I'm probably eating while looking at your profile.

Man in The Last Place You Look, South West, UK

Joined: over a year ago
Last on: 1 hour ago

Just a big guy with a warped sense of humour, a couples profile, and a wife who used to have a single profile on here, too. All above board, no cheating or shenanigans in sight, and if you need confirmation of that then... I guess... I could tell you her old profile name and you probably wouldn't believe me.

I generally use this profile for chatting and my own childish amusement. If I meet, it's usually on our joint profile. That's also where most of my veris are. But I will happily meet for a social, however, my wife and I have a rule of no sex on the first meet and no sex until she's OK with it. In summary: at least a social before I'll get naked with you (in my imagination, giving oral is still likely because I love it, but it's probably still off-limits on the first go around). Sorry ladies and gentlemen, those are the rules. I don't make them.

Except in this case, when I did, actually, help make them.

If you're still reading and strangely interested in what I have to say, I can converse well and generally respond positively to a message.

I don't have a body type preference. It's who you are on the inside that is fascinating (unless you're a clown on the inside in which case, I'm good thanks). This also means that I am not interested in not-sleeping with you until I've done an in depth assessment of your phyche as attraction, for me, is more than just how you look.

In short; I chat a lot first, not entirely about sex.

I have a preference for redheaded females, though. Like, a lot. Not that I don't like women with other hair colours, I do, but red hair to the front because I'm weak.

I, on the other hand, am obviously a large guy. If you can get past the blubbery, hairy, love-pillow look then I am FANTASTIC in bed and can sleep through most alarms, babies crying, attempts to wake me and your husband getting home.

I snore. I mean, I snore like a dying, drowning warthog stapled to a megaphone. Don't let me sleep. It's entirely unattractive.

I used to gloat that my tongue was the best in the South West; but, honestly, that may be pushing it a bit.

Best in Devon? Probably not.

Best in my town? Doubtful.

Definitely the best in my house... unless somebody else is present. But I'll give it a damn good go (seriously, though, I think I'm pretty good and pride myself in that particular ability).

My hobbies and interests include being lazy, arguing on the internet, and trying to be funny but failing.

I'm full of interesting and fun facts about myself, such as:

* I am my age and not older.

* I have been younger than this before, but I'm not now.

* I'm not VWE.

* Also, no stamina.

* I'm quite hesitant.

* I hoover alot.

* I'm exceptionally patient, but if I messaged you last I generally won't do so again unless I get a reply.

* If I messaged you 9 months ago and you haven't replied, that doesn't constitute a conversation.

* Chickens used to sit on me.

* I'm not my own ghost writer.

* I used to frequently cover myself in mud.

* I can trace my ancestry back to people who were my ancestors.

* I can sprint for an exceptionally short distance.

* I look nothing like Ross Noble.

* I think eating makes me happy but it doesn't (was that one too serious?).

* I once ate oranges straight from the tree in Spain.

* That tree then promptly attacked me and I have an orange segment shaped scar on my leg.

* I don't lie.

* I leave veris like I leave eBay feedback. "Good", "Great", "Well wrapped package but a bit disappointing", "A+", "Would recommend", "Came quicker than expected".

* I used to spend more time in a Drama class that I wasn't part of, staring at the hot girls, than in my IT class that I should have been in at college.

* I'm brilliant at cockblocking myself due to, frankly completely valid, self esteem issues.

* I have tried squid, octopus, veal, venison, rabbit, pheasant and I once licked a snail. Not a live snail you weirdo, don't be gross.

Judging by that list, I'm clearly not a vegetarian - though I totally respect your choice if you are.

Don't wink me, I can't take a subtle hint. I'm also fiercely terrified of rejection so I won't be messaging you first either way, unless I'm commenting on a status. I tend to do that a lot.

Or sometimes complimenting a photo or profile.

Happy Fabbing!

42 years old, Straight

5'8" 173cm
Large
Non smoker
Don't drink
No tattoos
No piercings

Looking For

Not looking for single guys
Couples (MF) Couples (FF) Women
Aged from 18 to 60
Will meet smokers

Meeting

Cannot accommodate
Can travel

Interests

Adult Parties, Anal, Blindfolds, DP, Group Sex, Oral, Rimming, Safe Sex, Same Room Swapping, Separate Room Swapping, Soft Swing, Spanking, Threesomes, Toys, Voyeurism

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