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Married people...
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I have a question. 
I have no issues with those who are married and play away from home. To each their own, your business and not mine. Please don't let this turn into a married person bashing thread... it's not for us to judge.
I'm curious though, humour me if you will?! Throughout my life, the people I meet through swinging, work, friends etc. there seems to be an increasing pattern (mostly with the men so far) in that they're not happy at home in a sexual context.
I live in a black and white mind with some subjects and this is one of those areas so I never really understand why someone would settle for someone who didn't tick all the boxes and get married. Whilst I appreciate that the sexual side of things isn't the only important thing in a relationship but it's pretty high up there on my list of important stuff in my life.
Was everything hunky dory before/when you got married and it's just got boring so you are looking to liven things up? Or has it always been rubbish in the bedroom side of things but everything else was great so you were in love and got married?
Have you broached the subject of swinging with your partner or do you think they'd never be interested so don't bother to ask?
I realise this is a big subject and everyone has all sorts of reasons for looking for something outwith their relationship but I'm nosey and like to ask questions. Anyone able to share? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of reasons I am guessing children, financial, been together a long time to busy with life and not with each other. Or just have gtown apart. But if you love that person then communication is the key and trust. There is a big gap between love and sex they are two different things. I just cant be doing with the sneeking around behind someones back. |
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Relationships change over the years. At some point, one partner or other is going to 'go off sex' at some stage. This leaves the other partner possibly still yearning for that intimate experience.
Sometimes, discussions may have been made on this lessening of the libido with a _iew to seeing if things will/can change, and what the options may be to mitigate this.
Not all will find a satisfactory resolution to this conundrum. Rather than labour the point and risk a breakdown of an otherwise happy relationship - one party or other might seek to find that level of intimacy with someone else in a similar, but reversed situation.
Discretion is the key.
Maybe those that find themselves in this situation _iew others with active and continuing sex lives with their partners with some degree of envy.
Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. Each to their own.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll put my head above the parapet...
I'm looking to play on my own without my wife's knowledge. Haven't been fortunate to find anyone suitable on here as yet but have done on other sites.
I know it's cheating. That's between me and my conscience. The physical side of my relationship dried up some time ago. She had a serious brush with cancer a few years back and it changed the dynamics of things both physically and emotionally.
I'm not looking for anyone's sympathy nor am I making the excuse that because my wife is ill that what I'm doing is ok. I respect the choice of everyone on here who doesn't want to meet those playing away.
I guess I'm on here for a bit of escapism and any fun that might come my way. But I'm not going to abandon her. I can't do it.
You might argue that she would prefer to be on her own if she knew the truth. Well, I'm not seeking anyone's approval, so that's for me to decide. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i had am affair 3 years ago as things at home were not good. We managed to get past it and just in Jan i felt my curiosity getting the better of me again. But what to do hubby knows but isn't happy but i can't seem to stop. I guess that escapipm is a big part of it. He makes me feel so hemmed in sometimes I'm not sure if that's why? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the end of the day we all have needs whether its emotional, physical or sexual. I know it may sound wierd but I have one guy that comes see me and all he wants is a hug. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
Thank you for sharing and for your honesty.
I'm of the opinion that I'm single and can pretty much do as I please. I don't have to worry about other people's circumstances cause really, they don't concern me in the grand scheme of things and whilst I generally choose to play with people who are single, it's mainly because it's easier. There's no risk of getting caught up in other people's hurt if things go tits up.
It's just not for other people to judge I don't think. Your conscience is just that, it's yours, not mine and I don't need people to justify what they're doing whatever their circumstances. I'm just curious about stuff so thank you for sharing. |
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There's that old joke...
"How do you stop your girlfriend from giving you a blow-job?"
"Marry her"
The first time I was married for 12 years and pretty much as soon as we were married so she became less and less interested in sex. I tried everything I could think of, and when I run out of things to think of I researched and read books on the subject. One of the last conversations I had with her about sex was me saying, "I'm still a young man, I have needs and desires and while I will NOT go looking for sex elsewhere I don't know if I'll be able to resist if it comes my way". It did eventually and she found out. I learned that what ever pleasure I got from it, it wasn't worth the pain it caused her, nor did she deserve it! I ended up leaving her, not because of sex issues but because of her drinking and the violence I suffered as a result... I was a battered husband.
10 year married to second wife ended when I confronted her with the proof of her string of betrayals. Ironically we had a great sex life but she was one of the type that always had to be doing something underhand, compulsive liar, fraudster, theft, there was always something, infidelity wasn't about the sex, it was more to do with a drive to cheat one way or anther.
Having said all that when we do get talking to a married guy with a list of excuses we haven't had one yet say, "My wife isn't interested in sex because I'm crap at it".
Maybe some people just find they are not sexually compatible. An example, during a playroom session I played with three different fems in succession, two of them had a fantastic time with me and were very complimentary of my apparent sexual skills 'with them'. The third however, no matter what I tried I just couldn't find the right thing to do... the third fem and me were not sexually compatible but still get on like a house on fire outside of that.
To the OP's question I think its just too complex to find a black/white answer although I think that less social stigma and more honestly at the start of a relationship would help as the would be husband or wife says...
"Well actually I want to marry you because the sex is fantastic. The fact you are caring and have some intelligence is a bonus but not that important to me"
How many vanilla wives out there gagging for a gang-bang but will never mention it to anyone because girls who like sex with loads of men are slags!
How many vanilla hubbies out there gagging to suck off a cock but will never mention it to anyone ever let alone the wife!!!
Or "Lets try wife-swapping"
"Oh right, so I'm not good enough now, you want to have sex with other people!!!"
One thing is certain, sex is VERY important to those its important to
SORRY... went on a bit didn't I  |
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Serious sticking head above parapet here,and an admission,
i had very severe pmt after the birth of my boys,and then drifted into believing yummy mummies didn't do sex.i was struggling with being a perfect mum,and there were about 4 years where i did not do sex.It was a once a month chore,if that,where i knew kev wasnt satisfied.
The reason i am harsh on those who cheat i that i know how devastated i would have been if kev had gone behind my back to get what i could not give him.There seems to be an assumption that the "sexless" wife does not want a good sex life,i can tell you from the nights i spent crying about my lack of response that is so untrue.
However i know i am lucky,kev is my soul mate,he waited,he worked on our relationship,and when,one day i came back from shopping with sexy underwear,the smile said it all.
i have been accused of being bitter and angry today,which is so far from the truth,what i am is empathetic,i was that wife,and i know how wonderful things can be if you work on your marriage rather than looking for the easy option. |
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Excellent post there jemima puddlefuck and for what its worth, well done to both of you for staying the course.
So while peeps are putting cards face up a bit more food for thought. When Angie and I first got together for both of us its was like the start of a sex life but, I had most of my kids still at home. As a result our sex life had to be VERY toned down but like teenagers we'd get so excited and enthusiastic if we got the house to ourselves.
Over time all of the kids moved out and set up with their own partners, finally we had what we thought we always wanted, privacy and the house all to ourselves to do what ever we want whenever we wanted it.
But, and we were talking about this a few weeks back, now we have sex less often! Because we can whenever we want, we don't HAVE TO tonight cos all the kids are out we can do it tomorrow... but tomorrow never comes as they say!
Its like anything else to a point, you want all the more the things you can't have. However, when it comes to sex hormones add to the equation. While not wanting this to be added to the cheating hubby excuse list, males in particular have some serious chemicals racing around their bodies driving them to 'mate' and the less they get the more they want it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone who plays away has a bad sex life at home
Personally I think most who play away are after the thrill that comes with it rather than filling a gap their partners done |
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"Serious sticking head above parapet here,and an admission,
i had very severe pmt after the birth of my boys,and then drifted into believing yummy mummies didn't do sex.i was struggling with being a perfect mum,and there were about 4 years where i did not do sex.It was a once a month chore,if that,where i knew kev wasnt satisfied.
The reason i am harsh on those who cheat i that i know how devastated i would have been if kev had gone behind my back to get what i could not give him.There seems to be an assumption that the "sexless" wife does not want a good sex life,i can tell you from the nights i spent crying about my lack of response that is so untrue.
However i know i am lucky,kev is my soul mate,he waited,he worked on our relationship,and when,one day i came back from shopping with sexy underwear,the smile said it all.
i have been accused of being bitter and angry today,which is so far from the truth,what i am is empathetic,i was that wife,and i know how wonderful things can be if you work on your marriage rather than looking for the easy option."
i like yourself went off sex for 2 yrs after my youngest was born, my husband knew what i was going through and knew before me i had pnd, and with his help and support i got through it. 20 yrs later we are still together and still very much in love with eath other. talking and communication is the key |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People change don't they. Who has remained exactly the same since they were 18 or who has grown eotionally, mentally, physically because of how life experiences have shaped them. That's why there are so many second marriages. We all do develop And change as the years roll on but not all at the same rate, hence some people 'growing apart'.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive never been married but have had a long term relationship that resulted in 2 children. Despite his poor sexual prowess that was about his enjoyment and not mine, the fact that he was a bully and liked to beat me etc etc, not once did i consider cheating on him, even though he cheated on me. To me, once 2 people are in a relationship "forsake all others" as the marriage vow says. I dont quite understand why someone stays in a relationship that is obviously missing something, staying for children is right either, its not good for their stability and well being. Nor is love a reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been married twice, the sex dies after the wedding, it's a fact. I am now in a fantastic relationship and we play lots!!
The secret is the wedding cake, somebody from somewhere puts something in it that kills a womans desire to have sex with you!!!!
Simples!!
(only joking) |
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it isn't always the woman who loses the sexual desire in a marriage either...I have always had a very high sex drive and after I married my ex his started to dwindle.The one time he did get randy all the time was when I was heavily pregnant with twins and at that point I could hardle roll over let alone think about sex..lol... |
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I would love to contribute, but have in the past been castigated for my comments.
People have their reasons for doing what they do and learn to live with the consequences of their actions.
A brill thread and some stories that I can relate too.
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
Thank you all for sharing... really glad this stayed as it was intended.
I've never lived with anyone so I have absolutely no idea what that sort of long term thing is like. My folks have been married for 47 years so that's all I have to base my _iews on. I'm spoiled, they're still totally in love. It's brilliant.
However, I suspect it's made me afraid of commitment and I guess that's a shame considering how happy they are but if I can't have perfect I'm not settling for less. |
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By *otswoldMan
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
The common theme in this thread seems to be that people change and so relationships change. “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, and health problems (both physical and emotional) are a minefield when it comes to happiness. Based entirely on my own experience and my own circumstances I would suggest that one can claim to love a person but nevertheless find it virtually impossible to be a lover and a carer at the same time. The whole dynamic of the relationship is turned on its head. Ideas of give, of take, of guilt, of gratitude, of shame and of blame are turned on their heads. I consider myself lucky to be told, “Just because I can’t should not mean you shan’t”. But I accept that statement at face value and consider it wiser not attempt to determine who is the more grateful to whom and/or why.  |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I'm also curious if it's a generation thing too. My folks didn't get to 47 years without hard work, I don't believe it's all rosy in the garden all the time but do you think that we give up too easily now?
I wonder if it has something to do with extra marital sex being so readily available these days, again not criticising people for their choices, but if it the ability to get sex elsewhere wasn't so available would it make a difference do you think? Or do you think it's been available forever, just people were more discrete about it?
I get more and more curious about this stuff the more experiences I hear of and I like that I've been able to think out loud and others have contributed. |
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By *laphe1Man
over a year ago
Huddersfield |
I am married ,my wife doesn't know,and I don't want her to know ideally I would involve her but her sex cravings are barely there these days and its not for trying out believe me.Sometimes things just arent the same,it doesnt mean you dont love them anymore or want to leave.I have and always will have a higher sex drive than my Mrs thats all. |
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we've both been married before and both had affairs and one-night-stands as neither of our exes were very interested in sex (unlike the pair of us!).
we met after we'd both got divorced and realised we both had very high sex-drives, so started swinging together after a few months and have been swinging regularly ever since. we were married a few years later and think the fact that we can have sex with others openly is very good for our relationship, we don't need furtive sex with all its bad points. it hasn't driven us apart, quite the opposite.
think couples who have been married for a while then want to try swinging may be different. for example g suggested to his ex they tried a swinger club and she freaked out! |
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It is so easy to be judgementle of others and their choices in life. However I often find those same people that are incensed about other peoples infidelities have dark secrets of their own that would rate just as badly if not worse if put before their peers.
Life is seldom black and white, more a case of many shades of grey and if you must judge others then do so while looking in the mirror, you might find it most humbling !
The moral high ground is often the place you find the most sanctimonious hypocrisy.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think it is a generation thing, making a relationship work takes time and effort, both things that are sadly lacking these days by many, it’s like growing vegetables, why wait for them to grow when you can just pop to the shops and buy some, we just live in a society where everyone wants everything right now without any real effort or the hassle that comes with trying to fix it, if something breaks they’d sooner replace it rather than try to fix it.
Have you heard the phrase, a dogs for life not just for Christmas? Well the same should be said about relationships |
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Surely if you had a good sex life but your partner is not so keen any more the answer is to talk to them. Naturally if you have been with the same person for years the sex may get a bit samey. When it does look at new things to try and do with each other in bed, share your fantasies etc. To me when you partner loses interest in sex you have to ask why and not go onto a swinging forum to have some sex behind his or her back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i agree with most about this thread and i'm also glad there have been great feedback. infidelity has and will always be around....i know that my nan (74) used to stray from my grandad. the difference today is that (like has already been said) that sex is around every corner these days. mobiles, internet sites and the fact that sex is all over the tv have increased the chances of this. before, for people to cheat, they had to rely on someone having simalar morals that was involved in their social circle....now, sex is only a message away to someone in the same country!
can i also say that i am proud of those guys who have be openly honest. this site needs more honesty  |
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I guess if we're going to consider how things used to be, it's not just the Internet that's changed things. Attitudes towards sex have totally changed too. Nowadays its quite acceptable for women to say out loud 'I like sex' and 'I enjoy having sex'. When I was in my teens girls that we game for a shag where labeled 'tarts' and 'slags', they were OK for a shag but not marrying quality. Maybe being a virgin wasn't essential but anymore than one or two ex sex partners and it was tantamount to being a prostitute!
Nowadays its ok to be actively sexual, bisexual, gay, even kinky sex and fetishes are acceptable.
However, it also seems to be that there is now no shame anymore in betraying a husband/wife for sexual gratification, in fact some actually boast about it!
We don't knowingly play with people playing away simply because we don't want to be a piece of the shit that hits the fan when the husband or wife finds out.
But it begs the question, 'why' do people lie about their status, is it because they think it will reduce their chances of a shag or is it because they feel ashamed and embarrassed about what they are doing?
All we can say is we haven't spoken to one yet who feels any shame, at best all they do is come up with more excuses to try and justify what they do  |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I suppose I don't really feel that I need any sort of justification from someone else as to why they're cheating.
If I were to play with someone who is married then I would be uncomfortable dealing with their shame. I'm not surprised you haven't seen shame from people about it, I sort of feel that they need to deal with their emotional side of things without offloading on a stranger. I imagine they would come to terms with what they are doing by themselves. It's for their conscience to cope with so why should they share their shame? Just cause you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.
There are so many different reasons whether they are physical or emotional it doesn't really matter, either you make a choice to play with people who are playing away from home or you don't. We all have our own choices to make and I don't think anyone is in a position to judge anyone other than ourselves.
I've never cheated. I have been the other woman before, it didn't make me happy so its why I wouldn't choose to get myself in that situation again. I understand it from that angle though, this thread has been an education in other angles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same "
valid point im afraid!! sad but true....i suppose the lack of sex drive could be one of many factors. but overall, sex is important for a healthy relationship. im not saying that people can't be happy without it, but there is obviously always gonna be something missing from the intimacy that most wouldn't cope with that's why i have always admired swinging couples. those intimate moments can be shared with each other but also fulfilling other desires with others. ...anyway, think i've gone off track, so will shut up now :s |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once I had a child, my ex husband stopped seeing me as a woman and only saw me as a mummy. We didn't have sex for 3 years from the moment I conceived. This was bad, but what made us end it was that he wouldn't talk to me about it. Every time I asked why he wouldn't have sex with me, he avoided the subject and refused to talk. The inevitable happened, someone told me I was stunning and gorgeous and wanted me and I left. To be honest, I'm a lot happier now without him, he was quite annoying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same
valid point im afraid!! sad but true....i suppose the lack of sex drive could be one of many factors. but overall, sex is important for a healthy relationship. im not saying that people can't be happy without it, but there is obviously always gonna be something missing from the intimacy that most wouldn't cope with that's why i have always admired swinging couples. those intimate moments can be shared with each other but also fulfilling other desires with others. ...anyway, think i've gone off track, so will shut up now :s"
But how many swinging couples do you think have problems within their marrage?
Maybe like my marrage their sex life is bad so think doing this will help
I think lots of couples with failing marrages think swinging will help
Not all couples who swing have a rock solid marrage to be admired, look at the amount of couples on here who split up!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wanted my ex to find someone to have fun with as I could give him what he wanted. It wasn't that I didn't love him. I just wasn't interested in sex.
I was working to many hours, stress etc.
It wasn't till we spilt up that I discovered my sexuality and had the best sex ever. Problem is he wasn't willing to share me and things didn't work trying again. We are still very good friends and like that I'm enjoying the life I'm now living.
I did find him a new wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
But how many swinging couples do you think have problems within their marrage?
Maybe like my marrage their sex life is bad so think doing this will help
I think lots of couples with failing marrages think swinging will help
Not all couples who swing have a rock solid marrage to be admired, look at the amount of couples on here who split up!
"
well i had previously thought of that, but as none of them divulge information to me, i don't know for sure. both parties would have to be (to some extent) certain that their bond was strong before entering this lifestyle. i have told couples before that i don't think i could do this sort of thing with a partner as i am far too insecure i think we have gone waaaaayyyyyy off track though lol |
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"I have been married twice, the sex dies after the wedding, it's a fact. I am now in a fantastic relationship and we play lots!!
The secret is the wedding cake, somebody from somewhere puts something in it that kills a womans desire to have sex with you!!!!
Simples!!
ahh getting married next year... makes mentle note not to eat any cake...
(only joking)"
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My misses spent 21 years with her now long since ex-husband. She had a high sex drive for most of that time and so did he. However it didn't work for her with him. And its not like he wasn't sexually adventurous because he was and it still didn't work!
I take the point about not 'seeing' any shame too, but that was partly my point. Each to their own but its not something we want to be a part of.
Couples swinging with relationship issues, yes we met some in the the early days and got the impression they were looking to swinging to fix their problems. Now I wouldn't say that swinging can't fix any problems, certainly it could cure a lack of sexual experience and maybe learn some new techniques but it's unlikely to fix not wanting to be with your hubby/wife.
But perhaps its ironic that many couples (us included) report that it can make a relationship stronger. |
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Like most cpl's we went through a phase where we drifted apart after 20 plus years, basically we stopped doing what we have allways done before....communicating with each other.
we very nearly split up, but we wanted to get back what we had had before so we put certain aspects of our life on hold and worked at it.
which was bloody hard, at times it felt that it may have been easier to go our seperate ways.
sorted now, but if either of us had suggested using swinging as a means to sort out the issue it would have been a mess and we had dallied prior to the problem.
any partner in a relationship suggesting swinging to help repair the same would in our opinion cause only further damage.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i was married the hubby played away x it happened convation broke down x now iam with a guy who introuced me to swinging we are madly in love n the fact that we can b totaly open with each other n dont control the other makes a fantastic realtionrhhp x |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same
valid point im afraid!! sad but true....i suppose the lack of sex drive could be one of many factors. but overall, sex is important for a healthy relationship. im not saying that people can't be happy without it, but there is obviously always gonna be something missing from the intimacy that most wouldn't cope with that's why i have always admired swinging couples. those intimate moments can be shared with each other but also fulfilling other desires with others. ...anyway, think i've gone off track, so will shut up now :s"
I think it brings up a very interesting question.. well, two different groups of people so speak
those who see swinging as an addition to any sex life and embrace that aspect... as opposed to those who see swinging as a substitute for the sex they once had.....
i am not going to go into the moral side... but i much rather enjoy playing with the former... as opposed to the latter.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We been married for over number of years and we like good sex and were virgins when met and are looking to improve and heightening our sexual raising, and what better way than together if we both feel confident |
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"You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same
valid point im afraid!! sad but true....i suppose the lack of sex drive could be one of many factors. but overall, sex is important for a healthy relationship. im not saying that people can't be happy without it, but there is obviously always gonna be something missing from the intimacy that most wouldn't cope with that's why i have always admired swinging couples. those intimate moments can be shared with each other but also fulfilling other desires with others. ...anyway, think i've gone off track, so will shut up now :s"
i too think that sex is such a basic part of a relationship that i am very dubious of those who say everything is perfect except the sex,but are able to lie to their partner.
Thats why my advice is always the same,work on the relationship,it will do more good in the long run.
DG i think in the past ppl did cheat,i'm just reading the life of tThomas Cromwell,those Bolyns were dirty buggers! However marriage was for life,so ppl did not expect to be able to jump ship at the first ign of trouble.i also think they had more realsitic or lower,expectations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't feel i can add to this message, my own experiences of playing alone whilst i was with my husband...can't be doing with crying today.
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for giving such honest accounts of their stories....tear jerking at times xxx |
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Firstly, I wish to thank everyone who has written, and expressed themselves and their opinions so thoughtfully. This topic is close to me as I am playing without my partner's knowledge. I agree with stevie wonder and understand clearly those, who for moral or other reasons, would not play with me. Since I started swinging some 8 years ago, it has been a constant in my relationships. I love the scene both sexually and socially. This scene is me, but while it is me, I have parts of my life away from the scene and my partner is that life and provides that life. I do tell contacts that I am in a relationship and few wish to meet, so it is a deal breaker. Apart from the social side, I just want to get a good bj and the new sex that comes with meeting a person once in a while. I am content to wait to meet someone who is happy to meet me, every few weeks to play, chat, read a book, to be there in each other's lives discretely. Thank you all again for your words. You have all been very kind. |
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By *evin5050Man
over a year ago
wolverhampton |
"You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same "
Mmmm - I felt like that when I was married. Eventually it was me who had the excuses, was tired and had the headaches or came to bed late so she'd be asleep (after masterbating to late night TV - come on guys we've all done it!).
I finally had to face the fact that I just did not want sex with her anymore - which was not fair on her or me.
If I had suggested swinging and she had agreed, would it have stirred up the passion for each other again? Well, I doubt it very, very much.
Much happier now |
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"
Mmmm - I felt like that when I was married. Eventually it was me who had the excuses, was tired and had the headaches or came to bed late so she'd be asleep (after masterbating to late night TV - come on guys we've all done it!).
I finally had to face the fact that I just did not want sex with her anymore - which was not fair on her or me.
If I had suggested swinging and she had agreed, would it have stirred up the passion for each other again? Well, I doubt it very, very much.
Much happier now "
Interesting comments there. Thing is with my misses and I the swinging side of things its very much an 'us' thing. We share in each others pleasure even if it being induced by someone else and for us the BEST part for us is AFTER a swinging session when we are alone together.
It's somehow strange trying to consider enjoying this hobby alone without someone to share it with if that makes any sense? |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I really love how this thread has turned out. This is what belonging to an adult site is all about for me. I have an inquisitive nature at the best of times so to be able to ask fairly random questions about things I have no experience in and not only get answers but to get experiences from people is pretty brilliant. I like that people have felt able to contribute their stories without being berated for it. Makes a very pleasant change. |
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"I really love how this thread has turned out. This is what belonging to an adult site is all about for me. I have an inquisitive nature at the best of times so to be able to ask fairly random questions about things I have no experience in and not only get answers but to get experiences from people is pretty brilliant. I like that people have felt able to contribute their stories without being berated for it. Makes a very pleasant change. "
Just want to point out that perhaps the way you posed the question had a lot to do with that..
ok love in over |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I really love how this thread has turned out. This is what belonging to an adult site is all about for me. I have an inquisitive nature at the best of times so to be able to ask fairly random questions about things I have no experience in and not only get answers but to get experiences from people is pretty brilliant. I like that people have felt able to contribute their stories without being berated for it. Makes a very pleasant change.
Just want to point out that perhaps the way you posed the question had a lot to do with that..
ok love in over "
Hahaha...thank you but it takes input from everyone in their responses to make a thread work so thanks to everyone for their contributions already made and to anymore that come along. |
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i thought i would post my own reasons for cheating on my ex husband and why i felt justified.
my ex husband felt that i should only have sex for his pleasure.. i was only there to cook,clean, run after him ect . once after an argument i refused to have sex with him... he went to his parents and complained... my MIL came down to me and said i have to give a man his oats... it was his right!
he also verbally and mentally abused me to the point i felt i was worthless, i didnt feel sexy in anyway, i felt dumpy,stupid and downright useless..
one day i joined a website for writers.. something i did to escape.. i started chatting to a guy in the usa.. loved chatting to him never really knew his real name but we text/cyber flirted,, he made me feel a little sexy again.. i thought i would give my marrage another try,( this was in our 19th year of being together) i brought a vibrater to spice things up... my husband called me a whore and a slut and many other horried names... but i loved my vib.. i found i could enjoy sex i could climax for the first time.
after that i looked at sex forums to find out more. i joined AFF and chatted on line on cam and was told i was sexy it boosted my confidence.. i learnt to drive, got a job, went to college, all things my husband didnt want me to do... i then took the next step. i meet someone... some one i had chatted to lots on cam.. we met in a laybe.. i had the most amazing sex, i felt free... over the next few weeks i meet some more peeps,, then one night after a long day at work, my husband started his usual attack on me,, and i snapped, i calmly told him i was leaving and walked out.after nearly 21 years of marriage... got my own place and spent 12 months exploring my freedom and sexuallity.
then i met FSM, we worked together, became very good friends. and the rest is history.
i dont think i would ever feel the need to cheat on FSM we are both so open and honest about every espect of our relationship and of course the sex is fantastic, amazing and never boring. lol   |
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"You know what i always wonder is
The amount of people on here who play away and say its because their partner has no sex drive, how many of them partners really have no sex drive or just dont want to have sex with them
I know that sounds odd but thats how i felt with my ex, we had next to no sex life at all even tho i had a really high sex drive but the top and bottom of it was id have sooner have gone without than had sex with him
And i wonder how many other women whos men are cheating on here feel the same "
lol I wanted to say that but thought I would get shot down in flames if I did. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
very good thread.
there are people for all on here, honesty on profile and careful selection of who to contact is key.
and a dignified silence also helps.
good luck to all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is so easy to be judgementle of others and their choices in life. However I often find those same people that are incensed about other peoples infidelities have dark secrets of their own that would rate just as badly if not worse if put before their peers.
Life is seldom black and white, more a case of many shades of grey and if you must judge others then do so while looking in the mirror, you might find it most humbling !
The moral high ground is often the place you find the most sanctimonious hypocrisy...."
Does your mirror have a frame ? Hypocrite is a good word isn't it? Almost as good as irony. |
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By *andKCouple
over a year ago
Norfolk |
married nearly 34 years here and probably happier than when we first got married. Been through the trials and tribulations of children, money, lost jobs etc etc all of which have made us stonger together.
We enjoy swinging as an addition to our own sex lives and although we are on here a lot it isn't the be all and end all of our existence.
As a couple, and it is OUR choice, we won't willingly play with a single who is cheating on their partner (either way round). How often have we heard "He/She doesn't understand my needs" well in those circumstances we won't either.
However, it is up to them, we won't judge them cos you can be sure we don't know the full story, but it is OUR choice who we play with.
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