FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > No reply means no but...
No reply means no but...
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I've been here long enough to realise that no reply means no but am I right in thinking that if a couple messages me first saying they're interested and would like a face pic, they should reply after receiving one to say sorry not our type.
If I sent a message first and get no reply, I completely get it.
But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
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By *WANDTGCouple 48 weeks ago
Borough of Greenwich |
We've had this as a couple from a couple they initiated the chat we responded , they ghosted us. Then 3 weeks later started another discussion with us !
I'm glad you can now view previous chat |
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There's an argument to be made that there's a component of rudeness to it if they were the ones who reached out first, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter; the end result is still that you've received an indication that they're no longer interested. |
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It would be polite to say thanks but no thanks, but then again, some people get so many messages that they might just look and see not going to work for them, and leave it at that.
Not worth getting worried or het up about, live, learn, move on. |
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In an ideal world op, people would reply and say sorry not for me or we know you etc.
Many don't, because they can face abuse for saying no thanks or messages asking why not or what's wrong with them.
If its a couple, maybe one of them wasn't as keen as the other.
Try not to dwell on it, but I get it, they got in touch with you first.
If someone's not for me, I'll tell them in a nice way, then block to save any barrage of other messages. |
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"…But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
"
Different rules apply in the online dating/swinging world, sadly…. and women and couples get to make those rules where the demand is high… |
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"…But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
Different rules apply in the online dating/swinging world, sadly…. and women and couples get to make those rules where the demand is high…"
It's not only couples and single women who do not reply to messages- many men also do this |
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"Expecting something from someone because you've messaged them is rude.
"
They messaged me first though
Is there no difference?
Can't believe you think I was being rude. Oh well, that's your view and I did ask for everyone's thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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A slight variation on this…
You send a message, including a face pic, and it’s read, but no reply. A very typical scenario.
I get the no reply is a reply, but wouldn’t it be a nice protocol if they deleted the message if they were not interested?
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"A slight variation on this…
You send a message, including a face pic, and it’s read, but no reply. A very typical scenario.
I get the no reply is a reply, but wouldn’t it be a nice protocol if they deleted the message if they were not interested?
"
Why do you need the delete? Isn't the no reply enough ?
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"I've been here long enough to realise that no reply means no but am I right in thinking that if a couple messages me first saying they're interested and would like a face pic, they should reply after receiving one to say sorry not our type.
If I sent a message first and get no reply, I completely get it.
But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
"
Yeah, that’s really rude. As you say, different if you message first, but if they do and you engage then they don’t reply back? Well rude! |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"A slight variation on this…
You send a message, including a face pic, and it’s read, but no reply. A very typical scenario.
I get the no reply is a reply, but wouldn’t it be a nice protocol if they deleted the message if they were not interested?
Why do you need the delete? Isn't the no reply enough ?
"
Because one doesn’t expect an instant response, especially when messaging a couple. Also, my own approach is to block people where no mutual interest is shared. This prevents unnecessary messages in the future.
The deleted message is a clear indication that they will not be responding, without any embarrassing exchanges. |
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"A slight variation on this…
You send a message, including a face pic, and it’s read, but no reply. A very typical scenario.
I get the no reply is a reply, but wouldn’t it be a nice protocol if they deleted the message if they were not interested?
Why do you need the delete? Isn't the no reply enough ?
Because one doesn’t expect an instant response, especially when messaging a couple. Also, my own approach is to block people where no mutual interest is shared. This prevents unnecessary messages in the future.
The deleted message is a clear indication that they will not be responding, without any embarrassing exchanges."
My no reply is a clear indication of no further correspondence.
Suppose we're all different. Personally if someone did not respond to my message I would not be sending further ones - therfore no embarrassing exchanges.
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"Expecting something from someone because you've messaged them is rude.
They messaged me first though
Is there no difference?
Can't believe you think I was being rude. Oh well, that's your view and I did ask for everyone's thoughts."
Nobody owes you a reply regardless of who messages who first. The fact they did not reply tells you all you need to know. |
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I'm not sure what difference it makes what anyone else thinks about it? Do you need validation that you think it's rude? If you think it's rude that's fine. Own it. Be happy in your own mind that you avoided a wrong 'un. The end result is the same |
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"I've been here long enough to realise that no reply means no but am I right in thinking that if a couple messages me first saying they're interested and would like a face pic, they should reply after receiving one to say sorry not our type.
If I sent a message first and get no reply, I completely get it.
But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
"
No it doesn’t mean that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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That kind of rudeness is actively encouraged on here by the fab 'rules' .. it's takes seconds to say thanks but no thanks as some of the most popular profiles seem to manage to do just fine, so theres no excuse for ignorance, imo. |
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"That kind of rudeness is actively encouraged on here by the fab 'rules' .. it's takes seconds to say thanks but no thanks as some of the most popular profiles seem to manage to do just fine, so theres no excuse for ignorance, imo. "
It's simply not ignorance. It's the torrent of abuse and follow up messages you receive if you say no thank you that has pushed me to use the fab rule of no reply equals a reply.
The assumption that if you send a message you are entitled to a reply astounds me
S xx |
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"That kind of rudeness is actively encouraged on here by the fab 'rules' .. it's takes seconds to say thanks but no thanks as some of the most popular profiles seem to manage to do just fine, so theres no excuse for ignorance, imo. "
Show us on the doll where it hurts |
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No. It doesn't matter how much or how little the amount of contact there has been, there's no requirement for a physical message to be sent, to indicate that 'no thanks' is the result.
No reply still equals no thanks. Irrespective of what might have been assumed, suggested or even promised. It's the same. Share what you choose to, without implied pressure because it's 100% on you, alone |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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If you get torrents of abuse back I'd say you are trying to engage with the wrong people. You hear this all the time and when you have a quick look at the offending profile you think what did they expect ?! I've never sent a rude message on all the times I've been on here and hopefully somebody reading my profile can see I'm not such an idiot. I'm respectful and educated so they should gauge that a simple no reply would be accepted as such.
Excessive ignorance does make people at least a bit annoyed. Would you blank someone in the pub if they said hello.. I wouldn't. Sad if you do. Imo. |
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By *andb69Couple 48 weeks ago
leeds |
In the real world you don't reply to unsolicited mail or emails. Similarly you might send off for, say, a holiday brochure. On receipt you aren't expected to write and say thank you, nor is it rude not to book a holiday from it. Fab is pretty much like that - profiles are advertising and contact either way doesn't really necessitate a reply however nice it might be to receive one. |
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"If you get torrents of abuse back I'd say you are trying to engage with the wrong people. You hear this all the time and when you have a quick look at the offending profile you think what did they expect ?! I've never sent a rude message on all the times I've been on here and hopefully somebody reading my profile can see I'm not such an idiot. I'm respectful and educated so they should gauge that a simple no reply would be accepted as such.
Excessive ignorance does make people at least a bit annoyed. Would you blank someone in the pub if they said hello.. I wouldn't. Sad if you do. Imo. "
How do you know what the profiles of those who reply with abuse look like? 
I can assure you it comes from ALL types of profiles, even ones like yours. There's no way you can tell until you receive the diatribe.
The number of self proclaimed "respectful educated gentlemen" who are anything but when they're turned down is quite the eye opener.
As for your pub analogy, generally people saying hello in a pub rarely have an agenda. They're saying hello without wanting to have sex at some point after the hello. There is little risk in saying hello back
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Fab is fickle as are some of the users. I always reply as for me it's just good manners. However as a single male profile on here I don't have hundreds of messages which I appreciate couples and women do. It's just how the cookie crumbles. As a result I've met some really nice people on here, some I'm now friends with off here as well. It's fab, you can't take life too seriously. Smile and move on x |
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"…But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
Different rules apply in the online dating/swinging world, sadly…. and women and couples get to make those rules where the demand is high…"
It's not sad, people of any gender have the right to decide who they communicate with and meet especially for sex. |
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"I've been here long enough to realise that no reply means no but am I right in thinking that if a couple messages me first saying they're interested and would like a face pic, they should reply after receiving one to say sorry not our type.
If I sent a message first and get no reply, I completely get it.
But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
"
Yeah I agree. If someone gets in touch then ghosts you… that’s proper harsh. Happens a lot and is a right kick in the self-esteem when it does happen.
I had a couple who did that to me but then kept looking at my profile… why? |
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No reply, no matter the circumstances means no.
Put this in a real world situation and think about it this way.
You speak with a woman or a couple at your club reguardless of who approches who! You have a chat, all seems well, you say you are popping to the bar.
You come back, and they've wandered off!
Do you:
A) Just accept it and go speak to someone else.
B) Hunt around the club to find them hoping they'll interact with you again.
or
C) Go confront them and ask why they walked away?
Now me personally, I am not wasting my time. I dont bother trying to get meets on here. I couldnt care less about some random person I will never speak to in the real world not wanting to to talk to me on the internet.
I go talk with real people in real places and I read the room.
If its obvious someone isnt interested or we are not clicking in any way, shape or form, off I go.
Some rules apply on the internet.
Have more self respect and stop caring about the behaviours of strangers.
If someone wants to meet, they'll meet. If they dont, give it no further time, energy or thought because it's not worth it.
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We’ve had this, where people haven’t responded after we’ve sent face pics - we just allow sufficient time for them to see, delete pics and move on.
We tend to reply back if people have sent face pics after chatting but we’ll just delete a message if we receive pics and aren’t interested, as we’ve not initiated any chat.
Don’t expect people to be like you online and you’ll get offended less.
K |
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The site is full of extremely rude self entitled people. And that is all genders and sexual orientations.
We know what the site rules say in this respect but we think the site rules are wrong and put a stain on what is supposed to be an enlightened tolerant lifestyle. |
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"We feel terrible telling someone there not our type so we tend to just not reply.. we feel less bad doing that "
That was my thoughts on this. If the OP had received a reply say his face pic wasn't up to their standard, I'm pretty sure he'd be feeling worse than having not received a reply. No reply should tell him all he needs to know. |
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If I don't get a reply I just accept it. Let's be fair women who have hundreds of messages can't realistically reply. Most I've ever opened my inbox to us 5! If I get a reply saying no thanks I wish them all the best and move on. We're not all everyone's cuppa, I don't fancy everyone and not everyone fancies me. There's never an excuse to be rude and don't dwell on stuff. |
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"We showed interest in a guy and asked for a photo. When he sent we politely replied thank you but not her type and he got arsed and said we was his wasting time. Man child. "
It's fab, he needs to grow up. There can be no expectation of a reply for anyone. If you said morning to a random stranger in the street and they didn't reply you wouldn't go all keyboard warrior on them. |
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I think if they had specifically asked for a picture, you sent one over and they ignored it, then that is somewhat rude. But if they felt you weren’t their type or there was no attraction, likely they just felt awkward and thought it was kinder to not send a reply. Either way the outcome is the same. Delete and move on. |
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"I've been here long enough to realise that no reply means no but am I right in thinking that if a couple messages me first saying they're interested and would like a face pic, they should reply after receiving one to say sorry not our type.
If I sent a message first and get no reply, I completely get it.
But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
"
No it’s not rude. |
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Here's one for you, face pics sent conversation carries on and she says she is going to buy some knickers and I bought a toy she wanted to try. Swapped across onto a messaging app after 170 messages here. Tell her the toys arrived, she asks for a pic of it. Done, I then ask if I can see hers since I showed her mine....blocked here and on app. I don't get it. |
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"We feel terrible telling someone there not our type so we tend to just not reply.. we feel less bad doing that
That was my thoughts on this. If the OP had received a reply say his face pic wasn't up to their standard, I'm pretty sure he'd be feeling worse than having not received a reply. No reply should tell him all he needs to know."
No actually I wouldn't. I'd prefer a message to say
Thanks for the face pic we requested but sorry you're not our type.
The other couple who say they'll feel less bad, what about the feelings of the person you asked for their face pic, then ghosted them after receiving it.
As the OP, I have read through the many replies and there's some that agree with me and some who don't.
I was interested in the responses and it's been great reading the various replies.
Thanks to all who've contributed to the thread. |
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In my view anyone requesting face pics should be attaching there’s.
Especially if I was a single male profile, I’d be worried other end may be someone trying to use against me.
But then I think worst of people  |
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The site is full of people with no manners, especially women who think of themselves as high value but in the street you wouldn’t look at the vast majority of them twice
It takes two seconds to say thanks but no thanks, especially rude are those who chat then ghost you, hopefully karma takes care of them |
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"I've been here long enough to realise that no reply means no but am I right in thinking that if a couple messages me first saying they're interested and would like a face pic, they should reply after receiving one to say sorry not our type.
If I sent a message first and get no reply, I completely get it.
But if they message first and then do the no reply, is it not rude?
I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, just wondered what others think.
"
People change their mind
personally I just see no reply and message deleted as a No thanks.
If message been left a while it could of been lost in the mountains of mail women/couples get on here.
Or simply they been busy and not looked at their inbox.
Some will say oh it takes 2 minutes to reply no thanks... but when some ladies/couples getting over 100 messages a day.. it would take a few hours to read and reply no thanks.
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Thanks for your input. I'm more thick skinned now from when I started this thread.
Was chatting to a couple yesterday who iniated chat by sending a wink. Asked me about certain scenarios, when I responded that I'd be interested in some and not others, I was blocked.
In the past, that rudeness would have bothered me but I just chuckled to myself instead. |
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By *aizyWoman 7 weeks ago
west midlands |
"Thanks for your input. I'm more thick skinned now from when I started this thread.
Was chatting to a couple yesterday who iniated chat by sending a wink. Asked me about certain scenarios, when I responded that I'd be interested in some and not others, I was blocked.
In the past, that rudeness would have bothered me but I just chuckled to myself instead. "
Best way too be on here, nowt as strange as folk, just roll your eyes and move on don't give them another thought. |
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By *apybarasCouple 7 weeks ago
High Lighthouse |
"Thanks for your input. I'm more thick skinned now from when I started this thread.
Was chatting to a couple yesterday who iniated chat by sending a wink. Asked me about certain scenarios, when I responded that I'd be interested in some and not others, I was blocked.
In the past, that rudeness would have bothered me but I just chuckled to myself instead.
Best way too be on here, nowt as strange as folk, just roll your eyes and move on don't give them another thought.
"
The best way everywhere. There's so much in life that we get upset/angry/etc. about, when actually we can do bugger all about it anyway.
My first reaction to anything is, does it really affect me, can I change it even if it does. If the answer to both of these is no, then shrug and move on.
It is more difficult if it does affect you, but you can't do anything about it. But ultimately you can still only shrug and move on.
I know not everyone can manage this, it's very much a mind-set that you either have or don't initially. But I do think you can train yourself, and learn to "let it goooo, let it gooo"
Mr C.
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"Thanks for your input. I'm more thick skinned now from when I started this thread.
Was chatting to a couple yesterday who iniated chat by sending a wink. Asked me about certain scenarios, when I responded that I'd be interested in some and not others, I was blocked.
In the past, that rudeness would have bothered me but I just chuckled to myself instead.
Best way too be on here, nowt as strange as folk, just roll your eyes and move on don't give them another thought."
Yep their loss. Moving on..... |
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Let me tell you how this goes for us.
Us: "Sorry you aren't what we are looking for, thanks for the message and good luck with your search"
Them: *series of insults about our weight"
So yeah easier on the mental health to just delete or block honestly. |
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"The site is full of people with no manners, especially women who think of themselves as high value but in the street you wouldn’t look at the vast majority of them twice
It takes two seconds to say thanks but no thanks, especially rude are those who chat then ghost you, hopefully karma takes care of them"
So why are you messaging women you wouldn't look twice at in the street? |
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"The site is full of people with no manners, especially women who think of themselves as high value but in the street you wouldn’t look at the vast majority of them twice
It takes two seconds to say thanks but no thanks, especially rude are those who chat then ghost you, hopefully karma takes care of them"
Thanks for your rather entitled input. Are you aware that that reply you think is so important stops future filters from working?
If someone replies to say a polite no thanks to a single male then decides to put up filters to stop single males messaging all those people she has politely said no to can still message. This is why I don't reply. Also site rules clearly state not replying is not rude it is a no thanks.
You might not like it but that's the way it is. |
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In our case as a couple, we won't usually reply or even check messages at all during the week when we're like ships in the night, even if there's been a previous conversation, but may go back to those messages the following weekend when we have time to look at, discuss them and possibly reply to them together.
We do state this in our bio though.
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"The site is full of people with no manners, especially women who think of themselves as high value but in the street you wouldn’t look at the vast majority of them twice
It takes two seconds to say thanks but no thanks, especially rude are those who chat then ghost you, hopefully karma takes care of them"
You do know that most single women can receive a few hundred unsolicited messages every day (yes - even the ones you claim don't deserve a second look in the street)? Are you so high value you believe they should single out your messages and reply to them so you don't think they're rude?
You have joined the Fab "club" knowing the club's rules - no reply means no thank you - so perhaps accept the rules or leave the club. |
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"The site is full of people with no manners, especially women who think of themselves as high value but in the street you wouldn’t look at the vast majority of them twice
It takes two seconds to say thanks but no thanks, especially rude are those who chat then ghost you, hopefully karma takes care of them"
This comment has already had a good kicking but I'd like to take my turn and add that the term 'high value women' smells a bit of incel talk.... |
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"Let me tell you how this goes for us.
Us: "Sorry you aren't what we are looking for, thanks for the message and good luck with your search"
Them: *series of insults about our weight"
So yeah easier on the mental health to just delete or block honestly."
Of course that's the unwritten rule but if you make contact first then further into the conversation you decide the person is not compatible do you delete, ghost or block.
In any case, this thread is nearly a year old and was resurrected. I'm now at the stage where I expect to be ghosted or blocked even after multiple messages. It's supply and demand,there's another 500 men in my area for them to choose from. |
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"Let me tell you how this goes for us.
Us: "Sorry you aren't what we are looking for, thanks for the message and good luck with your search"
Them: *series of insults about our weight"
So yeah easier on the mental health to just delete or block honestly.
Of course that's the unwritten rule but if you make contact first then further into the conversation you decide the person is not compatible do you delete, ghost or block.
In any case, this thread is nearly a year old and was resurrected. I'm now at the stage where I expect to be ghosted or blocked even after multiple messages. It's supply and demand,there's another 500 men in my area for them to choose from. "
If we was to instigate the conversation we would see it through to the end seeing as we started it. |
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"Let me tell you how this goes for us.
Us: "Sorry you aren't what we are looking for, thanks for the message and good luck with your search"
Them: *series of insults about our weight"
So yeah easier on the mental health to just delete or block honestly.
Of course that's the unwritten rule but if you make contact first then further into the conversation you decide the person is not compatible do you delete, ghost or block.
In any case, this thread is nearly a year old and was resurrected. I'm now at the stage where I expect to be ghosted or blocked even after multiple messages. It's supply and demand,there's another 500 men in my area for them to choose from.
If we was to instigate the conversation we would see it through to the end seeing as we started it."
Thank you. And if you messaged asking for a face pic but then theyre not your type, you would politely say no??
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If they read it and didn't reply, maybe you are on their "I'll get back to you if I feel like it, or maybe I won't" list.
If they read it and delete it, thats a hard no, they ain't getting back to you.
If it is unread, they haven't got round to you.
As others say, you are owed nothing.
Fab would be a lot easier if:
Everyone had an inbox but no sent box. It would solve the unread/read/deleted angst.
You had to wait for a reply before you could send another message. If its deleted, guess what, you can't message again.
If fab had a single button that deleted messages, sent the message "Thanks but not what we are looking for" then blocked the sender.
If you are the sort of creep that has to set up another profile to message again, then you probably deserve to have been blocked in the first place.
Put your big boy pants on, dry your eyes princess and move on  |
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"Let me tell you how this goes for us.
Us: "Sorry you aren't what we are looking for, thanks for the message and good luck with your search"
Them: *series of insults about our weight"
So yeah easier on the mental health to just delete or block honestly.
Of course that's the unwritten rule but if you make contact first then further into the conversation you decide the person is not compatible do you delete, ghost or block.
In any case, this thread is nearly a year old and was resurrected. I'm now at the stage where I expect to be ghosted or blocked even after multiple messages. It's supply and demand,there's another 500 men in my area for them to choose from.
If we was to instigate the conversation we would see it through to the end seeing as we started it.
Thank you. And if you messaged asking for a face pic but then theyre not your type, you would politely say no??
"
We would yes. |
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"Let me tell you how this goes for us.
Us: "Sorry you aren't what we are looking for, thanks for the message and good luck with your search"
Them: *series of insults about our weight"
So yeah easier on the mental health to just delete or block honestly.
Of course that's the unwritten rule but if you make contact first then further into the conversation you decide the person is not compatible do you delete, ghost or block.
In any case, this thread is nearly a year old and was resurrected. I'm now at the stage where I expect to be ghosted or blocked even after multiple messages. It's supply and demand,there's another 500 men in my area for them to choose from. "
It’s not ghosting if they simply don’t reply.
I normally say no I don’t fancy you or something similar. But and it’s a big but, I have an incredibly thick skin, have been here a long time and laugh at the quite horrible abuse that comes back sometimes.
Not everyone does. Not everyone has the confidence to say no thanks and it’s simply easier to ignore and move on.
It’s not rude. It’s not entitled and it’s definitely not ghosting.
This subject has been done to death.
If someone doesn’t respond to you they’re not for you. Simple as that 👍🏻 |
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Isn't the abuse all part of the fun though?
Them: fancy a fuck
Us: yes but not with you
Them: Good your fucking ugly anyway
Us: We may well be ugly, but that just shows how desperate for a shag you are that you even contacted us. Here s the kicker:- you got turned down by an ugly bastard
Them: Block
Jobsagudun |
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"Isn't the abuse all part of the fun though?
Them: fancy a fuck
Us: yes but not with you
Them: Good your fucking ugly anyway
Us: We may well be ugly, but that just shows how desperate for a shag you are that you even contacted us. Here s the kicker:- you got turned down by an ugly bastard
Them: Block
Jobsagudun "
🤣🤣 I might have to try this next time. |
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Think this one missed the point 
