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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman walks past a pet shop on a Monday and in the window is a parrot.oh you u fat ugly cow he said, same thing happens tues/wed/thur/fri.
By now shes had enough and complains the pet shop owner.
"If it happens again I'm calling the police she said.
Next day the parrots in the window as she walks by,oi you he said, she said what .....
He replied YOU KNOW WHAT.
???????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trying to sell my pet snake on ebay.
Guy messaged me and asked "how big it was?"
I said it's massive.
He replied "how many feet?"
I told him none... its a snake
 |
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"Trying to sell my pet snake on ebay.
Guy messaged me and asked "how big it was?"
I said it's massive.
He replied "how many feet?"
I told him none... its a snake
"
Well Crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet.
But most have only four. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Paddy and Murphy digging a hole in the zoo and a lion escapes and heading straight for them.
Paddy hits the lion over the head with his shovel and shouts quick murph run.
Dopey murphy turns around and says ... you run first pad you hit him ?? |
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By *rfcMan
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Woman walks past a pet shop and spots a sign in the window
FANNY LICKING FRENCH FROG FOR SALE £10
So, as she hasn't seen any action for a while thinks, why not
Goes in and asks the gut begind the counter, 'can I see the fanny licking French frog please? '
Oui, mademoiselle
he replied
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By *rfcMan
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Was sat at the pc the other night, missus walks in and asks 'what you upto on that then?'
'Just looking to buy flights' I replied
Well she went straight under the desk, pulled junior out and gave me the best bj in years, swallowed the lot n all, I really hadn't realised she liked darts soo much! |
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By *arrapsMan
over a year ago
port talbot |
A vampire flew back to his roost with his mouth and nose all bloody, his mates go wild and ask him where he got it from and would he show them.
So off they flew, over the hill, across the stream and onto the edge of the forest, see that dark tree over there he said, they all nodded and he said well I fucken didn’t |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife said to me enough is enough now you need to sell all your Beatles memorabilia on eBay. I said darling there’s no way I’m doing that. Imagine all the PayPal. |
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What do you call a ghost boobies?
Paranormal entitties
######################
What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?
Rick O'Shea
################################
How does the Rock pee?
he Dwaynes his Johnson! |
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By *azylivingMan
over a year ago
swansea / Bristol |
"What do you call a ghost boobies?
Paranormal entitties
######################
What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?
Rick O'Shea
################################
How does the Rock pee?
he Dwaynes his Johnson!"
Literally spat out my tea laughing at the Dwayne Johnson! |
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By *azylivingMan
over a year ago
swansea / Bristol |
"Need cheering up troops
Terrible jokes welcome
I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death 
Yeah but when you ask it and they go  oh a stick. You say No, shit!
Gets them every time "
What’s brown & sticky?
A sticky brown shit! |
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"Need cheering up troops
Terrible jokes welcome
I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death
Yeah but when you ask it and they go oh a stick. You say No, shit!
Gets them every time
What’s brown & sticky?
A sticky brown shit! "
Exactamondo my friend  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Need cheering up troops
Terrible jokes welcome
I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death
Yeah but when you ask it and they go oh a stick. You say No, shit!
Gets them every time
What’s brown & sticky?
A sticky brown shit!
Exactamondo my friend "
|
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Why did the chicken cross the road …. Social distancing
Knock knock Whose there no one just a parcel
How do kill a circus Go for the juggler
Unemployment Arab Aza bin Fayed
Indian karaoke singer Gerupta Singh
Man walks into a bar Split his head |
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Paddy is lying up in bed watching "Babe Station"
He phones the number at the bottom of the screen and the Babe says "Hello sexy and what can I do for you tonight?".
Paddy replies "Do you see that sofa you're lying on""Yes" she replies.
Paddy says "You wouldn't jump over the back of it and hide" "Sure sexy. But why". She says.
Paddy replies "Well it's just the wife's coming up the stairs and I can't find the fuckin remote. ???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my wife was trying to be sexy last night, she lay on the bed licking a lollypop then sliding it in and out of her fanny,so i said steady on love you`ll need that to take the kids cross the road in the morning |
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By *rfcMan
over a year ago
Cardiff |
One day little Jonnys teacher says to him, “little Jonny, tell me a story with a moral in it.” Jonny replies, “there’s a horse and a chicken playing in a meadow, when the horse falls in quicksand. The horse shouts to the chicken, hurry up, hurry up go get the farmer to get me out of here!” Chicken runs back to the farm and the farmers no where to be seen. So he takes the BMW, backs it up to the quicksand, throws a rope to the horse and ties the other end round the bumper. Pulls the horse out and horse is eternally grateful. Couple of days later chicken falls in the same quicksand, and shouts out to the horse “hurry up, hurry up go get the farmer to get me out of here!” Horse thinks, hold on a sec I can stand over this quicksand. So stands over it and says to the chicken “grab hold of my penis!” So chicken grabs hold of horses penis and horse pulls him out.
Teacher says “that’s a great story Jonny but what’s the moral of the story?”
“The moral is,” Jonny says, “if you’re hung like a horse you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Someone asked where I was from. I told them ‘Milford haven’. They said ‘oh that’s Carmarthenshire right?’. I said ‘Pembrokeshire, close but no Sir Gar’"
This is hilarious |
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Young girl is desperate to use the bathroom but her dads in the bath, but she goes in and is fascinated to see her dads penis
She says Dad when I grow up will I get one of them ?
He says darling with what you have got, you can get hundreds |
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A group of animals escape from the zoo but the car they escaped in has broken down.
After waiting a couple of hours for the AA a Penguin goes off for a stroll as he comes back the mechanic looks up from under the bonnet and says you have blown a Seal
The Penguin says no, i'm eating an ice cream |
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