FabSwingers.com > Forums > Wales > BDSM
BDSM
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This is a specialist subject I know.
Out of interest how many of you are into this or curious?  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 20/03/19 07:18:19] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Big time. Dipped my toes but want more. |
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"Big time. Dipped my toes but want more. "
It is so addictive xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely into it  
 
Delicious isn’t it !! Xx "
Amazing! I started on my journey as learning to bring out my natural Dom side with it last year due to being introduced to it by my ex. I thank her every day. She opened the door to Narnia, and now normal vanilla sex just isn't enough! I don't think anyone ever masters it all but having a sub give you her trust and control to do to her what you want is soooooo damn amazing and possibly the most amazing gift anyone can ever give.
The impact play and pain side isn't for everyone but there is so many sides to bdsm. Something for everyone!!! So god damned sexy!!! |
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"Definitely into it
Delicious isn’t it !! Xx
Amazing! I started on my journey as learning to bring out my natural Dom side with it last year due to being introduced to it by my ex. I thank her every day. She opened the door to Narnia, and now normal vanilla sex just isn't enough! I don't think anyone ever masters it all but having a sub give you her trust and control to do to her what you want is soooooo damn amazing and possibly the most amazing gift anyone can ever give.
The impact play and pain side isn't for everyone but there is so many sides to bdsm. Something for everyone!!! So god damned sexy!!!"
Yes You are so right. It’s all the intricacies that surround the Dom/sub relationship that make it so mind blowing for all xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Big time. Dipped my toes but want more.
It is so addictive xx "
. U can’t get enough. Soon as I been introduced to it gets addictive. Hard to find a good dom a real one. Defo my cup of tea |
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"Big time. Dipped my toes but want more.
It is so addictive xx . U can’t get enough. Soon as I been introduced to it gets addictive. Hard to find a good dom a real one. Defo my cup of tea "
It sure is! I am very lucky to be blessed with a truly amazing Dom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been a submissive and into BDSM 8 yrs. I absolutely love it, can't do vanilla at all x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely into this and have been for many years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im only 22 but been a sub for 5 years!!! Nogoing back now i love it! Getting chocked ti the point of going blue, and being able to sever my dom is the best feeling ever only thing is being pregnant means i have to take it easy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Big time. Dipped my toes but want more.
It is so addictive xx . U can’t get enough. Soon as I been introduced to it gets addictive. Hard to find a good dom a real one. Defo my cup of tea
It sure is! I am very lucky to be blessed with a truly amazing Dom. "
. Lucky u x |
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We dabble, and each time we learn a bit more, and push our boundaries a little further.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love pain mixed with pleasure, bondage, I love giving up control. Being ordered about turns me in. Pleasing is a huge thing for me, that's the sub in me. BDSM is amazing especially if I'm tied to it. Rough play and CNC turns me on too. Played with some great Doms over the years, would still like one as a play partner as its hard having one off plays and not much chance to experiment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 20/03/19 11:37:34] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im new to it, an the mr slowly breaking me it into it and im loving every min of it
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We dabble, and each time we learn a bit more, and push our boundaries a little further. "
Completely agree. It's an ever learning process for both the Dom and the sub. |
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Something we just started getting in to but would love to try more. Looking to find an experienced Dom to help us try new things |
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Love the lifestyle. And vanilla doesn't even come close to it.
Love most aspects of BDSM especially bound edging and forced orgasms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having owned a sub for 6 years and now have a bi cuck cpl who like bdsm vanilla sex is ok but the trust needed for the true Dom/sub relationship makes it so much better along with the pushing of boundaries . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apparently I am to ugly to be considered a playmate which is why I make my women wear blindfolds lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have been into D/s for a long time, long before Christian Grey appeared on the scene.
Vanilla is pretty one dimensional and lame in comparison.
Sub ladies, form and orderly queue please .   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Christian Grey (or however else you spell his lame ass name) is nothing more than a sociopathic narcissistic rapist created in the mind of a bored house wife whom didn't have a clue about what she was writing. She even had to visit her local Audi dealership to ask if sex was possible in an Audi R8 ffs.
The 50 Shades has a lot to answer for. However, to answer the original question, there are some cases where it really is best not to ask......
Don't do BDSM, AT ALL, unless you have a repetoir with the other beforehand. From thereon in, it is your own personal experience with that other person (s). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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BDSM nah, sex with pain is a big yes. Ch3wy strangling me, slapping me round the room, spitting over me, roughest of sex & breath play all a big YES. Does it need to be in that box? |
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I say enjoy what you enjoy. No need to label or lit into a box.
Btw I enjoy the same as you both |
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Take it or leave it.. mainly take it lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like my kink. On another website , which cannot be named, under same name. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Defo into it, i’m the female half my husband not into it |
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"Defo into it, i’m the female half my husband not into it "
Good girl lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Enjoy some bits of it and the boundary pushing but it's all in the trust between you and your partner/sub/dom at the end of the day. Like the other person said -just enjoy what you enjoy. Oh and 50 Shades may of been just a film but my God its given lots of people such confidence to do what they want to do and openly enjoy what used to be such a taboo subject. X |
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I just hate all the fake wannabe Dom who spoils it for the genuine ones.
I've heard some horror stories from subs involving these fake Doms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to be like that, thinking it was just me and why was I getting such satisfaction from these things? Now I thoroughly enjoy any extras on offer X |
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Just a bit! hopefully have my own play room/dungeon set up in my house by the end of the year |
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By *rinity666Man
over a year ago
Away for work abroad long term, |
About 12 years in the know now.Was introduced into it by a Dom..still a learning process. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always fancied being tied up, wanted to be spanks and the thought of a dungeon turned me on so much, I loved rough play too but I buried all that for so many yrs. I'm so glad now and can't imagine playing without kink. Sometimes BDSM toys are not even needed. Throat grabbing, spitting, dragged around a room and made to crawl on my hands and knees is a huge turn on. It excites me and I feel more free doing this type of play then anything in my life x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely into it. I'm not interested in plain swinging at all, it's the kink that gets me going.
There are plenty of kinksters from Fet on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always fancied being tied up, wanted to be spanks and the thought of a dungeon turned me on so much, I loved rough play too but I buried all that for so many yrs. I'm so glad now and can't imagine playing without kink. Sometimes BDSM toys are not even needed. Throat grabbing, spitting, dragged around a room and made to crawl on my hands and knees is a huge turn on. It excites me and I feel more free doing this type of play then anything in my life x "
+1 - submission is the most liberating thing I have ever done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely into it. I'm not interested in plain swinging at all, it's the kink that gets me going.
There are plenty of kinksters from Fet on here."
I've only just gone back on fet, was on there 6 yrs but came off last year. Its nice to be back on there. Its lovely seeing some genuine Doms pop up on here too. Not many but when I come across them its fun and exciting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely into it. I'm not interested in plain swinging at all, it's the kink that gets me going.
There are plenty of kinksters from Fet on here.
I've only just gone back on fet, was on there 6 yrs but came off last year. Its nice to be back on there. Its lovely seeing some genuine Doms pop up on here too. Not many but when I come across them its fun and exciting "
I met my Dom on here funny enough |
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New to it, but exploring and enjoying and to be honest, always on the lookout for guidance from couples willing to show us. |
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By *inkyDick51Man
over a year ago
Hereford- Worcs M50 Border |
I'm often at Chams Newport with a Submissive partner and always willing to help with guidance and usually have a big set of kit from different genres with me in the club and happy to show and share information. I'm on the big Fet website and can always answer lots of questions with people who interested. One point that I must stress is that you need to have a long conversation about what you are both individually wanting from each other before you can accomplish a fun session. Otherwise you could be going off at a tangent to each other and neither get satisfaction from it. Obviously you'll need to go through a planning and safety stages before any action. Shears for any rope play and a body map for danger zones etc etc. If in doubt please ask or do your research. Xx Dick |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 21/03/19 19:34:19] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kinky fun is so not vanilla, the mind cannot see objects for their original purpose but more as an object of kink. Bdsm brings my sub and i together in a space where pain and pleasure can be experienced by us both. To never have experienced it you have never lived. To have enjoyed it you have experienced euphoria |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kinky fun is so not vanilla, the mind cannot see objects for their original purpose but more as an object of kink. Bdsm brings my sub and i together in a space where pain and pleasure can be experienced by us both. To never have experienced it you have never lived. To have enjoyed it you have experienced euphoria "
Pain and pleasure together is beautiful. No other feeling like it in the world for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We love experimenting with it,foxy loves how submissive it makes her feel and I really get turned on by the whole control experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kinky fun is so not vanilla, the mind cannot see objects for their original purpose but more as an object of kink. Bdsm brings my sub and i together in a space where pain and pleasure can be experienced by us both. To never have experienced it you have never lived. To have enjoyed it you have experienced euphoria "
Totally agree x |
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I (female) enjoy BDSM both from a sub perspective and as a female dominant role. I very rarely bring this side out to play, I tend to let the desire build up inside of me for a long period of time and I enjoy the feeling of needing to control my urges.
The male dom would need to be extremely good to keep me as sub for the duration of play as my senses pick up on the slightest apprehension, nervousness or lack of commitment to the role. Having said that I can actually be very very submissive.
When I play the dom role I become a totally different person, I am more of a sadist and would not let the sub see me undressed or give them permission to touch me. I like total control of their body and mind, I provide pleasure for them from other people that I take along. My pleasure comes from being observed by my boyfriend and we use the experience later in private to recount together.
This is just one side of my own sexual personality, there are many wonderful experiences to enjoy through sex with your own partner and with the wonderful help of others. |
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By *irtytqCouple
over a year ago
pembroke |
We love to push boundaries x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always fancied being tied up, wanted to be spanks and the thought of a dungeon turned me on so much, I loved rough play too but I buried all that for so many yrs. I'm so glad now and can't imagine playing without kink. Sometimes BDSM toys are not even needed. Throat grabbing, spitting, dragged around a room and made to crawl on my hands and knees is a huge turn on. It excites me and I feel more free doing this type of play then anything in my life x "
That's our preference, keeping it free X |
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It's not often I get to let my dom side out, but I love to tie and tease, bringing forward the excitement through pain and pleasure, edging and not releasing ....
But that's just play, to be in a dom/sub relationship is different,
Where it's also the trust and bond and care between you that makes that type of relationship special |
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tried it a few times and to honest I enjoyed it but nothing heavy - just a bit of spanking = nipples clamps - and a few other things
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes been into it quite a number of years.
I use to go to the cardiff munch for fetish, bdsm, bondage lovers,was held once every month at a pub which il keep name to myself. Anyone know if its still going? Attended some party's at a mansion near golf club near Newport which was good also, lost contact with any friends on scene though sadly. Should start up a get together for like minded lovers of the fetish scene. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love! But it’s not a casual thing for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes been into it quite a number of years.
I use to go to the cardiff munch for fetish, bdsm, bondage lovers,was held once every month at a pub which il keep name to myself. Anyone know if its still going? Attended some party's at a mansion near golf club near Newport which was good also, lost contact with any friends on scene though sadly. Should start up a get together for like minded lovers of the fetish scene. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes been into it quite a number of years.
I use to go to the cardiff munch for fetish, bdsm, bondage lovers,was held once every month at a pub which il keep name to myself. Anyone know if its still going? Attended some party's at a mansion near golf club near Newport which was good also, lost contact with any friends on scene though sadly. Should start up a get together for like minded lovers of the fetish scene. "
The Cardiff munch is still going, one in Bridgend too plus Swansea. They are all listed on Fet. Sadly the BDSM clubs have stopped but fingers crossed there will be new ones opening this year. But we do need more BDSM gatherings x |
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Very very interested. Mainly sub. |
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By *nnePaulCouple
over a year ago
Penarth |
[Removed by poster at 24/03/19 16:15:19] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just hate all the fake wannabe Dom who spoils it for the genuine ones.
I've heard some horror stories from subs involving these fake Doms"
Sooo true!
Totally fed up of wannabe Doms who’ve done no research or learning about the lifestyle.
A sub has a choice!.. they choose whether to submit ..it is their gift to give ... trust and respect are earned
Been into BDSM &D/s over 30 years ....
keep trying vanilla but I have to be true to myself .. it’s just not me!!! Haha
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I am curious I've been caned and enjoyed that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you for that information feisty.
Be great to have a regular venue for fetish lovers. |
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We have been into BDSM for 25 years and Suzie has been collared for 20. |
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I’ve had a brief introduction into this and now I’m gagging for more |
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Very much in to it but difficult to find play partners. |
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Very much into it it's why I travel to Wales alot x |
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By *ara MTV/TS
over a year ago
Aberdare |
I’m training as a mistress. So much to learn but, incredibly interesting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are very interested. |
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We are a Mistress and submissive couple, that’s how we met! |
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Its a deliciously hot feeling with the right person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes i love it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're both really into but definitely still looking to explore, especially with a domineering woman! x |
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By *ad123Man
over a year ago
ayr Scotland |
Hi all iwas a BDSM Dom and I loved it just so hard to find genuine people that are well to meet up |
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"BDSM nah, sex with pain is a big yes. Ch3wy strangling me, slapping me round the room, spitting over me, roughest of sex & breath play all a big YES. Does it need to be in that box? "
That's about as far as I've taken it too but don't think I'm into BDSM really or being a dom. I just class them as 'fun things to do with a partner now and again'. So long as you're both enjoying it there's no need to over think it. But I am 'fab vanilla' so what do I know |
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I have been interested in this you years but never found anyone happy to introduce me
And teach |
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Naughty little sex frame in spare room, chains (heavy duty) restraints, paddle,whip, blindfolds.. love a bit of rough
Little pic on profile  |
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Oh no..not me..uh uh..not at all..in the slightest. Nope. Vanilla all the way, thanks....you can keep your ballgags, latex and restraints...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love it, a little imagination can go a long way.. |
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I do love someone who can turn me on mentally |
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I go to the monthly Fetish Event at AtlantisEvolution in Stoke-on-Trent. |
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Have been slowly moving deeper into this when time allows and when the right people come along although I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg. Finding the right meet to take things further has been tough though |
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We were heavily into BDSM earlier in our relationship, but have backed off in recent years. Suzie is collared and has some small and sexy whip scars on her arse. |
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After many years, I guess we are still thinking about it . . .
. . . and that would be nearly all of the time . . .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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100% in. Been chasing that subspace dragon for about 6 years!! Its phenomenal when tou have someone who is naturally dom, have that trust and get to let go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm switch looking to find my match. Yep I totally under stand...x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having a girl that is totally sub and has 100% trust in you is unbeatable. It still bafles me how being dom is something that many can't seem to get right!... ladies what do you find the biggest problems with guys claiming to be dom are? |
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"100% in. Been chasing that subspace dragon for about 6 years!! Its phenomenal when tou have someone who is naturally dom, have that trust and get to let go."
There's no better sight than seeing a sub hit subspace.
Remembered the first time I've achieved this with a sub and there's no better feeling than knowing that you helped a sub reach subspace |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm like a little kitten for a couple of days after a good space lol. Can be hard to find someone you gel with enough or is experienced enough to get you there though 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been into for 50 years. Only thing that turns me on |
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I'd agree with you. It's the only thing that turns me on now |
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Yes into it, but you need a regular meet to build the trust needed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a mistress who loved to be hog tied and blindfolded real turn on |
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We just started experimenting in it. Was loving what we was doing and getting some advice. Then unfortunately our 19 year old daughter moved back in who only works evenings so is around all day when we get chance grrrrrrrrrrrrr x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great crossover event @ Townhouse : July 2019
50 shades of Wahey great for swingers curious about BDSM. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have to say being lucky having a Dom/Sub relationship where we understand each others needs is what makes a great Dom/Sub relationship work amongst the many other parts that make it kinky and safe. Finding those others who enjoy or want to experiment in BDSM is not so simple or what those seeking to think what we mean by BDSM/kink etc. |
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We dabble, by no means experts, but enjoy tie-n-tease, light BDSM, and gentle spanking etc. |
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"Having a girl that is totally sub and has 100% trust in you is unbeatable. It still bafles me how being dom is something that many can't seem to get right!... ladies what do you find the biggest problems with guys claiming to be dom are?"
That they think they can dominate you without knowing you. When I go into sub mode I go mute, I also subspace and can become incoherent and loose sense of pain. Both these things would be dangerous for an inexperienced Dom. |
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That they think they can dominate you without knowing you. When I go into sub mode I go mute, I also subspace and can become incoherent and loose sense of pain. Both these things would be dangerous for an inexperienced Dom. "
Totally agree with this. When I am in a bdsm scene I need to know that the Dom involved will look after me and look out for me. Something only really that comes with knowing someone well. |
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You can't just dive into this, seen too many subs rush in and get hurt by fake or inexperienced Doms.
BDSM requires time, trust, honesty and communication. The best D/s dynamics starts out slow and not rushed or forced. |
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"You can't just dive into this, seen too many subs rush in and get hurt by fake or inexperienced Doms.
BDSM requires time, trust, honesty and communication. The best D/s dynamics starts out slow and not rushed or forced."
Think this is where 50 shades has been a bad thing. Our D/s started slowly and we've built it up over the years. Think there's so much misunderstanding what it actually means |
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I am most definitely and extremely experienced xx |
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"I am most definitely and extremely experienced xx"
I would love a chat with you if you don't mind me asking x |
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Love it but like to start slowly building up the intensity
Funny to find this post here as I recently put a request asking for submissives in another forum |
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"I am most definitely and extremely experienced xx
I would love a chat with you if you don't mind me asking x"
Of course I don't mind x |
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"I am most definitely and extremely experienced xx
I would love a chat with you if you don't mind me asking x
Of course I don't mind x"
Be easier if you message me x |
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"I am most definitely and extremely experienced xx
I would love a chat with you if you don't mind me asking x
Of course I don't mind x
Be easier if you message me x"
Why?x |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
The only thing that I agree with on this thread is that too many subs rush in to BDSM without finding out what it is about first. If I had hair I would have been torn out due to the number of people who say you need time to trust doms. The fallacy being that psychopaths and abusers don't have patience.
The truth is finding a dom or a sub that works for you is largely down to chance. However there are potential red flags. It is like any relationship nothing is guaranteed.
I also think it needs to be remembered D/S and fetish is a wide church people want different things from it. Saying you need a long relationship for D/S is like saying people need to be in long term relationships to have sex. Fab shows that to be untrue and Fab itself is used in a wide number ways with a wide number of purposes.
Similar to Fab if you do your research first then you are less likely to be burned. That goes for both doms and subs.
I would add that personally I am in favour of the 50SOG effect. It has allowed a lot of women to realise that their fantasies are normal.
|
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"The only thing that I agree with on this thread is that too many subs rush in to BDSM without finding out what it is about first. If I had hair I would have been torn out due to the number of people who say you need time to trust doms. The fallacy being that psychopaths and abusers don't have patience.
The truth is finding a dom or a sub that works for you is largely down to chance. However there are potential red flags. It is like any relationship nothing is guaranteed.
I also think it needs to be remembered D/S and fetish is a wide church people want different things from it. Saying you need a long relationship for D/S is like saying people need to be in long term relationships to have sex. Fab shows that to be untrue and Fab itself is used in a wide number ways with a wide number of purposes.
Similar to Fab if you do your research first then you are less likely to be burned. That goes for both doms and subs.
I would add that personally I am in favour of the 50SOG effect. It has allowed a lot of women to realise that their fantasies are normal.
I agree to a point with you however 50 shades I believe has opened doors to folk who 'think' D/s is for them when infact the film does not show this lifestyle realistically
(Roleplay excluded of course)
"
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Agreed that a long term relationship is not required, but trust in the Dom to know their craft is.
50 shades as been used as a springboard but in my opinion failed to show the actual realities, such as aftercare after a scene |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Agreed that a long term relationship is not required, but trust in the Dom to know their craft is.
50 shades as been used as a springboard but in my opinion failed to show the actual realities, such as aftercare after a scene"
Many aspects of the realities are missed which is of concern to me x |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position?"
Communication is key in this scenario open,honest, thoroughly exploring each other's needs,wants and expectations x |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position?
Communication is key in this scenario open,honest, thoroughly exploring each other's needs,wants and expectations x"
Again I would not disagree in principle, a failure to offer negotiation/discussion should be a potential red flag. But plenty of people these days can talk the talk. Also there is no knowing whether someone is being dishonest or misreading.
I admit I am being the devil's advocate but I think getting safely from A to BDSM is not as straightforward as some put it. I think if it was stated more often that it is complex would help more people. That is not to say that I think everyone is devious. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position?
Communication is key in this scenario open,honest, thoroughly exploring each other's needs,wants and expectations x
Again I would not disagree in principle, a failure to offer negotiation/discussion should be a potential red flag. But plenty of people these days can talk the talk. Also there is no knowing whether someone is being dishonest or misreading.
I admit I am being the devil's advocate but I think getting safely from A to BDSM is not as straightforward as some put it. I think if it was stated more often that it is complex would help more people. That is not to say that I think everyone is devious. "
Oh face to face meets are essential in my eyes before play
As for submission that would only happen when 100% sure of other persons intentions
The physical aspect can be dangerous however the emotional side for me is the most dangerous in the wrong hands x |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
In answer to OPs original question...
Something I definitely want to investigate more |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position?
Communication is key in this scenario open,honest, thoroughly exploring each other's needs,wants and expectations x
Again I would not disagree in principle, a failure to offer negotiation/discussion should be a potential red flag. But plenty of people these days can talk the talk. Also there is no knowing whether someone is being dishonest or misreading.
I admit I am being the devil's advocate but I think getting safely from A to BDSM is not as straightforward as some put it. I think if it was stated more often that it is complex would help more people. That is not to say that I think everyone is devious.
Oh face to face meets are essential in my eyes before play
As for submission that would only happen when 100% sure of other persons intentions
The physical aspect can be dangerous however the emotional side for me is the most dangerous in the wrong hands x"
Knowing your weak spot is important in being able to protect yourself. I have a long winded process for connecting outside a club, and various short lists for club pick up play. It sorts out the serious subs from the chancers.
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position?
Communication is key in this scenario open,honest, thoroughly exploring each other's needs,wants and expectations x
Again I would not disagree in principle, a failure to offer negotiation/discussion should be a potential red flag. But plenty of people these days can talk the talk. Also there is no knowing whether someone is being dishonest or misreading.
I admit I am being the devil's advocate but I think getting safely from A to BDSM is not as straightforward as some put it. I think if it was stated more often that it is complex would help more people. That is not to say that I think everyone is devious.
Oh face to face meets are essential in my eyes before play
As for submission that would only happen when 100% sure of other persons intentions
The physical aspect can be dangerous however the emotional side for me is the most dangerous in the wrong hands x
Knowing your weak spot is important in being able to protect yourself. I have a long winded process for connecting outside a club, and various short lists for club pick up play. It sorts out the serious subs from the chancers.
Experience helps with eradicating 'wanna be's' x
"
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I don't disagree but 50SOG as I understand it was fan fiction derived from Twilight that became a hit. Criticising it is the same as criticising James Bond for not behaving like a secret agent.
I agree on the point of competence, many subs confuse competence with confidence.
You then get to the interesting discussion of how does a new sub determine that his or her dominant is competent before they put themselves into a physically/emotionslly a vulnerable position?
Communication is key in this scenario open,honest, thoroughly exploring each other's needs,wants and expectations x
Again I would not disagree in principle, a failure to offer negotiation/discussion should be a potential red flag. But plenty of people these days can talk the talk. Also there is no knowing whether someone is being dishonest or misreading.
I admit I am being the devil's advocate but I think getting safely from A to BDSM is not as straightforward as some put it. I think if it was stated more often that it is complex would help more people. That is not to say that I think everyone is devious.
Oh face to face meets are essential in my eyes before play
As for submission that would only happen when 100% sure of other persons intentions
The physical aspect can be dangerous however the emotional side for me is the most dangerous in the wrong hands x
Knowing your weak spot is important in being able to protect yourself. I have a long winded process for connecting outside a club, and various short lists for club pick up play. It sorts out the serious subs from the chancers.
Experience helps with eradicating 'wanna be's' x
"
Unfortunately for newbies I think that is the case. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love it but unfortunately in my experience it's been hard to find a woman (or couple) into the same things.
Have been tempted to find a pro-dom before but never gone through with it.
Have done a couple of film shoots before as a sub male and loved it. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Great thread even though sadly it is confirming just how hard it is as a Male with some but not lots of experience to be taught and shown the nuances of being both a successful dom or sub. Someone should open a training school |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"The only thing that I agree with on this thread is that too many subs rush in to BDSM without finding out what it is about first. If I had hair I would have been torn out due to the number of people who say you need time to trust doms. The fallacy being that psychopaths and abusers don't have patience.
The truth is finding a dom or a sub that works for you is largely down to chance. However there are potential red flags. It is like any relationship nothing is guaranteed.
I also think it needs to be remembered D/S and fetish is a wide church people want different things from it. Saying you need a long relationship for D/S is like saying people need to be in long term relationships to have sex. Fab shows that to be untrue and Fab itself is used in a wide number ways with a wide number of purposes.
Similar to Fab if you do your research first then you are less likely to be burned. That goes for both doms and subs.
I would add that personally I am in favour of the 50SOG effect. It has allowed a lot of women to realise that their fantasies are normal.
"
As an experienced and long term sub, I respectfully think you should put yourself in that vulnerable position before you judge. It's easy to sit pretty as the one not getting subjugated.
The reason it takes time is BECAUSE of those psychopaths and abusers. Yes there are red flags but they rarely show immediately. Time does show them.
Too many wannabe Doms use Fab as an excuse for abuse. No there doesn't need to be love or even a LTR but there does need to be a degree of understanding and a knowledge that boundaries are respected otherwise you both open yourself up to all manner of problems.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"The only thing that I agree with on this thread is that too many subs rush in to BDSM without finding out what it is about first. If I had hair I would have been torn out due to the number of people who say you need time to trust doms. The fallacy being that psychopaths and abusers don't have patience.
The truth is finding a dom or a sub that works for you is largely down to chance. However there are potential red flags. It is like any relationship nothing is guaranteed.
I also think it needs to be remembered D/S and fetish is a wide church people want different things from it. Saying you need a long relationship for D/S is like saying people need to be in long term relationships to have sex. Fab shows that to be untrue and Fab itself is used in a wide number ways with a wide number of purposes.
Similar to Fab if you do your research first then you are less likely to be burned. That goes for both doms and subs.
I would add that personally I am in favour of the 50SOG effect. It has allowed a lot of women to realise that their fantasies are normal.
As an experienced and long term sub, I respectfully think you should put yourself in that vulnerable position before you judge. It's easy to sit pretty as the one not getting subjugated.
The reason it takes time is BECAUSE of those psychopaths and abusers. Yes there are red flags but they rarely show immediately. Time does show them.
Too many wannabe Doms use Fab as an excuse for abuse. No there doesn't need to be love or even a LTR but there does need to be a degree of understanding and a knowledge that boundaries are respected otherwise you both open yourself up to all manner of problems.
"
When I started in kink about 5 years ago I thought kink was a fun place. But two years ago I had a series of experiences that made me realise how dangerous bdsm is for subs of all genders. There are a lot of predators out there. The last straw was the Torture Garden dungeon what I saw and experienced talking to people made me leave the the scene for 4 months on the basis I did not want to be connected to the scene.
I am into rope and long term respected members of the rope community have been called out for consent violations. As I have said on the Fab forum doms and subs don't come with certificates of character and ability.
A submissive close to me her top half was left completely black and blue from someone known in parts of the London rope community and house rigger for certain parties. She had played with him before with no issues and then she got worked over.These experiences led me to think about trust, plus I have an interest in psychopathy.
In an article in the Guardian yesterday an expert in domestic abuse said the problem is that most abusers are generally likeable and engaging people this is how they get away with it.
The dim doms are easy to spot "call me master" etc, the dangerous person is the charming and engaging character that spins the web. Not all psychopaths lack the ability to delay gratification.
So I am all for submissives taking their time. Interviewing potential doms, taking references from the doms previous subs, or watching the dom play in public. My point simply put is that nothing guarantees safety. I mean how do you objectively measure trust, or prove trustworthiness it is all completely subjective. There is never safe options of partners just subjectively safer options.
There needs to be more public belief of women who say they have been assaulted. More discussion of ways that will actually keep submissives safe. I just don't think a gut feeling after knowing someone some time is a safe method. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a specialist subject I know.
Out of interest how many of you are into this or curious? xx "
I've into it for several years now. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"This is a specialist subject I know.
Out of interest how many of you are into this or curious? xx
I've into it for several years now. "
I'm very curious, and it's something I'd like to pursue.xxx |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
We are Master / slave couple so BDSM is part of our way of life. The majority of people will find this bizarre, shocking, repulsive etc etc, but for those out there that know us. They see a balanced loving couple that are very much in love with each other.
If at all curious, dip your toes in and go slowly you may just find that you like it. It is not all about pain contrary to what people tend to think.
Do your research, because there are some dangerous individuals out there that prey on the gullible. Local munches are probably the safest way of meeting real life, but again cross check with others before committing to play. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a specialist subject I know.
Out of interest how many of you are into this or curious? xx
I've into it for several years now.
I'm very curious, and it's something I'd like to pursue.xxx"
I’m also very curious and intrigued and something I’d like to learn. looking for a friend to learn with. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I am a man of complete contrasts, socially I am confident and outgoing. However sexually I am, and have been for many years into BDSM. I enjoy the protocols, the power exchange. However it doesn’t define me, it’s a part of me I will never be able to suppress, tried many times but it always comes back! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Haven’t done much but would love to do it all x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely into it "
You can tie me up any day xxxx |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *ad123Man
over a year ago
ayr Scotland |
Been in BDSM for a long time had a couple'of slave girl sub female .....not a lot of people in to BDSM in Scotland I think |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very very clumsily! My mrs likes to be tied up which I can so. I can tie her in knots. After that I get a bit scetchy. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I absolutely love it
I always had a curiosity for it but was vanilla and a tomboy all my life until I met my hubby/Master four years ago. He had been in the fetish scene for forty years so basically I needed to discover it and he needed to reignite his interest having got somewhat frustrated with the lack of a local club scene etc.
Needless to say I embraced the lifestyle with both arms and, with my hubby's sensitive guidance, transformed in to the shiny sex slave Hotwife slut that can't stop thinking about all things kinky. Hubby is excited again to take me on this journey, and the lifestyle has made us both happy as vanilla just doesn't do it for either of us.
We love the social side too having met so many lovely people in the scene.
The only downside is the lack of wardrobe space - all our kinky gear and clothing is taking over the house hehe |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Very much into it, but I find many people on here talk the talk but don’t walk to walk
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"I miss it  "
It’s hard to find people that are genuinely into BDSM. Lots of people like the idea but in reality that run a mile lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Such an important element for me. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Such an important element for me. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been in the life just over 12 years... I think...
There's no substitute |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Been in the life just over 12 years... I think...
There's no substitute "
And how do you find fab in regards to willing BDSM partners? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm kinda interested  |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been in the life just over 12 years... I think...
There's no substitute
And how do you find fab in regards to willing BDSM partners?"
I've actually had a fair few BDSM meets from here which is pleasantly surprising |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Been in the life just over 12 years... I think...
There's no substitute
And how do you find fab in regards to willing BDSM partners?
I've actually had a fair few BDSM meets from here which is pleasantly surprising "
As I said I find them bottling out sometimes |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been in the life just over 12 years... I think...
There's no substitute
And how do you find fab in regards to willing BDSM partners?
I've actually had a fair few BDSM meets from here which is pleasantly surprising
As I said I find them bottling out sometimes"
Oh yeah I've had my fair share of fantasists too.
"I want you to Dom me!"
Love, you kick off when I pull your hair and stick my thumb in your ass |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Been in the life just over 12 years... I think...
There's no substitute
And how do you find fab in regards to willing BDSM partners?
I've actually had a fair few BDSM meets from here which is pleasantly surprising
As I said I find them bottling out sometimes
Oh yeah I've had my fair share of fantasists too.
"I want you to Dom me!"
Love, you kick off when I pull your hair and stick my thumb in your ass "
Hours of endless chats then they disappear. Hate that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has anyone made any furniture for Sex play or light bondage, I looking to try and make some |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Has anyone made any furniture for Sex play or light bondage, I looking to try and make some "
Ikea have a new range of affordable flat pack BDSM furniture |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone made any furniture for Sex play or light bondage, I looking to try and make some
Ikea have a new range of affordable flat pack BDSM furniture "
I know It's Tourture to build lol |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Has anyone made any furniture for Sex play or light bondage, I looking to try and make some
Ikea have a new range of affordable flat pack BDSM furniture I know It's Tourture to build lol"
Haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With a passion! No strings with us but plenty of rope and chains and hoods |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Curious |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Hope you don’t love it to much? Someone is doing something wrong |
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Of course folk enjoy you don't engage in bdsm unless you do?? |
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"Hope you don’t love it to much? Someone is doing something wrong "
If someone acted in such a way as to make me dislike what they were doing in a BDSM context, then we wouldn't be playing for long. If I'm not enjoying myself, what is the point? |
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"Hope you don’t love it to much? Someone is doing something wrong
If someone acted in such a way as to make me dislike what they were doing in a BDSM context, then we wouldn't be playing for long. If I'm not enjoying myself, what is the point?"
I was being funny. Of course you both have to agree safe boundaries and enjoy it, but isn’t the whole point of BDSM is that role play and slight fear?
Safe words are important |
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"Fear????? No never"
In a role play sense |
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"Fear????? No never
In a role play sense"
Maybe I'm misunderstanding you
I have never been fearful in any 'play' whether it be roleplay or not
To engage in BDSM all play is discussed beforehand for safety reasons so no I've never been fearful x |
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"Fear????? No never
In a role play sense
Maybe I'm misunderstanding you
I have never been fearful in any 'play' whether it be roleplay or not
To engage in BDSM all play is discussed beforehand for safety reasons so no I've never been fearful x"
Discussed and engaged in, like a scene in a film. Total role play |
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"Fear????? No never"
Nope, nor me, but then I have a 16stone rottweiler with me when I play to keep me safe lol.....and in case anyone thinks that's weird I mean Mart lol |
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