FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Best way to say no
Best way to say no
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to try to reply to everyone but have given up now and only reply to ones that interest or who have taken time to mail.
Mailing every one back would mean i would be constantly be replying all the time on here and not meet anyone. So its not perfect but just ignore i suggest. |
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I think you should take the time to sit and think of a deep philosophical message. Then spend time composing it, rereading and editing until it is a piece of literature fit for an edition of Readers Digest.
Then, after all that effort, when someone sends back a message saying “you’re up yourself anyway you ugly cow” you’ll have no feelings of guilt in changing your approach to a simple “no thanks” or just deleting messages from undesirables.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i believe it is polite to say thanks but no thanks."
And you don't get 30 messages an hour hun so its easy for you to say that. Is it polite to mail someone when you clearly don't fit what they are looking for? |
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By *edro71Man
over a year ago
newcastle under lyme |
"i believe it is polite to say thanks but no thanks.
And you don't get 30 messages an hour hun so its easy for you to say that. Is it polite to mail someone when you clearly don't fit what they are looking for?"
i can only imagine what it is like to get so many and having to reply to them all. can you not block mails by using the limits on your account |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Knowing that most ladies on here do get inundated with messages, it is nice when they do message you back saying 'no thanks' when they are not interested, although I can also understand why some would ignore and not reply. |
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I tend to send a one line back of "Thank You for the message". If I put any more I tend to start writing a novel or thesis, like my baby sis told me years ago I can do with sms and send 2 because I use complete words and sentences lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i believe it is polite to say thanks but no thanks.
And you don't get 30 messages an hour hun so its easy for you to say that. Is it polite to mail someone when you clearly don't fit what they are looking for? i can only imagine what it is like to get so many and having to reply to them all. can you not block mails by using the limits on your account"
Well i have had 23 in the last 30 mins and you just have to scim read if that. |
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If they have met the criteria I have placed on my profile....age, geographical location etc. then of course I message them back, even if it is to say no thanks.
But when a 52 year old guy from Liverpool messages me and he meets neither, then why should I bother to reply? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they have met the criteria I have placed on my profile....age, geographical location etc. then of course I message them back, even if it is to say no thanks.
But when a 52 year old guy from Liverpool messages me and he meets neither, then why should I bother to reply?"
Do you spend all that time looking and checking profiles? It would take longer than just cutting and pasting no to everyone. |
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"If they have met the criteria I have placed on my profile....age, geographical location etc. then of course I message them back, even if it is to say no thanks.
But when a 52 year old guy from Liverpool messages me and he meets neither, then why should I bother to reply?
Do you spend all that time looking and checking profiles? It would take longer than just cutting and pasting no to everyone."
If they are the right age and local enough for me then of course I read their profiles...it's up there at the top of their message....age and location |
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"lol just tell them to fuck off
I would be scared of the response back"
Send your reply one letter at a time to spell out the words over several messages....
Beside it likely being the most messages some folk have had in one day... after the forth or fifth letter you can add "can you tell what it is yet?" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"lol just tell them to fuck off
I would be scared of the response back
Send your reply one letter at a time to spell out the words over several messages....
Beside it likely being the most messages some folk have had in one day... after the forth or fifth letter you can add "can you tell what it is yet?""
I love it  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back"
I think the honest answer is two fold....
1) how you would like to be let down if it was you on the other end.....
2) do what you feel most comfortable doing....
I don't think there is any "right or wrong" answer to this.... and I think that if people don't take rejection well then swinging isn't really for them...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What suits me is that if the person mailing me meets the criteria my profile stipulates, but for whatever reason I'm not attracted, then I will always reply in a friendly manner.
If they blatantly don't meet the criteria then I usualy delete as they obviously haven't read my profile.
If they match on all but one or two things, I will reply and say things like 'you have noticed I smoke' etc, as they may have missed that!
And thats how I'd prefer my sent mail to be treated, but I understand everyone is different! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back"
Even if it has been discussed before, we find it an interesting and helpful point for discussion. Quite true, not everybody is your cup of tea, and conversely we are not everybody's choice. We always wonder what to say and have in the past used the phrase, when not wanting to meet couples for playtimes, "one of us is not comfortable with the situation" which leaves it open as to where the rejection came from. It works sometime.
On another occasion we said that for reasons "nothing to do with the couple, as we had enjoyed the initial meeting" but for reasons to do with our own relationship we had decided not to pursue further at this point but wishing them the best of luck.
Some still take offence, most don't but that is invariably a result of their insecurities. Honesty works best and when wrapped up nicely, it should not cause problems.
We do not take offence when we get rejected - hey that it's life... Would be boring if we all chased the same people |
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"What suits me is that if the person mailing me meets the criteria my profile stipulates, but for whatever reason I'm not attracted, then I will always reply in a friendly manner.
If they blatantly don't meet the criteria then I usualy delete as they obviously haven't read my profile.
If they match on all but one or two things, I will reply and say things like 'you have noticed I smoke' etc, as they may have missed that!
And thats how I'd prefer my sent mail to be treated, but I understand everyone is different!"
Appreciate what you are saying here but I hope that you too appreciate that many women/couples on this site get dozens of messages each and every week. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What suits me is that if the person mailing me meets the criteria my profile stipulates, but for whatever reason I'm not attracted, then I will always reply in a friendly manner.
If they blatantly don't meet the criteria then I usualy delete as they obviously haven't read my profile.
If they match on all but one or two things, I will reply and say things like 'you have noticed I smoke' etc, as they may have missed that!
And thats how I'd prefer my sent mail to be treated, but I understand everyone is different!"
Actually, had missed this one somehow. Agree with you, if it is obvious people have done a cut and paste and/ or not bothered reading our profile, we would just delete the msg. If there is incongruence in one or two areas but we like the rest we will raise the point for discussion... so quite agree with your stance... |
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Get some coloured paper.
On one colour print of a bunch of verbs, on another colour print out a bunch of adjectives… and so on.
Cut the paper into pieces so each bit has just one word/phrase on it.
Shake them all around in a hat and then pull out one of each and make a sentence from it by adding the appropriate ‘ifs’ ‘ands’ and ‘buts’.
Then just send that as your excuse…. it’s about as honest as some of the bullshit people spend ages composing and is twice as entertaining  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I fully appreciate that, which is why I only mail people with whom It would seem I am compatible.
And I would hope that they would appreciate the fact that I've taken the time to check compatibility and to write a personalised (non-copy and paste message) and send it to them!
I certainly wouldn't appreciate being told to fuck off as others have suggested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I fully appreciate that, which is why I only mail people with whom It would seem I am compatible.
And I would hope that they would appreciate the fact that I've taken the time to check compatibility and to write a personalised (non-copy and paste message) and send it to them!
I certainly wouldn't appreciate being told to fuck off as others
have suggested"
That is... would be wholly unacceptable regardless of compatibility, the fact that this is swing site should not make any difference in the way people interact? We would not do that even if it was a cut and paste or even if the person had been rude..... Just would not... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back
I think the honest answer is two fold....
1) how you would like to be let down if it was you on the other end.....
2) do what you feel most comfortable doing....
I don't think there is any "right or wrong" answer to this.... and I think that if people don't take rejection well then swinging isn't really for them...
"
_abio has it right again no right or wrong way yet its polite to say no thanks. Being in the majority ( the single mens category Oh so many of us and so few to share it around with )we have to accept rejection the odd no thanks rather than just seeing the message deleted is a bonus. But for the minority groups women and couples I can see the problem of typing no thank you 50 times a day shame they cant have rejection quotes like the ones for current status  |
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have used the following and found it works well
Thank you for your message. Unfortunately I dont think we quite match and will not be taking things any further at this time.
Once again .. Many thanks and all the very best
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"have used the following and found it works well
Thank you for your message. Unfortunately I dont think we quite match and will not be taking things any further at this time.
Once again .. Many thanks and all the very best
"
So, no point trying again ;-);-) is there?
You should have said ... should have been really more direct pmsl xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of the replies on here are from the point of view of the person replying to an inquiry i.e. female
As a single male who usually spends more time sending messages than receiving them I'd say DONT REPLY.
I'm not exactly the average woman's 1st choice anyway (if personality counted as much as you all like to say it does then I would fair better, but unfortunately I'm short) and although I would sometimes like to know why I'm being rejected (yes i do read profiles), I'd actually rather not hear back from someone than get all excited at seeing a reply and then deflated when I read it and see 'no thanks' in a way that makes me feel.....well, like crap  |
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You could also try something polite yet subtle ….
“Hey thanks for getting in touch. How about meeting at 10 past not, on the 12th of never at the ‘Cat in Hells Chance’ on Never Never Land Street. If you are using satnav and need to postcode it’s ANO 2U
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I try and be polite and say i dont think your what im looking for but i do get a bit sick of typing it
I find it harder also when we have exchanged a cpl of emails got on quite well then i ask for a face pic and they turn out to be shreck what do u do then  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You could also try something polite yet subtle ….
“Hey thanks for getting in touch. How about meeting at 10 past not, on the 12th of never at the ‘Cat in Hells Chance’ on Never Never Land Street. If you are using satnav and need to postcode it’s ANO 2U
I absolutly love that
"
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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
"
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back
I think the honest answer is two fold....
1) how you would like to be let down if it was you on the other end.....
2) do what you feel most comfortable doing....
I don't think there is any "right or wrong" answer to this.... and I think that if people don't take rejection well then swinging isn't really for them...
"
My first and so far, only message sent on here requesting a meet.
Having searched for someone as compatable as possible, I thought I`d found a lady who I thought I would like to meet. I sent what I thought was a detailed message giving some options etc. There was no reply but I later found out that the message had been deleted, my profile not looked at and my being blocked by her.
At first I was quite hurt by this but later I got to thinking that if lady could not have even been bothered to reply, let alons read my profile then perhaps she wasn`t worthy of my attention in the first place. a simple "no thanks" would have sufficed. |
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"have used the following and found it works well
Thank you for your message. Unfortunately I dont think we quite match and will not be taking things any further at this time.
Once again .. Many thanks and all the very best
So, no point trying again;-);-) is there?
You should have said ... should have been really more direct pmsl xxxxx"
Depends if I can be talked round lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back
I think the honest answer is two fold....
1) how you would like to be let down if it was you on the other end.....
2) do what you feel most comfortable doing....
I don't think there is any "right or wrong" answer to this.... and I think that if people don't take rejection well then swinging isn't really for them...
My first and so far, only message sent on here requesting a meet.
Having searched for someone as compatable as possible, I thought I`d found a lady who I thought I would like to meet. I sent what I thought was a detailed message giving some options etc. There was no reply but I later found out that the message had been deleted, my profile not looked at and my being blocked by her.
At first I was quite hurt by this but later I got to thinking that if lady could not have even been bothered to reply, let alons read my profile then perhaps she wasn`t worthy of my attention in the first place. a simple "no thanks" would have sufficed."
Totally in agreement - that is again, just a bit uncalled for.... and you are worth more than that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"have used the following and found it works well
Thank you for your message. Unfortunately I dont think we quite match and will not be taking things any further at this time.
Once again .. Many thanks and all the very best
So, no point trying again;-);-) is there?
You should have said ... should have been really more direct pmsl xxxxx
Depends if I can be talked round lol "
Hm, we did wonder whether linguistics came into it... |
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"have used the following and found it works well
Thank you for your message. Unfortunately I dont think we quite match and will not be taking things any further at this time.
Once again .. Many thanks and all the very best
So, no point trying again;-);-) is there?
You should have said ... should have been really more direct pmsl xxxxx
Depends if I can be talked round lol
Hm, we did wonder whether linguistics came into it... "
But then again sometimes actions speak louder than words |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's quite easy for me: delete without reading!
The first sentence of my profile states IN CAPITALS not meeting at the moment as I have enough playmates. Second advises against wasting time contacting me.
Now why would I respond to messages?!!
They don't heed what's written on my profile so I take it they don't notice I haven't replied!!  |
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After some of the dross and utter brainless crap I have wasted my time reading in my messages today... if there was a button next to the 'delete' which said 'delete and make their head explode'.... I'd be pressing that one like I was sending a morse code telegraph |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just as a side topic, how do you people who get loads of mails sort the wheat from the chaff. Do you just bulk delete without reading, read each message and decide from there or just look at the profile pic. As I've stated before, I only mail those who it would seem I fit in with and I'd hate to think that I've gone to the trouble of composing an appropriate message, for it to be just deleted without being read or considered. because |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just as a side topic, how do you people who get loads of mails sort the wheat from the chaff. Do you just bulk delete without reading, read each message and decide from there or just look at the profile pic. As I've stated before, I only mail those who it would seem I fit in with and I'd hate to think that I've gone to the trouble of composing an appropriate message, for it to be just deleted without being read or considered. because "
Agreed totally.. We read most messages and tend to reply with a polite "no, thanks" or "we will pass on this occasion, but good luck". We most certainly reply in more detail to messages where a clear effort has been made to send a personal message. |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
You can say no all you like but some people just don’t understand the word. They get all wound up and pester and persist in trying to make contact or worse and make up things. I guess for all the pleasant people you have to have a few unpleasant ones who don’t understand rejection. So to the OP be firm and precise and civil in your rejection and if you have to then block and keep smiling. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just as a side topic, how do you people who get loads of mails sort the wheat from the chaff. Do you just bulk delete without reading, read each message and decide from there or just look at the profile pic. As I've stated before, I only mail those who it would seem I fit in with and I'd hate to think that I've gone to the trouble of composing an appropriate message, for it to be just deleted without being read or considered. because "
I do read every message i check out the profile and and if they have took the time to send a really nice message i will message them back
Its the one liners that get me i got a guy who said yesterday "fancy a 9" cock in your mouth" i mean did he think he would get a meet out of that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Agreed totally.. We read most messages and tend to reply with a polite "no, thanks" or "we will pass on this occasion, but good luck". We most certainly reply in more detail to messages where a clear effort has been made to send a personal message. "
If only everyone were like that, I'd estimate that approx 90% of the introductory mail I send is unreplied to or deleted instantly. I'd be tempted to not bother, but by god I'm persistent! |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"Just as a side topic, how do you people who get loads of mails sort the wheat from the chaff. Do you just bulk delete without reading, read each message and decide from there or just look at the profile pic. As I've stated before, I only mail those who it would seem I fit in with and I'd hate to think that I've gone to the trouble of composing an appropriate message, for it to be just deleted without being read or considered. because
I do read every message i check out the profile and and if they have took the time to send a really nice message i will message them back
Its the one liners that get me i got a guy who said yesterday "fancy a 9" cock in your mouth" i mean did he think he would get a meet out of that "
Well as long as they don't intimidate you then reply only if you want to. Most people realise if you read and delete your not interested. Just enjoy and have fun |
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Well, I aim to be diplomatic, but have had a bit of ping pong today with a couple who weren't happy because we didn't want to meet but equally another couple sent a reply back saying thanks for at least replying. I do try to answer all mesages but got one first thing that just said 'hi - hw r u?' Deleted it! And no it wasn't from a single guy but a single female! Z |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I aim to be diplomatic, but have had a bit of ping pong today with a couple who weren't happy because we didn't want to meet but equally another couple sent a reply back saying thanks for at least replying. I do try to answer all mesages but got one first thing that just said 'hi - hw r u?' Deleted it! And no it wasn't from a single guy but a single female! Z"
Hi, How are you? Wouldn't want everyone to think it's just the single females |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
I did once send a "go forth and multiply" to one couple and they sent a quisling message back saying she was sterilised! I just had to grin at that reply after all the weird messages they had sent before. |
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"Well, I aim to be diplomatic, but have had a bit of ping pong today with a couple who weren't happy because we didn't want to meet but equally another couple sent a reply back saying thanks for at least replying. I do try to answer all mesages but got one first thing that just said 'hi - hw r u?' Deleted it! And no it wasn't from a single guy but a single female! Z
Hi, How are you? Wouldn't want everyone to think it's just the single females "
lol - it wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been abbreviated!!!! If you can't be bothered to type a few extra letters then how lazy are you going to be? Z |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back"
'Thank you but no thank you works for me' It acknowledges the effort you have put into a message and is in no way offensive. Far better than ignoring .
Thanks
Mike |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
..I'd actually rather not hear back from someone than get all excited at seeing a reply and then deflated when I read it and see 'no thanks' in a way that makes me feel.....well, like crap "
I'd never thought about it like that  |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back"
use phonetics ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back
'Thank you but no thank you works for me' It acknowledges the effort you have put into a message and is in no way offensive. Far better than ignoring .
Thanks
Mike "
Hi Mike - and yes, totally agree with that x |
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"This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back
'Thank you but no thank you works for me' It acknowledges the effort you have put into a message and is in no way offensive. Far better than ignoring .
Thanks
Mike "
Is that why so many then feel the need to follow-up with ... "Why not?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This topic has probs been done to death but i was just wondering what was the best way to do rejection if there is one
I get alot of messages and obviously not everyone is your cup of tea do you ignor the message or send a "thanks but your not for me" back
'Thank you but no thank you works for me' It acknowledges the effort you have put into a message and is in no way offensive. Far better than ignoring .
Thanks
Mike
Is that why so many then feel the need to follow-up with ... "Why not?" "
Be appreciative - it means they want an explanation which suggests hint of cerebral functioning not always associated with male gender...
PS kidding... before half the site pounces...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
Ive always been polite and wished people well and have hardly ever had any come back from saying no thanks
The only thing I get is people that live nearby thinking they can make me change my mind about meeting local men..........it never works though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never dared to ask why following a rejection, don't think my fragile ego could handle it! "
no, we would not ask either... as if asking the question would make a difference in the outcome!
Having said that we recently (initially) said a polite no to a single guy but his come back was so funny... followed by another even wittier one.. that we actually became goood mates and decided we will see him soon. So...sometimes it does work I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never dared to ask why following a rejection, don't think my fragile ego could handle it!
no, we would not ask either... as if asking the question would make a difference in the outcome!
Having said that we recently (initially) said a polite no to a single guy but his come back was so funny... followed by another even wittier one.. that we actually became goood mates and decided we will see him soon. So...sometimes it does work I guess "
Well done that man! He'll be revered as a deity to all the single guys on here as we desperately try to compose humerous responses to rejections! |
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Well OK, it would be polite to send a “thanks but no thanks”
It would also be polite if everyone read profiles.
If they didn’t choose to ignore what they read in the profile.
If they didn't choose to ignore your preferences.
If they didn't send a sarcastic message to start with just because they don't meet your preferences.
If they didn’t send cut and paste spam not even remotely disguised as a personal message … and the classic one yesterday had “Hi love your profile…..would love to meet a couple/lady… you/you and your partner….”
If they took a ‘no thanks’ as a ‘no thanks’ and moved on.
If they didn’t message you again with the same fecking message the next week!
If they could manage to write more than “new and don’t know what to write here” on the 7 month old profile.
If they didn’t just send a phone number and a cockshot.
If they didn’t imply that they don’t like to shit on their own doorstep so can they come to yours!
If they didn’t bother expecting you to reply to a message which starts with “I know I am too (insert old/short/far away etc)”
And most of all… if they understood that after having to deal with all of the above on one fecking day, it’s actually not rude to just delete their message and not reply… it’s a polite blessing in disguise!
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"I've never dared to ask why following a rejection, don't think my fragile ego could handle it!
no, we would not ask either... as if asking the question would make a difference in the outcome!
Having said that we recently (initially) said a polite no to a single guy but his come back was so funny... followed by another even wittier one.. that we actually became goood mates and decided we will see him soon. So...sometimes it does work I guess
Well done that man! He'll be revered as a deity to all the single guys on here as we desperately try to compose humerous responses to rejections!"
Well that's just fecking GREAT! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never dared to ask why following a rejection, don't think my fragile ego could handle it!
no, we would not ask either... as if asking the question would make a difference in the outcome!
Having said that we recently (initially) said a polite no to a single guy but his come back was so funny... followed by another even wittier one.. that we actually became goood mates and decided we will see him soon. So...sometimes it does work I guess
Well done that man! He'll be revered as a deity to all the single guys on here as we desperately try to compose humerous responses to rejections!"
I could ask him nicely to identify himself, and start up a new business in the shape of a Training Consultancy for Males who feel rejected...
Module 1 : How to interpret a rejection based on common sense philosophy!
Module 2 : How to reframe a rejection into an invitation for further investigation of previous rejector!
Module 3 : How to turn the second rejection into a new positive response
etc!
etc
Suggestions for further modules... |
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