FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Ignoring the male half of a cpl
Ignoring the male half of a cpl
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Yup, I get that alot on my couples preference.
Which is kind of weird*, since we specify on the couples profile that we're after more male/male interaction than anything else.
*Not weird, totally expected. |
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I generally find that a lot of couples profiles don't give the male half adequate airtime on profiles so I can kind of understand why that happens. When you find a profile that has a couple with equal pics and blurb about each partner it's a total bonus.  |
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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago
North Yorkshire by the Sea |
"I generally find that a lot of couples profiles don't give the male half adequate airtime on profiles so I can kind of understand why that happens. When you find a profile that has a couple with equal pics and blurb about each partner it's a total bonus. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well excuse me... the op has posted with a couples profile which only shows pics of the female and then asks why the male gets ignored... I guess I should understand that the simplest answer isn't always the best.
Do a social first, if this happens a lot, make sure everyone "connects" that's my advice.  |
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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago
Newton Stewart |
" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Yes, irritating. We now just delete any messages that ignore MrDG |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist.
Yes, irritating. We now just delete any messages that ignore MrDG"
nice tits!  |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I generally find that a lot of couples profiles don't give the male half adequate airtime on profiles so I can kind of understand why that happens. When you find a profile that has a couple with equal pics and blurb about each partner it's a total bonus. "
Dg bloody hell thats first time I have agreed with you in years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well thank fuck this isnt aimed at single mails..since we cant mail the op lol...
when the focus is looking 100% in favour of one half you gotta see where the attention lies really.
Some people quite rightly are suspicious they are talking to just one half(the male)...even I get suspicious of couples contacting me asking for a meet..suddenly the chatting stops/messages get deleted etc etc..and this is after proposing a meet date!..
I've had a couple of fab gfs(not fuckbuddies), it was always amusing that I suddenly became fuckable.. |
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I'd say it's pretty common...we have pics of both of us and profile text that talks about us both but more often than not the messages are sent to me (Flik). On many occasions, when I have pointed out that we are a couple the guy messaging is surprised...so much for reading profiles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We state on our profile that although I (male) dont play on meets I answer 95% of messages so will ignore and delete any which target the female and blank me. Its drastically reduced how many do ignore me but we still get a few, or some who think as its me they are talking to they can talk about my wife like shes a peice of meat there for our pleasure and amusement. I always get her to answer those shes become very apt at shooting them down in flames  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ty DG am new to this cpls profile malarkey so trying to find our feet as I said this profile was changed by admin but I use both as many of my friends are on my smush profile not norsemannhellkat as yet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's coz admin change my status hun from single lady our cpls profile is norsemannhellkat and I name it on this profile "
If you only ever meet with someone else then admin will turn your profile into a couples profile.
Singles profiles are for people who meet alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We totally agree op , if we feel one of us is being ignored, left out or not happy with a situation then it stops . We don't leave anyone out its all about all having fun not just two . |
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Yes we get this all the time sadly.
Even in clubs, if Mr seems like an unwanted party I kinda pick up on it and back off from the couple because of it.
Have to agree, a social first to see if there is any connection is a very good idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happens every so often. No biggie we point out the faux pas and see how they respond. Nothing to worry about. What does grind gears if it happens in a club especially when they pounce when on half goes to the bar etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We state on our profile that although I (male) dont play on meets I answer 95% of messages so will ignore and delete any which target the female and blank me. Its drastically reduced how many do ignore me but we still get a few, or some who think as its me they are talking to they can talk about my wife like shes a peice of meat there for our pleasure and amusement. I always get her to answer those shes become very apt at shooting them down in flames "
If it's only your wife meeting why doesn't she do the talking? If I was going to have sex with someone I'd want to talk to them. If you don't want people thinking of your wife as a piece of meat maybe let her speak for herself? |
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"We state on our profile that although I (male) dont play on meets I answer 95% of messages so will ignore and delete any which target the female and blank me. Its drastically reduced how many do ignore me but we still get a few, or some who think as its me they are talking to they can talk about my wife like shes a peice of meat there for our pleasure and amusement. I always get her to answer those shes become very apt at shooting them down in flames
If it's only your wife meeting why doesn't she do the talking? If I was going to have sex with someone I'd want to talk to them. If you don't want people thinking of your wife as a piece of meat maybe let her speak for herself? "
Equally if I were looking to meet with the lady of a couple and only had contact with the male half when he wasn't going to be involved but that's the way the couple choose to swing, I'd accept that they're not for me and move on. I don't need to choose how other people swing but I do choose how I swing if that makes sense.
How do you know the lady in the couple you replied to doesn't choose to swing this way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We state on our profile that although I (male) dont play on meets I answer 95% of messages so will ignore and delete any which target the female and blank me. Its drastically reduced how many do ignore me but we still get a few, or some who think as its me they are talking to they can talk about my wife like shes a peice of meat there for our pleasure and amusement. I always get her to answer those shes become very apt at shooting them down in flames
If it's only your wife meeting why doesn't she do the talking? If I was going to have sex with someone I'd want to talk to them. If you don't want people thinking of your wife as a piece of meat maybe let her speak for herself? "
Its only my wife playing, we are both meeting and she trusts my judgment so asks me to filter people out. If I dont like somebody its a no. If I do then she checks them out and again if she doesnt its a no. I know her rules, likes and dislikes so although we both respond she prefers I do the majority of the time. I dont see how that makes her seem like a piece of meet or give them reason to talk about her as such. Nor do I need to "let her" do anything we agree everything together neither of us runs the show or has to let the other do anything.  |
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Yes happens to us all the time. Yes the majority of pics are of the female. But we clearly state in profile that were a couple and any message should be addressed as such. But still get messages from all. "Hi nikki how are you would love to meet you" not you both. Very very frustrating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We state on our profile that although I (male) dont play on meets I answer 95% of messages so will ignore and delete any which target the female and blank me. Its drastically reduced how many do ignore me but we still get a few, or some who think as its me they are talking to they can talk about my wife like shes a peice of meat there for our pleasure and amusement. I always get her to answer those shes become very apt at shooting them down in flames
If it's only your wife meeting why doesn't she do the talking? If I was going to have sex with someone I'd want to talk to them. If you don't want people thinking of your wife as a piece of meat maybe let her speak for herself?
Equally if I were looking to meet with the lady of a couple and only had contact with the male half when he wasn't going to be involved but that's the way the couple choose to swing, I'd accept that they're not for me and move on. I don't need to choose how other people swing but I do choose how I swing if that makes sense.
How do you know the lady in the couple you replied to doesn't choose to swing this way? "
For the most part in the initial couple of messages we reply as a couple so they wouldnt know which of us they were talking to. After that if we decide we would like to meet assuming my wife thinks they are ok she will then message them directly. We dont talk directly to the male or female in replies we direct all messages to both so expect the same in reply.
Its the guys going wow your hot or I want to do this or that to you that either get ignored or a message back saying thanks but I think you might prefer my wife |
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By *andSfitCouple
over a year ago
London |
A lot of couples only have pictures of the female half up so I can understand why the male is ignored. However it is still a couples profile so both should be addressed your not gonna get far assuming you're gonna have you wicked way with someone's partner without them joining in. |
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"A lot of couples only have pictures of the female half up so I can understand why the male is ignored. However it is still a couples profile so both should be addressed your not gonna get far assuming you're gonna have you wicked way with someone's partner without them joining in."
As we've stated our profile has more pics of the female. We understand that. But our profile also states address any messages to us as a couple. again it boils down to manners and people reading profiles properly first before messaging. As most only look she pics and message without reading profiles xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
To be fair there are no pics of him on your profile so why would people refure to you equally when your own profile doesn't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sick of couples complaining that people only refer to the female only when they receive messages because when I get a message from a couples profile, they rarely say which one of them has sent me the message.
Practice what you preach 
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"I'm sick of couples complaining that people only refer to the female only when they receive messages because when I get a message from a couples profile, they rarely say which one of them has sent me the message.
Practice what you preach
"
Irritating ain't it!
I always sign my name on the 1st message I send then all others just get my initial
N |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens every so often. No biggie we point out the faux pas and see how they respond. Nothing to worry about. What does grind gears if it happens in a club especially when they pounce when on half goes to the bar etc. "
.
We get it like this and like you I hate it when it happens in a club more x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sick of couples complaining that people only refer to the female only when they receive messages because when I get a message from a couples profile, they rarely say which one of them has sent me the message.
Practice what you preach
"
Because as I said with ours its from both of us. Obviously only one has written it but for ys at least it would have input from us as a couple not just one of us so we ARE practising what we preach!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As some have said, many many couples profiles heavily fixated on the female half - some go as far as to be almost exclusively about the lady. So if that's the case, ignoring the male half seems somewhat fitting really, doesn't it? If you can't have a few male/couples pics and talk about yourselves as a couple why would you be expected to be treated as such? Perhaps the key is to look first at how you're portraying yourselves?
However, if it's a good fifty/fifty profile and some asshats ignoring the gentlemen to get to the lady then that is rude, disrespectful and shouldn't be tolerated. You can usually tell early on as it becomes clear pretty quickly.
Balance in all things. I've played as single and couple and I've seen both sides of the equation.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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On our norsemannhellkat profile we always add our name so you know who is talking to you as thats only fair I never thought of that on this profile because only I use it as it was my singles 1 I have had since I joined fab 4 yrs ago n all my old friends who don't know edd yet use this to chat with me and it was only pointed out to me recently it was now a cpls profile I hadn't even realised it had been changed hence only my pics on it sorry for any confusion that's caused  |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
If a couples profile had equal pictures of both, I would address both, but if I see it's mostly the women who's on show for public viewing, I assume she is mostly the one who uses the profile.. Not really intentional, but it happens |
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Well I for one certainly don't miss out the male half of a couple. I mean for gods this man is gracious enough to allow me access to his wife, I applaud his Attitude. I love playing with couples, wether they're cuckold or not.
Some people say 3's a crowd, I definitely don't think so haha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Why is it that so many couples profile pictures seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want someone to pay any sort of attention to the man you should show consideration and not try and circumvent the male half of the couple or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist.
Well I for one certainly don't miss out the male half of a couple. I mean for gods this man is gracious enough to allow me access to his wife, I applaud his Attitude. I love playing with couples, wether they're cuckold or not.
Some people say 3's a crowd, I definitely don't think so haha "
Allow? |
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A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't approach a couple without addressing both. That's kinda the whole point for me. I wouldn't want one without the other. That's what single people are for. "
Agree with this, I was approached by a man in a club and he informed me he was part of a couple but she doesn't go as it was too close to home. I wasn't comfortable with this as felt the partner should have been there.
I pretty much ignore profiles where it's all focused on the women, ad I've said on my profile I'm not interested in that... I actually think it's couple's I've now blocked from messaging due to that reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go. "
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
The OP's profile shows zero male pics, doesn't mention the man's name, shows no info about him and doesn't talk about him at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
The OP's profile shows zero male pics, doesn't mention the man's name, shows no info about him and doesn't talk about him at all. "
A profile showing you fully as a couple may help those contacting you think of you as a couple.
Even my single man profile has more couples pics than most couples on here.  |
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause? "
Regardless of how many there are, there are still pics of him and our profile mentions him in detail. It's not all down to pics, the ability to read goes a long way.
And there are a lot more pics of him in the friends folder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
Regardless of how many there are, there are still pics of him and our profile mentions him in detail. It's not all down to pics, the ability to read goes a long way.
And there are a lot more pics of him in the friends folder. "
So you don't think that couples profiles which give only marginal references to the male half may be contributing to the attention given to the male? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
Regardless of how many there are, there are still pics of him and our profile mentions him in detail. It's not all down to pics, the ability to read goes a long way.
And there are a lot more pics of him in the friends folder.
So you don't think that couples profiles which give only marginal references to the male half may be contributing to the attention given to the male? "
It seems to me that many couples ignore the male half, so why should any else act differently? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
Regardless of how many there are, there are still pics of him and our profile mentions him in detail. It's not all down to pics, the ability to read goes a long way.
And there are a lot more pics of him in the friends folder.
So you don't think that couples profiles which give only marginal references to the male half may be contributing to the attention given to the male?
It seems to me that many couples ignore the male half, so why should any else act differently? "
(just look at the OP's profile before responding) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This happens to us sometimes. I dunno, but it doesn't really bother me too much. I get that the guy is messaging because he is interested in me. Marc isn't bi, so I don't think they really have to connect too much. It's different if he actively avoids talking to Marc (who answers most of our non-forum related messages). But that doesn't happen often.
What bothers me more is couples who talk only to me. This actually happens fairly often. It says we only play together on our profile, but many couples message us and talk to us clearly trying to meet only me. We are like a poor substitute for their ffm fantasy and it bugs me.
But whatever really. It's so easy to say "no thanks" to people whose messages we don't like that I don't really think of this stuff much, really.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was meeting a couple just to have sex with one of them I would want to talk to the person I'll be having sex with. If both were going to be participating I'd want equal conversation with both and would expect to be told who has sent each message. It isn't always apparent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
Regardless of how many there are, there are still pics of him and our profile mentions him in detail. It's not all down to pics, the ability to read goes a long way.
And there are a lot more pics of him in the friends folder.
So you don't think that couples profiles which give only marginal references to the male half may be contributing to the attention given to the male?
It seems to me that many couples ignore the male half, so why should any else act differently?
(just look at the OP's profile before responding) "
But the OP has repeatedly mentioned she is talking about her couples profile, not the profile that posted the thread...
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes look and read my profile and my other comments on here I clearly name our cpls profile on the second line of this profile after we set it up this 1 was my singles until admin changed it without notify me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes look and read my profile and my other comments on here I clearly name our cpls profile on the second line of this profile after we set it up this 1 was my singles until admin changed it without notify me "
I think that has caused a great deal of confusion in this thread. Anyway... socials first, maybe? Or an initial meet with no guarantee, see the dynamic before committing.
As a single guy that has met many couples I can give you some thoughts to ponder, as an individual with a couple it's difficult striking a balance, which is why I enjoy the glass of wine beforehand, getting to know both, their experiences, sometimes just shooting the breeze about family and work. This helps the single undrstand the dynamic in the relationship ( I have walked out of 3 meets where one of the couple was not really giving the right signals).
Slow the pace, control the meet, enjoy the chat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on what your after, I (male half) don't swing with either male or female, where as my wife plays with males hence her pictures on our account, everyone has there own needs. We have had a few messages where guys have said your gorgeous! I replied "hehehe don't tell the wife" never heard off them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP has repeatedly mentioned she is talking about her couples profile, not the profile that posted the thread...
-Courtney"
Which again has a single anonymous photo of a male torso.
I don't play with couples, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to suggest that couples who complain about being disproportionate attention being given to the female could look first at the disproportionate attention given to the female on their profile.
(and if there's some really important information, maybe don't put it in shout demanding capitalised paragraphs, because lots of people won't read it) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I totally agree hun social first is deffo the way to go as attraction has many facets and personality is as important as looks for both of us and being able to laugh and chat bubbles and make friends is super important to myself n my partner we are not the meet fuk n see ya later type that's just not for us as a cpl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP has repeatedly mentioned she is talking about her couples profile, not the profile that posted the thread...
-Courtney
Which again has a single anonymous photo of a male torso.
I don't play with couples, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to suggest that couples who complain about being disproportionate attention being given to the female could look first at the disproportionate attention given to the female on their profile.
(and if there's some really important information, maybe don't put it in shout demanding capitalised paragraphs, because lots of people won't read it) "
I do generally agree with you TT. I wish couples would have more pics of the guy and say more about him generally. I love playing with the men in couples, so I notice the absence of them on many couples profiles.
But I have to disagree with you on this one. The guy has a body shot, and he is in the background of the bike picture (which shows some of his interests as well). I get that it's hard to come up with good pic ideas for many guys. But their text is also fairly well proportioned between the two.
All of this would go to show that the problem persist, regardless of who the profile focuses on. As I've said, I don't mind too much when it happens to us. But it's a good note to single guys looking to meet couples to know that it may bother many couples.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I totally agree hun social first is deffo the way to go as attraction has many facets and personality is as important as looks for both of us and being able to laugh and chat bubbles and make friends is super important to myself n my partner we are not the meet fuk n see ya later type that's just not for us as a cpl"
And if they are ignoring your other half whilst messaging on here, delete, block, move on. There's loads of respectful, intelligent guys and couples on here, if you aren't the meet fuck leave type, then choose people that can hold a conversation, and address you both in their messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I totally agree hun social first is deffo the way to go as attraction has many facets and personality is as important as looks for both of us and being able to laugh and chat bubbles and make friends is super important to myself n my partner we are not the meet fuk n see ya later type that's just not for us as a cpl
And if they are ignoring your other half whilst messaging on here, delete, block, move on. There's loads of respectful, intelligent guys and couples on here, if you aren't the meet fuck leave type, then choose people that can hold a conversation, and address you both in their messages."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP has repeatedly mentioned she is talking about her couples profile, not the profile that posted the thread...
-Courtney
Which again has a single anonymous photo of a male torso.
I don't play with couples, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to suggest that couples who complain about being disproportionate attention being given to the female could look first at the disproportionate attention given to the female on their profile.
(and if there's some really important information, maybe don't put it in shout demanding capitalised paragraphs, because lots of people won't read it)
I do generally agree with you TT. I wish couples would have more pics of the guy and say more about him generally. I love playing with the men in couples, so I notice the absence of them on many couples profiles.
But I have to disagree with you on this one. The guy has a body shot, and he is in the background of the bike picture (which shows some of his interests as well). I get that it's hard to come up with good pic ideas for many guys. But their text is also fairly well proportioned between the two.
All of this would go to show that the problem persist, regardless of who the profile focuses on. As I've said, I don't mind too much when it happens to us. But it's a good note to single guys looking to meet couples to know that it may bother many couples.
-Courtney"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Am deffo taking lots of the comments made on because this cpls profile malarky is totally new to us and some comments have been really helpful for us to find a good balance for the profile coz it's still a work in progress |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP has repeatedly mentioned she is talking about her couples profile, not the profile that posted the thread...
-Courtney
Which again has a single anonymous photo of a male torso.
I don't play with couples, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to suggest that couples who complain about being disproportionate attention being given to the female could look first at the disproportionate attention given to the female on their profile.
(and if there's some really important information, maybe don't put it in shout demanding capitalised paragraphs, because lots of people won't read it)
I do generally agree with you TT. I wish couples would have more pics of the guy and say more about him generally. I love playing with the men in couples, so I notice the absence of them on many couples profiles.
But I have to disagree with you on this one. The guy has a body shot, and he is in the background of the bike picture (which shows some of his interests as well). I get that it's hard to come up with good pic ideas for many guys. But their text is also fairly well proportioned between the two.
All of this would go to show that the problem persist, regardless of who the profile focuses on. As I've said, I don't mind too much when it happens to us. But it's a good note to single guys looking to meet couples to know that it may bother many couples.
-Courtney"
That's fair enough. I don't agree personally, because I think the type of photos and the quality of photos and quantity of photos is totally biased towards the female - which is going to attract people who are interested in females rather than couples.
And of I think that as a man, then maybe it's view which other men have too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP has repeatedly mentioned she is talking about her couples profile, not the profile that posted the thread...
-Courtney
Which again has a single anonymous photo of a male torso.
I don't play with couples, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to suggest that couples who complain about being disproportionate attention being given to the female could look first at the disproportionate attention given to the female on their profile.
(and if there's some really important information, maybe don't put it in shout demanding capitalised paragraphs, because lots of people won't read it)
I do generally agree with you TT. I wish couples would have more pics of the guy and say more about him generally. I love playing with the men in couples, so I notice the absence of them on many couples profiles.
But I have to disagree with you on this one. The guy has a body shot, and he is in the background of the bike picture (which shows some of his interests as well). I get that it's hard to come up with good pic ideas for many guys. But their text is also fairly well proportioned between the two.
All of this would go to show that the problem persist, regardless of who the profile focuses on. As I've said, I don't mind too much when it happens to us. But it's a good note to single guys looking to meet couples to know that it may bother many couples.
-Courtney
That's fair enough. I don't agree personally, because I think the type of photos and the quality of photos and quantity of photos is totally biased towards the female - which is going to attract people who are interested in females rather than couples.
And of I think that as a man, then maybe it's view which other men have too. "
Not being a man myself, I can't argue with you there! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a fat, hairy dude with a beautiful girlfriend so obviously there are more pictures of her than me. But as I am starting to think I am the deal breaker I may have to purge myself from the profile all together.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist.
Why is it that so many couples profile pictures seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want someone to pay any sort of attention to the man you should show consideration and not try and circumvent the male half of the couple or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Couples do seem to blame everyone else, when the problem is themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any messages like that I reply as if they were towards me and say thanks for the message but I'm not bi.they soon reply saying sorry.too late by then.they are off the list |
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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Yes, we get lots of mail, mainly from single guys addressed to me and not both of us, We assume that's because on our profile it states I play only, but common politeness they should address it to both partners  |
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If I am messaging a couple, I always address both parties. I used to be the male half of a MF profile on here and know that respect and good manners need to be shown to both. Back then, I needed some kind of friendly connection before I agreed to a guy meeting us and playing with my wife at the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've said this numerous times but I'll say it again ~ A lot of couple profiles look & sound like single women, regardless of the word couple next to them.
I believe from reading posts before that even if they are a couple profile a lot will say it's only the woman that plays.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've said this numerous times but I'll say it again ~ A lot of couple profiles look & sound like single women, regardless of the word couple next to them.
I believe from reading posts before that even if they are a couple profile a lot will say it's only the woman that plays.
"
But then again - on one of my couples profiles we have two pictures. One is of me naked, one is of my partner naked. The avatar (main image) is of my partner naked.
The wording is neutral, and specifies that we are mostly looking for men for my partner to play with.
Yet still I'd suggest that 90% of the messages are directed at me. I wouldn't mind if they were politely asking if we play separately - in which case we'd direct them to our singles profiles - but they aren't. They're just assuming that it's the woman who is playing and the woman who they will be playing with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist.
Yes, we get lots of mail, mainly from single guys addressed to me and not both of us, We assume that's because on our profile it states I play only, but common politeness they should address it to both partners "
Exactly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
Isn't it better to find out now rather than wait till you meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
maybe if u had pics of him too they would !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often find it's the other way around. Not being ignored per se but a lot of people write a message assuming they are talking to C when it is in fact me, R, the majority of the time "
This!
They actually ask for his permission ~ "Hi Marcus, good going there, well done lad - can I tell you about a fantasy I have? Sarah would be perfect for it" or, "Would Sarah be interested in a 3some?"...
I reply to 99percent of the messages, and send most of the winks/first messages we send...
Marcus just looks in now and again |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I'm sick of couples complaining that people only refer to the female only when they receive messages because when I get a message from a couples profile, they rarely say which one of them has sent me the message.
Practice what you preach
Because as I said with ours its from both of us. Obviously only one has written it but for ys at least it would have input from us as a couple not just one of us so we ARE practising what we preach!!"
To be fair, you say up there that you do the vetting and pick out who you think your wife might like to talk to and then she talks to them, so you are contradicting yourself a bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always make a point of addressing both people when I message but a profile only has pictures of the female I can see why some forget that there's a male and only address the woman."
so many couples only have pics of the female ! If there a couple surly he should have pics too
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a difficult one for photos of men as there isn't much people want to see of us just look what people say about single profiles. But it does bug me when our profile clearly states we only play as a couple but get messages only wanting Lou. I remember once getting a series of posts after post a status of horny but my partners away… they continued until I replied "you do know I'm the male half" to which the response was oh shit sorry (then I was promptly blocked).
When checking a couple out the first thing I check is the couples sexual orientation. My OH is bi I'm straight no point messaging if he wants a bi male. I will then check out the photos obviously I and Lou will want to be attracted to the female however Lou needs to have some attraction from the fella too.
Then I will either message them stating its the male half messaging and chat to them as a couple or I will ask Lou to message. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
We don't have pics (apart from an avatar) and no wording on our profile at the moment and we still get mails addressed to only the female
Sometimes it is nothing to do with a profile or pics, some people just assume they are talking to one half of a couple.
It doesn't bother us one way or another though...if we don't like a mail we just say No thanks.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've said this numerous times but I'll say it again ~ A lot of couple profiles look & sound like single women, regardless of the word couple next to them.
I believe from reading posts before that even if they are a couple profile a lot will say it's only the woman that plays.
But then again - on one of my couples profiles we have two pictures. One is of me naked, one is of my partner naked. The avatar (main image) is of my partner naked.
The wording is neutral, and specifies that we are mostly looking for men for my partner to play with.
Yet still I'd suggest that 90% of the messages are directed at me. I wouldn't mind if they were politely asking if we play separately - in which case we'd direct them to our singles profiles - but they aren't. They're just assuming that it's the woman who is playing and the woman who they will be playing with."
I think assumption plays a big part too.
Have you ever had an avatar pic of you both, I wonder if that would make a difference?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always make a point of addressing both people when I message but a profile only has pictures of the female I can see why some forget that there's a male and only address the woman. so many couples only have pics of the female ! If there a couple surly he should have pics too "
Yes I agree with this as it's nice to know what the man will look like. But in many cases ours included it really doesn't matter, people tend to ignore me and think they are talking to Lou |
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"A lot of the single males just address me, although lately we've had one that always starts "hi boobs (and balls)" then continues to talk to me
Don't know why they need the brackets, but there you go.
Again, look at your profile: 37 public photos. 2 of him. 1 of you both.
Can couples not see the imbalances they themselves cause?
Regardless of how many there are, there are still pics of him and our profile mentions him in detail. It's not all down to pics, the ability to read goes a long way.
And there are a lot more pics of him in the friends folder.
So you don't think that couples profiles which give only marginal references to the male half may be contributing to the attention given to the male?
It seems to me that many couples ignore the male half, so why should any else act differently?
(just look at the OP's profile before responding) "
That last comment is a tad rude, but cheers for your input |
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I've always signed my messages so people know it's me and not him, which might help a bit.
We don't get enough of it to bother us, I think in the 3 years we've been here there have only been a couple where I've had to say that C also reads the messages and it would be polite to show him some respect.
I think it is difficult to find imaginative ways to take pics of guys, whereas women have a mountain of lingerie and poses to choose from.
We don't have loads of him in public for obvious reasons, but perhaps I need to reduce the amount of me. The trouble is deciding which ones to get rid of! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just picked up on this......
Previously, I was on here as a couple and experienced same - eventually, we stated clearly in the profile that we would not tolerate ignorance like this and all such messages would be deleted without reply and sender blocked. It did the trick and it meant that all the meets we had where with good guys/gals and couples.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sick of couples complaining that people only refer to the female only when they receive messages because when I get a message from a couples profile, they rarely say which one of them has sent me the message.
Practice what you preach
Because as I said with ours its from both of us. Obviously only one has written it but for ys at least it would have input from us as a couple not just one of us so we ARE practising what we preach!!
To be fair, you say up there that you do the vetting and pick out who you think your wife might like to talk to and then she talks to them, so you are contradicting yourself a bit."
Not at all if I know we're not interested I say no thanks there for no further conversation is required and it doesnt matter whose messaging. But I said if I think she would be interested I then run it by her there for the reply is from us both. |
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This is why I rarely if ever write to couples. The confusion, the pause cos its difficult to address two people when you only fancy the female and the weird feeling I get when I have to pretend I find what the male half is saying interesting when it isn't. In short, its a minefield that can only go away if there's a click between all three and how often does that happen? |
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"This is why I rarely if ever write to couples. The confusion, the pause cos its difficult to address two people when you only fancy the female and the weird feeling I get when I have to pretend I find what the male half is saying interesting when it isn't. In short, its a minefield that can only go away if there's a click between all three and how often does that happen?"
For us it happens quite often, mainly I think because C is a very sociable and funny person. All the feedback from our recent party commented on how hilarious he is, and he's very good at putting people at ease |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
your profile and pictures is completely surrounding the woman. Not forgiving any mails you may get as yes, you are a couple - messages should try and address you both, but, your profile is totally about the woman, men will obviously try and complement and flirt with the woman to try and get a response.
It is a little difficult with couples anyway being straight - as there are very few things you can say to the bloke to get attention if like yours all the pics are centred on the woman... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi guys this is the OP on the profile I have been referring to as the original 1 has caused a lot of confusion on the thread as it was until recently my singles profile but was changed by admin. As we are new to this cpls profile malarky so any constructive comments on how to create a fully rounded profile that's inclusive so peeps address my partner as much as me would be really helpful |
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By *r jblMan
over a year ago
from parts unknown |
" Is it just me n my partner who have experienced this or is it common place?
Why is that so many on here seem to totally ignore the male half of a couple?
Surely if you want to play with the lady or cpl you should show consideration for the male and try to connect with him as well and not try and circumvent him or quite frankly act like he doesn't exist."
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Yeah we get it but the majority are from single blokes anyway however they just address the lady .Some havent even clicked on before the message its a couple profile. Were all different in our ways and i leave them open for mrs to read so very rarely delete or block its upto her to do that. Have put some more pics of mr on but nobody loves me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The best bit of information was given to me as I started out on my swinging adventure by a certain club owner in Sheffield ...if you want to get into the knickers of a the lady of a couple ..ignore her and chat to him ...he thinks your a nice guy ...job done ....never did me any harm and made some good friends from it ...Mr d |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I generally find that a lot of couples profiles don't give the male half adequate airtime on profiles so I can kind of understand why that happens. When you find a profile that has a couple with equal pics and blurb about each partner it's a total bonus. "
Smushkitten, you have no pics of your partner at all on your public gallery; bring him out of the dark and see if that helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always wonder why there are no pics of the bloke on many couple profiles. That's why I've put lots of pictures of myself on our profile, because I'm pretty and deserve to be looked at
To be fair though, it doesn't bother me if single men only address their message as if they're speaking to my g/f because let's be fair they probably don't give a shit about me and unless they want to bang me I wouldn't expect them to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The best bit of information was given to me as I started out on my swinging adventure by a certain club owner in Sheffield ...if you want to get into the knickers of a the lady of a couple ..ignore her and chat to him ...he thinks your a nice guy ...job done ....never did me any harm and made some good friends from it ...Mr d "
Good advice lol |
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