people that don’t agree with your choice to cheat on your wife, regardless of what you may write here in the forum regarding the reasons for it. But there are many that won’t mind. It’s not acceptable though to hide the fact you’re married and meet someone and have sex with them under false pretences. That’s an unpleasant thing to do. Honesty all round is the best policy. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So in a sexless relationship, already playing a single mans game by being on here.
Show her your profile, see what happens.
Try being in a sexless relationship for 1yr, let alone 11, then do your judging. You wouldn't last 3 months"
Mines been 4 weeks and I’m ready to explode and yes she knows I’m on here |
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"I would love to swing with my (kind of) ex wife. 11yrs of frustrating sexless marriage and a relationship that's hit the rocks but I still fancy her and would do anything to get that spark back. We no longer even talk about sex and I'm completely unsure whether she has any sexual thoughts at all, never mind about me! At a loss! I've had the occasional meet on here (yes, that does mean I'm the devil incarnate, but 11yrs without any sex will do strange things to morals)"
We wouldn't meet married guys due to not wanting to be involved in sommeones cheating and the potential drama but that said 11 years without sex most people would break after 6 months |
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