FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > So, what is a swinger?
So, what is a swinger?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
"
This is us. However, some other "swingers" say we are not because we don't full swap. Go figure. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I would say that swingers are people who have chosen to be sexually non-monogamous when they are in a relationship. They have discussed it and agreed that it is what they both want to do. They are not cheating or lying or hiding things from each other. Singles can be swingers if they want to continue to be sexually non-monogamous even when they are in a relationship. In the relationship they will be emotionally, spiritually, financially monogamous, so fuck buddies / friends with benefits don't count. Sexually can be anything from touching and kissing up to anything you care to imagine, so in my definition you don't need to full swap to be a swinger.
I think being a swinger is a mind set, rather than what you have done or how long it was since you last did it. |
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"I would say that swingers are people who have chosen to be sexually non-monogamous when they are in a relationship. They have discussed it and agreed that it is what they both want to do. They are not cheating or lying or hiding things from each other. Singles can be swingers if they want to continue to be sexually non-monogamous even when they are in a relationship. In the relationship they will be emotionally, spiritually, financially monogamous, so fuck buddies / friends with benefits don't count. Sexually can be anything from touching and kissing up to anything you care to imagine, so in my definition you don't need to full swap to be a swinger.
I think being a swinger is a mind set, rather than what you have done or how long it was since you last did it. "
Could you define financial monogamy for us. Does it mean a joint bank account or checking with the other before you spend anything? |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"
Could you define financial monogamy for us. Does it mean a joint bank account or checking with the other before you spend anything?"
I mean that you are sharing and monogamous about all the other parts of your life other than the sexual part. So the financial part would be just the same as in a vanilla relationship. So a vanilla couple wouldn't generally buy a car, or book a holiday etc. Without checking with the other.
Obviously this is dependent on a number of factors including how rich you are (if you can buy a car like regular people would buy a sandwich then it's not quite the same) and how long you've been together, if you live together, have shared assets (house) etc. |
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Could you define financial monogamy for us. Does it mean a joint bank account or checking with the other before you spend anything?
I mean that you are sharing and monogamous about all the other parts of your life other than the sexual part. So the financial part would be just the same as in a vanilla relationship. So a vanilla couple wouldn't generally buy a car, or book a holiday etc. Without checking with the other.
Obviously this is dependent on a number of factors including how rich you are (if you can buy a car like regular people would buy a sandwich then it's not quite the same) and how long you've been together, if you live together, have shared assets (house) etc."
How interesting. In previous vanilla relationships, financial monogamy was never an option due to my experiences with my ex husband leaving me in debt with three children. I am intrigued by such a strict definition of monogamy as it has to be in all aspects for it to be a real relationship. I totally agree with the emotional and spiritual, but don't see the financial as important. |
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"We know what it means to us and that's all that counts really. "
Just had never heard of the term, financial monogamy, out of interest and so many on here have opinions on who is a real couple and who is not. I find it fascinating. In the vanilla world, everyone we know accepts us as a couple, but seems we have to go through so many hoops on here. |
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"We know what it means to us and that's all that counts really.
Just had never heard of the term, financial monogamy, out of interest and so many on here have opinions on who is a real couple and who is not. I find it fascinating. In the vanilla world, everyone we know accepts us as a couple, but seems we have to go through so many hoops on here."
I meant we know what the term swinger means to us. I think it can be over thought and its easy to get hung up on whether other people are fulfilling certain criteria  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm single, I have two regular men I play with, they both know about each other but haven't met. Anyone I meet knows I'm not looking for an exclusive arrangement, but an affectionate, honest and open arrangement so that there are no misunderstandings.
By the same token i do not expect these friends/lovers to be exclusive but appreciate their honesty.
I doubt this is swinging, probably just a greedy single woman? |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"
How interesting. In previous vanilla relationships, financial monogamy was never an option due to my experiences with my ex husband leaving me in debt with three children. I am intrigued by such a strict definition of monogamy as it has to be in all aspects for it to be a real relationship. I totally agree with the emotional and spiritual, but don't see the financial as important."
The definition I have given is a very broad brush stroke designed to cover the majority of swingers. It was not intended as a critique of your particular situation or relationship history and I hope I haven't caused you any upset.
My definition is broadly similar to the one offered by Tristan Taormino in her book Opening Up: A guide to creating and sustaining open relationships.
In that she talks about the myth that in monogamy it is expected that your partners will fulfill all your needs "physical, emotional, psychological, affectionate, financial, romantic,sexual and spiritual" in real life it is unreasonable to expect one person to fulfill all of those needs, swingers accept that, and so for the sexual needs, they open up their relationship and are sexually non-monogamous. |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
"I'm single, I have two regular men I play with, they both know about each other but haven't met. Anyone I meet knows I'm not looking for an exclusive arrangement, but an affectionate, honest and open arrangement so that there are no misunderstandings.
By the same token i do not expect these friends/lovers to be exclusive but appreciate their honesty.
I doubt this is swinging, probably just a greedy single woman?"
Not greedy but not swinging. However if you take one or the other to a club or a hotel meet,or invite someone to your house for a threesome, foursome or moresome - then you're a swinger.
Him |
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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago
portrush |
a swinger is a human being...who enjoys sexual relations with others,with the full blessing of their partner/s... other wise its just being promiscuous or cheating .... least thats what my mammy told me ..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh - hard to answer as perhaps the feelings are fluid from day to day.
But for me, it's being able to enjoy shared private time with somebody, including sex in one for or another, without it leading to any ties or strings. Usually a one-off meeting, though sometimes a repeat, but always to meet mutual wants or needs.
What it isn't is a free sex service where somebody thinks that they have a right to free use of my body just because I'm on here..!!! And unfortunately that's becoming a much more common (and unwanted!) attitude that is killing it all for me...
Where are the nice souls who just want to enjoy some company..???
|
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Oh - hard to answer as perhaps the feelings are fluid from day to day.
But for me, it's being able to enjoy shared private time with somebody, including sex in one for or another, without it leading to any ties or strings. Usually a one-off meeting, though sometimes a repeat, but always to meet mutual wants or needs.
What it isn't is a free sex service where somebody thinks that they have a right to free use of my body just because I'm on here..!!! And unfortunately that's becoming a much more common (and unwanted!) attitude that is killing it all for me...
Where are the nice souls who just want to enjoy some company..???
"
An awful lot of people do that every Friday and Saturday night in pubs and clubs up and down the country. Would you describe them as swingers? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Different people have different expectations, some people are successful, some are disillusioned.
What do you think a swinger is?"
Someone who enjoys recreational sex with multiple partners as a lifestyle choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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...for me it's having a lifestyle interest in sexual and sensual adventure and exploration with others ...separate from the day to day monogamy of normal lifestyles...experiences are sometimes shared , sometimes alone.....1-1 , threesome , 4-some all are possible and desirable experiences .....but always focussed on the sexual needs and desires of everyone involved and it's no strings ...and the focus is pleasure .... |
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By *rMisterMan
over a year ago
kingslanding |
For me, as a single man, swinging is about boundaries and respect. It's about fucking someone brains out and still respect that person. It's about knowing that a couple is inviting you into their intimate area for a short time. Therefore you come, deliver what is expected, don't cross that line and leave as expected. That's just my own personal individual private opinion at least  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
"
An interesting thread!
I quoted the above post, because I wonder about the couples who enjoy 3somes? Without the single males or females participating this can't happen? Unless one of the partners in a couple sits out and just watches?
If a single is not a swinger, does that mean he or she is just promiscuous? |
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"
How interesting. In previous vanilla relationships, financial monogamy was never an option due to my experiences with my ex husband leaving me in debt with three children. I am intrigued by such a strict definition of monogamy as it has to be in all aspects for it to be a real relationship. I totally agree with the emotional and spiritual, but don't see the financial as important.
The definition I have given is a very broad brush stroke designed to cover the majority of swingers. It was not intended as a critique of your particular situation or relationship history and I hope I haven't caused you any upset.
My definition is broadly similar to the one offered by Tristan Taormino in her book Opening Up: A guide to creating and sustaining open relationships.
In that she talks about the myth that in monogamy it is expected that your partners will fulfill all your needs "physical, emotional, psychological, affectionate, financial, romantic,sexual and spiritual" in real life it is unreasonable to expect one person to fulfill all of those needs, swingers accept that, and so for the sexual needs, they open up their relationship and are sexually non-monogamous. "
Gosh no, no offense taken I just think sometimes that people (not you guys) use terms and phrases that sound meaningful without knowing what they mean. I do fin the whole thing fascinating, how people talk about it and their different stances. For me, personally, it is about being at a place where I totally feel at ease with it. Thanks for your reply, |
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"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
An interesting thread!
I quoted the above post, because I wonder about the couples who enjoy 3somes? Without the single males or females participating this can't happen? Unless one of the partners in a couple sits out and just watches?
If a single is not a swinger, does that mean he or she is just promiscuous?"
Only if the word promiscuous carries no negative connotations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
An interesting thread!
I quoted the above post, because I wonder about the couples who enjoy 3somes? Without the single males or females participating this can't happen? Unless one of the partners in a couple sits out and just watches?
If a single is not a swinger, does that mean he or she is just promiscuous?
Only if the word promiscuous carries no negative connotations. "
No negative connotations as far as I am concerned.
But if, as some suggest a single isn't a swinger, what would be best to describe them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say that swingers are people who have chosen to be sexually non-monogamous when they are in a relationship. They have discussed it and agreed that it is what they both want to do. They are not cheating or lying or hiding things from each other. Singles can be swingers if they want to continue to be sexually non-monogamous even when they are in a relationship. In the relationship they will be emotionally, spiritually, financially monogamous, so fuck buddies / friends with benefits don't count. Sexually can be anything from touching and kissing up to anything you care to imagine, so in my definition you don't need to full swap to be a swinger.
I think being a swinger is a mind set, rather than what you have done or how long it was since you last did it. "
That last paragraph. So true. |
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"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
An interesting thread!
I quoted the above post, because I wonder about the couples who enjoy 3somes? Without the single males or females participating this can't happen? Unless one of the partners in a couple sits out and just watches?
If a single is not a swinger, does that mean he or she is just promiscuous?
Only if the word promiscuous carries no negative connotations.
No negative connotations as far as I am concerned.
But if, as some suggest a single isn't a swinger, what would be best to describe them?"
I don't subscribe to that view personally but I'm not keen on labels where sexual activity is concerned really. If everyone involved consents and its legal call it what you want  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
An interesting thread!
I quoted the above post, because I wonder about the couples who enjoy 3somes? Without the single males or females participating this can't happen? Unless one of the partners in a couple sits out and just watches?
If a single is not a swinger, does that mean he or she is just promiscuous?
Only if the word promiscuous carries no negative connotations.
No negative connotations as far as I am concerned.
But if, as some suggest a single isn't a swinger, what would be best to describe them?
I don't subscribe to that view personally but I'm not keen on labels where sexual activity is concerned really. If everyone involved consents and its legal call it what you want "
Fun?
|
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"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
This is us. However, some other "swingers" say we are not because we don't full swap. Go figure. "
Then perhaps, may I suggest you leave the site? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"...
Sexually can be anything from touching and kissing up to anything you care to imagine, so in my definition you don't need to full swap to be a swinger.
I think being a swinger is a mind set, rather than what you have done or how long it was since you last did it."
 |
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or View forums list | |
"To me swingers are couples. (Married couples who swing with other married couples being the true definition).
I don't consider myself a swinger.
An interesting thread!
I quoted the above post, because I wonder about the couples who enjoy 3somes? Without the single males or females participating this can't happen? Unless one of the partners in a couple sits out and just watches?
If a single is not a swinger, does that mean he or she is just promiscuous?
Only if the word promiscuous carries no negative connotations.
No negative connotations as far as I am concerned.
But if, as some suggest a single isn't a swinger, what would be best to describe them?
I don't subscribe to that view personally but I'm not keen on labels where sexual activity is concerned really. If everyone involved consents and its legal call it what you want
Fun?
"
Fun works for me as does jolly gorgeousness and lovely fabulousness |
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