FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Lights off please ..I'm shy !!
Lights off please ..I'm shy !!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sounds strange but although we have had quite a few meets & visited clubs on many occasions I am still quite shy of my body 
Im not the most confident of people & quite dislike my body lol so it's always a case of dim the lights please !! 
Are there any other 'shy' swingers out there??
Or am I a rarity :// |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure whether you are on your own with this lack of confidence , but one of the reasons we enjoy this lifestyle is the fact that it allows you to become more confident .
In a club it doesn't matter whether folk judge you and there are all shapes and sizes around you - it's the way you carry yourself that matters - and if folk don't like it so what ?
There is something really sexy about a confident woman whatever her size / body issues and your lack of confidence is something you should lose ASAP - then you can start really having fun ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer subtle lighting as opposed to full on
Not because I'm bothered about my body but I just think that bright / vivid lighting makes the whole thing seem a little stark.
I want to feel sexy, not like it is part of some interrogation process |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds strange but although we have had quite a few meets & visited clubs on many occasions I am still quite shy of my body
Im not the most confident of people & quite dislike my body lol so it's always a case of dim the lights please !!
Are there any other 'shy' swingers out there??
Or am I a rarity ://"
I can relate to this as im similar i may expose my body in.my pics but its been done in a way im happy with  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was in a relationship before for 14 years and he made the way I am, full of negative comments about me and my body and it's stayed with me. Although my husband now is completely different and tells me how amazing I am I think it's still there at the back of my mind the horrible things he said :// |
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"Sounds strange but although we have had quite a few meets & visited clubs on many occasions I am still quite shy of my body
Im not the most confident of people & quite dislike my body lol so it's always a case of dim the lights please !!
Are there any other 'shy' swingers out there??
Or am I a rarity ://"
I'm going to make a guess that this is Mrs SoftnGentle that has written this post.
All I will say is, there was a thread that has been closed by the Mods (correctly) rudely asking where all the hot women were. IF ONLY he had read your thread or looked at your pics first of all as he wouldn't have asked the question in such a rude manner and secondly, if he'd looked at your profile he wouldn't need to ask as he'd have found at least one of the many hot women on this site.
As for dimming the lights, well hell if i was ever lucky enough to get to spend some time with you, I'd have to have a spotlight on you to fully enjoy your beauty, while dazzling you so you don't get to see it's the beast in bed with you.....
Finally it's normal to be shy for many people, I have an American friend who is always complaining about her body, but as I say to her, if only you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd never have any confidence issues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi I like soft lighting too I was constantly told I was fat lazy and horrible it does stick with you but my wonderful guy I'm with now has worked wonders on my confidence and I don't mind soft lighting now. Wish I had met my guy years ago he is so lovely wish everyone was more like him xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds strange but although we have had quite a few meets & visited clubs on many occasions I am still quite shy of my body
Im not the most confident of people & quite dislike my body lol so it's always a case of dim the lights please !!
Are there any other 'shy' swingers out there??
Or am I a rarity ://"
There's lots of people with this really unfortunate inhibitor. You both look lovely in your pictures, and have no reason to be nervous naked.
Playing in a subdued light is good, but try every kind of lighting you can...
Can I suggest you try walking around the house naked more often at home just doing everyday things, and taking more and more daring pictures and posting them on your profile?
My only worry is that if you're inhibited and tight over it then you may not enjoy bodily play which is the most natural thing in the world, just like your own body. It's something you really will need time and doing things to your own satisfaction to work on and build yourself up, but it isn't impossible.
When you start thinking of yourself as yourself instead of from the viewpoint of the perceptions you think that others may have of you, you will have truly mastered it. Self-consciousness is your minds own bluff, and in the real world, one massive major issue for you is but a tiny fleeting thought for others
my best, and fingers crossed for ya.
Wolf
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By *xscotMan
over a year ago
Kingston |
"I was in a relationship before for 14 years and he made the way I am, full of negative comments about me and my body and it's stayed with me. Although my husband now is completely different and tells me how amazing I am I think it's still there at the back of my mind the horrible things he said ://"
Well I think you are very pretty and am very happy to tell you so |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You sound like me... Although im still getting constant abuse of my ex 
When you hear it day in day out it sure as he'll sticks with you"
My god were we married to the Same guy??? !! I still get abuse of my ex too grrr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You sound like me... Although im still getting constant abuse of my ex
When you hear it day in day out it sure as he'll sticks with you
My god were we married to the Same guy??? !! I still get abuse of my ex too grrr "
Grrr too mines very bad... To the point of being stalked =-O So still.controlling me in a way im afraid. I really need to grow some balls Haha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i notice it far more with lasses i meet from dating sites or in regular day life compared to on here
on here people dont seem as bothered as think ur right it gives you more confidence sexually the more you meet and see people dont mind as much
but it dont matter how people built ive noticed, even some of the prettiest lasses not liked something about their body to want the lights dimmed
unless they dont want to look at me which might be a possibilty haha, but then would expect the swingers to want the light off as well pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
unless they dont want to look at me which might be a possibilty haha, but then would expect the swingers to want the light off as well pmsl"
I used to bring a torch, but found when the beam hit my face by accident they thought it was halloween, so I went to the school of fumblers and learnt total darkness navigation... and never looked back
Wolf
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unless they dont want to look at me which might be a possibilty haha, but then would expect the swingers to want the light off as well pmsl
I used to bring a torch, but found when the beam hit my face by accident they thought it was halloween, so I went to the school of fumblers and learnt total darkness navigation... and never looked back
Wolf
"
Hahaha I invested in Night Vision Contact Lenses, they're great till someone shines a torch in your face... |
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By *avenwingsMan
over a year ago
Warkworth, Northumberland |
I do have a serious suggestion for those shy of their body, I found this worked by accident, simply start things off with a massage, this is gentle body massage and state any no go areas before you start, if there's four of you then three massage one and everyone has their turn, the person that is shy of their body goes in the middle somewhere. because your whole body is being touched my many hands you are not conscious of any one part of your body, and as you all give and receive, all bodies become equal. It has worked for my friends and a great way to get to know people you just met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do have a serious suggestion for those shy of their body, I found this worked by accident, simply start things off with a massage, this is gentle body massage and state any no go areas before you start, if there's four of you then three massage one and everyone has their turn, the person that is shy of their body goes in the middle somewhere. because your whole body is being touched my many hands you are not conscious of any one part of your body, and as you all give and receive, all bodies become equal. It has worked for my friends and a great way to get to know people you just met."
Strange but I was about to mention a hypnotherapy technique which relies on deceiving the mind with multiple physical influences to induce the hypnotic state.
And to the OP, if you have a good Hypnotherapist near to you, might be worth going to see him/her. What your ex implanted in your subconcious over a 14yr period could be removed in one or two hours and you will be FREE from it for the rest of your life. Google hypnotherapists in your area and see what you can find.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we all have hang ups about our body and no matter how stunning you are ... dim lighting is more flattering.
It's also more mood enhancing though.
I'm hoping that as I get myself out there my own hang ups about my body will get better as my confidence grows.
Maybe yours will too ...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer subtle lighting as opposed to full on
Not because I'm bothered about my body but I just think that bright / vivid lighting makes the whole thing seem a little stark.
I want to feel sexy, not like it is part of some interrogation process"
However, for those who DO want to feel part of an interrogation process, may one suggest a viewing of The Ipcress File.........?
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It's so utterly normal to have bits of us that we would rather not put on display for fear of ridicule or negative comment.
My figure is lovely but I used to be eight stones heavier and at my age, the skin has not sprung back so I'm baggy and wrinkly with no clothes on and I don't give a bollocks. Why? Maturity, the fact I have men falling over themselves to get their paws on me and if I ever look at myself with negativity, I find something to be positive and smug about.
Damn I'm hot!!! |
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I know this feeling all too well! Not just dim lighting I always cover up!
I would love to feel better about myself but i suppose that will come in time!
It's an awful feeling though when someone goes down on you and a you can think is oh dear I wonder what I look like from that pov |
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"I was in a relationship before for 14 years and he made the way I am, full of negative comments about me and my body and it's stayed with me. Although my husband now is completely different and tells me how amazing I am I think it's still there at the back of my mind the horrible things he said ://"
Here we go again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Besides, I am honest in my description of myself and I insist on a social meet before a play meet so if they still meet me for play then they're obviously ok with what they're getting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm glad you posted this thread. Here's me thinking I'm the only lights off kinda girl on here! Nice to know I'm not alone. I hate getting naked and am extremely self conscious especially regarding my mummy tummy, not at all shy in the dark though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its a fairly natural thing. I like subdued lighting, again because it seems more sultry and relaxing than bright stark light.
In clubs I would never strip completely naked. I'm ok with my body, I know I have a flabby tummy and flabby parts elsewhere too, but I was brought up to feel that naked was wrong, and so being naked actually makes me feel a little vulnerable and I don't like that feeling in swinging.
So if I'm clothed, albeit I'm not wearing much, I feel more sexy and I act differently and certainly with more confidence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds strange but although we have had quite a few meets & visited clubs on many occasions I am still quite shy of my body
Im not the most confident of people & quite dislike my body lol so it's always a case of dim the lights please !!
Are there any other 'shy' swingers out there??
Or am I a rarity ://"
Not looked at your profile and or pics - but im sure your not alone in lacking in confidence especially where sex is concerned - i am far more confident and happy with "me" since i acknolowedge some years back that i am Bi sexual because prior to that in the main i was very self aware when my ex and i where at meets or parties that once undressed the guys kept looking at me - till i realised that hey pete these guys actually like your body for what you are etc
Pete - feels happier for that now lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds strange but although we have had quite a few meets & visited clubs on many occasions I am still quite shy of my body
Im not the most confident of people & quite dislike my body lol so it's always a case of dim the lights please !!
Are there any other 'shy' swingers out there??
Or am I a rarity ://"
dont sound strange at all, ive been doing this years and still dislike being looked at naked
If i had my way id shag with the light off lol
Its not a case of being shy for me its just low self confidance
Because i look at my saggy bits and hate them i think they will put others off too so very rare do i get naked when having sex i like to keep something on to cover my belly and prefer to keep my bra on too as i dont have very good boobs either, corsets are the best, i wear them a lot, as they cover your belly and boobs and rather than looking like your trying to hide yourself they look like your making an effort for the other person to look nice for them
We all have our insecurities |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a relationship before for 14 years and he made the way I am, full of negative comments about me and my body and it's stayed with me. Although my husband now is completely different and tells me how amazing I am I think it's still there at the back of my mind the horrible things he said ://"
oh yeah i had one of those too, used to tell me i had let myself go all the time because after 3 kids i had a saggy belly and boobs and stretch marks, i wasnt allowed to show the normal signs of wear and tear from child birth i had to look 18 forever
Its really does stay with you because you think if the guy whos supposed to love me thinks my body is so ugly how can anyone else think any different
i rememebr him saying to me once when we was splitting up the only men i will ever get would be pathetic desparate single guysho hadnt had a woman in years and would fuck anythiing
That stayed with me, even now every time i meet someone i wounder if hes only meeting me because he cant find anyone better and if guys look at me and think because im not 21 and a size 8 i will me easy to meet
Im constantly justifying the way i look to people, every time i have a meet i send about 10 messages before hand saying to them, you do know im fat dont you? you are ok with that? your not expecting anything special, then ask about 10 times again if they are sure they want to meet and i wont mind if they change their mind lol i do get very paranoid i will turn up and they will think, dear god in not fucking that 
People say they are only words but sometimes words hurt the most, and changing your way of thinking does take time, you cant change how many years of verbal abuse has made you feel over night |
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"you arent a rarity.
im (male) usually the last to get stripped, and the first to get dressed, so i am much the same as you."
I must be a complete exhibitionist then because this seems to be the norm with me! |
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"you arent a rarity.
im (male) usually the last to get stripped, and the first to get dressed, so i am much the same as you.
I must be a complete exhibitionist then because this seems to be the norm with me!"
how do you mean? |
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"you arent a rarity.
im (male) usually the last to get stripped, and the first to get dressed, so i am much the same as you.
I must be a complete exhibitionist then because this seems to be the norm with me!
how do you mean?"
I'm always naked first. |
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"I was in a relationship before for 14 years and he made the way I am, full of negative comments about me and my body and it's stayed with me. Although my husband now is completely different and tells me how amazing I am I think it's still there at the back of my mind the horrible things he said ://
oh yeah i had one of those too, used to tell me i had let myself go all the time because after 3 kids i had a saggy belly and boobs and stretch marks, i wasnt allowed to show the normal signs of wear and tear from child birth i had to look 18 forever
Its really does stay with you because you think if the guy whos supposed to love me thinks my body is so ugly how can anyone else think any different
i rememebr him saying to me once when we was splitting up the only men i will ever get would be pathetic desparate single guysho hadnt had a woman in years and would fuck anythiing
That stayed with me, even now every time i meet someone i wounder if hes only meeting me because he cant find anyone better and if guys look at me and think because im not 21 and a size 8 i will me easy to meet
Im constantly justifying the way i look to people, every time i have a meet i send about 10 messages before hand saying to them, you do know im fat dont you? you are ok with that? your not expecting anything special, then ask about 10 times again if they are sure they want to meet and i wont mind if they change their mind lol i do get very paranoid i will turn up and they will think, dear god in not fucking that
People say they are only words but sometimes words hurt the most, and changing your way of thinking does take time, you cant change how many years of verbal abuse has made you feel over night"
Jeez! A woman as good looking as you can have this insecurities? Women really are a mystery. I am very choosy about women I date and I can tell you I would date you in a second... You're bloody attractive darling. Fuck your ex and any man that gets off putting women down! |
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"you arent a rarity.
im (male) usually the last to get stripped, and the first to get dressed, so i am much the same as you.
I must be a complete exhibitionist then because this seems to be the norm with me!
how do you mean?
I'm always naked first. "
oh, lol. so what i posted ISNT the norm with you lol |
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its not just a woman thing, though.
just have to read on these very same forums, the amount of 'less than average' looking women that only want 6ft men, with a 9" cock and a six pack, so it aint just men that look at women and want the 'social norm' or rather this mystical perfection (seeing as the norm for a woman nowadays is size 14 and 36c bosom). |
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"its not just a woman thing, though.
just have to read on these very same forums, the amount of 'less than average' looking women that only want 6ft men, with a 9" cock and a six pack, so it aint just men that look at women and want the 'social norm' or rather this mystical perfection (seeing as the norm for a woman nowadays is size 14 and 36c bosom)."
Women like that crack me the FCUK up! It's funny 'cause it's only in cyber space that they demand these physical attributes, put them in my local pub in Putney and even the bartender wouldn't do 'em if paid! |
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"its not just a woman thing, though.
just have to read on these very same forums, the amount of 'less than average' looking women that only want 6ft men, with a 9" cock and a six pack, so it aint just men that look at women and want the 'social norm' or rather this mystical perfection (seeing as the norm for a woman nowadays is size 14 and 36c bosom)."
+1 this never gets old, the requirements for guys are just astronomical at times. |
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"you arent a rarity.
im (male) usually the last to get stripped, and the first to get dressed, so i am much the same as you.
I must be a complete exhibitionist then because this seems to be the norm with me!
how do you mean?
I'm always naked first.
oh, lol. so what i posted ISNT the norm with you lol"
I have just as many insecurities as all of us. My photos may show what I think is a lovely body but we all know what scaffolding and clever camera angles can do. I have all the stuff that makes us all feel shy; baggy skin, cellulite, stretch marks, but if we are worried about how we are seen and judge ourselves by the attention of men then logically, we REALLY shouldn't be that insecure. I know I'm popular becuse I'm single and can accommodate but the amount of attention I get is rediculous!
I think that most men just don't see what we see, UNLESS we are insecure about it all.
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"I have just as many insecurities as all of us. My photos may show what I think is a lovely body but we all know what scaffolding and clever camera angles can do. I have all the stuff that makes us all feel shy; baggy skin, cellulite, stretch marks, but if we are worried about how we are seen and judge ourselves by the attention of men then logically, we REALLY shouldn't be that insecure. I know I'm popular becuse I'm single and can accommodate but the amount of attention I get is rediculous!
I think that most men just don't see what we see, UNLESS we are insecure about it all.
"
thankfully i dont get that much attention from men.
although my cock pic has been fabbed by more men than women......lol |
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