FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Avoiding clubs because of people you know dilemma
Avoiding clubs because of people you know dilemma
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not 100% secure with singular meetings from here for my personal safety etc and have been thinking about hitting the clubs alot lately, they seem alot better for connections and safety than this site IMO. But recently I have seen someone I know pretty well on here who frequents all the clubs that are local-ish and that i wanted to attended. Now I'm stuck as i can not have them know about my alternative lifestye choice. They know to many of my friends/family and it would cause HUGE problems if they spouted their mouth. They seem fairly open with their swing life as they have face pictures and all on their profile, and other social networks.
How do others who go to or want to go to clubs get around this if they too have the same need for absolute discretion as me???  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always an issue for most people as people do travel for clubs then you are still likely to see people from your area even if you go 100 miles from home. Scooby wears a wig to change her appearance sometimes which seems to get around it. As has been said most people wouldn't say anything as they also would like to keep there fab life secret. Mr |
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If they're hitting the local clubs it means you're going to have to look further afield. Why not make a weekend of it and try a club that's also in a decent tourist area, so you can do other activities.
Often there are Guestlist for some events have a look at one you fancy, and if the person you're avoiding is not on the list  |
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We’re always surprised by the number of people we meet who have travelled miles and miles for fear of being seen in their local clubs.
If life was fair, then you seeing this person in a local club should be a non issue, however if this person is as indiscreet / trouble making as you suggest, sadly you have little choice but to go further afield.
The guest list suggestion above is interesting if it’s feasible. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sadly She wouldn't be the type to be discreet. So the genuine swinger wouldn't out you ethos doens't apply.
As for going futher afield i have thought about that but financially that wouldn't benefit right now that's why i was trying to stay local-ish.
It's frustrating really but not a lot I can personally do i guess  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does she ever put up a status update saying which club she's going to that night ? Then you could go to a different one. "
She does on occasion but other times she's updated after the event so can never be 100%. Also don't really want to be constantly checking her profile for locations she attends, that's a bit to stalker like for me lol. I just want to feel relaxed, safe and horny not constantly looking over my shoulder for her if i ever attend one 
If she wasn't such a snitch it would be a lot nicer
Such a frustrating dilemma  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you go to any club you never know who you are going to bump into, but like you they are there doing the same thing has you. But I understand what you are saying about her being open about her swinging lifestyle but you cannot keep worrying about where she is because it will only spoil your fun and swinging lifestyle |
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This was her worry when we started clubbing, but we've never met anybody either of us know in many years of regular clubbing. We told ourselves they'd be there for the same reason as us, so would't be a problem. |
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That’s a concern for me too. I couldn’t risk bumping into anyone from my professional life as it would cause serious issues and I’d also hate for anything to get back to our children (they’re teenagers and no teenagers need to know what their parents get up to!). But as lots of people travel away to go to clubs chances are we’re just as likely to meet someone from our local area doing the same as us. 
One day I might be brave enough but then I’ll probably be the oldest swinger in town.
Lou x |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Also don't really want to be constantly checking her profile for locations she attends, that's a bit to stalker like for me lol."
And if she keeps seeing that you've looked at her profile, that might raise her curiosity.
You can hotlist her instead. That will show you her status updates, without going to her profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We actually met someone I worked with, in a club, many years ago.
She looked at me, Bubbles, I looked at her, we just said, simultaneously, “We were never here”
It was amusing a few days later at work...we were on call together.... |
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"We actually met someone I worked with, in a club, many years ago.
She looked at me, Bubbles, I looked at her, we just said, simultaneously, “We were never here”
It was amusing a few days later at work...we were on call together...."
And in an ideal world that would be great. I wouldn’t be so worried about bumping into a colleague as their position would be as at much risk as mine, it’s more about bumping into people who could report us to our employers. Some professions don’t look favourably upon public shenanigans of any type, particularly sexual ones.
Lou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We actually met someone I worked with, in a club, many years ago.
She looked at me, Bubbles, I looked at her, we just said, simultaneously, “We were never here”
It was amusing a few days later at work...we were on call together....
And in an ideal world that would be great. I wouldn’t be so worried about bumping into a colleague as their position would be as at much risk as mine, it’s more about bumping into people who could report us to our employers. Some professions don’t look favourably upon public shenanigans of any type, particularly sexual ones.
Lou x "
Indeed. However, I successfully defended a colleague, when someone reported her for swinging, to our governing body.
Using logic, and a reasoned argument, there was, essentially, no case to answer. All this nonsense about bringing profession into disrepute, was rapidly eliminated. |
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"Does she ever put up a status update saying which club she's going to that night ? Then you could go to a different one. "
...some people change their minds last minute (and don't update status')...and may end up at the club you are attending
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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago
Henley Arden |
"Also don't really want to be constantly checking her profile for locations she attends, that's a bit to stalker like for me lol.
And if she keeps seeing that you've looked at her profile, that might raise her curiosity.
You can hotlist her instead. That will show you her status updates, without going to her profile."
You can view in stealth mode. Then no one knows your looking |
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"If they are in a club then they're there probably for the same thing as you. "
Indeed but not everyone wants or needs to keep their private life private. If someone has a loud and proud attitude to swinging chances are they won’t value everyone else’s need for discretion.
Lou x |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"If they are in a club then they're there probably for the same thing as you. "
Unfortunately not everyone is good at keeping club life strictly in the club. It might not matter to them, so they don't think about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We went to a club and bumped into the mrs best friends mum and dad. Few awkward glances across, I told L to go over and speak to them. Had a great conversation with them. Turns out they have been swinging 10 years.
I can only speak for myself, we live in a very small town with the typical small town mentality however I wouldn’t care if anyone knew.
I think L would purely for her parents sake.
My parents wouldn’t be surprised of me at all. |
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"Not sure if it's been said. But you're there and so are they. You either talk or say nothing more about it. Lexi  "
As I said earlier in the thread, that’s the ideal scenario but not everybody follows this unspoken swingers code, in fact, I’d bet lots who attend clubs aren’t actually swingers, just promiscuous/adventurous/kinky single people who aren’t even aware of the ‘swingers code’.
One thing I can be sure of though is people love to gossip, maybe not straight away but it all comes out eventually.
Lou x |
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Could you say that you are there just to enjoy sex with your partner and for nothing else.
We have teenagers at home so getting opportunities to let ourselves go is quite limited, so you could go to the clubs to be able to enjoy yourselves, not necessarily swinging, if that makes sense x
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