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Party Guest Lists
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I've recently been made to think about this topic, and would appreciate other people's feedback.
I've not published guest lists for my parties in the past. Recently I've had one or two people asking me about them though as it seems that other people publish them, and it seems to be what some people are used to. I've also had someone getting stroppy because I wouldn't provide them with photos of all the guests.
A few things spring to mind. Firstly, about half the people who come to my parties are not on FAB, so any list would only tell half a story, not to mention that I don't keep photos of anyone, on FAB or not. I have a memory in my head for what my friends look like.
Secondly, implying that ABC and ZY & Z will be turning up, and then (as inevitably happens) A,C & Z can't make it, may make me look like I'm publishing false information or leading people on, which is not what I want to do.
Thirdly, what right have I got to tell the public at large, where certain people will be at a certain time, and implying what they will be getting up to? Isn't this where an old fashioned principle of "discretion" comes into play? Shouldn't that sort of information be confidential? Or not?
I should mention, that my parties are free, and people who come are treated as friends and guests not as punters, and I try to afford them the respect that they are due. I appreciate that some people would want to know if they are going to meet any friends, or run into old enemies, but there isn't a swingers club anywhere that publishes who is in the club on any given night, and that never stops anyone from going.
So, basically, am I being too old fashioned with my approach, or should I lighten up and create guest lists in the future? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was invited to one of your parties and then I found that you had published not only the fact I was going to be there, but also provided a photo of me to other possible guests then I would be a little pissed and choose not to attend.
However, if I was invited to one of your parties and chose to advertise via my status on here that I was going, for example "will be at xxx's party friday, say hi if you'll be there too" then that's my choice.
So actually, I think you should stick to your guns and tell the ones that insist on it that perhaps your parties are not suitable for them. |
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The 'old skool' way of doing it, used to be publishing a list of people that were going, but that was more for socials and 'munches' as opposed to actual sex parties. And sites were a lot smaller back then, with more of a sense of community. I'd prefer people not to go if it was a sex party, but social I wouldn't be too bothered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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one party i regulary goto wont share lists of guests etc, as they would rather be discreet.
even after the party if you want to ask for user-ids etc for verifications or anything else they will still not give any out, saying that you should of swapped contact details at the party if you wanted to , rather than them giving peoples personal details out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its your party so you do what you want. If someone decides not to take up your invite then that's their choice and it shouldn't really worry you unless your party list is looking week.
For me though I wouldn't travel any distance to a party unless firstly I know the organiser and standards of their parties. After all nobody wants to be the rose at a munters ball. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We went to a party on Saturday night, and we had asked who was going to be there, we understand that it is like a club scenario and you don't know, but we also often arrange meets at a club.
For us personally we were interested to see who else would be potentially attending.
But completely understand why people don't publish lists without prior consent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you have wonderful parties which are organised fantastically and you're a wonderful host. I just wish we didn't have to work in order to attend them all.
But I also agree with your _iews and that of others who say that discretion is the best option. I don't think its right that information about myself could be passed third hand and I'd be horrified if our face pics were shown to others without our prior knowledge and consent.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my friend and I get an invitation to a party, we just think woo party time! We don't think to ask, who is going there, what's their profile name, what age group etc, if we go to a party and we fancy someone, then we play, if we go to a party and there is no-one there we fancy, we don't play with anyone. We just go because its a party, because it's fun, because its a 'social' event and a laugh.
If people ask 20 questions and get stroppy when you cannot answer them all, maybe they shouldn't get an invite so you carry on like you do; you cannot please everyone all of the time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you have wonderful parties which are organised fantastically and you're a wonderful host. I just wish we didn't have to work in order to attend them all.
But I also agree with your _iews and that of others who say that discretion is the best option. I don't think its right that information about myself could be passed third hand and I'd be horrified if our face pics were shown to others without our prior knowledge and consent. "
 Absolutely right as I have been a few times too  |
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Because we dont get a lot of free time we like to definatly play at weekends so if we get an invite to a party we like to know whos going and likewise we like to know that they know we are coming too as there is nothing worse than a room full of people not being attracted to each other cos obviously no moves will be made so thats a wasted evening
We find it a fun for all when everyone is attracted.....I realise everyone has different _iews but thats ours
xxx |
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"That seems pretty unanimous then. Thanks everyone for your contributions. "
Actually we prefer parties that supply a fab guest list, if some of the attendants arnt on fab then just simply put 3 more couples or 3 single men, not on fab etc.
The reason we like a guest list is simply because we can gage wether we are the only couple with 100 single men attending or if the age of other attendants is likely to pose a problem, (we once turned up to a party with no guest list and found we were the youngest by atleat 20years)
So the other side of the coin mate is why dont you simply ask your guests if they mind you supplying a guest list to other fab users.
ps I wouldnt be supplying photos either way, but a guest list in our opinion is a very good idea. |
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"Actually we prefer parties that supply a fab guest list...we can gage wether we are the only couple with 100 single men attending or if the age of other attendants is likely to pose a problem..."
All valid points and thanks for the benefit of your opinion.
I think it's as easy to tell people in correspondence beforehand that there will be "X" number of couples expected (usually 10-15) and "Y" single guys, (no more than 3). People can also also get a flavour of what/who to expect from the list of verifications of people who have been before. It won't necessarily mean that they will all be there, but it will give an indication of what sort of people come to my parties.
I fully respect the age thing. I've been approached by younger couples in the past and had to turn them away knowing that there will be friends/ guests who I know would be as uneasy with having people around young enough to be their sons and daughters as they would be to be trying to mix in amongst people of their parents generation.
I guess we all have our ways of doing things, and as has been said, you can't please all the people all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When my friend and I get an invitation to a party, we just think woo party time! We don't think to ask, who is going there, what's their profile name, what age group etc, if we go to a party and we fancy someone, then we play, if we go to a party and there is no-one there we fancy, we don't play with anyone. We just go because its a party, because it's fun, because its a 'social' event and a laugh.
If people ask 20 questions and get stroppy when you cannot answer them all, maybe they shouldn't get an invite so you carry on like you do; you cannot please everyone all of the time"
I totally agree with this and I'm exactly the same. If I'm happy with the type of party advertised I get excited that I'm going to attend a party. I don't get hung up over who is going, what they look like, etc. I never go wirth the expectation of playing with someone else either.
I know I'm gonna have a good time cos ill make it a good time for me. OK I appreciate I'm part of a couple so I know that I'm going to be able to indulge in my fantasy of being watched anyway, other than that I treat it as a night out.
Its the same as a club really, ok on a smaller scale, but you don't know in a club whose going to be there. In a party its good to be sociable with the folk who attend and I do think that if people have expectations and a set criteria of what party guests should look like, then maybe a small party isn't the best form of swinging for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble with guest lists is that we have been " vetted" out by another guest who said we were too old . You don't have to play with anyone you don't want too. A good mix is essential for any party, swinging or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have done a couple of parties at mine , and though my place will only hold 14 people max , think its good that all people coming can know whos coming , but I do not post a list of people coming , I tend to pass on the names of interested people to the confirmed named people. first confirmed people can them say ok or not , though that mainly interest off single men , think if your holding a party with many people in a bigger venue ,maybe easyer to have,,and all those that do try/and sort parties , Know its not easy to please all people all the time , I have been very likey , made many friends at my small parties ,
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The trouble with guest lists is that we have been " vetted" out by another guest who said we were too old . You don't have to play with anyone you don't want too. A good mix is essential for any party, swinging or not. "
A great idea for some but as I prefer my own age group, if everyone on the guest list is similar age as opposed to a mixed age group I then have more to choose from   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That seems pretty unanimous then. Thanks everyone for your contributions.
Actually we prefer parties that supply a fab guest list, if some of the attendants arnt on fab then just simply put 3 more couples or 3 single men, not on fab etc.
The reason we like a guest list is simply because we can gage wether we are the only couple with 100 single men attending or if the age of other attendants is likely to pose a problem, (we once turned up to a party with no guest list and found we were the youngest by atleat 20years)
So the other side of the coin mate is why dont you simply ask your guests if they mind you supplying a guest list to other fab users.
ps I wouldnt be supplying photos either way, but a guest list in our opinion is a very good idea."
Or maybe just say that there are people aged between 40-50 with 5 single guys and 8 couples so far? I see your point though as at least if we knew who was coming, we could check them all out and then decide whether to attend or not. I have actually been to a party where someone told people I was coming and I had a few messages from the single guys that were attending, it gave me chance to say no I wouldn't play with then (as they were not really single, if you get my drift) but it did then make me feel a little uncomfortable about who else would be there  |
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"...someone told people I was coming and I had a few messages from the single guys that were attending..."
I've had e-mails of single guys saying (lying) "you told me last time that I could come next time for deffo" (or words to that effect). I know what I say and how I say it, and keep a history of sent mail, so I know when someone is trying it on. Bearing in mind the deviousness of some guys, I wonder if it was known who was coming that I'd get the emotional blackmail type of message along the lines of "I know X Y & Z and if I can't come I'll make sure that they don't come either"? I really could do without that kind of hassle. |
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