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Dominant men
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By *vaRoseWoman 4 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
You’ll probably get dozens of inboxes professing their dominance, usually with a long descriptive fantasy.
Without fail EVERY single one of the self professed Doms that have messaged me has offered to serve on their knees within a few messages.
Do your due diligence when interviewing prospectives xxxx |
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By *iz... OP Woman 4 weeks ago
Somewhere Over The Rainbow.. |
"You’ll probably get dozens of inboxes professing their dominance, usually with a long descriptive fantasy.
Without fail EVERY single one of the self professed Doms that have messaged me has offered to serve on their knees within a few messages.
Do your due diligence when interviewing prospectives xxxx"
Sound advice 
After all my years, I can tell the difference between a respectful Dom and a chancer, thankfully.
Had a few messages saying they want to make me their 'bitch' ... yawn.
xx |
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"Can someone who's a real dominant man here, explain what it actually means to be a dominant man with women without being toxic with masculinity..."
Firstly, this isn't a space where masculinity is to be feared. D/S play in general can be seen as toxic by those that don't understand.
To dominate requires someone to submit, someone to relinquish control to someone they trust and with a shared interest for carnal base pleasures.
The Doms role is to take that gift of submission and explore it, reward it and test it. Physically and mentally, pushing boundaries whilst learning what sensations or feelings yr sub requires. Like everything, there's many levels and flavours so there's no one right answer, but with a good level of honesty, trust and once you find that heady judgement free place of true release, then there's no need for concerns of toxicity, just pleasure, in whatever form it is.
But, my idea of dominating isn't measured by bruises and it isn't a salve to a bruised ego. That does sometimes need to be said. |
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Assembled and ready. For me dominant is about a slight power imbalance, being demanding whilst remaining respectful. Cross the line of respect and you are into toxicity. When it comes to sexual dominance, as long as their is full consent, it remains respectful. |
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"Very well said, by both  "
It's sad to see how many crave to explore their submissive sides but are put off by "Doms" who are just out for their own physical satisfaction.
The cerebral side is so often neglected as is aftercare.
I will say this to any starting out into D/S play, kinky play can be amazing, it can bring pleasures and sensations youve only tried to imagine, it can be cathartic and heal wounds you never knew you had, but it can throw an emotional curveball at any time. Aftercare shouldn't be a chore, it's 2 consenting adults helping each other on a journey and if you want to enjoy the good bits, then be there for each other when it sucks too. It makes the bond stronger, the trust deepens and then the deep desires can be explored. Besides, there's nothing quite like that soft kiss and cuddle back to reality when just moments before you were in a place of sweet depravity.
So take the rough with the smooth, it's worth it.
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"You’ll probably get dozens of inboxes professing their dominance, usually with a long descriptive fantasy.
Without fail EVERY single one of the self professed Doms that have messaged me has offered to serve on their knees within a few messages.
Do your due diligence when interviewing prospectives xxxx"
They are only human... 🤣
I'm not dominant, but more the 'initiator' with Mrs as I generally have to be, and have to take the lead - but I'd cut straight to the chase and get on my knees x |
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By *icentiousCouple 4 weeks ago
Up on them there hills |
"Good luck OP. I'm sure you'll get a hundred chancers messaging from it. I find it a lot better to meet kinky people at events and munches, you get a better feel for them there 💜"
Agree with this |
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In a real s/D relationship, the real power is with the submissive. They set the boundaries of play and the relationship. The ‘dominant’ not only must observe this but want to. The submissive wants to submit, or is intrigued by submission or is exploring their likes and finding out where THEIR boundaries are- in a safe, respectful ‘place’. There is a huge difference between treating a women badly and enjoying helping a beautiful submissive find pleasure and satisfaction. The thought of mistreating a person is abhorrent, the thought of satisfying a submissive’s deepest desires is exquisite.
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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"You’ll probably get dozens of inboxes professing their dominance, usually with a long descriptive fantasy.
Without fail EVERY single one of the self professed Doms that have messaged me has offered to serve on their knees within a few messages.
Do your due diligence when interviewing prospectives xxxx"
Would you prefer I whispered in your ear my intentions? |
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"Definitely not I just see arrogance "
Arrogance on the side of the Dom? I get how it can be viewed that way. What I will say is that the best subs are usually the strongest kick arse women in vanilla life, it is a visible gift of submission, relinquishing control with trust and a hunger to experience pleasure. It's not arrogance that drives me and though it might some, I'd ask a sub if it feels like arrogance before judging too harshly. |
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By *iz... OP Woman 4 weeks ago
Somewhere Over The Rainbow.. |
I've experienced amazing Doms who are respectful and put me first. Their confidence in what they do, makes me more sub than I thought I could be. That's how I know, he's a Dom. My day to day life. I take no sh*t and super independent. Sexually, I love that I can be someone different, my inner me. |
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"I've experienced amazing Doms who are respectful and put me first. Their confidence in what they do, makes me more sub than I thought I could be. That's how I know, he's a Dom. My day to day life. I take no sh*t and super independent. Sexually, I love that I can be someone different, my inner me."
And to thine own self be true |
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By *iz... OP Woman 4 weeks ago
Somewhere Over The Rainbow.. |
"I've experienced amazing Doms who are respectful and put me first. Their confidence in what they do, makes me more sub than I thought I could be. That's how I know, he's a Dom. My day to day life. I take no sh*t and super independent. Sexually, I love that I can be someone different, my inner me.
And to thine own self be true"
Absolutely. Thank you for your input here |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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"Definitely not I just see arrogance
Arrogance on the side of the Dom? I get how it can be viewed that way. What I will say is that the best subs are usually the strongest kick arse women in vanilla life, it is a visible gift of submission, relinquishing control with trust and a hunger to experience pleasure. It's not arrogance that drives me and though it might some, I'd ask a sub if it feels like arrogance before judging too harshly."
arrogance |
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By *iz... OP Woman 4 weeks ago
Somewhere Over The Rainbow.. |
"Definitely not I just see arrogance
Arrogance on the side of the Dom? I get how it can be viewed that way. What I will say is that the best subs are usually the strongest kick arse women in vanilla life, it is a visible gift of submission, relinquishing control with trust and a hunger to experience pleasure. It's not arrogance that drives me and though it might some, I'd ask a sub if it feels like arrogance before judging too harshly.
arrogance "
Rude! |
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"Definitely not I just see arrogance
Arrogance on the side of the Dom? I get how it can be viewed that way. What I will say is that the best subs are usually the strongest kick arse women in vanilla life, it is a visible gift of submission, relinquishing control with trust and a hunger to experience pleasure. It's not arrogance that drives me and though it might some, I'd ask a sub if it feels like arrogance before judging too harshly.
arrogance
Rude!"
very, looks like she as blocked me  |
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i love a sexually asertive guy but i avoid anyone who say's they are dom as so many are just porm film fantasist .
i was meeting or should say trying to meet sexually dom guys in the early days and everyone turnned out to be a dreamer so i changed how i look now and getting sucess still hard to find but i prefer that rather than end up with a waste of time.
you ask guys what dom means most will give you a porn script or chains n whips |
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"Definitely not I just see arrogance
Arrogance on the side of the Dom? I get how it can be viewed that way. What I will say is that the best subs are usually the strongest kick arse women in vanilla life, it is a visible gift of submission, relinquishing control with trust and a hunger to experience pleasure. It's not arrogance that drives me and though it might some, I'd ask a sub if it feels like arrogance before judging too harshly. arrogance "
Fair enough, it can look that way. Do you feel its the same level of arrogance with a Domme and a male sub? |
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"i love a sexually asertive guy but i avoid anyone who say's they are dom as so many are just porm film fantasist .
i was meeting or should say trying to meet sexually dom guys in the early days and everyone turnned out to be a dreamer so i changed how i look now and getting sucess still hard to find but i prefer that rather than end up with a waste of time.
you ask guys what dom means most will give you a porn script or chains n whips"
And there's the problem, too many wannabes or bruised egos trying to play a role, putting people off with ineptitude and a misunderstanding of what's needed. |
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Oh my I miss my last D/s dynamic play mate so much, my own fault as I caught the feelings and had to cut it off after two years.
But a true Dom is a rare find. It was never about pain or inflicting anything other than pure pleasure with restrictions and knowing who held the cards in distributing that pleasure! The after care was the best, and whilst a strong woman in the real world in his arms I was wholly submissive and soft and vulnerable yet safe.
I can only dream of that again.  |
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I'll put my hat into the ring. Tentatively, both because discussions like these often get fraught, and because I believe I'm an unusual kind of dom. A pleasure dom - a term I discovered not a long time ago.
My take is that you ride the edge between confidence and arrogance by not assuming that you can take control, but by earning that control and being given it. Maybe more than that: your starting point is someone who wants it - needs it even - and you work from there to discover if you are the right person to give them what they need.
Personally, I like to get into her head (I'm straight so always female) - find out what what she wants, what she craves. Then work to give her exactly that experience. Very much through pleasure for me, as opposed to pain or bondage or control (hence the pleasure dom label above). |
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"Oh my I miss my last D/s dynamic play mate so much, my own fault as I caught the feelings and had to cut it off after two years.
But a true Dom is a rare find. It was never about pain or inflicting anything other than pure pleasure with restrictions and knowing who held the cards in distributing that pleasure! The after care was the best, and whilst a strong woman in the real world in his arms I was wholly submissive and soft and vulnerable yet safe.
I can only dream of that again. "
It's such an awesome place to be when the dynamic just clicks, something you have to experience as words just don't do it justice. |
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We deliberately don't have it in our profile, but we do have a D/s dynamic between us.
Difference for us between an actual Dom and a 'con-dom' (also stealing that) is what role the Dom plays - if you think it's just about telling the sub what to do then you've missed the point, but if you are taking the time to find where to push and have them wanting to submit and enjoy giving up the control then it's a great feeling. |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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"We deliberately don't have it in our profile, but we do have a D/s dynamic between us.
Difference for us between an actual Dom and a 'con-dom' (also stealing that) is what role the Dom plays - if you think it's just about telling the sub what to do then you've missed the point, but if you are taking the time to find where to push and have them wanting to submit and enjoy giving up the control then it's a great feeling. "
think must met wrong man he was just arrogant and put me off when I tried this |
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"We deliberately don't have it in our profile, but we do have a D/s dynamic between us.
Difference for us between an actual Dom and a 'con-dom' (also stealing that) is what role the Dom plays - if you think it's just about telling the sub what to do then you've missed the point, but if you are taking the time to find where to push and have them wanting to submit and enjoy giving up the control then it's a great feeling. think must met wrong man he was just arrogant and put me off when I tried this "
It sounds like it tbh - I'm guessing their interpretation of a Dom is just telling you what they wanted and expecting you to do it?
I would also add that as a dynamic it takes time to get the best out of it. I (Mr) spent quite a while learning her responses to different actions, finding what she liked and where her boundaries were, before slowly introducing blindfolds and restraints. There needs to be a good level of understanding and trust between both people that allows the submissive to let go of the control while still feeling safe.
That's also why it's not on our profile - some people would get the wrong impression and think we'd expect/allow that of them if we played, but it would take multiple meets before we'd consider introducing it
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I have to give the health warning, these are my views and others can differ as is usual in the kink world.
TBH I disagree with most of what has been said. If people talk about cookie cutter dominants or submissives, then their idea of D/s is very different from mine.
Dominance differs from submissive to submissive and each will call what they like a real dominance.
If a submissive is looking for a dominant, my suggestions is that they should do their work on themselves as to what they want and why and be able to articulate that.
Which is why I would never enter a general roll call for dominants even if it is tongue in cheek.
Dominants can vary from gentleman dominants, sensual dominants, sadistic dominants, bedroom dominants, the list goes on.
In the way some dominants stste they want a "sub" I always feel they should be able to articulate what specifically is it that they want in a sub and why.
Also people fail to take into account the definitions of Tops and bottoms in the scene. The definitions of Top and bottom in my view often covers what people are seeking.
There are three statements that always make me wince.
1.The sub is in control.
2. Submission is a gift.
3. It is more than [list your dislike].
There are very good reasons out there for moving from those three positions. One is that in this word of sanitising D/s for mass market consumption part of the pleasure is the giving in to the taboo, and the socially unacceptable relationship.
Then there is the whole relationship bit (D/s in my view) wis more than play and getting laid, it is a commitment.
I am also not into knocking other people that identify as dominants. There is so much stereotyping and cultural misinformation out there it is easy to get it wrong. It is easy to knock porn but I am yet to see a fiction drama that programme that gets it right. Even the good fiction books come with a health warning.
I have not touched on the technical skills, for those who like sensation or the psychological skills who like edge to their D/s (that is edge play and not edging).
But at the end of they day it is all subjective and simple it just needs someone who identifies as a Dominant and someone who identifies as a submissive, and they have a relationship. The difficult bit is doing the work to find out compatibility.
As it is about subjective preference, otherwise it becomes vanillas trying to kink gate keep which is happening all over the BDSM sphere.
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Presumably if you're a dom you wouldn't have to outright say it as your actions would confirm. I presume it starts in the mind too and connection and that feeling of trust and safety are key.
I'd never call myself a dom as it's downright cringe to me, and (I am aware it's different) that alpha crap is not for me either. |
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Clearly. Arrogance is a state of mind, where dominance refers to actions. Arrogance is where somebody feels better than others, worth more, and above them. Dominance is the exercise of power. As a dom, I still get more kicks from pleasuring my partner sexually, I pay for dinner, i go to the bar, I stand up when she goes to the loo. I hope open the door and check the room before inviting her to enter. I show the upmost respect. It's not for play, it's more of school like back in the days where a man was allowed to be a man and he knew how to treat a woman correctly and in return, she wanted to please him.
Arrogance is feeling you deserve the best treatment even if you give nothing back.
Even professionally, being a higher rank, I have dominance but I am no better a man than the people I lead who graft every day.
Hope this helps u blur the lines
"We deliberately don't have it in our profile, but we do have a D/s dynamic between us.
Difference for us between an actual Dom and a 'con-dom' (also stealing that) is what role the Dom plays - if you think it's just about telling the sub what to do then you've missed the point, but if you are taking the time to find where to push and have them wanting to submit and enjoy giving up the control then it's a great feeling. think must met wrong man he was just arrogant and put me off when I tried this "
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