FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > The men who "get" FAB...and the ones who don't
The men who "get" FAB...and the ones who don't
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In our limited experience, single men on this site seem to fall into two categories - those with multiple verifications and those with none. I'd guess that ratio is about 1:50. The difference has nothing to do with six packs or monster cocks or looking like George Clooney and everything to do with understanding how to present yourself in a profile and how to approach people.
Our particular gripe is the "hey" message from someone with no pictures and a bio that says: Lookin 4 fun - For us that screams "I was too lazy to even read your profile and can't really be arsed to make any effort at all - wanna fuck?"
Why are so many men so bad at this? |
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"I don't think they're bad at it necessarily. I do think a lot of people not just men, have expectations that aren't going to be easily realised. "
The expectation that you don't really need to put any effort in? |
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Too many men think this site is an easy way to get sex they push their fantasies onto others and think just because other people are here for sexual reasons then they have a right to it. The successful men on here understand it’s about community they put the work in and go to socials and clubs and interact with people respectfully rather then just expecting immediate gratification. |
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"Too many men think this site is an easy way to get sex they push their fantasies onto others and think just because other people are here for sexual reasons then they have a right to it. The successful men on here understand it’s about community they put the work in and go to socials and clubs and interact with people respectfully rather then just expecting immediate gratification. "
I think this sums it up well! |
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"I don't think they're bad at it necessarily. I do think a lot of people not just men, have expectations that aren't going to be easily realised.
The expectation that you don't really need to put any effort in?"
I think expectations go both ways.
My opinions are in no way personal but are what I've observed in my time here.
I think *some* men expect women and couples to be keen to meet with little effort on their behalf.
I think *some* couples and single women expect men to put huge amounts of effort in while they sit back and wait to be approached.
The most successful people on fab seem to have mastered the art of mutual respect.
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As a boomerang guy I can say I don’t think Veri’s account for much. Also, I’ve seen guys with lots of veri’s and the first thing I think is “they’d fuck anything that said yes”. Where I’m from, it’s not exactly a plethora of woman and I’m not saying that to be rude. But, I go by a rule, would I fancy them in a bar? |
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I'm always shocked by the amount of blank profiles with no pics and 1 line.Who seem to have no self awareness & who moan that fab is crap or nobody meets.
It's tough as a single male, I appreciate that, however I met my other half here. He was a single male with decent veries and a filled in bio. He had done clubs and socials and did ok here.
So it is possible, but people do themselves no favours making minimal effort in their profiles and same in messages.
It's the men who have well written profiles and who join in forum posts and attend socials who reap the rewards. |
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"Too many men think this site is an easy way to get sex they push their fantasies onto others and think just because other people are here for sexual reasons then they have a right to it. The successful men on here understand it’s about community they put the work in and go to socials and clubs and interact with people respectfully rather then just expecting immediate gratification.
I think this sums it up well!"
Totally Agree |
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"In our limited experience, single men on this site seem to fall into two categories - those with multiple verifications and those with none. I'd guess that ratio is about 1:50. The difference has nothing to do with six packs or monster cocks or looking like George Clooney and everything to do with understanding how to present yourself in a profile and how to approach people.
Our particular gripe is the "hey" message from someone with no pictures and a bio that says: Lookin 4 fun - For us that screams "I was too lazy to even read your profile and can't really be arsed to make any effort at all - wanna fuck?"
Why are so many men so bad at this?"
Some guys are bad at it end of story. That is the same for everything.
But your experience on here is totally different to a man's experience.
You will read a profile. Take some time and likely get a reply. Men get hardly any messages. On the other hand, as a man, I can read your profile thoroughly. Tailor my message to your profile and get nothing. Not even a no thank you. That gets diss heartening after a while and it's easy for guys to stop putting in much effort.
But I know that you probably get quite a busy inbox and you might well miss messages, so I'm not saying you would be rude and not message. The sheer volume of messages just means some will slip through the crack or you will need to spend so much time replying to every message that is a secomd job almost.
So it's a bit of a viscious cycle at that point. |
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By *_n_HCouple 6 days ago
donegal |
"In our limited experience, single men on this site seem to fall into two categories - those with multiple verifications and those with none. I'd guess that ratio is about 1:50. The difference has nothing to do with six packs or monster cocks or looking like George Clooney and everything to do with understanding how to present yourself in a profile and how to approach people.
Totally agree , it’s always the ugliest ones that are the laziest
Our particular gripe is the "hey" message from someone with no pictures and a bio that says: Lookin 4 fun - For us that screams "I was too lazy to even read your profile and can't really be arsed to make any effort at all - wanna fuck?"
Why are so many men so bad at this?"
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As much as I'd love to attract more women to my profile, the way I choose to present myself on here mostly appeals to men.
This does bother me, but I enjoy showing my body off.
Women for the most part aren't interested in TVs either...
I guess I could mention that I look good in a suit and can grow a decent beard 😂 |
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By *WANDTGCouple 6 days ago
Borough of Greenwich |
"As a boomerang guy I can say I don’t think Veri’s account for much. Also, I’ve seen guys with lots of veri’s and the first thing I think is “they’d fuck anything that said yes”. Where I’m from, it’s not exactly a plethora of woman and I’m not saying that to be rude. But, I go by a rule, would I fancy them in a bar? "
Is that after the first pint or seventh pint ? |
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By *eyeYCouple 6 days ago
Nr Leicester |
I've seen D's single profile and it's quite easy to understand why and how some are/aren't successful in meeting..
For the record he wrote ours, either a denial of responsibility or applauding my man.
You choose 😘🤣 |
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"I've seen D's single profile and it's quite easy to understand why and how some are/aren't successful in meeting..
For the record he wrote ours, either a denial of responsibility or applauding my man.
You choose 😘🤣"
I think I’m blocked for some reason….otherwise I’d be sneaking tips and tricks lol |
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By *eyeYCouple 6 days ago
Nr Leicester |
"I've seen D's single profile and it's quite easy to understand why and how some are/aren't successful in meeting..
For the record he wrote ours, either a denial of responsibility or applauding my man.
You choose 😘🤣
I think I’m blocked for some reason….otherwise I’d be sneaking tips and tricks lol"
Apologies, that may be any of a number of reasons we as a couple are not interested in meeting. No disrespect just don't believe in wasting people's time.
Have fun x |
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"I've seen D's single profile and it's quite easy to understand why and how some are/aren't successful in meeting..
For the record he wrote ours, either a denial of responsibility or applauding my man.
You choose 😘🤣
I think I’m blocked for some reason….otherwise I’d be sneaking tips and tricks lol
Apologies, that may be any of a number of reasons we as a couple are not interested in meeting. No disrespect just don't believe in wasting people's time.
Have fun x"
No worries what so ever, totally understand and respect.
Take care and have great fun 👍 |
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Without a doubt more than 50% of men on here are bad at putting in the most basic efforts here yet still expect miracles. What I would say to that is though that the ratio of men to women on here is ludicrously disproportionate and I really do wonder if it was equal how that would effect both sexes. I firmly believe women are just as lazy and if the numbers were equal they would appear just as bad as the men, it's just thst they have the monopoly and only have to put the most basic information on profile to get 100 messages, some salivating over them even with no profile or gallery pics. Basically it's just an extended version of life in general - men (in general) it appears will never learn to help themselves get laid, whilst women will never need to. |
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From a selfish perspective I take delight in the lackadaisical men who put virtually zerø effort on here, or those whose monosyllabic messages leave most people underwhelmed.
They make my life, journey and experience on here all the better.
In fairness, there's a reasonable proportion of women who land in my inbox with next to nothing to offer when it comes to introductory messages. |
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I have multiple verifications which have all come about because I'm patient but extremely fussy as well.
I've never seen fab as a community or a lifestyle choice. It has never been anything more than a hobby so while I've been to a few socials, I've never been to a club and only one party in 9 years.
I rarely read profiles these days because I haven't been meeting in 5 years but I have often received lazy, ignorant and demanding messages from women and couples who use the word respect quite a bit in their bios.
I am one half of a fab couple and if we approached people the way we have both been approached by other couples on our single profiles, they would be well within their rights to tell us to fuck off.
Yes we have had stupid messages from men who obviously haven't read our profile. We know they haven't because the very first line states that we aren't meeting currently and yet we get offers of various scenarios and promises if we agree to meet them.
I get that many men are frustrated and can't be arsed making an effort but I've always said that a lazy profile is a lazy profile regardless of who is behind it.
A single woman or a couple with little or no pics and a one line bio can't really complain if the quality of the messages they receive isn't what they expect.
This profile also says clearly that I'm not meeting but that doesn't seem to put some of who don't believe I could possibly turn down an offer to meet them because of who they are and the circles they swing in. |
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"This profile also says clearly that I'm not meeting but that doesn't seem to put some of who don't believe I could possibly turn down an offer to meet them because of who they are and the circles they swing in."
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Would you not even meet me for a cup of tea? 🫖 |
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"This profile also says clearly that I'm not meeting but that doesn't seem to put some of who don't believe I could possibly turn down an offer to meet them because of who they are and the circles they swing in.
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Would you not even meet me for a cup of tea? 🫖"
Tetley or Earl Grey? |
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"This profile also says clearly that I'm not meeting but that doesn't seem to put some of who don't believe I could possibly turn down an offer to meet them because of who they are and the circles they swing in.
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Would you not even meet me for a cup of tea? 🫖
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Tetley or Earl Grey? "
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I'm not a fan of Earl Grey but it will have to be Earl Grey because the tea has a 'peerage'. No common tea for me. |
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We get lots of messages from single guys and have obviously have meet a few this is after some conversations between us the ones we get with hi or similar we totally ignore if the guy has taken time to write something we always reply out of common curtesy
There are guys who live miles away yet still message even though our profile says local we have a few verifications but don’t choose to display all
Lastly mr here chatting Mrs reads all correspondence and always does and if she’s happy with the person will get involved |
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I've got a fair few verifications but they are all from meeting in real life at clubs or socials. I've only ever had a couple of meets purely from messaging people on fab.
I'm guessing that means that I understand how to navigate the clubs and social scene, but struggle online like most guys on here. Obviously I'm far better I real life as well
Ho hum, know your limits! |
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"In our limited experience, single men on this site seem to fall into two categories - those with multiple verifications and those with none. I'd guess that ratio is about 1:50. The difference has nothing to do with six packs or monster cocks or looking like George Clooney and everything to do with understanding how to present yourself in a profile and how to approach people.
Our particular gripe is the "hey" message from someone with no pictures and a bio that says: Lookin 4 fun - For us that screams "I was too lazy to even read your profile and can't really be arsed to make any effort at all - wanna fuck?"
Why are so many men so bad at this?"
"Hey" is just a quick greeting. It's quite daunting sometimes sending a first message. I don't think it's necessarily that "so many men bad at this" Not everyone is confident in starting a conversation that they hope may lead to a meet You could argue that by instantly dismissing a man saying "hey" YOU are too lazy to even read THEIR profile and just expect them to make all the effort.. |
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"What I would say to that is though that the ratio of men to women on here is ludicrously disproportionate and I really do wonder if it was equal how that would effect both sexes. I firmly believe women are just as lazy and if the numbers were equal they would appear just as bad as the men, it's just thst they have the monopoly and only have to put the most basic information on profile to get 100 messages, some salivating over them even with no profile or gallery pics. Basically it's just an extended version of life in general - men (in general) it appears will never learn to help themselves get laid, whilst women will never need to."
This. |
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By *tr8MrEMan 6 days ago
somewhere near Sheffield |
"In our limited experience, single men on this site seem to fall into two categories - those with multiple verifications and those with none. I'd guess that ratio is about 1:50. The difference has nothing to do with six packs or monster cocks or looking like George Clooney and everything to do with understanding how to present yourself in a profile and how to approach people.
Totally agree , it’s always the ugliest ones that are the laziest
Our particular gripe is the "hey" message from someone with no pictures and a bio that says: Lookin 4 fun - For us that screams "I was too lazy to even read your profile and can't really be arsed to make any effort at all - wanna fuck?"
Why are so many men so bad at this?"
Oh, I'm that case then "Hey" 🤣🤣 |
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"Perhaps setting a minimum character limit on messages would at least help? Eg less than 20 characters, which would stop the "hey" messages at a stroke."
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"Hey.................." is 21 characters. The message still got through. |
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I kind of agree with the OP. It’s definitely a learning curve for people and something that a lot of guys struggle with.
It’s about learning what works for that individual and it’s not just pictures or a profile, it’s the attitude as well |
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"Without a doubt more than 50% of men on here are bad at putting in the most basic efforts here yet still expect miracles. What I would say to that is though that the ratio of men to women on here is ludicrously disproportionate and I really do wonder if it was equal how that would effect both sexes. I firmly believe women are just as lazy and if the numbers were equal they would appear just as bad as the men, it's just thst they have the monopoly and only have to put the most basic information on profile to get 100 messages, some salivating over them even with no profile or gallery pics. Basically it's just an extended version of life in general - men (in general) it appears will never learn to help themselves get laid, whilst women will never need to."
Nobody can argue that the ratio of solo male profiles in here, to solo female isn't ludicrously disproportionate (to the benefit of the ladies), but speaking as a solo guy who does put effort in to sending messages, and has even enjoyed meeting several people over the years, I have to say, looking at my outbox of unread, unread, unread, read (no reply), read (no reply), unread, deleted, unread, deleted, unread......you get the idea, really is soul-destroying.
I cannot remember the last time I received an opening gambit message from a woman. That's after being in here over 13 years.
Couples tend to message late at night, for last minute 'fuck and go' type meets, when the wife has had enough alcohol to finally say yes to a threesome..... 
I disagree with the reflecting life in general comment, as I do not find it difficult attracting ladies in real life. Indeed, there are more women at your local Parkrun than you see in Fab these days, and you know what? They are so approachable!  |
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Having been a single male I'm acutely aware of how unequal the whole App culture is. Yes, you have to accept a tsunami of rejection. Yes, you are expected to behave impeccably and are also expected to take it on the chin when someone behaves a lot less than impeccably towards you. Yes, it's not fair.
But that's the case for literally every man here - yet some still manage to figure out how it all works and succeed, whilst others flounder around with their "heys" and score zero time after time.
It really isn't that difficult, but if it's too daunting or time consuming for you to write a decent opening message then you're probably in the wrong place. |
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"But that's the case for literally every man here - yet some still manage to figure out how it all works and succeed, whilst others flounder around with their "heys" and score zero time after time."
I've never done a simple "hey" message, or written to someone without considering what's been said in their profile or how 'compatible' what we mutually want is.
Like most (honest!) guys in these parts and particularly those that are a bit older (as I am), I've written a fair few mails with zero response. TBH, I'd probably do better if I said I was 10-15 years younger (which I can pass for), but I don't want to misrepresent the situation; that's just not me.
It is disheartening, certainly when you've written to someone with thought and it's then completely ignored, but ultimately you have to accept that couples (let alone single girls) must get inundated, so you do need to be prepared for that.
A personal beef is around default ages; I'm pretty sure that most that don't set their preference (it doesn't apply to you OP!) are not going to be interested in someone of my age anyway, so a tumble response there is kinda inevitable, however well crafted the prose is! (or perhaps that's just what I'm telling myself)
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