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Vanilla relationship question...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Once you get into the swinging scene, can you ever go back and embark on a normal relationship without the swinging?
Personally, I have a few vanilla ladies, who ask me out but I turn them down and avoid, as I like swinging too much and don't think I could ever enter a vanilla relationship now.
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"Once you get into the swinging scene, can you ever go back and embark on a normal relationship without the swinging?
Personally, I have a few vanilla ladies, who ask me out but I turn them down and avoid, as I like swinging too much and don't think I could ever enter a vanilla relationship now.
"
How do you know they are vanilla though? Coould have secret desires like a lot of us |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Haha...that is very true but I would never approach the subject of swinging for fear of being misunderstood and labelled (Pervy old man - which I am)  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess when you get to a stage when you realise how empty and superficial swinging is, it might be too late!!"
Spot on - swinging brings such extremes as a single male. You can sit in a club and feel very empty at times, yet attend a private party and feel like a king as the single guy with lots of active couples. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once you get into the swinging scene, can you ever go back and embark on a normal relationship without the swinging?
Personally, I have a few vanilla ladies, who ask me out but I turn them down and avoid, as I like swinging too much and don't think I could ever enter a vanilla relationship now.
"
Monogamy doesn't necessarily have to be vanilla though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"monogamy needn't be vanilla (how I dislike that word)"
Apologies, as was going to replace the word vanilla with normal but thought slight contradiction as what is classed as normal nowadays |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"monogamy needn't be vanilla (how I dislike that word)"
Agree, and agree, although at least vanilla is a generally understood term; it communicates what it needs to, albeit simply. |
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"Once you get into the swinging scene, can you ever go back and embark on a normal relationship without the swinging?
Personally, I have a few vanilla ladies, who ask me out but I turn them down and avoid, as I like swinging too much and don't think I could ever enter a vanilla relationship now.
"
Oops, I definitely think about this too. I don't know if I could be in a relationship that didn't involve some kind of swinging after this but maybe that is just because I haven't met the right person yet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]"
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol) |
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol) "
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol)
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never "
The eternal dilemma... |
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol)
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never
The eternal dilemma..."
Right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol)
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never
The eternal dilemma...
Right? "
Sorry, meant to quote your other post; if we find the mythical 'one' would that be enough to give up any kind of alternative lifestyle. |
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol)
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never
The eternal dilemma...
Right?
Sorry, meant to quote your other post; if we find the mythical 'one' would that be enough to give up any kind of alternative lifestyle."
You can only hope if they were "the one" your desires would be aligned, whatever they were I guess... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol)
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never
The eternal dilemma...
Right?
Sorry, meant to quote your other post; if we find the mythical 'one' would that be enough to give up any kind of alternative lifestyle.
You can only hope if they were "the one" your desires would be aligned, whatever they were I guess... "
Yes, exactly, but then desires change also. Tricky. I guess in the context of this post it also depends how you define 'swinging'. It would be great to have a steady partner who is happy to play with others once in awhile. For me that would be enough. At the same time, yes I could give up swinging. It isn't that big a deal for me. Other things however.. |
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol)
Hey, I was talking about this just today. It's so hard to imagine it right? That being said a year ago I would have found it hard to imagine being on fabswingers so I'll never say never
The eternal dilemma...
Right?
Sorry, meant to quote your other post; if we find the mythical 'one' would that be enough to give up any kind of alternative lifestyle.
You can only hope if they were "the one" your desires would be aligned, whatever they were I guess...
Yes, exactly, but then desires change also. Tricky. I guess in the context of this post it also depends how you define 'swinging'. It would be great to have a steady partner who is happy to play with others once in awhile. For me that would be enough. At the same time, yes I could give up swinging. It isn't that big a deal for me. Other things however.."
That's very true desires do change. I agree once in a while would be enough. I love the idea of my partner being with someone else but I've never had that with someone I was in love with. That could be a game changer. Oooh I'm intrigued, what other things?? |
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"monogamy needn't be vanilla (how I dislike that word)
Apologies, as was going to replace the word vanilla with normal but thought slight contradiction as what is classed as normal nowadays "
no need to apologise . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/09/19 21:28:55]
Hey ElleDee - Thanks and glad it's just not me then.
The swinging world is fascinating and I have had some top, top experiences but don't think I could go back to a one on one relationship without some swinging action (lol) "
I was talking to a fellow swinger about this recently. I’m also into kink so a vanilla relationship just would never be enough. It’s just who I am. I’ve not given up hope as I know a few couples that met on fab and are very happy together. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks folks for such an enriching range of different thoughts and observations, as great to hear ALL your opinions.  .
Personally, I would never have thought I would ever have been a swinger myself (lol) but now think I am so immersed in the lifestyle that it would be impossible to undo and go back to the old dull and dreary style of living (haha)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks folks for such an enriching range of different thoughts and observations, as great to hear ALL your opinions. .
Personally, I would never have thought I would ever have been a swinger myself (lol) but now think I am so immersed in the lifestyle that it would be impossible to undo and go back to the old dull and dreary style of living (haha) "
I feel the same.
At this point in my life I have no desire to be in a relationship, however if/ when I did, I don't know if the monogamous lifestyle is for me anymore. |
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
"Once you get into the swinging scene, can you ever go back and embark on a normal relationship without the swinging?
Personally, I have a few vanilla ladies, who ask me out but I turn them down and avoid, as I like swinging too much and don't think I could ever enter a vanilla relationship now.
"
I couldn't do monogamous.. but then I can't do a relationship full stop...but no.. i dont think I'd give up the variety i have to just have one man.. no matter how good it was |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once you get into the swinging scene, can you ever go back and embark on a normal relationship without the swinging?
Personally, I have a few vanilla ladies, who ask me out but I turn them down and avoid, as I like swinging too much and don't think I could ever enter a vanilla relationship now.
"
this is life some dont ever stop thinking with their dick if you're capable of a relationship even a monogamous relationship then this app wont change a thing, have a bowl of vanilla ice cream with fruit its lovely especially blueberries and strawberries   |
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A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?"
life isnt all about sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?"
This
Swinging is my kink. It’s part of what makes me tick sexually. It may only be part of it but why should I have or deny it. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me; if I’m not compatible with someone then it’s not right. I have tried vanilla after swinging and it didn’t work. Having a permanent partner who swings is the only option for me. I’m happy with that and hopefully I’ll meet him across the orgy room |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suppose its different for us as a couple because we have two sex lives. The one we have we're its just us is hardly what we'd describe as vanilla (vanilla to us is once a month, after a night out usually preceded by an argument over looking at another woman/guy in the pub/club earlier ). When we're alone we love lots of kinky stuff including roleplay and teasing each other about stuff we've done previously.
Then we have our fab fun a few times a year where we get to play with others but together. Only thing hotter than watching each other play is going home and screwing over it afterwards.
We've been together 10 years and still have sex 5+ times a week and couldn't imagine being in a boring vanilla relationship. |
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"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?
This
Swinging is my kink. It’s part of what makes me tick sexually. It may only be part of it but why should I have or deny it. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me; if I’m not compatible with someone then it’s not right. I have tried vanilla after swinging and it didn’t work. Having a permanent partner who swings is the only option for me. I’m happy with that and hopefully I’ll meet him across the orgy room "
Totally. My life doesn't revolve round swinging. Sex is important but as part of a whole package. Without the other aspects too a relationship is no good either. You need all the boxes ticked. Im not always looking to swing, but I simply love that we can, its a desire we share and its ok to express it. Im not made to feel wrong or dirty or guilty for my innate sexual disires. My Girl is everything and our sex is great, she is my soul mate. But I totally love a variety of women and a good orgy (with is naturally impossible in a conventional monogomus relationship). Plus just the social enjoyment and freinds in the scene. I never saw why being in a relationship you'd have to deny your desires? My Girl not only loves and accepts me for my deviant self but also relishes in it with me. Isn't that what we should all want in a relationship total love, acceptance and freedom to be ourselves? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Spot on fella and very well put - sounds like you have a great balance, after all variety is the spice of life (lol).
I would like to be in that sort of place myself but just got to find a foxy female who is a saucy sod, like me (haha). |
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"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?
This
Swinging is my kink. It’s part of what makes me tick sexually. It may only be part of it but why should I have or deny it. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me; if I’m not compatible with someone then it’s not right. I have tried vanilla after swinging and it didn’t work. Having a permanent partner who swings is the only option for me. I’m happy with that and hopefully I’ll meet him across the orgy room
Totally. My life doesn't revolve round swinging. Sex is important but as part of a whole package. Without the other aspects too a relationship is no good either. You need all the boxes ticked. Im not always looking to swing, but I simply love that we can, its a desire we share and its ok to express it. Im not made to feel wrong or dirty or guilty for my innate sexual disires. My Girl is everything and our sex is great, she is my soul mate. But I totally love a variety of women and a good orgy (with is naturally impossible in a conventional monogomus relationship). Plus just the social enjoyment and freinds in the scene. I never saw why being in a relationship you'd have to deny your desires? My Girl not only loves and accepts me for my deviant self but also relishes in it with me. Isn't that what we should all want in a relationship total love, acceptance and freedom to be ourselves?"
The problems arise when for one partner being oneself is being monogomous sexually and for the other its doesn't. How do they accept each other then? Compromise isn't possible, one has to deny part of ones nature. |
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"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?
This
Swinging is my kink. It’s part of what makes me tick sexually. It may only be part of it but why should I have or deny it. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me; if I’m not compatible with someone then it’s not right. I have tried vanilla after swinging and it didn’t work. Having a permanent partner who swings is the only option for me. I’m happy with that and hopefully I’ll meet him across the orgy room
Totally. My life doesn't revolve round swinging. Sex is important but as part of a whole package. Without the other aspects too a relationship is no good either. You need all the boxes ticked. Im not always looking to swing, but I simply love that we can, its a desire we share and its ok to express it. Im not made to feel wrong or dirty or guilty for my innate sexual disires. My Girl is everything and our sex is great, she is my soul mate. But I totally love a variety of women and a good orgy (with is naturally impossible in a conventional monogomus relationship). Plus just the social enjoyment and freinds in the scene. I never saw why being in a relationship you'd have to deny your desires? My Girl not only loves and accepts me for my deviant self but also relishes in it with me. Isn't that what we should all want in a relationship total love, acceptance and freedom to be ourselves?
The problems arise when for one partner being oneself is being monogomous sexually and for the other its doesn't. How do they accept each other then? Compromise isn't possible, one has to deny part of ones nature."
I think this is why I have big respect for couples who started swinging years later in what was originally a totally monogomus relationship. It must be a very brave thing to bring up the subject when your not sure the desire is mutral and you've both invested so much together. Far easier when swinging is accepted in the relationship from the start. That's why I am an advocate of people looking for relationships on here. |
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"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?
This
Swinging is my kink. It’s part of what makes me tick sexually. It may only be part of it but why should I have or deny it. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me; if I’m not compatible with someone then it’s not right. I have tried vanilla after swinging and it didn’t work. Having a permanent partner who swings is the only option for me. I’m happy with that and hopefully I’ll meet him across the orgy room
Totally. My life doesn't revolve round swinging. Sex is important but as part of a whole package. Without the other aspects too a relationship is no good either. You need all the boxes ticked. Im not always looking to swing, but I simply love that we can, its a desire we share and its ok to express it. Im not made to feel wrong or dirty or guilty for my innate sexual disires. My Girl is everything and our sex is great, she is my soul mate. But I totally love a variety of women and a good orgy (with is naturally impossible in a conventional monogomus relationship). Plus just the social enjoyment and freinds in the scene. I never saw why being in a relationship you'd have to deny your desires? My Girl not only loves and accepts me for my deviant self but also relishes in it with me. Isn't that what we should all want in a relationship total love, acceptance and freedom to be ourselves?
The problems arise when for one partner being oneself is being monogomous sexually and for the other its doesn't. How do they accept each other then? Compromise isn't possible, one has to deny part of ones nature.
I think this is why I have big respect for couples who started swinging years later in what was originally a totally monogomus relationship. It must be a very brave thing to bring up the subject when your not sure the desire is mutral and you've both invested so much together. Far easier when swinging is accepted in the relationship from the start. That's why I am an advocate of people looking for relationships on here."
We had been together nearly thirty years when we started. It took a lot of talking and discussion. I'm an advocate for looking for relationships on here too I'm also an advocate of saying from day one what you require from a relationship in every respect, it would save a lot of heartache. Of course relationships evolve over time and you're lucky if you both want it to go in the same direction. |
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By *JCouple
over a year ago
Teesside |
"A lot really depends on what you want out of life and your core sexuality. If swinging and sexual non monogomy is a big part of what makes you tick, then no. After all if there is anyone in this world you'd want to share your kinks, desires and perversions with it should be your partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not feel free to be totally free and accepted to be yourself sexually?
This
Swinging is my kink. It’s part of what makes me tick sexually. It may only be part of it but why should I have or deny it. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me; if I’m not compatible with someone then it’s not right. I have tried vanilla after swinging and it didn’t work. Having a permanent partner who swings is the only option for me. I’m happy with that and hopefully I’ll meet him across the orgy room
Totally. My life doesn't revolve round swinging. Sex is important but as part of a whole package. Without the other aspects too a relationship is no good either. You need all the boxes ticked. Im not always looking to swing, but I simply love that we can, its a desire we share and its ok to express it. Im not made to feel wrong or dirty or guilty for my innate sexual disires. My Girl is everything and our sex is great, she is my soul mate. But I totally love a variety of women and a good orgy (with is naturally impossible in a conventional monogomus relationship). Plus just the social enjoyment and freinds in the scene. I never saw why being in a relationship you'd have to deny your desires? My Girl not only loves and accepts me for my deviant self but also relishes in it with me. Isn't that what we should all want in a relationship total love, acceptance and freedom to be ourselves?
The problems arise when for one partner being oneself is being monogomous sexually and for the other its doesn't. How do they accept each other then? Compromise isn't possible, one has to deny part of ones nature.
I think this is why I have big respect for couples who started swinging years later in what was originally a totally monogomus relationship. It must be a very brave thing to bring up the subject when your not sure the desire is mutral and you've both invested so much together. Far easier when swinging is accepted in the relationship from the start. That's why I am an advocate of people looking for relationships on here."
Agree with all your post some great points!
Me and my wife knew we were both game, horny buggers and our sex life has always been amazing 7+ times a week etc. We brought up swinging a few times but we decided to hold on and revisit it after we got married. Once we decided after the wedding to give it a go we haven't looked back. We are the type of couple who only swing together like a previous it's all about experiences not possible 1 on 1.
KJ x |
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