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Sexual health worries
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I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be! |
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As someone who takes sexual health very seriously, I think it’s very reasonable question OP.
It was a similar thread on here a while ago with some good advice
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/virus/1472494
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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I would trust your gut. If you don’t want to meet someone with cold sores then don’t do it. That doesn’t make you a bad person and it’s not unreasonable.
Repeat, only do things you are comfortable with. It’s ok to have boundaries and health concerns. Don’t let people try and dismiss your concerns. |
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A couple of people I knew through a fetish party both were swingers, but mainly her.She realised after a bad case of constant cold sores, after testing she had herpes.It had been spread throughout the people she had oral sex with.
I thank God Im Demi sexual and never got involved. |
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https://www.fabswingers.com/content/sexual-health.html
There's a link to this at the bottom of every page on the desk top site and the home page on the mobile site. It contains links to information you might find helpful  |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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Op I suffer from the occasional cold sore. Surely the suffering shouldn't even put u in position to need to decide
Surely it should be 100% them saying can we hold off |
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By *elkieWoman 39 weeks ago
Durham |
How much do you actually know about sexually transmitted infections? The incidence, the transmission, the symptoms?
90% of people have some form of HSV. That’s a lot of us with a reasonably benign minor viral infection.
If you want to protect yourself from oral-genital transmission, use dams. Consider using gloves for fingering. There are latex knickers you can wear that provide a perfect barrier for oral sex. And don’t kiss her.
But it would be worth having the same sexual health practices for everyone, because most people don’t know they have herpes. It’s asymptomatic. |
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By *elkieWoman 39 weeks ago
Durham |
"How much do you actually know about sexually transmitted infections? The incidence, the transmission, the symptoms?
90% of people have some form of HSV. That’s a lot of us with a reasonably benign minor viral infection.
If you want to protect yourself from oral-genital transmission, use dams. Consider using gloves for fingering. There are latex knickers you can wear that provide a perfect barrier for oral sex. And don’t kiss her.
But it would be worth having the same sexual health practices for everyone, because most people don’t know they have herpes. It’s asymptomatic. "
Also, I don’t know anyone who would knowingly go on a meet with an active cold sore or any other STI. This advice is for the latent periods. |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"If they rnt currently got 1 what's the issue.
Asymptomatic transmission. If OP’s anxious, easier to use barriers and strict sexual health practices than worry. "
Arghh yeah million percent up to them ain't it, but it's like saying I won't get washed cos i can't swim.
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman 39 weeks ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
I think these days you would hard pressed to meet someone that has never ever had a cold sore.
Active outbreak then yes obviously steer clear but unless you want to wear gloves to play or use dental dams and do everything with a condom on.. and even then please remember it's not 100% protection, then use your own judgment.
I would not use a dental dam or a condom for oral, my personal choice x |
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By *oxy jWoman 39 weeks ago
somerset |
op ...nothing in life is risk free but the fact your thinking about sexual health i say well done you as there are so many on this scene who dont think about sexual health and its not by any means just those who play bare ... theres a massive part of safe sexer's who think that just because the play with condoms that they are bullet proof lol they are not ...
there no such thing as safe sex only safer sex ... transmission is more than a cock or vagina ... fingers mouth bodys its all transmissible with fluids ... the bast way and only way to stay on top of things is regular testing its the only black and white way yep again not 100% nothing is 100%..
i do voluntary work for a safe sex charity when you think of how many people who get tested and how many have something its pretty slim % wise .... we all joke sometimes who would we rather have sex with the tested barebacker or the cocksure i only play safe and never get tested and hands done its the tested barebacker 
the biggest 2 risk groups at the moment for us and who we test is teens and the married man whos bisexual those 2 groups are by far the biggest groups at risk
no sex is safe theres only safer if its safe sex you seek then thats solo sex or no sex ....
test every 6 weeks if you play regular and if its avice then book in and see someone who knows the ins and outs they dont just hand out condoms n lube some of them know this subject inside out |
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"I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be! "
Kissing someone can give you the simplex b virus and lots of people have and are completely unaware that they have it.
Condoms are not going to protect you from all infections .
You can get them from kissing, oral and close body contact.
That will happen in regular sex or dating meets as well as swinging situations.
Regular testing and taking sexual health seriously by being checked regularly is the best way to manage this. |
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As someone who is very well known to worry about STI’s to the fact it sometimes overpowers my wish to club I know how you feel!
I test every month, no matter what (full bloods, swabs and throat swabs) but appreciate not many others do.
I use condoms and dams for all play, including oral and no one in over 8 years of clubbing regularly (at least a club a month) has ever had an issue with this. So please feel confident enough to say so if you prefer if 
At the end of the day, nothing is 100% and you can only control yourself. It’s a risk we take, just have to try and minimise it as much as you can x |
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It's important for you to feel comfortable in a meet and meet likeminded people who equally play safe and share your sentiments on sexual health.
If you have worries trust them and be honest. It's a good idea to be safe and stick to your rules! |
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By *ullyMan 39 weeks ago
Near Clacton |
What we call "herpes" is caused by herpes simplex. Oral herpes, causing fever blisters and cold sores, is called herpes simplex 1. Genital herpes is caused by herpes simplex 2. The condition we call shingles is caused by herpes zoster.
Practically everyone carries the virus on their skin for life.
Simplex may never show out or it can show out recurrently as cold sores. cold sores can be passed on but only as cold sores, you cannot get genital herpes from cold sores.. Personally I would not even shake hands with someone who has an active cold sore, let alone kiss or allow oral. Your personal health is precious, treat it as such is my advice. |
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By *JstarsoloWoman 39 weeks ago
Wombwell, Barnsley |
"op ...nothing in life is risk free but the fact your thinking about sexual health i say well done you as there are so many on this scene who dont think about sexual health and its not by any means just those who play bare ... theres a massive part of safe sexer's who think that just because the play with condoms that they are bullet proof lol they are not ...
there no such thing as safe sex only safer sex ... transmission is more than a cock or vagina ... fingers mouth bodys its all transmissible with fluids ... the bast way and only way to stay on top of things is regular testing its the only black and white way yep again not 100% nothing is 100%..
i do voluntary work for a safe sex charity when you think of how many people who get tested and how many have something its pretty slim % wise .... we all joke sometimes who would we rather have sex with the tested barebacker or the cocksure i only play safe and never get tested and hands done its the tested barebacker
the biggest 2 risk groups at the moment for us and who we test is teens and the married man whos bisexual those 2 groups are by far the biggest groups at risk
no sex is safe theres only safer if its safe sex you seek then thats solo sex or no sex ....
test every 6 weeks if you play regular and if its avice then book in and see someone who knows the ins and outs they dont just hand out condoms n lube some of them know this subject inside out"
Great advice |
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"What we call "herpes" is caused by herpes simplex. Oral herpes, causing fever blisters and cold sores, is called herpes simplex 1. Genital herpes is caused by herpes simplex 2. The condition we call shingles is caused by herpes zoster.
Practically everyone carries the virus on their skin for life.
Simplex may never show out or it can show out recurrently as cold sores. cold sores can be passed on but only as cold sores, you cannot get genital herpes from cold sores.. Personally I would not even shake hands with someone who has an active cold sore, let alone kiss or allow oral. Your personal health is precious, treat it as such is my advice."
Just to clarify COLD SORES CAN INFECT THE GROIN AREA. A percentage of genital herpes is caused by HSV1.
HSV1 usually infects the mouth and 2 the genitals, but each can infect either area, probability of infection is lower but it still happens. Genital HSV1 and oral HSV2 have fewer repeat outbreaks and less shedding.
Personally I have oral herpes and my three long-term partners of 6-20+ years haven't contracted it yet or if they did they've never had an outbreak up to now. I've had a few outbreaks during this long time so plenty of "opportunity" to pass it on. Yes I don't kiss or give oral during outbreaks and for some time after but that's all. I got mine before I was sexually active so there's that too (in that you are exposed to it already in your non-sexual social encounters). |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be! "
As the resident Safe sex advocate. I would just say promiscuity has risks, you limit those risks with playing safe, whether that means Dams, condoms, Femidoms, gloves or whatever.
Statistically the UK Health Security Agency reported there were 392,453 sexually transmitted infections (STIs) reported in England in 2022 – a 24% rise on the previous year. Key statistics include: 50% increase in gonorrhoea since 2021. 24% increase in chlamydia since 2021.
People will judge you whatever your decision so I would suggest do what's right for you. |
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I've never had a cold sore.
My ex used to have outbreaks now and again we just never did anything whilst he had an outbreak
It's like anything, there is always a risk. You can minimise it but there is always a risk.
I've probably met people that have outbreaks I just didn't know it.
If you're not comfortable meeting her because she has told you she gets them, then just don't. It's your sexual health and you should only do what your comfortable with sweet.
Good luck and welcome to the Forums. |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"I've never had a cold sore.
My ex used to have outbreaks now and again we just never did anything whilst he had an outbreak
It's like anything, there is always a risk. You can minimise it but there is always a risk.
I've probably met people that have outbreaks I just didn't know it.
If you're not comfortable meeting her because she has told you she gets them, then just don't. It's your sexual health and you should only do what your comfortable with sweet.
Good luck and welcome to the Forums. "
I agree it's 100% upto op but if it's not active coldsore what's the problem |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"How much do you actually know about sexually transmitted infections? The incidence, the transmission, the symptoms?
90% of people have some form of HSV. That’s a lot of us with a reasonably benign minor viral infection.
"
I don’t like the argument that “90% of people have it” so therefore the 10% who don’t shouldn’t be concerned? Or should accept it?
I’ve seen someone I worked with with a huge herpes outbreak that went all over their face, it was mad. I’ve honestly never seen anything like. It’s definitely made me never want to get it.
Also having open sores makes you susceptible to catching all kinds of other infections.
I’m not judgemental of those who have cold sores or herpes, but I definitely want to avoid catching it myself. |
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By *oxy jWoman 39 weeks ago
somerset |
Statistic are not worth the paper they are wrote on there no real true picture the reason the numbers increase year on year is because people are testing more so we really dont know if in real terms those are the facts as most of the sexual population dont test and never have...
also when those % get split down there are bigger risk groups some of those groups are big and brings the numbers down to most of the population ...
its simple if your a swinger you should 100% test bare or safer .. in a ideal world everyone of sexumal age should get tested it should be as simple as going to the drs for a check up but will never happen for the same reason cancer wont be cured soon too much money to be made by those who control |
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"What we call "herpes" is caused by herpes simplex. Oral herpes, causing fever blisters and cold sores, is called herpes simplex 1. Genital herpes is caused by herpes simplex 2. The condition we call shingles is caused by herpes zoster.
Practically everyone carries the virus on their skin for life.
Simplex may never show out or it can show out recurrently as cold sores. cold sores can be passed on but only as cold sores, you cannot get genital herpes from cold sores.. Personally I would not even shake hands with someone who has an active cold sore, let alone kiss or allow oral. Your personal health is precious, treat it as such is my advice."
You absolutely CAN get genital herpes from contact with someones mouth/face cold sore |
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"I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be! "
You should find long term monogamous relationship with someone you can grow to love. Mo worries about sexual health then |
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"I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be! "
I’m with you as you will get some people who like bear back and that’s fine I would never but you will be surprised of the local people who have met them but don’t mention this on there own profile and hide there veries so my advice look deeply into there profile and others they have met
Talk and get to know people first it will give you some idea |
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"I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be!
I’m with you as you will get some people who like bear back and that’s fine I would never but you will be surprised of the local people who have met them but don’t mention this on there own profile and hide there veries so my advice look deeply into there profile and others they have met
Talk and get to know people first it will give you some idea "
Herps if that person is honest are not normally contagious when there is no outbreak if the person said maybe there being honest 70 percent of the population are supposed to have herps |
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Controversial hot take: no sex is 100% risk free. Be as sensible as possible, test regularly, stay protected but get used to the fact that if you’re in this lifestyle it bears some degree of risk. Deal with it.
I’ve been in this scene for quite a few years now, never had an STD thankfully which is mostly down to how safe I play but also partly down to sheer luck. That’s the reality! Additionally, STDs are not necessarily a massive deal. Obviously we all want to avoid them but if you did get one, you’d deal with it like any other infection (in most cases).
Not meaning this to be disrespectful to you at all OP, totally understand and appreciate your concerns! I just see a lot of posts like these as well as very anxiously written paragraphs on (usually) couples’ profiles and it sometimes comes across as though they’re entering the lifestyle with more terror than excitement so what’s the point? You can minimise the risk but it’s still a risk. Either take it or don’t.
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As someone else pointed out, no encounter is 100% risk free unless you are both totally monogamous.
HIV is the big one to avoid in the grand scheme of things. Use Condoms. Ask about going on PreP. It isn't just for guys and Trans people!
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By *nobMan 38 weeks ago
newport |
I have similar concerns,I don't have numerous "one off's" or put it "about" but love the idea of swinging.
I don't like condoms in general but do use them.
Using items like condoms,dental dams , latex gloves etc to me is taking most of the pleasure and appeal out of sex.
OK,nothing is 100% risk free and I'm not lucky.
Infact if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all!
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If the majority of people have it and a minority of them get symptoms, the best way to avoid it long term is to find a partner who gets regular symptoms and be monogamous.
Really
Not the best advice for a swinging site but there you go.. |
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By *ullyMan 38 weeks ago
Near Clacton |
What we call "herpes" is caused by herpes simplex. Oral herpes, causing fever blisters and cold sores, is called herpes simplex 1. Genital herpes is caused by herpes simplex 2. The condition we call shingles is caused by herpes zoster.
Practically everyone carries the virus on their skin for life.
Simplex may never show out or it can show out recurrently as cold sores. cold sores can be passed on but only as cold sores, you cannot get genital herpes from cold sores.. Personally I would not even shake hands with someone who has an active cold sore, let alone kiss or allow oral. Your personal health is precious, treat it as such is my advice.
Just to clarify COLD SORES CAN INFECT THE GROIN AREA. A percentage of genital herpes is caused by HSV1.
HSV1 usually infects the mouth and 2 the genitals, but each can infect either area, probability of infection is lower but it still happens. Genital HSV1 and oral HSV2 have fewer repeat outbreaks and less shedding.
Personally I have oral herpes and my three long-term partners of 6-20+ years haven't contracted it yet or if they did they've never had an outbreak up to now. I've had a few outbreaks during this long time so plenty of "opportunity" to pass it on. Yes I don't kiss or give oral during outbreaks and for some time after but that's all. I got mine before I was sexually active so there's that too (in that you are exposed to it already in your non-sexual social encounters).
O.K no need to shout, What I posted came from the N H S site, so go shout at them. Also baby girls can be born with infections too, I knew a young lady that had Cystitis, quite badly too, and she was born with it. As I said almost every one is born with one of the Herpes viruses, but it's up to us to deal with it and make sure we don't pass it on. |
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"So to stay healthy don't swing?
If you want to swing,take a risk and if you catch something deal with it.
"
There is risk in everything, the key to life in general is deciding what level of risk you're willing to take and then doing as much as you can to mitigate the risks you take. This is a personal decision and there's no right or wrong levels, just your own choice.
In the case of promiscuity, group sex, sex with strangers etc... we have tools such as condoms, dental dams, and testing available to try to reduce the risk in those activities, in addition to medication available to reduce the impact "should" something get through the net.
Ultimately, there is no way of reducing all risks short of staying at home & doing nothing... and even that isn't 100% safe.
Cal |
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"What we call "herpes" is caused by herpes simplex. Oral herpes, causing fever blisters and cold sores, is called herpes simplex 1. Genital herpes is caused by herpes simplex 2. The condition we call shingles is caused by herpes zoster.
Practically everyone carries the virus on their skin for life.
Simplex may never show out or it can show out recurrently as cold sores. cold sores can be passed on but only as cold sores, you cannot get genital herpes from cold sores.. Personally I would not even shake hands with someone who has an active cold sore, let alone kiss or allow oral. Your personal health is precious, treat it as such is my advice.
Just to clarify COLD SORES CAN INFECT THE GROIN AREA. A percentage of genital herpes is caused by HSV1.
HSV1 usually infects the mouth and 2 the genitals, but each can infect either area, probability of infection is lower but it still happens. Genital HSV1 and oral HSV2 have fewer repeat outbreaks and less shedding.
Personally I have oral herpes and my three long-term partners of 6-20+ years haven't contracted it yet or if they did they've never had an outbreak up to now. I've had a few outbreaks during this long time so plenty of "opportunity" to pass it on. Yes I don't kiss or give oral during outbreaks and for some time after but that's all. I got mine before I was sexually active so there's that too (in that you are exposed to it already in your non-sexual social encounters).
O.K no need to shout, What I posted came from the N H S site, so go shout at them. Also baby girls can be born with infections too, I knew a young lady that had Cystitis, quite badly too, and she was born with it. As I said almost every one is born with one of the Herpes viruses, but it's up to us to deal with it and make sure we don't pass it on."
Sorry Lully I just capitalised so that it'd be visible to those scanning the wall of text, if there was a different way to highlight I'd have done that The NHS page I see says you can get genital herpes if a cold sore touches your genitals btw, which page are you referring to? Give me the link and I'll certainly write in to point it out. |
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By *ancMan 37 weeks ago
Chester |
"How much do you actually know about sexually transmitted infections? The incidence, the transmission, the symptoms?
90% of people have some form of HSV. That’s a lot of us with a reasonably benign minor viral infection.
If you want to protect yourself from oral-genital transmission, use dams. Consider using gloves for fingering. There are latex knickers you can wear that provide a perfect barrier for oral sex. And don’t kiss her.
But it would be worth having the same sexual health practices for everyone, because most people don’t know they have herpes. It’s asymptomatic.
Also, I don’t know anyone who would knowingly go on a meet with an active cold sore or any other STI. This advice is for the latent periods. "
Excellent advice …. I would also recommend contacting your local STI clinic |
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"Statistic are not worth the paper they are wrote on there no real true picture the reason the numbers increase year on year is because people are testing more so we really dont know if in real terms those are the facts as most of the sexual population dont test and never have...
also when those % get split down there are bigger risk groups some of those groups are big and brings the numbers down to most of the population ...
its simple if your a swinger you should 100% test bare or safer .. in a ideal world everyone of sexumal age should get tested it should be as simple as going to the drs for a check up but will never happen for the same reason cancer wont be cured soon too much money to be made by those who control"
Thanks for your help by the way. |
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"My mate has just been told his throat cancer was caused by the HPV virus giving oral sex! "
Sadly getting more common, and worse it can lay dormant for well over ten years. More common in men and I suspect 99.99% of the adult male population are candidates to potentially suffer from it future. They are still not sure why it develops into cancer in some but not others. |
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"I’m new to swinging have never met anyone just at the moment been chatting to a few couples and women.
I’m incredibly worried about sexual health and I know protection and testing is key- I wouldn’t meet anyone unless I use condoms and would hope they test regularly too.
However recently a girl I have been chatting to said in conversation she suffers from cold sores, and although I don’t want to judge, I can’t help feel unnerved by this. We haven’t met and now I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
What’s everyone’s view on herpes? If someone suffers from cold sores is that bad to want to stay clear?
As I said new to all this and don’t want to ever catch anything, am wanting to be as safe as can be! "
I admire their honesty and find that attractive. But, whatever I read, and whatever advice and precautions I took, I wouldn’t be able to put it out of my mind and it would spoil the meeting for both of us. So I would avoid, not that desperate - however attractive the person might be. Quite sad, what a dilemma. Difficult for both parties. |
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By (user no longer on site) 37 weeks ago
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My suggestion would be contact your local GU clinic and ask to speak to a health advisor, they will then refer you to the correct websites to refer to and will offer you vaccinations if they feel that's required. |
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Similarly new, similarly concerned. Unfortunately as people have said here, there's only safer sex. All sex has some degree of risk.
I am trying to get my head around this at the moment too. I wish there was some kind of magic solution to the issue, but there isn't.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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"My mate has just been told his throat cancer was caused by the HPV virus giving oral sex! "
HPV is the virus that causes warts and there are multiple strains of it. Certain strains can cause cancer of the cervix, anus and throat. Most strains are fought off by the body's immune system.
HPV and herpes are different infections |
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